Coco Pinchard's Big Fat Tipsy Wedding: A Funny Feel-Good Romantic Comedy (12 page)

‘So, Rochester. It’s quite historical.’
 

‘Yeah,’ said Adam. ‘I haven’t been to the castle yet.’
 

Then I punched him in the face.
 

‘Ahhh!’ he yelled clutching at his face with one wide shocked eye showing. ‘What did you do that for?’

‘What do you think? For everything. For not telling me!’ I shouted. ‘And now you’ve busted my hand…’

‘Your hand, what about my face? And how did you find me?’ He said.

‘Holly. I bribed her with a hundred quid.’

‘Bloody hell! Why would she do that?’ he said. I wanted to say because she’s a conniving and lazy daughter, but I kept my mouth shut.
 

‘Are you going to invite me in?’ I said.

‘Are you gonna punch me again?’ he said checking his lip for blood.

‘I haven’t decided yet…’

He regarded me for a minute, and then led me through a low hallway to a sitting room. It was very frilly and flowery with pictures of cats in teacups and a couple of those Anne Geddes babies dressed up as bumble bees.

‘Is this your house?’

‘Why would it be my house?’ he said.

‘I don’t know. It seems I don’t know anything about you. Is your name really Adam?’

‘The house belongs to Serena, my boss from my old job in the Civil Service.’

‘I thought Serena was a lesbian?’ I said.

‘She is,’ he said clearing some papers off a chintz sofa so I could sit. ‘Should she have pictures of Ellen and KD Lang?’

‘No… Is she here?’

‘No, she’s on holiday with her girlfriend.’ I looked around again and then sat down.

‘Adam. What’s going on?’ I said. ‘Please.’

Over coffee, he told me everything. Last summer his employer, XYZ Event Management, hired an outside company to do a cost effectiveness audit. The company discovered that two hundred thousand pounds was missing. The money had been siphoned off through hundreds of fake Taxi invoices.

On November 16
^th
last year, he was called into his Boss’ office where three Police Officers from the Fraud Squad were waiting. They told him he was being arrested for fraud. Adam thought at first that it was a joke. Then the Senior Officer produced bank statements from a savings account in Adam’s name. The statements showed that over a period of eleven months, £200,000 had been claimed through fake Taxi invoices in Adam’s name.
 

‘But that’s huge amount for Taxi journeys?’ I said.

‘It’s a huge swanky events company. Every day scores of employees are cruising round London in Taxis,’ he said. ‘The fake invoices were for a few hundred pounds every day. The money was paid into my savings account, then every day withdrawn from a cash machine. It added up to £200,000 over the eleven months.’

‘How did you not know this was happening to your bank account?’ I said.

‘It was an old savings account I never check. I thought it only had a few quid in it. All I can think is that someone at the company stole my identity.’

‘How? Even I don’t know your pin numbers.’

Adam paused.

‘What Adam?’

‘Do you remember when I first got the job and I left my wallet at the office over the weekend?’

‘Yes, but it was still there on the Monday when you went back to work.’

‘I never told you, but I had all of my pin numbers and internet banking codes written on bits of paper in my wallet. This whole fraud thing started just after I’d left my wallet in work.’

‘So you think another work colleague has done this?’

‘It must be.’

‘Who?’

‘I don’t know. It’s an open plan office with a hundred employees. They forged my name on the invoices; they accessed the bank account online at the office. They even ordered a new cash card in my name.’

‘What about the cash machine where the money was withdrawn? Don’t they have cameras?’

‘Whoever it was found an old cash machine without a camera. It also happens to be on my daily route to work.’

‘What’s happening now?’ I said.

‘I’ve been charged, and I’m on bail for a court appearance later in February.’
 

‘Have you got anyone representing you?’

‘Yes.’

‘And what does he or she say?’

‘He keeps saying he's not having much luck…’

‘That doesn't sound good enough,’ I said. I went to the window. It was already starting to get dark. Adam got up and turned on the light, we both winced at the brightness.

‘Why? Why didn’t you just tell me?’ I said.

‘I wanted to protect you. You’ve been building your dream. Agent Fergie is coming out soon, and I know it’s going to be huge. Daniel almost derailed your career when you split up. I didn’t want to do that to you again. You have an amazing career.’

‘Yeah well an amazing career isn’t much fun without an amazing guy to share it with,’ I said.
 

