Authors: Sandra Kitt
Carol felt her mouth tighten. “It was my right to fall in love with whomever I wanted,” she told her parents. “Did you dislike Matt because he was a musician? Because he wore dreadlocks? Or just because he was black? Which would have been funny under the circumstance, don’t you think?”
“You know better than that,” Rosemary said quietly. “If race was an issue, we couldn’t be a family.”
Carol sighed. “I’m sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. My point is I had more in common with Matt than with any of the men you and Dad liked.”
“You’re right, Carol,” Rosemary said. “And I don’t want you and Jim to fight about this again. Anyway… you know we’ve always believed a person’s character and spirit are what matters, not how they’re packaged.”
“Well, it didn’t work out between me and Matt anyway, so let’s not get into it. I’m just so glad you’re here.”
Carol softened at the look of love and concern on her parents’ faces. They’d chosen her, made her part of their family, and endured considerable challenges to keep her. At some point she’d stopped wanting to get away. And ever since the shooting she’d been thinking about going home to them.
Jim stood up and began to put on his coat. “We’d better let you rest. We can come back a little later, after we settle in at the apartment.”
“Do you have the keys?” Carol asked.
“Yes,” Rosemary replied. “Do you want us to bring you anything?”
Carol shook her head, smiling at them. “I feel bad that you had to make the trip, but it’s good to see you.”
“Of course we had to come,” Jim said, reaching out to give her a careful hug. “You’re our special-delivery baby,” he teased with a laugh.
“I’m so relieved that everything’s going to be okay,” Rosemary said, also hugging Carol and kissing her cheek.
“I know,” Carol murmured, waving to them as they left the room.
She stared at the empty doorway, feeling alone in the world again. She didn’t voice her conviction that she would heal and get on with her life. But she would never be the same again.
Lee leaned against his car with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets. He was grateful for the expensive sunglasses that both hid and protected his eyes. He’d chosen to stand in the cold rather than waiting in his car and risk falling asleep. He hadn’t been getting enough rest lately. He also hadn’t gotten rid of the stress that the events of three days ago had produced.
The clanging of a bell from inside the high school was followed almost immediately by a handful of students pushing open the doors and spilling down the steps. He noted that the school population was more diverse now than when he was growing up. He identified at least five or six different ethnicities or combinations of them.
It was an interesting revelation to him, since he had grown up in Queens, in a nearly all-white community. He’d known only a few black guys in high school, and then only because they were on varsity teams together. Locker-room friendships. He had known only one black girl. That association had been awkward and brief.
“What are you doing here?”
Lee grinned at the young teen who came to a stop in front of him. “Hi. You snuck up on me. I must be losing my touch.”
She gestured vaguely behind her. “I saw you from down the block.”
Her dark brown hair was long and loose. Her face was small and delicate, with large, expressive brown eyes. He tried to gauge her feelings, but she was good at keeping them to herself. She’d been doing so since she was a little girl.
“Don’t I get a kiss, Ricca?” Lee asked.
She hesitated, then reluctantly placed a perfunctory kiss on Lee’s cheek and stepped back.
“Still mad at me?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
Lee crossed his arms over his chest. It bothered him that he sometimes felt awkward around his daughter. The idea that they were strangers was unsettling… and painful. “Ricca, it does matter. That’s why I’m here. I didn’t want you to believe that—”
“Dad, it’s okay.” She shifted restlessly and adjusted the weight of her knapsack on her shoulder. “You already told me you had an assignment to cover that night, so you don’t have to explain. I understand.”
He frowned. “I think I’d rather have you mad at me. Then there’d be a chance to say I’m sorry, Erica. You shouldn’t have to forgive me. I screwed up, and it wasn’t fair to you. Your mother called to tell me you were second in the meet last weekend—and to chew me out for missing it.”
Erica scowled and squinted off into the distance.
“So… what can I do to make it up to you?”
“You don’t have to do anything,” she murmured.
“How about… I do your homework for you?”
She blinked in surprise at the suggestion.
