Clipped by Love (Bellevue Bullies #2) (13 page)

She giggles. “I would usually tell a guy to fuck off if he said that to me.”

I glance over at her and wink. “Yeah, but you like me.”

She gives me a look that says differently, but her body is basically singing for mine. Just in case the look didn’t let me know her feelings, she says, “I don’t like you, like, fuck you, like you, but I mean you’re cool.”

“Yeah, of course,” I say, playing along, but I know she’s full of it.

Either that, or I don’t know a female from a hockey puck.

And I know what a hockey puck is.

“Okay, let’s do this,” I say then, smacking my thigh.

She looks over at me confused. “Do what?”

“Pick your brain stuff,” I inform her. “Tell me your favorite movie.”

She smiles as she leans back, obviously relaxing. For the next two drinks, we go back and forth, talking about all our favorites. It seems that we are the same person. She loves
Mighty Ducks
, but then again, what hockey player doesn’t love that movie? Her favorite candy is Nerds, also my favorite. Soon though, the conversation leads to hockey. She’s pretty successful, but that isn’t what has my jaw hanging open. She is my hockey twin. She tapes her stick left to right like I do, and she also puts her right skate on first, like me. While I tape up my left wrist, she does her right.

“This is spooky,” is her reaction and I laugh.

“Right?” I say, shaking my head. “But cool.”

She doesn’t seem to think so. I can see the doubt and hear it in her voice as she asks, “Sure, are you sure you do all this? Nerds? That’s not normal favorite candy shit.”

I nod. “Been my favorite since I was a kid,” I say, and when I see Jace coming out of the ocean with Delanie, both of them laughing and looking like they are about to go have sex, I yell, “Hey Jace, what’s my favorite candy?”

He gives me a look and then shakes his head. “Nerds, right?”

I look at her triumphantly and she laughs. “Fine, I believe you.” Grinning over at me, she says, “That was convenient too. Did you plan that?”

“What?”

“Your brother coming at the right moment to verify your claim.”

I nod. “Oh, of course. I knew that at this particular moment, we were going to talk about my favorite candy. And so I planned for him to frolic in the ocean with Delanie until I smacked my hands together twice. Then he was to come out of the ocean and answer my question,” I say, and I realize I’m talking a lot with my hands. “Yeah. Planned it all.”

She giggles as she leans into me. “Smartass.”

Unlike her, I’m wearing a tee, and when she leans into me, her warmth is all-consuming against me. But she moves away too quickly in my opinion. She then looks at me, her eyes dancing with laughter as the fire glints off her face. “I have to admit, I’m having fun.”

“Ha! Told ya. I’m not that bad.”

“Not bad at all. Kinda funny,” she adds and I smile.

“I try.” I lean back against the couch and shrug. “It’s really nice being out here with you.”

She looks back at me and then leans back too. I can see that she is holding back, but finally, she admits, “I was thinking the same thing.”

She doesn’t want to admit that either; I can read it all over her face. We share a smile, and I don’t think she realizes how much I need this. I’ve been so fucked up over my mom and dad. Worrying about everyone. But when I’m out here, nothing matters. It’s just her and me, the fire burning, a good drink in my hand, and I don’t have to worry. I can relax. It’s nice.

“Something is wrong. I can see it on your face.”

I look up from my cup and shrug. “I have a lot on my mind.”

“Wanna share?” she asks, and when I glance at her, she smiles. “Yeah, I don’t know why I asked since I don’t really do sharing feelings, but I kinda want to right now. So entertain me.”

I laugh as I nod and then I say, “I worry a lot.”

“About?”

“My family,” I say, letting out a breath. “Since my dad left, things have been strained. He was the main money-maker, so my mom was kind of fucked. We all pull together to help out, but I feel like it’s not enough. You see, my mom is the most amazing person in the world. And Jude’s moved away, Jace has a one-way ticket into the NHL, my sister Lucy and her daughter will one day move out, and I want so bad to go into the NHL, but then I’ll be leaving too. She’ll be alone. Whoa, I really unloaded on you there. My bad.”

I sit up, taking in a deep breath before dumping out my cup. No more drinking for me. I need to give my liver a break, obviously.

Sitting up, she turns to me, her legs touching mine, and heat explodes between us. I want to place my hand on her leg. I want to feel her. Touch her. Consume myself with her. But before I can even act on my feelings, she’s talking.

“It’s okay,” she says, covering my hand with hers. “You needed to, and I’m good to do that too, since you’ll never see me again after tomorrow.”

“Unfortunately,” I say softly, and when I glance up, her face mirrors mine.

Disappointment.

She doesn’t say anything for a moment, but then she says, “I’m not supposed to agree.”

Perplexed by that, I ask, “Why?”

“’Cause there is no future for us.”

“No?” I ask, even though I know there isn’t.

“No, I live in Arkansas, you in Nashville. I am so obsessed with being in the NHL that I don’t have time to even have a functioning relationship with a female friend, let alone try to make one with you. I want to go upstairs and fuck your brains out, I do, and that’s not the Jack talking. But I’m not sure I can and walk away with my heart intact. I don’t know if I can be a one-night stand.”