‘So I’m amazing enough for you to smack in the gob?’ he said. Under the light, I could see his face was swelling up. I took him through to Serena’s kitchen where I found some ice and wrapped it in a tea towel. I pressed it gently on the bruise forming under his eye.

‘I have to ask you this,’ I said. ‘And I need to hear the truth. Did you do it? Did you steal the money?’

‘No,’ said Adam. ‘No, I didn't do it.’ There was something in his eyes; I knew he was telling the truth. I took a deep breath.

‘Okay,’ I said. ‘I believe you. Now you need to get your things together. You're coming home.’

It was the first time I ever saw Adam cry and I didn't think any less of him for it. I held him for a long time, and then he went to kiss me. I remembered what Rosencrantz said and started packing his suitcase, which was on the floor by the sofa. Then we drove home.

I didn’t say much during the journey. Part of me was overjoyed, part in a blind panic thinking;
what happens now?
 

It was snowing again when we arrived back in London. When we turned the corner to my road, I could see a huge van in the driveway, its back doors open and jutting out onto the pavement. I parked by the kerb as Oscar emerged from the van heaving a giant mattress.

‘Hello Mrs P,’ he said resting the edge of the mattress to catch his breath.

‘What’s going on?’ I said getting out of the car.

‘We’re helping Marika move her stuff in,’ he said.

 
A muffled voice came from the back of the van saying, ‘Why have you stopped, bitch?’ Wayne appeared round the other side of the mattress lugging a headboard.

‘Hello Mrs. P!’ he said. Then Adam got out of the car. The boys looked him up and down with a practised glance, like scanning a bar code. I almost heard the beep as they registered that Adam is hot.

‘Is this?’ whispered Oscar.

‘Yeah, it is. Hi I’m Adam,’ said Adam holding out his hand. Oscar shook it, his fair complexion turning red.

‘Hello,’ said Wayne proffering his hand. ‘And I here I was thinking there was no one around who could work an Alan Key.’

Poor Adam didn’t know how to respond to that.
 

Rosencrantz and Marika emerged from the house followed by Rocco who came running up yipping and yapping through the snow. Their faces lit up when they saw me. When they saw Adam, they went quiet.
 

Rosencrantz stopped for a moment than rushed forward and gave him a big hug. There were tears in his eyes.

‘Are you okay?’ he said. Adam nodded. Marika held back.

‘I’ll need an explanation. Before I start hugging,’ she said.

‘It’s okay,’ said Adam. ‘If I can come inside, I’ll tell you what’s going on.’

An hour and a couple of bottles of red wine later Adam finished telling the story. I had quietly bustled around in the background as he talked, making salad, heating up a couple of frozen pizzas and trying to organise my thoughts about Adam being back in my life.

‘Jeez,’ said Rosencrantz. ‘I’m so sorry.’ He poured Adam more wine.

‘Hang on, hang on,’ said Marika. ‘Isn’t your mortgage around two hundred grand?’

‘Marika!’ I shrieked as I used a pizza wheel to divide a deep crust pepperoni.

‘What? You’ve got to think of these things Coco,’ she said regarding Adam warily.

‘I promise,’ said Adam. ‘I didn't take this money.’

‘Would you be willing to take a lie detector test?’ said Marika.

‘Ooh, this is just like the Jeremy Kyle Show,’ said Wayne. I put the pizzas down on the middle of the table and gave him a look.

‘Sorry Mrs P. I appreciate this is serious.’
 

‘It is serious,’ I said.
 

‘I just think it would eliminate any doubt,’ said Marika. ‘It’s the doubt that will eat away at you Coco, if you take him back.’

‘But he left Mum to protect her,’ said Rosencrantz. I could see Adam looking round at everyone’s faces.

‘But he jumped in the car back here pretty quickly,’ said Marika.

‘I’ve only just met you, and you seem cool to me,’ said Oscar.

‘And you got to smack him in the gob,’ said Wayne indicating the bruise on Adam’s face.

‘Hey, hey, hey,’ I said. ‘I appreciate everyone’s opinion but this is my house and I have decided Adam is going to be here with me.’

‘What does that mean? ‘Be here?’’ said Marika.

‘It means that, that, I’m not asking for anyone’s permission. Adam is here. So get used to it.’

‘And what about me?’ said Marika.