“Or… I drop you off and pick you up from school for a week. But I’d
really
like it if you and I could go get a burger somewhere and just talk. How about it? If you want to, I can call your mother and tell her you’ll be with me for a few hours.”
Erica’s brow cleared, and Lee watched her as a range of emotions chased across her countenance. From stubborn to considering to vulnerable.
“Okay,” she said simply.
“Which okay?”
“All three,” she said quickly.
“Fine. You got it.”
Erica smirked, tossing back her hair. “I’m just kidding, Dad. You can’t do my homework for me. It would be nice if you could take me to school sometimes, but I know you can’t because of your work.”
“Ricca, you’re a better man than I am.” She didn’t smile at his attempt at humor. “I’ll take you home afterward, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Hey, Erica! Over here.”
Erica turned to her friends and called out, “I can’t. I’m going with my dad.”
Lee’s cellular beeped. For a moment he considered not answering. After all, he’d been ordered off duty on an official two-day leave. But he pulled out the unit and clicked open the call.
“Yeah?”
“Hi, Lieutenant. This is Officer O’Hara. I got that information you asked for. What do you want me to do with it?”
“I’ll stop by later to pick it up. Make sure it’s
not
marked confidential, and leave it in my box, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
Lee disconnected the call.
“You gotta go,” Erica muttered, instantly resigned.
“Wrong. Just giving some instructions. That’s what you do when you’re in charge,” he said dryly. “You and I have a date.”
Lee turned to open the passenger door. Erica tossed her knapsack on the floor in front of the seat and climbed in. Lee got in on the driver’s side and pulled out into traffic.
“Thanks, Ricca.”
She nodded, understanding what he meant. “I heard there was a shooting the other night and police were involved. Were you there?”
“Where did you hear that?” Lee asked alertly.
“One of the guys in my homeroom. His grandmother lives around the corner from where it happened. She heard all the cars real early in the morning, and there were cops all over the street. He said his grandmother told him somebody got shot.”
In a flash Lee relived those five minutes when the operation fell apart. “There was gunfire,” he admitted, cautious.
“I… I thought… if you were there, then it could be you.”
Lee reached for his daughter’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “I’m here. You can see I’m okay.”
Lee didn’t want to consider how the news would have affected her had anything happened to him.
“I’m glad it was the bad guys that got shot.”
He shook his head. “Honey, we
never
want to shoot anybody. But sometimes… you have no choice,” he said, feeling awkward. An image of Carol Taggart lying on the ground was strong enough to make his stomach tense up, breaking through his habit of distancing himself emotionally from the job.
“I hate that you’re a cop. Everybody hates you, and there are always stories about police brutality. Mom says you and she broke up because you wouldn’t give up being a cop.”
“Did she?” he asked quietly. “Did she forget that she married me knowing I was a cop?” He stopped. That wasn’t a question you asked your kid. Erica didn’t need to know.
“She’s always putting you down and saying that one of these days you’re going to… to end up dead.” Erica slumped in her seat. “I wish she wouldn’t talk like that.”
Lee bit back his response, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He didn’t want Erica in the middle of an argument between him and his ex-wife that had no resolution. “I think your mother was always scared that something would happen.”
“She’s so negative. She gets on my case, too, yelling at me all the time. I can’t do anything good enough for her.”
“I’m sorry she’s being so hard on you, honey.”
“She says… she’s sorry she ever married you. I guess she’s also sorry she ever had me.”
“I don’t believe that, Ricca. Your mom is…” He gestured vaguely with his hand. “Disappointed, I guess, that things didn’t work out the way she wanted. I’m not sorry we had you. I may be a lousy father, but I think you’re a great daughter. You’re beautiful and talented, and I’m very lucky.”
Erica sighed after a moment of silence. “You’re not lousy, Dad. I just think that sometimes you forget that I need you, too.”
“Lee? Wake up.”
“Huh?”
“Come on, get up. I have to get dressed for work. Christ, I’m going to be late.”