Wow. I want to throw my arms up in victory at being able to read her, but at the same time, I can see the struggle on her gorgeous face. She’s working her lip and she is nervous. I make her nervous. I make her feel and I am enjoying that way too much.

It’s evident though, that she won’t act on it.

Nodding, I say, “I hear you.”

“Don’t think I thought that you wanted a future with me, that’s not what I meant. But I mean, I don’t… Shit, I don’t know. I’m drunk.”

I laugh. “Me too, but I get you.”

She wrings her fingers together, letting out a breath. Her shoulders are taut, and I can tell she’s going back and forth in her mind. “I bet you wished it was someone else sitting here, eh?”

I smile as I shake my head before turning to her. She’s so beautiful, and yeah, I would like to take her upstairs and do the naughtiest things in the world, but I don’t want to disrespect her. She deserves better, and she’ll get it when she’s ready.

Reaching up, I cup her face as I say, “When I said earlier that you are the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen, I wasn’t lying.”

Looking deep into my eyes, she says, “Yeah, because you were drunk.”

“No, because it’s the truth,” I say softly. “You are beautiful, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere right now but with you.”

She looks away, her face moving from my hand as she shrugs. Looking out at the ocean, she sucks in a deep breath and then stands quickly. “Shit, I gotta piss.”

I stand too, feeling like I have whiplash from the fact that she can’t take a compliment. It’s kind of cute and only makes me want to compliment her more.

Smiling, I clear my throat and say, “Let me walk with you. You’re drunk and so are a lot of people here. I don’t trust anyone, plus I locked my door so no one can get in.”

“Thanks,” she says as we start to walk toward the house. “I can use the hall bathroom, though.”

“Ew, no, people have been puking in there,” I laugh and she smiles.

“Good point.”

As we walk, our hands keep brushing against each other, teasing me, and I honestly can’t handle it. We are almost to the house when I finally take ahold of her hand. I lace my fingers with hers, and when she glances over at me, I let out a breath. She looks down at our hands and back up at me.

“What are you doing?”

I shrug, squeezing her hand with mine. “I’ll never see you again, so I’m gonna touch you—within your boundaries, of course—while I can.”

She smiles. “So what’s next? You gonna kiss me?”

I feel like that’s an invitation, but I’m not one hundred percent sure.

I don’t answer her as I open the door for her, but when she glances up at me and her eyes lock with mine, I find myself one hundred percent sure that that was my opening.

Kicking myself internally, I pray for another chance as I say, “Maybe.”

When she looks back at me, a sneaky little grin on her face, I know I’ll get another chance.

And when I do, I’m taking it.

S
hit.

I’m drunk.

After using the bathroom, I stand, a bit wobbly as I look at my reflection in the mirror. Thankfully, or at least I think so, I look decent. My hair is still in its braid, but my lipstick is a little smeared, so I reach for the rag I used earlier to wipe it off as my heart hammers against my chest.

I can still feel his hand in mine.

It felt so damn good. His hand was warm and so much larger than mine. My dad says that my hands are small so they are quick, but somewhere inside me, I feel like they are small just to be enveloped in Jayden’s large hand.

Oh. My. God.

The Jack has me thinking like a pathetic little schoolgirl who has a crush on the big, sexy jock. Shit. And then, that’s not all it has me doing. No, it has me wanting to touch him. Everywhere. Like with my hands, my tongue, my mouth, my body, every single fiber of my being, I want to touch him.

But what will happen if I do?

We’ll fuck. Yeah. That’s a given, but what about afterward? Do I just walk away? Never talk to him again? Or do I try? And what if he doesn’t want to try? What if he is only saying all these amazingly sweet things, baring his soul to me, to get laid? But that doesn’t seem right! I can read dudes, I’m basically a pseudo dude, and he isn’t like them. He’s nice. Caring, confident, funny, and Lord is he gorgeous, but most of all… Fuck, I think that he believes in me. That alone has me wanting to jump his bones and ride him until the final buzzer.

Which I pray never comes.

Pressing my face into my hands, I suck in a deep breath. I don’t know what to do. A part of me wants to say fuck it and wrap my arms around him, kissing him senseless in the hopes that he’ll lay me down in that bed. But the other part of me knows that’s a bad idea. I’m worth more than a one-night stand, and I’m pretty damn sure we both know that this will never go anywhere after this. We are both on two different roads. Maybe one day, we’ll come back together, but even that doesn’t feel right. We have two very different lives. This isn’t
Grease
. We won’t meet up again and start singing about him being the one that I want. That kind of shit doesn’t happen in real life. We can try the long-distance thing, but does that ever really work? No. It doesn’t. That’s why my mom left, because she couldn’t handle my dad being gone and raising me. Or at least that’s one of the many theories my dad and I came up with.

Who knows? But I do know that Jayden Sinclair is a game I can’t win.

And he is one that scares the living shit out of me.

When a knock comes at the door, I drop my hands and reach for the handle, pulling it open. Jayden stands there, looking at me, all sexy and expectant.