Claiming the Vampire (22 page)

He froze into stillness. He couldn’t have heard her right. Could he?

When she looked up again, her heart and soul were in her eyes. “I love you, Hawk.”

He started to shake and couldn’t stop. “I love you, too,” he managed, his voice ragged and broken. “Oh God, Jess.”

He kissed her again, and when she pressed her naked body against his he gave into the moment…and to her. For tonight, at least, they would belong to each other.

He started to lift her up, to carry her to the bed, but she pushed against his chest.

“No,” she panted. “Here. I want to do it standing up.”

Her eagerness was an aphrodisiac. “You do?”

She nodded, tracing the line of his mouth with her thumb. “When you were…doing those things to me. I thought that afterwards you’d take me right here, against the wall. Can we do it that way?”

The image her words generated sent all his blood south. He didn’t think he’d ever been this hard in his life.

“Yeah,” he managed. “We can do it that way. But,
cariad
—no matter how we do it, it’s going to hurt you. Not much, I hope…but it will.”

“Not doing it will hurt more,” she said simply. Her heart was in her eyes again, and he wondered if she knew he’d do anything she asked when she looked at him that way.

He didn’t say another word. He pulled his shirt over his head and shucked his boots and his jeans, and when he stood naked before her she reached out and wrapped her hand around his shaft.

“Christ,” he breathed, his arm shooting out to brace himself against the wall as she began to stroke him. He endured the sweet torture as long as he could before grabbing her under the arms and lifting her up until she was right where he wanted her.

With her back against the wall she wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing them center to center, her soft heat to his hardness. He used his body to tease her, rubbing his erection against her until she was writhing and pleading.

And then, finally, he lifted her a little higher so he could bring her down onto the tip of his cock.

That first penetration almost brought him to his knees. She’d taken the head, and the tight fire of her body almost broke his restraint.

His eyes locked on hers as he lowered her with torturous slowness, every nerve in his body straining as he let gravity pull her millimeter by millimeter onto his aching erection.

Her lips were parted, her eyes wild. Her strong hands dug into his shoulders, hard enough to leave bruises. He wanted her to bruise him, to mark his body as she had marked his soul.

Deeper, and then deeper. She was incredibly tight, but desire had made her so wet that she made no sounds of pain, only those little moans of pleasure that made him harder than diamond inside her.

“Okay?” he growled, just to be sure.

She nodded. “More,” she panted, and he wanted to give her more. He wanted to give her everything he had, to bury himself so deep inside her that they’d be fused together forever.

With a groan he let her go, and she impaled herself on his cock with a gasp and a cry, her back arching as she flexed her hips, the motion making him so dizzy he had to lock his knees to keep from collapsing onto the floor.

But he stayed upright somehow. Her body cradled his like a burning rose. He wanted to stay still, to give her time to get used to him, but the urge to move was almost unbearable. He wanted her to feel the friction between their bodies as she took him to the hilt again and again.

When he couldn’t stand it anymore he lifted her up and let her come down, and when her body writhed in response he gripped her hips with both hands to guide her movements, making sure he hit her just right every time.

When her muscles began to tighten, he let out a low, savage growl. His fangs burst forth, and his eyes fixed on her throat, bared to him as she threw her head back. He was going to claim her. He couldn’t stop himself.

Except he had to stop himself. The pull of a claim was incredibly intense for the first few days, and he couldn’t do that to Jessica before her duel. A distraction like that could get her killed.

Her head came up again, and her eyes looked into his. And then her orgasm ripped through her, the spasms milking his cock as he came, too, with a force that shook him to the core.

He let his head fall onto her shoulder as he fought to keep from claiming her. He listened to the pounding of her heart, and as the aftershocks faded and her pulse and her breathing began to slow he let the rhythms of her body soothe him until he trusted himself again.

Very gently he lifted her off his body, hooking an arm under her knees so he could cradle her against him.

She put her arms around his neck and smiled a slow, sweet smile that made his dead heart clench in his chest.