For a long moment he didn’t move. Then reluctantly he rolled over onto his back. His motions dragged the sheets away and he was left exposed. The hand spread in the middle of his chest was slender and cool. The fingers rubbed briefly through his dark hair before applying enough pressure to shake him.
“I said move it.”
Lee suddenly reached out to grab her arm and pulled. Unprepared, she yelped in surprise and he hauled her roughly down on top of him.
“No, Lee. Stop fooling around—let me go,” she said with some impatience, trying to twist free.
But her giggles gave her away. She collapsed on top of him. Her hair fell forward like a curtain on either side of her face, the silken ends tickling his chest and throat. She bent forward to kiss him, playfully nipping his lower lip with her teeth. She rested her thigh on top of his, and her hand slid slowly up and down his chest and stomach.
“This is police brutality,” she murmured.
“You want to report me?”
“What will happen if I do?”
“Depends on what you report me for. I
might
get a reprimand and be suspended for a day or two—with pay—while they investigate. But you’ll have to explain why you didn’t just say no.”
“Do you think I could get away with saying you performed a strip search, looking for controlled substances?” Karen asked.
“They’ll ask if I found any.” He chortled. “And I’ll say, ‘Yes, sir, but the suspect cooperated in my investigation.’”
“So, you’ll be cleared and I’ll end up with my phone number circulating around the station.”
Lee gave her a lazy grin. “I rest my case.”
“You’re going to make me late,” Karen whined in a seductive tone.
His fingers teased along her spine. “I’ll drive you over to the restaurant.”
Karen grinned impishly. “Good. I can’t afford a cab tonight.”
Lee found her remark too coy. Sometimes he felt as if Karen was just using him. In all honesty, he couldn’t blame her, since he was pretty much focused on getting one thing from her. Still, he didn’t like it that everything between them came down to sex.
They’d met the previous October while standing in line to get tickets for a concert at Radio City in midtown. He was taking Erica to hear a popular hip-hop group for her birthday. Karen was getting tickets to go with a boyfriend. He’d never thought to question that Karen’s musical tastes were on the same level as those of his fifteen-year-old daughter. And he hadn’t given the boyfriend a single thought as he and Karen left the theater together, tickets in hand. The interest and flirtation should have ended there. Instead, they’d gone back to her place and spent the rest of the day and most of the evening in bed. His being a cop seemed to be a turn-on for her. Karen’s being young, beautiful, and uninhibited had certainly done the same thing for him. She was fun to be around, irreverent and spontaneous.
But sometimes with Karen he also felt old and out of touch.
“Am I going to have to feed you in exchange for the ride?” she asked now.
“That would be nice,” he drawled.
“At the restaurant… or right now?” she teased, stroking her hand along his jaw.
A smile played around his mouth. “Both.”
“Pig,” she muttered, digging her finger into his navel.
Lee grabbed her wrist to stop her. She pulled her hand free and placed it lower on his body. He sighed deeply at her new line of attack. He liked the strategy.
“Hmmm…” He found the soft globe of her breast and caressed the turgid peak. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. I guess I was a little tired.”
“Poor baby… had a rough night, did you? Want to talk about it?”
He grunted, ignoring her slightly sarcastic tone. His five-o’clock stubble rubbed against her forehead and temple, while his other hand played with the straight blond hair that spread over her shoulders. Fine and silky. Not like… Lee’s eyes snapped open and he frowned at the mental picture of the woman in the hospital bed with her dark hair spread against the pillow. He shifted his position until the thought went away.
His mind might be distracted, but his body was in tune with his immediate needs. He undulated his hips as Karen’s fingers curled around his stiffening shaft.
“You didn’t answer me,” she said.
“No, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, something must have happened. You were barely in the door before you had me out of my clothes and flat on my back. I’m good for other things, you know. I know how to listen.”
Lee drew in his breath, trying to banish the troubling images of a dead animal and a wounded woman. “I don’t need you to listen, either.”
“You didn’t even say hello,” Karen complained.
He turned to her, his touch causing her own breathing to change, her eyes to close, her back to arch against him. “Hello…”
“We really… shouldn’t, you know. You got what you came for and I… I have to…”