‘You’re welcome here too, for however long you need. That hasn’t changed.’ I reached out and squeezed her hand.

‘What if I found someone who'd do a lie detector test, would you take it?’ said Marika to Adam.
 

‘Yes, I would take it,’ he said seriously. There was a very awkward moment of silence.

‘Okay,’ she said. She held out her glass to Adam. He picked his up and they clinked.

‘Can we eat now?’ said Rosencrantz.

‘Yes, dig in,’ I said.

‘Thank god for that,’ said Wayne as everyone reached for the pizza. ‘I could eat a Nun’s arse through the Convent railings.’

After pizza, the boys and Adam helped Marika move the rest of her stuff up to the spare room. I went on a mission for spare blankets, unsure of what the sleeping arrangements would be. I was dying to climb into bed with Adam, but a little faint voice in my head was saying I should play hard to get. I decided to have a bath, and hope the voice would get a bit louder.

When I came out an hour later, all clean and moisturised in a towel, Adam wasn’t in my room. I went and knocked on the spare room door. Marika, Wayne, and Oscar were all trying to put her bed back together.

‘Sorry love. I thought Adam might be in here?’ I said.
 

‘We haven’t seen him since we emptied the van,’ said Marika who was sifting through a pile of screws strewn over the carpet.

‘If you see Rosencrantz can you tell him it’s not a Svelvik it’s a Leirvik,’ said Wayne.

‘What?’
 

‘Marika’s bed, Rosencrantz is printing off the instructions from the Ikea website,’ said Oscar. Marika got up from her sifting and came over.
 

‘Look. I’m sorry Coco, if I gave Adam a hard time,’ she said. ‘You know I like him a lot, but I just can't see you get hurt. Do you really think he’s innocent?’

‘Yes. I do.’
 

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Okay… I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. Look at mine. I just walked out of one of the most stable careers during a recession, and now I’m on your floor with my life and my bed in bits.’

‘Your bed won’t be in bits for long,’ said Oscar. ‘It’ll be quick work with the Alan key.’

‘If only you could fix everything in life with an Alan key,’ said Wayne whimsically.

I kissed Marika goodnight and told the boys where the blankets if they wanted to sleep on the sofas downstairs.
 

‘Thanks Mrs. P,’ they both trilled. I ran into Rosencrantz coming out of my office.
 

‘I think it’s great, you’re taking Adam back,’ he said. ‘You need each other.’

‘I haven’t taken him back,’ I said.

‘Course you have,’ he grinned. ‘Just hold off shagging him for one night.’

‘I beg your pardon!’
 

‘Come on Mum. He’s sex on legs. Everyone in this house has been captivated by him.’

‘Apart from Marika,’ I said.

‘She’ll come round… Night mum,’ he grinned giving me a hug.
 

When I came downstairs all the lights were off, but the door to the terrace was ajar. Adam was sat outside in one of the huge winter coats from the hall. I pulled one on, and went and joined him.

‘Rocco’s keeping me warm here,’ he grinned. A little pink tongue emerged from the neck of his coat, licking Adam's neck. I sat down beside him and lit a cigarette. It was freezing but very clear and the moonlight sparkled on the snow.

‘How come you got a dog?’ he said as Rocco’s little head popped out of the coat.
 

‘He was a gift from the boys, because I was so…’ I held back from saying, devastated. After weeks of being devastated, I was suddenly happy again. Should I be? I thought. Am I just ignoring the last two months?
 

‘I never thought I'd come back here,’ said Adam breaking the silence. ‘It was such a terrible feeling.’ He put his arm around me. ‘I can sleep on the sofa, if you're not ready?’
 

I looked into his eyes.
Willpower, must have willpower…
I thought.

’Both the sofas are occupied,’ I said. ‘Unless you want to sleep with Wayne and Oscar. Who I’m sure would be delighted.’

‘What about the spare room?’

‘Well, that’s now Marika’s room.’

‘The other spare room?’

‘You mean my office? It’s not a bedroom.’

‘So there’s only your bed free?’ I nodded.
 

We came inside, Adam carrying Rocco. I locked the doors and he slung his arm over my shoulder as we came upstairs. He put Rocco down on the bed and he bustled about digging around in the covers until he’d burrowed under. Adam went for a shower and came back wearing just a pair of shorts. He was much thinner but his athletic frame held it well.

‘Maybe we could just cuddle tonight?’ I said.