Cloak of Deceit: An Alex Moore Novel (35 page)

“She’s different.”

“Get out of my way, Julian.”

“No.”

Thudding footsteps shook the floor. I winced when I heard the sound of flesh and bone smacking together, and then a series of grunts and curses. Something toppled to the floor and broke. I reached for the handle again.

Carl put out a hand to stop me. “I don’t think you should go in there.”

“They’re going to hurt each other.” I shrugged him off, twisted the handle until it broke, and shouldered the door open.

The fight broke long enough for both parties to gawk at me, then Julian stepped between Andreas and me as the other man shot forward.

“This? This is her? This scrawny little girl?” he got in Julian’s face, stepping from side to side to get around him.

Scrawny?

“Alex, get out,” Julian ordered.

“I don’t think so.” I took another step into the room.

Julian gave me his back and guarded me with his arms, like he was defending a basketball hoop. Andreas was pissed, but I wasn’t afraid of him. At least he wasn’t drooling and snarling, and this time I had a gun.

This was ridiculous. I had given Julian enough space to figure it out on his own. I took a sideways step and squared off with the shorter man, who didn’t miss a beat. Andreas grabbed me by the wrist and twisted it faster than I could blink. I dropped the gun. He spun me around so my shoulders were pinned to his chest.

Julian’s eyes darkened with rage, but his voice came out firm and even. “Let her go Andre. This is between us.”

“
She
is the only thing between us.”

“Hold on a minute,” I piped up.

“Choose,” Andreas demanded.

I shook my head at Julian, but he wasn’t looking at me. His gaze fixed on Andreas with raw, seething anger, his fists pumping at his sides.

“Choose!” Andreas yelled.

“I can’t!” Julian shouted back. “She’s mine.”

Andreas sputtered and loosened his grip on me enough that I broke free.

“Jules—” I started.

Julian’s face fell, and his shoulders slumped as if all the fight had drained out of him. He shook his head. “No, Alex. This has nothing to do with you.”

This has everything to do with me.

“Please, just go.” I’d never seen Julian look so beaten down — even when we hadn’t been sure Andreas would wake up. His eyes were haunted with torment and despair. Because of me.

“Go?” I choked out.

Go?

“Please.”

I gathered up all the dignity I could, given the situation, and nodded. But first I turned to Andreas. He wouldn’t look at me. He’d collapsed to the edge of the bed after Julian dropped the last bomb, and was studying the pattern in the nappy hotel weave.

He didn’t look anything like the rabid creature I’d freed from that cell. He filled out his clean clothes, and we’d buzzed his sandy brown hair — it had been the only way to get the mats out. He would have been handsome, if not for the harsh frown lines cutting his face.

My timing sucked, but I knew they would be talking for a long time and I wasn’t welcome. I had to at least defend myself, get my two words in. Well, okay — it was more than two words.

“Just so you know, this scrawny little girl and a squad of Grigori Agents saved your ass. And his.” I nodded at Julian. “So, if you have any issues with the second chance at life you’ve been given, you can take them up with me.”

I turned on my heel and stormed out. Julian shut the door behind me. I hated being closed out, knowing he was facing his past and deciding his future without me. But he’d asked me to go. Even though he didn’t mean it that way, I thought, maybe he was right. Maybe it would be better to let Julian sort things out, let the dust settle. He had a lot to adjust to between me — the new addition to his life, and Andreas — back after an eight-year hiatus. I had already been enough of an inconvenience.

Maybe I should really go.

Esmond had been right. What a surprise. Andreas wouldn’t tolerate me, and Julian wouldn’t choose. I couldn’t let him choose, because either way, I lost. If he chose Andreas, he broke my heart now. If he chose me, he’d lose Andreas and slowly come to resent me, then break my heart later. I’d caused him enough grief. He deserved some peace, and I only complicated things. I left them to talk and went to pack my bags.

Chapter Twenty Three

W
here are we going?” Carl walked into my room without knocking and didn’t take a breath between noting my half-packed bag and posing the question.

“
We
aren’t going anywhere.” I slammed a drawer shut with my hip. “I’m going to San Francisco, to see the Grigoric Council. I have a promise to keep.”

He propped himself against the bedpost, his expression falling like I’d just told him I killed his puppy.

“I’m coming back.” I punched him in the shoulder, trying to make light of it.

“When?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I figured I should let things quiet down around here, ya know?”

“You’re running away again.”

“No I’m not.” I threw the last of my underwear into my duffle.

A knock on the door interrupted Carl’s retort. We turned in unison to find Andreas standing in the doorway. Carl shot me a questioning look. I answered with the barest of nods. He left without another word, a wake of indignation trailing behind him.

My gaze remained fixed on Julian’s Sponsor— my counterbalance in this complicated equation. His striking blue eyes stared at me too, as if taking me in for the first time.

“Well?” I asked, long after the door had closed behind Carl.

Andreas narrowed his eyes, studying, considering. “I came to offer you an apology.”

I let out a humorless laugh and crammed some hotel shampoo bottles into a side pocket.

“Do you accept?”

I faced him and crossed my arms over my chest, thinking he couldn’t have any idea what his close-minded prejudice was costing me. Hadn’t he thought about what he was doing to Julian? I wasn’t going to let him tear Julian up, even if that meant backing down.
Sorry
wasn’t enough, especially when it was insincere. “What are you apologizing for?”

His jaw clenched, but he looked me right in the eyes when he answered. “Julian was most adamant I listen to the whole story before passing judgment on you. I listened, and I realize I reacted rashly. I was disrespectful and crude, and I apologize.”

