Coffee and Cockpits (26 page)

I sucked in a teary breath.

Liam grabbed my hand on top of the table. Finally, his blizzard, tortured eyes met mine. “We killed her.”

Killed
her? They were responsible for murder? I weaved my fingers around Liam’s, shooting Nikolai a worried look. “What does he mean? You killed her? Tell me what happened.”

Nikolai cupped his empty glass, spinning it nervously. “It was ten years ago. In one night, I lost my best friend. Sent an innocent man to jail. And killed the woman I was going to marry.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “Liam and I were mates since we were nine. We’d do everything together. It didn’t matter we went to different schools, we clicked like brothers.

“When we were sixteen, we started partying. Liam regulated his drinking. I didn’t. I wanted to forget my home life, my dismal grades, pretend I was some bad boy. I got into drugs and strained our friendship.” He flashed a look at Liam, his face etched with shame and remorse.

“Liam started training for his pilot’s license after school. Leaving me to wallow in drink and drugs as I didn’t have a backbone to get off my ass and study something to get out of my mess.”

He sighed with the weight of someone’s death on his shoulders. “Then Charlotte happened.”

Liam flinched.

Nikolai continued, “Cute, bright, funny, the best tap dancer in high school. Up till then, she flat out ignored me. But one night, I drank too much Jack and passed out. She found me. She cut through all my bullshit and made me better. I got my act together and enrolled in classes so I could go to uni to be an engineer.”

I couldn’t believe smart, talented Nikolai had such a sordid past. Nor that he’d loved so deeply. Did the unfortunate, but fairly common theme of best friends falling for the same girl happen? Why was Liam not saying anything? His shoulders were tight and hunched, face shadowed with loss.

Nikolai’s voice caught, but he curled his fists and braved on. “I’d just passed my final exam, and Liam had completed his first solo flight. All three of us went out celebrating. As usual, I didn’t know when to stop and coaxed Charlotte into drinking too much.”

I sneaked a look at Liam.
Were
they both in love with the same woman? Why did Nikolai say he was going to marry her and Liam said nothing?

Nikolai patted Liam on the shoulder. Shock widened my eyes when Liam gave him a dismal snarl. 

Nikolai flinched, but carried on. “You remember that night. Charlotte was so funny. We had a lot of fun dancing at the Grumpy Mole. We didn’t want the night to end.”

Liam’s voice was pebbles and stone. “I thought life couldn’t get any better. I was high on my first flight, nothing beat it.”

Nikolai’s face darkened, hazel eyes clouding to mud. “I convinced everyone we should head to the aeroclub and see the airplane Liam successfully flew on his own.

“When we got there, I begged him to take us up. I wanted to touch a satellite while sculling Jack Daniels. Charlotte was so tipsy, she agreed with me.

“Liam sobered pretty quickly, trying to keep Charlotte and me from being reckless. But I wouldn’t stop hounding him.”

Liam sucked in a harsh breath, it rattled in his lungs like rusty metal.

“He showed me a few things inside the cockpit, patiently indulging my drunk-ass questions. Charlotte grew bored by the aircraft, dancing and laughing at me trying to imitate a superior pilot.” Nikolai flashed me a look, guilt weighing every inch of him. “God, she was so cute, trying to get my attention. She never let go normally, and I watched like an idiot as she shimmied to the propeller and used it in a sexy dance move. So help me, I was distracted. I ignored Liam and his warnings not to touch the dash. I leaned forward, trying to get a better view of Charlotte and her short skirt.”

Liam spoke for the first time, tears shimmering in his eyes. “We were both in the cockpit. I should
never
let you get near the plane. You were drunk. I should’ve had more sense.”

Nikolai’s breath hitched. “You can’t take blame. I was the one who ignored you and leaned forward. I was the one who’d drunk too much. And I was the one who accidentally pressed the ignition button just as Charlotte threw her head back and used the blades as a dance pole.”

My hands flew to my mouth.
Oh my God.

