Clandestine (33 page)

Silence stretched between them. A bird
tweet-tweet-tweeted
somewhere in the bare tree branches up the lane.

Daniel kicked gravel with his foot, head down, drawing words out like hesitant treasures.

“It’s like . . . my entire life, I’ve been a misfit. Nothing ever feeling . . . right. I’ve spent so many years wanting to crawl out of my own skin, feeling like I was broken and wrong. Nothing would ever be whole. And then I come here and . . .
whoosh
.”

Daniel let out a surprised laugh. He lifted his eyes to Marc’s, gleaming and bright. The eyes of a man astonished. “I am suddenly . . .
me
. Awakened. I can see myself here. Living, working . . . for the rest of my life. Like everything before was just a bad dream but
this
. . . this is the reality always meant for me.” He punctuated his words with an expansive swing of his arms.

Marc swallowed. Daniel’s words hit him hard.

Because there they were. The words he had been searching for to describe how he felt about Kit. Expressed to perfection.

I am suddenly . . . awakened. Like everything before was just a dream but this . . . this is the reality always meant for me.

Being with Kit.

Daniel met his eyes, saw the dawning gleam there.

“Do you know what I mean, Marc?” Daniel nearly whispered the words. And then shook his head, looking out over the house and undulating fields with an almost awestruck expression.

Marc nodded. He did indeed.

But if Kit wanted to be part of Daniel’s life, she needed to remain in 1814. That was her only option. Stay, abandon her twenty-first century life and retain her brother. Or return to 2014, leaving Daniel in the past.

Where did that leave Marc?

Panic buzzed at the back of his head. Daniel had mentioned this man—Garvis, was it? Who had been (would be?) employed by a man who occasionally went by the name Marc Wilde.

Marc swallowed. His future was, well . . . in the future. He couldn’t stay here in 1814. He didn’t
want
to stay here—

But a life without Kit . . .

Marc kicked the thoughts away. There would no happy solution here. Somewhere there would be heartache.

“She won’t ever let you go.” Marc nodded his head back toward the house. Toward Kit.

“I know.”

“She loves you too much.”

“She is fierce in her love. She is a good person. A better sister than I ever deserved.”

“
That
is truth.” Marc paused. And then, taking a deep breath, asked the question he dreaded. “If she decided to stay here with you, would you let her?”

Something flared in Daniel’s eyes, as if found the thought . . . tantalizing.

And then he shook his head. “I would welcome her, but this isn’t the life for her. She is too wrapped up in that website of hers and all her friends. She is not an old-fashioned sort of woman. To tie herself here . . . it would chafe, I think. But that is her decision to make. She would always have a place with me, no matter what. I love her, you see. Despite everything, I love her more than anyone.”

“Just not more than yourself.”

Daniel gave a rueful smile. “
Should
I love her more than myself?”

That was a good question. Should another’s opinions and wants override your own?

Marc’s silence was his answer.

“Do
you
love her?” Daniel asked.

Marc reared back. Blinked. The question caught him off guard.

He liked Kit. He liked the thought of her. He liked the fit of her in his life, in his thoughts. Oh, who was he kidding, in his arms too.

Kit was just so unlike any other woman he had ever met. So much . . . more.

She made him feel whole, complete. At home. Like every best friend he had ever had wrapped up into one package. Like, without her beside him, life sort of lost its meaning.

Was that real love? True romantic love?

All these emotions were so new to him. It was hard to say.

Daniel stood patiently, an amused look on his face.

“I don’t
not
love her,” Marc finally said.

Daniel clapped him on the shoulder, wide grin stretching.

“I’ll take that. Be kind to her. Be loyal. She needs someone who puts her first.”

Marc nodded. And then reached into his pocket and pulled out the two items he had prepared for this moment. He shoved them into Daniel’s hands.

“Here. She would want you to at least have these things.”

Daniel glanced down at the taser and leather purse filled with coins.

“I cannot take your money—”

“It’s not mine. It was a loan, of sorts.”