He looked like he was chewing glass, but he got full marks for form. It was a good apology. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“And, I should thank you…for saving my life, and for your part in freeing me from prison. I understand I attacked you. I’m sorry you were hurt.”

I sniffed and turned away, nodding my head as I zipped my bag closed. “I accept. Thank you.”

“You are leaving?”

I nodded again.

“Does he mean that little to you?” His tone was thick with reproach.

I kept my back to him and swiped at the hot streaks rolling down my cheeks. “He means that much.”

Esmond’s number was long distance, and our suite had crappy cell reception. I had to take Carl’s phone downstairs and across the street to get a signal, but I welcomed the fresh air. It helped me collect myself before calling. I woke Esmond up, but he said he was on his way. He didn’t question my sudden change of heart, which was a good thing. One good tug and my resolve would unravel. As I climbed the stairs and walked down our corridor, I told myself I was doing the right thing. Julian needed to be able to settle back into his old life without my interference. I would take care of my commitment to the Grigori. Esmond would be off babysitting duty. Everyone would be happy. Well, everyone except for Carl. And me.

It’s only temporary. I can get my head on straight, get things figured out…

“What is this?” The accusation in Julian’s gaze cut deep when I slipped back into my room. He sat on the end of the bed, my bag between his feet.

“What does it look like?” I braced myself against the ache in my chest. I didn’t need the deep breaths, but they sure helped.
You can do this. You’re tough, remember?

“It looks like you’re running away.”

“It’s not like that.” I shook my head and set Carl’s phone on the dresser. I wasn’t. At least, not for the reasons he thought.

“Then what?” He schooled his face into his normal impassive expression, and it didn’t hurt so much to look at him anymore.

“I made a deal.”

“You don’t have to go now.” He kicked the bag aside when I reached for it.

I pinched my lip between my teeth to keep the tears in check. “Jules…”

“Give me a reason, Alex.” He gripped my arm, forcing me to face him.

Give me a reason to stay.

I shrugged. “There are lots of reasons.”

Julian blinked, waiting to hear them.

“Andreas won’t live under the same roof with me.”

He shook his head and pulled me half a step closer. “I took care of that. Try again.”

“Things are a little hot up here. I thought I should lay low for a while. Everyone would be safer.”

“I can keep us safe.” He glanced down at my hand as he laced our fingers together, then at my face as if he hadn’t seen me for weeks. His gaze filled with warm chocolate, fierce tenderness, disarming heat. I could taste him on the back of my tongue — honey and spice. It would be so easy to ignore every one of my carefully thought-out reasons.

“Anything else?”

“The Grigori can tell me about my father, Esmond says.” I sounded less and less sure with each bullet point.

Julian nodded and pulled me closer, until I was standing right between his legs. “I understand that’s important to you, but you don’t have to go tonight, and you don’t have to go alone.”

Always Mr. Reasonable when I was completely out of sorts. And I could
never
read him. Jules was like Kryptonite to my psychic abilities. That was the real reason. I needed to know for sure — why did he want me to stay? Only because I was his responsibility? Because I’d helped him and he felt indebted to me? The past two weeks had slowly chipped away at my hopes for us actually having a
real
relationship. It hurt too much loving someone that always kept me at arm’s length. Andreas’s reaction had only dealt the final blow.

I stared at the floor and shook my head. I’d made up my mind, hadn’t I? This was a wise decision, acting on sense, not emotion. My emotions wanted me to fall to my knees and bury my head in his lap. To press him back on the bed and let him make me forget everything else. “I think you need time to figure things out. I’ll only be in the way.”

His laughter carried a bittersweet note that made my eyes sting. “Yes, you’ll be in the way. I want you in the way. What part of
mine forever
did you not understand?”

I gave him a pained expression and tried to pull away, but he held on. Hot tears flooded my vision. “That’s not enough.”

It wasn’t enough to be his, even forever. That was an Undead bond I barely understood and didn’t feel in control of. I’d thought I could settle for it, but I couldn’t, not with Julian.

His brows knit together and he wrapped his arms around my waist. “What else do you want?”

I wanted it all. I wanted to fit into Julian’s life because he wanted me there, not because he was stuck with me, not to uphold his honor. I wanted to belong because I was important to him. I didn’t just want to be his. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted everything — I wanted one four-letter word. And I wanted him to know without me telling him. “I just want…
you
.”

“You
have
me.” He buried his face in my chest, took in a deep breath of me, and exhaled slowly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” I combed my fingers through his silky hair. My hands shook as that familiar tingle started to drip down my spine.

“Is that what this is about? I haven’t paid enough attention to you?”

“No!” Did he think I was that childish? “You’ve needed space to deal with things. That’s why—”

“I don’t need any more space, Alex.” His hands slipped up my sides.

Julian so close made it way too hard to think, and way too easy to ignore that in all his professions of forever, he’d forgotten the most important part.

I slid out of his grip and shook my head. “Please, don’t.”

“God you’re an infuriating woman.” He slumped and scrubbed his face. “Why? Why do you want to leave? I don’t want you to go. I… need you.” He had to squeeze the last words out, as if they pained him.

“Jules.” I forced a smile through my tears. “That isn’t enough either. Maybe after some time apart…”
I won’t feel like I need you more than air, and things will be more even.

“Alex.” He stood and fixed me with a look that was equal parts warning and heat. He stalked closer. I froze, unable to do anything but watch him come. He stopped inches in front of me and slid his hand along my neck, tangled his fingers in my hair.

I closed my eyes when he brushed over my bite scar. Such a small touch, and I was ready to forget the whole damn thing and beg him to take me again and again.