Liam’s eyes were haunted, finishing the tale in a painful monotone. “Her hair wrapped in the rotor. It all happened so fast.” He trembled. “Her neck snapped in the moment it took for us to blink.”

Nikolai cried, as if he held ten years of pent-up tears. “I killed Liam’s sister, and he took the blame. I never said anything. I let the world think my best friend was irresponsible and a killer.”

How did Liam keep his license? Surely something that horrific would’ve blacklisted him? Oh, is that what he meant about owing karma? How someone helped him get his wings? So many questions.

Liam shook his head; jaw clenched so hard tendons stood in stark relief.

My own eyes welled. I couldn’t stop the earthquake of compassion inside me.

Charlotte was his sister.
Liam had another sister.
Crap, was that why his parents broke up? Or was that before? I couldn’t remember how long he said he’d been living with Joslyn.

Nikolai hunched over. “The CAA was involved, they investigated what happened, and I tried to lay the blame on Charlotte. The toxicology report showed she was well over the limit, but I tried to tell them she killed herself. It was a shitty, bastardly thing to do.

“The night security guard was arrested for letting drunken idiots into the aero club in the middle of the night, and Liam went into shock. He didn’t speak for a week while I spun my lies. By then, it was too late. By the time Liam came forward, lying to protect me, saying it was
him
who pressed the button, Charlotte’s mental health was questioned, and the security guard was cautioned as an involuntary accomplice to suicide.”

Liam shuddered, whispering, “I couldn’t believe people thought my sister could’ve killed herself.  I hated my parents. Hated that I wasn’t punished like the poor shmuck on duty that night. I should’ve been arrested or had my license taken away. I’ll never forgive myself.”

Nikolai traced his beer glass. “Six days later, I finally fessed up to pressing the button, and the guy was acquitted. I was given community service, and Liam… well, the case was dropped and listed as an unfortunate accident.”

Liam’s eyes narrowed. He snarled at Nikolai, “You stole my sister. You were the one who gave her the liquor, the one who egged her on to be reckless and stupid. You pressed the button that ended her life.” He dragged a breath. “I thought I might be able to forgive you, to finally put it behind me. But I can’t. I know now why I suffer such insecurities around you. I’m petrified you’re going to steal another woman I love.”

My heart spasmed with agony, and I jumped off my chair to comfort Liam. Wrapping my arms around him, I swaddled him, hoping I could leach some of his pain away.

Nikolai took a shuddering breath. “I deserved that. And I’m eternally sorry. For everything.”

I wanted to comfort Nikolai too, but a steely resolve settled over him. “For ten years you never let me apologise, but now I have. I need you to know I loved your sister. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her if I hadn’t—” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I won’t bother you again.” Looking at me with heavy, hazel eyes, he added, “I’m sorry, Nina. Now you know the sort of person I really am. I’ll stay out of your way.” He stood and strode off as if he couldn’t stand to sit another moment.

The Samoan dancers chose that exact moment to finish in style. The men thundered on their drums, the women leapt into the air and, one brave man spit fire. It rained over Nikolai’s retreating back.

A fraction of indecision filled me. I belonged by Liam’s side in this. He needed me in his grief, but I couldn’t let Nikolai walk away so ruined and broken.

Kissing Liam’s cheek, hoping he’d understand, I dashed after Nikolai. I caught him as he entered the night-shrouded gardens. “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much.”

He stopped, shoulders tensed before he turned to face me. “It’s my own fault. I should’ve paid the price ten years ago. I should never have let Liam take the blame.”

I stepped closer. “I hope by talking about it, you can move on now. You need to move on, Nikolai. You both do.”

He looked up, locking gazes with mine. “Do you know why I was so drawn to you? It was because you reminded me of Charlotte. Charlotte was a dreamer. Her and Liam shared a passion for the skies, but Charlotte was the only one who could dance.”