“Well, in that case—” Daniel hefted the purse and then pocketed it.

Marc gestured toward the taser. “You are taking a terrible risk giving those papers to the spy.”

Daniel examined the taser. “Probably. But I need seed money if I’m going to make a go of a life here. And all the hard work is already done. Just have to hand over the goods tomorrow night. Thank you for this.” He tucked the taser into his coat.

“Would you be willing to do one thing for me?”

“Anything.” Daniel nodded, looking Marc intently in the eye.

“Linwood isn’t going to let this whole spy thing go until he has someone behind bars . . . or strung up by their neck, which I suppose is the more likely scenario. Would you mind seeing what you can find out for us?”

“You mean, uncover the identity of the spy I’ve been working with?”

“Exactly.”

“It might be dangerous.”

“Yes. I expect it will. But it is something that needs to be done. For King and Country . . . for Kit.”

A gleam flared in Daniel’s eye. And then a wry grin tugged at his lips. “My sister would kill you if she knew you were suggesting I put myself in harm’s way.”

“Probably.”

Daniel chuckled, delighted. “Good thing she can’t stop me. I’m on the case. Tell her it was my idea. And, hey, maybe I will come out the hero this time. I’m never the hero. It would be nice for a change.”

“Deal.”

Marc held out his hand. Daniel shook it with a firm grip.

“I will send you word at Haldon Manor regardless of what happens. Also, I want to let Kit know where I am, if she decides to join me. I am serious about my offer. It would be wonderful to have her here with me.”

Marc ignored the sharp pain lanced through his lungs, catching his breath. If Kit stayed . . .

“Perfect.” He managed to get out. “We’ll wait to hear from you then. Be careful.”

“Care for her. Give her my love. And I apologize in advance for the scene you will endure when she wakes and realizes I am gone.”

With a soft smile, Marc clapped his shoulder. Daniel returned the gesture, his face alight with hope and promise of his future.

And then, with a jaunty tip of his hat, Daniel strode up the lane into the rising sun.

Marc was sitting in the same chair when Kit woke up, stretching from underneath the holland cover. The sun had risen in earnest, sending beams of winter light into the room. Dust still hung in the air.

Kit saw him and smiled. Marc hated being the one to knock the happiness off her face.

She sat up, looking around. Looking for someone other than him.

A tiny surge of jealousy threaded through him at the thought. At least, he thought it was jealousy. It wasn’t an emotion he had felt much in regards to women.

Deep breath. It didn’t matter. There were more important things to discuss.

He caught her eye in the filtered light. Held it.

“Good morning, beautiful. Remember that I told you as soon as I could. I abhor secrets just as much as you.” He said it lowly, gravely. Letting the sound linger in the room. “Daniel is gone.”

As if gravitas alone could stem the imminent explosion.

Kit was on her feet in an instant, darting panicked looks around the large room.

“Daniel,” she called. Took a few steps over to the stairs leading into the family wing. “Daniel!”

As if the sheer force of her will could bring her brother back.

Marc stood, setting weary hands on his hips. “He’s gone, Kit.”

“How do you know?” Kit peered up the staircase without turning around. “Sometimes he just hides and pretends to be gone. There was this one time when—”

“I watched him leave.” How that admission cost him.

She whirled, hair flying.

Marc held her gaze. Saw the moment when realization set in. When she understood what he
hadn’t
done.

“You let him . . . go?” An entire universe of heartbreak in that sentence. “But . . . but
why
? We just found him. I barely had time to say hello—”

Her voice broke. Her anguish cutting. Sharp. Keen.

She wandered toward him, eyes wide and stunned. Impossibly lovely with her hair sleepy and tumbling down her back. Honey eyes filling with tears she bravely bit back with a trembling lip.

What justification could he offer?

“He’s a grown man, Kit.” Marc gestured helplessly as she drew near. “He can make his own decisions—”

Probably not his best choice of words. Kit’s eyes widened further and then narrowed. Sorrow instantly morphing into anger.