“Take me to the window,” she said softly. “I want to look at the moon.”

He carried her over and unhooked the latch, letting in the night air. It was wonderful to hold Jessica’s warm, soft body close while she snuggled against his chest, the cold breeze raising goose bumps on her skin. Together they looked up at the full moon, basking in its bright silver radiance.

“Do you think Artemis will still be my goddess? I’m not a virgin anymore.”

“I think every god in the pantheon would fight for the honor of watching over you.”

He closed the window again and carried her to the bed, laying her down gently.

She reached up to grip his arm. “You’re not leaving yet?”

He shook his head. “Dawn is still a few hours off.”

He stretched out next to her on the bed, his blood singing as she curled into him.

They lay in silence for a long time. Hawk ran his hand over her arm, her hip, her leg. He took his time, wanting to touch every part of her.

After a while Jessica reached out a hand and started touching him, too, trailing her fingers over his bare chest. Exquisite sensation surged through him as he breathed in her scent.

She was the first to break the silence. “Before…when things were getting intense and we were close to…you know. You had this look on your face like you were in pain, or like you were holding something back. Were you afraid of hurting me?”

He stroked her hair away from her face. “I was trying not to claim you.”

She stilled. “You don’t want to claim me?”

He couldn’t stand the sudden hurt in her eyes. He rolled them over so he lay on top of her. “I want that more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But I can’t do that to you now. You don’t need to be distracted right before your duel. The claim creates an intense bond, and in the beginning it’s hard to think about anything but your mate. You don’t need something pulling your focus like that.”

Jessica shifted her legs so she was cradling him between her thighs. He groaned, and let himself push against her just a little as he dropped his head down to her shoulder.

“What happens if your mate dies?”

It was his turn to go still. Then he pulled back so he could look into her eyes. “Why are you asking me that?”

She didn’t answer him directly. “It would be easier for you to move on if you don’t claim me, right? I mean…if I die. If you didn’t create that bond you’d be able to—”

He was gripping her shoulders now. Too hard, because she winced in pain.

“If you think anything could make it easier for me if you died…”

He took a deep breath and forced himself to let her go. “Why did you ask me that?” he asked again, his eyes searching hers.

“Because if the only reason you won’t claim me is that you’re afraid it wouldn’t be good for
me
…” she shook her head. “That’s my decision to make, not yours, and I wouldn’t accept that as a reason. But if there’s another reason, something that affects you, then…” She paused.

“Then what?” he prompted her.

“Then I’d let it go.”

They stared at each other in silence. Then Hawk rolled to his side and pulled Jessica against him, wrapping his arms around her.

“When I retired ten years ago, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. Do you want to know what I did with that time?”

She nuzzled his bare chest. “Will this eventually tie into what we’re actually talking about?”

He smiled into her hair. “Yes.”

“Then tell me what you did with your time.”

“I studied. Languages, music, fighting techniques and weapons. I read anything and everything. And I traveled. One of the places I traveled to was Japan. Kyoto, to be exact.”

“I’ve been to Kyoto. It’s beautiful.”

Hawk nodded. “It is. I stayed there for a year and a half. I studied archery and sword-making and the art of meditation, among other things. And I read Japanese poetry. Some of it I understood—or I thought I did—and some I knew I wasn’t getting, even if I thought it was beautiful.”

“I sense a poem coming on. Are you going to quote poetry to me? That’s very romantic.”

He kissed the spot just below her ear, making her shiver. “Smartass,” he said softly. “And yes, I’m going to quote poetry. A haiku by Basho.”

He was quiet for a moment. Then,

“Even in Kyoto—

Hearing the cuckoo sing—

I long for Kyoto.”

Jessica looked at him. “I don’t think I get it,” she said finally. “What does it mean?”

“It didn’t mean anything to me when I first heard it. But it felt…important, somehow. Like it would mean something someday. But I forgot all about it until I talked with Evan the other night.”

“You mentioned Evan before. You said he said something to you.”