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “I’d hoped I’d found a second chance. With a woman who could finally replace my loss of her. It was the first time since that horrible night my heart started beating again.” Stepping forward, he brushed a non-existent strand of hair off my face. “I’ll never forget that night in Sydney. Thank you.”

I couldn’t speak. My heart obstructed my throat and all the air in my lungs turned to soupy fog.

“Liam’s been alone for as long as I have, and I’m happy he has you.”

“Does Joslyn know?” My voice wavered. Did Liam’s stepsister know of the gaping hole in Liam’s chest? Had his parents shared with their new partners that horrible dark night? Had it tainted the entire family?

He shook his head. “She knows she died, but I don’t think she knows the full story. The death was hushed up. Liam’s parents had a lot of clout with the areoclub, and it wasn’t mentioned again. Charlotte died nine years after the divorce so it was easier for his mom and dad to pretend it didn’t happen; to throw themselves into their new families and forget. Pretending was easier than mending a broken heart.”

I never imagined what I learned tonight would be so catastrophic. Both Liam and Nikolai suffered with guilt. They needed to grant themselves peace.

I wrapped my arms around him. “I hope you find someone to help you heal. You deserve to love again.”

He shrugged sadly, pushing me away. “I’m sure my future will bring another Nina Poppins into my life when I deserve her.” He pecked my cheek, his face ashen. “He’s a great guy, Nina. I couldn’t have picked a nicer girl for him.” His eyes glittered in the lantern light before he turned and dissolved into the gardens.

S
he left.

After everything I’d been through—losing Charlotte, living a life shadowed with guilt and shame—nothing hurt as much as when Nina disappeared after Nikolai.

My entire body clenched with abandonment. My worst nightmare had come true. I was an accomplice in murdering my own sister, and Nina couldn’t bear to look at me.

Tears clogged my throat as my head swelled with pressure. I hadn’t let myself break down since that night. Even at her funeral, I refused to shed one tear, but now, here at a table in a bar alone in Samoa, I wanted to gush it all out. I wanted the heaviness out so I had room to breathe.

The pressure in my head didn’t subside, morphing from emotional pain to physical. I moaned, clutching my temples. White lights flickered like comets, and my tongue turned into a brick inside my mouth.

A lacerating burn sliced along my injury.

What was happening to me? Why did every inch of me weigh heavily with sickness? Lethargy and weakness all added weight to my shoulders, pressing me closer to the table. Pain roared and I would’ve given anything to be free of it.

Something pulled at me to leave, to escape the island, to run far away.

Don’t give up, Liam. Please!

Whose voice was that? My own false wish that Nina cared for me? I let myself slip a little, succumbing to the urge to fold into myself like a discarded mannequin. To become lifeless and no longer suffer the jagged pain of grief.

A hand feathered on my shoulder. “Liam… are you okay?”

Nina’s voice was a lighthouse in the dark seas I floundered. I slammed back into my body. My eyes opened and I struggled to bring her into focus. I was an old film camera with a faulty lens.

“Come with me. We’re leaving.” She tugged me out of the chair, and I winced as trumpets blared in my head—a death march with added cymbals and drums.

She came back.

I cleared my throat, allowing her to tuck herself under my arm and guide me away. The bar faded behind us and the fale’s flickering lights became beacons in the night.

My headache ebbed with every step. I clutched her harder. She was still here. With me. Not Nikolai. I wanted to crush her to me, to prove she wasn’t a figment of my imagination. My heart flopped at her feet in gratitude.

She pulled the key from her pocket and unlocked her door. I glanced across the path at my own fale. Should I leave her alone so she could wade through my messy confession? Did she want me here? Or was she just being kind when I was at my lowest?

Nina took the decision from my hands, pulling me inside. The moment the door closed, she was in my arms. Her head tilted up and she kissed my lips with a reverent urgency that let my grief unlatch a little.

I kissed her back, hesitant at first, but harder as she whimpered, pushing her hands under my t-shirt and rippling over my stomach muscles. Her fingers tickled across my sides to my back, pressing me closer.