None of which was directed at the man who actually
deserved
her anger. Though Marc was smart enough to keep that thought to himself.

“How dare you?!” She shoved him. Both hands firmly on his chest and pushed. “How dare you just watch him walk away!”
Push.
“How dare you not wake me!”
Push.
“You don’t get to make these decisions for me. For Daniel.”

Her tears spilled over. Hot. Angry.

She glared at him, chest heaving. She tried to shove him again, but Marc snagged her hands in his. Pulling her up against him.

“What would you have had me do, Kit?” He said it kindly, gently. “Beat him into a bloody pulp so he couldn’t leave?”

She pulled on her hands. “If necessary.” Said from between clenched teeth.

“You don’t mean that.” Marc released her. She stumbled back. He spread his hands wide. “Call it honor. I don’t beat men for doing what they feel they must.”

“Even for me?”

The question hung there.

There was
no
good answer to that.

“Kit, you are not your brother’s savior. You can't bend him to your will. Change him. Force him to be that which he is not. All you can do is love and accept him as he is. Set him free to be himself.”

She backed away as Marc spoke, shaking her head.

“No,” she whispered. “No, it’s not a matter of setting him
free
. As I keep saying, it’s retaining that one last fragment of my family. That one person who matters more than any other. How could you suggest that I
ever
give up on him?”

“I am not suggesting you give him up, Kit.” Marc paused. Scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I am merely pointing out that Daniel has chosen his path.”

She jutted out her chin mutinously. Stubbornly.

“Kit, if you want your brother in your life, you might have to reconcile yourself to living permanently in 1814. I can’t see a single reason why Daniel would return to 2014. You yourself said he was lost in the twenty-first century. But in this time period, he seems grounded and driven. He likes life here.”

Kit deflated. A tear escaped, leaving a ragged trail down her cheek.

“I can’t leave him, Marc. I just
can’t
.”

The anguish in her voice cut him. Slicing deep. Her swimming eyes pleaded for understanding.

Marc reached out, snagging her hand and tugging her to him. Sliding a hand into the silky mass of her hair and bringing her head snug against his check. She sagged against him, arms wrapping around his shoulders, sniffling into his neck.

“Hush, beautiful. Hush,” he murmured, stroking her back. Soothing.

Every slide of his hands communicating his concern. His care.

You are cherished.

You are wanted.

You are needed.

He kissed the of side her head. Tightened his arms around her.

“You can do anything you set your mind to, Kit. If you decide to carve a life for yourself here, you will. It’s that simple. You will adapt. It seems you always have.”

She threaded her hands into his hair, hugging him in return.

“And Daniel?” she whispered.

“Let’s return these schematics to Linwood. Daniel will keep his appointment with the spies and turn over the fakes. He promised he would send word after his encounter, telling you of his location, if you care to join him. In the meantime, you need to decide where you want your own future to be.”

Marc swallowed back a lump in his throat as he said those words.

Would
he
give up Emme and James and his mother and his entire life in 2014 to stay here with Kit?

What an unthinkable decision.

He cared for Kit . . . but did he care enough to abandon everything else? That journal Daniel had found about Garvis. Was Marc the one who had leaked the information about the portal? And did that mean he decided to stay in the past after all?

Fate had brought him to this point, but Marc refused to allow his future to be pre-destined. He still had choice. He desperately wanted to be with Kit, but to lose everything else . . .

Would love be enough? Or would he come to regret his decision, resenting her in the process . . .

He swallowed again, mentally shaking his head.

But leaving Kit here with Daniel . . . returning to 2014 alone . . .
that
thought nearly tore him apart.

Both impossible scenarios.

But how could he ask her to do something he himself wasn’t willing to do? Namely, leave an important piece of your heart in another time and place.

How could Fate bring them together, only to cruelly separate them again?

Despite a brief reprieve, the impasse between them loomed as large as ever.

Chapter 21