Authors: Tony Bertauski

Clay (28 page)

BOOK: Clay

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Life is suffering.

Raine reads the framed inscription on Cali’s dresser each night. It reminds her of what will come when she closes her eyes, when the dreamless void befalls her with whispers of Nix all around. She knows what Cali endured—a life rife with loss and pursuit. Peace had been an elusive promise. She wonders, while sleeping in her bed, if she is destined the same fate.

On the farm, Paul has become the father figure, even though he’s relatively Raine’s age. But she grew up in Dreamland where time went so much faster than this world.
How old am I?

Over the winter she becomes comfortable with her body, adjusting to its density and limitations. It takes months to understand the impact of new emotions that seemingly operate on a whim. One moment she’s feeding the horses, the next she’s curled up in a stall crying.

Paul teaches her to meditate, to settle her rampant thoughts and establish mind-body awareness. On occasion, he seeds her with biomites. “A tweak,” he says. “Will help with the stabilization.” She finds him, quite often, lost in Cali’s notes.

As spring approaches, they become the family none of them ever had.

Jamie begins dating a young man who that, a few months earlier, sustained a farming accident that required biomites. This upset the clay community, but Paul was there to consult with the family, explain how the strain was stable and non-reproductive. There was even a promise that organic stem cells were being developed that could eventually replace the biomites.

A mild winter passes. They plant a garden in spring and learn to preserve the harvest in jars that are taken to the basement. The lab is always locked. The long days of summer are spent riding horses and walking the dogs.

A year passes and Nix is still whispering at night. She aches every morning to feel his touch, to hear his breath, but she only has a memory to soothe her pain. She learns to be with it, to accept life as it is.

With respect, she takes down Cali’s inscription and replaces it with a piece of cardstock that’s cleanly inscribed with another Buddhist proverb.

“
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
”

It’s about that time the dreamless dream changes.

The whispers don’t come. She’s alone and falling in the blackness, realizing how the sound of his voice gave her comfort, even if it taunted her.

Something moves.

She doesn’t see it, just senses a breeze across her cheeks. A dog is barking.

She sees gray boards beneath her feet. Colors bleed into existence, rising from a void to reveal her body and the porch on which she stands. It continues to spread, giving form and substance to the steps and the grass, the trees and the valley below.

Dreamland.

She’s afraid to move, fearful the delicate illusion will shatter. Butterflies flutter around daisies. She watches one land on the weathered railing, slowly waving its yellow wings. Raine dares to move, running her fingers over the coarse wood, hooking her finger for the butterfly to perch upon.

A German shepherd trots through the knee-high grass with a stick wedged in his mouth. Shep stops just short of a clump of wildflowers. Laughter is fast behind him. A young boy scrambles through the field, waving his arms to keep from falling and bubbling with joy.

The butterfly takes flight.

The boy looks five or six years old. Shirtless, his ribs protrude beneath his light brown skin as they would any child born to run these hills. He loses his balance and tumbles into Shep, snatching at the stick. There’s a tug of war between dog and boy. Shep drags him through the grass to the young boy’s delight, and then they disappear in the overgrowth of summer.

But she can still hear the boy.

Raine takes her first step. She walks carefully down the short flight of stairs, the wood as creaky as ever.

Dog and boy have flattened a patch from the surrounded grass. Raine stops near them, taking a knee to watch Shep snap at the stick hidden beneath the boy’s belly. His black curly hair is cut short and there’s a gap between his front teeth. None of the villagers ever come up to the cabin.

“Hi,” Raine says.

The boy flings the stick for Shep to chase. He lies on his back, arms stretched over his head. Eyes large and innocent, he watches her.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

“I live here.”

“Where?”

“There.” He points at the cabin.

Raine looks for another explanation, perhaps another home near hers, but nothing has changed. The boy twists his fingers, rolling on his back. He looks so familiar.

She hesitates. Then asks, “What’s your name?”

The boy replies, “We’ve been waiting for you.”

Raine shudders, her hand over her mouth. She wants to ask what he means but, like before, afraid that hope will destroy this illusion and she’ll wake to realize this was a dream. Only a dream.

Hands run over her shoulders and gently squeeze. The boy looks over her head, follows the shadow that falls near him. Raine touches the rough hand on her shoulder, bows her head. Hope weakens her knees, shakes her core. She doesn’t have to turn around, doesn’t want her hopes dashed and broken. Just let the dream end here, staring at the boy’s soulful eyes with the firm grip on her shoulders.

But she’s pulled to her feet.

Nix holds her arms, keeps her from falling. His blond hair is a shag of curls and week-old whiskers are sprinkled with gray. His blue eyes are radiant as he smiles and whispers the word that’s been called to her every night.

“Raine.”

She touches his face, tears brimming. His shoulders are taut. “What’s happening?”

“You were right,” he says. “Dreamland is real.”

He takes her, embraces her and squeezes her until she can’t breathe. She closes her eyes, inhales the scent of her lifelong companion, her love. Her soulmate. They remain entangled as the wind blows the grass against their thighs.

Shep returns with the stick and the boy gives chase. They watch him race after the dog, wind-milling his arms down the hill. As the boy loses his balance and tumbles out of sight, she doesn’t have to ask Nix for the boy’s name. She knows it without asking.

Joshua
.

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Novels by Tony Bertauski

CLAUS

Claus Boxed Set (Claus, Jack and Flury)

Claus: Legend of the Fat Man

Jack: The Tale of Frost

Flury: Journey of a Snowman

Jolly: Myth of an Elven (
Coming
!)