“Several things, actually. All on the theme of what it means to love a Faery woman. Basically, he was trying to tell me that being with you…if I ever got that lucky…wouldn’t be anything like what I’d been imagining. You weren’t going to turn into a damsel in distress, letting me rescue you and protect you and take care of you. You were still going to be you. A warrior. And he was right—that wasn’t at all what I’d been imagining.”

“What did you imagine?”

“I imagined throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you to my cave. I wanted to own you, to mark you as mine for the world to see. Those are the words of the claiming ritual, you know.
You’re mine.
Vampire males are so fucking possessive…I never knew how much, until I fell in love.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “The legend about our origin is that the first vampire gave up his soul for immortality. The thing is, when the certainty of death is no longer a certainty, it changes you. You begin to feel that you own the world. That you can possess anything you desire. You want everything to be permanent. You no longer embrace change, or mutability, or growth. You begin to feel you’re the center of the universe.”

“Some humans and Fae feel like that, too. Without the benefit of immortality.”

“Yeah, but it’s a vampire’s nature to feel that way. To feel that we’re entitled to anything we want. We have to make an effort to act against that nature. Like Jack and Evan, deciding to ally themselves with the Green Fae and protect humanity rather than simply pursue their own power and pleasure.”

“But Jack and Evan act on their instincts, too. They were drawn to their mates by instinct.”

“Some instinct is good. Evan said that for vampires, love is a balance between instinct and will. A very delicate balance.”

He bent his head to kiss her. “And now I finally understand what he meant—and what that poem means. Because even when I’m deep inside you, I long for you. I can never truly possess you. All I can do is love you.”

Jessica’s eyes were suddenly bright. “Is that why you don’t want to claim me? Because you think you’d be trying to possess me?”

“I do want to claim you. Because it’s not just an act of possession—it’s an act of love. The deepest promise a vampire can make. I’ve already made that promise to you in my heart, and I want to make it with my body, too. But not if it hurts you. If I claimed you for the wrong reasons, out of fear or greed or selfishness, then it wouldn’t be a bond of love. It would be a badge of ownership.”

“Then do it for the right reasons.”

“Jess…”

“Hawk, I love you. And because life can be short, even for us, I want to feel as connected to you as I can. I want to promise myself to you. You can’t own my heart, but I can give it to you freely. And that’s what I want to do. I want to claim you, and be claimed by you. I want us to belong to each other.”

He was shaken. “Jessica…God. I want that too. But…”

“More buts?” she chided.

“It’s just…I talked a good game, just now, about not possessing you. But I’m a vampire, and the truth is…I’ll probably never stop trying. And I can’t guarantee I’ll always listen to my better angels. There’s a demon inside me, too.”

“I can handle you, Hawk. And we’ll figure it out. Together.”

A slow tingle started behind his breastbone, spreading though his body. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

He rolled them over again, covering her body with his. The scent of her, the beat of her pulse, called to his demon until his fangs burst from his gums.

And still he hesitated. “You know I have to leave soon. You need rest before the battle, and I need to tell the others what’s happening. Liz and I have to find a way to be at the duel tomorrow—with some of the other Green Fae if Jack managed to convince any of them to join our side.”

Jessica shook her head. “They won’t go against my mother.”

“If not, then it’ll be just Liz and me—and maybe Jack and Evan, too. We’ll stay hidden unless you need us. If all goes well, you won’t see us all. We’ll wait until Navril sends Mary home and then we’ll find a way to get to you. If anything goes wrong—”

He couldn’t go on. Jessica reached up both hands and framed his face. “We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but we’ll deal with it when it comes. Right now, we have this moment…and each other.”

He turned his head into her palm and kissed it. Then he traced his fingers over her throat, causing her to sigh as she arched her head back.

Every cell in his body yearned for her. “You’re mine,” he whispered.

A tremor passed through her body. “You’re mine.”

When she spoke the words of the ritual he couldn’t hold back anymore. He pinned her arms to the bed and sank his teeth into her throat, and then he drank.