Coffee at Luke's: An Unauthorized Gilmore Girls Gabfest (Smart Pop Series) (15 page)

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Authors: Jennifer Crusie,Leah Wilson

Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Television, #History & Criticism

BOOK: Coffee at Luke's: An Unauthorized Gilmore Girls Gabfest (Smart Pop Series)
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Chances of Survival: 1%
 
Stars Hollow Museum
 
Despite that fact that it only lasted one episode (“To Live and Let Diorama,” 5-18), this place gets my vote for most successful business in the Real Stars Hollow. It might be my own personal bias talking, but that place was amazing. I would have gone every day. I’d have bought an annual membership entitling me to free admission and gift shop discounts. And I wouldn’t have been the only one. Surely people would come from miles around to see this place. Even those disenfranchised punk teenagers would find something to love about the Stars Hollow museum—mainly, the fact that a cup of Miss Patty’s Punch (main ingredient: grain alcohol) comes with every admission and is apparently given to all comers regardless of whether or not they’re of legal drinking age. Plus, the diorama show mentions Jesus at the end, and small town Connecticut people love that guy.
 
Chances of Survival: 100%
 
 
And there you have it. I’m sure the Stars Hollowians would be sad to see some of their established local businesses go, but as soon as Wal-Mart opened nearby they’d be happy enough. (That Wal-Mart probably wouldn’t open within the town itself as, if Stars Hollow is anything like my town, the residents will vote against opening a Wal-Mart in the city limits only to have two Wal-Marts open about 500 feet from either end of the town that everyone goes to anyway. Stars Hollow already has that one Wal-Mart nearby where Jess used to work, so it’s due for a second one, preferably a Supercenter.). Plus, losing those less profitable businesses would give other enterprising townspeople a chance to open a few new businesses that Stars Hollow would surely enjoy. How about a package store (the Connecticut term for a liquor store)? Those always seem to do well, despite the fact that state law does not allow the sale of alcohol after nine o’clock or on Sundays. Thanks for that law, Puritans. A strip club would also be profitable, despite Taylor’s best efforts to find something in the town’s bylaws preventing a sexually oriented business from opening in town. Incidentally, a strip joint is also the kind of place where a real-life Lorelai would be likely to find herself employed, as a teenage single mom with no education. The newer, realer Stars Hollow would probably be a little seamier than the fictional one, as nothing sells better than alcohol and sex in a town full of people with nothing better to do. In the Family Friendly Programming Forum funding-free real world, even the prettiest tree-lined boulevards get dirty sometimes, and those charming brick buildings eventually fall to make room for a new pharmacy or grocery store. But Stars Hollow’s quirky improbabilities are why we watch
Gilmore Girls
; they’re what make its representation of perfect small-town life so special.
 
Former Connecticut small-town resident and amateur economist
Sara Morrison
does recaps of various television shows, including
Gilmore Girls
, at
www.televisionwithoutpity
. com. She resides in Los Angeles, where she gets way too many parking tickets. It’s really not fair. This is her first publication unless you count “The Red Fox,” a short story she wrote in first grade that was so good her elementary school had it bound and placed in their library. Sara hopes her hometown will allow her back in after this book comes out.
 
 
Jill Winters
Happiness Under Glass
 
The Truth about Lorelai and Life in Stars Hollow
 
RORY: It’s a Friday night. We should be out, I don’t know, partying with the homies.
 
LORELAI: Our Stars Hollow homies are all in bed by now. (“Keg! Max!” 3-19)
 
 
 
Jill Winters compares Stars Hollow to a snow globe, a picture perfect place full of eternally content characters . . . and Lorelai Gilmore. Lorelai’s problem is that while she’s not sure she likes it in the snow globe, she’s not sure she wants out, either. Especially now that Rory’s gone.
 
I
T ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE OCTOBER in Stars Hollow, Connecticut. Picturesque New England town that it is, Stars Hollow seems unfailingly temperate, colorful, and pretty. It’s never cloudy. No one’s hair blows wildly in the wind; no one’s umbrella flips inside out during a torrential downpour. No one appears plagued by the standard, oppressive humidity of a northeastern August. Populated by people who are quirky but kind, Stars Hollow exists as a cozy, idyllic place, free of crime and malice, and full of simple charm.
 
So it’s really no wonder that Lorelai Gilmore chose to raise her daughter and build her life there. Or even that she would prefer it to the affluent and more socially conscious world in which she grew up.
 
When Lorelai fled from her parents’ home in Hartford, she was only sixteen years old. Scared and pregnant, it was only natural that she found sanctuary in Stars Hollow when the quaint Independence Inn took her in and gave her a job. But long after she’d had her daughter, Rory, and become a self-sufficient woman, Lorelai still embraced Stars Hollow as her home, without question and with an implicit and unwavering allegiance.
 
Or so it would seem. She is an active member of the community. Her best friendships (with Luke and Sookie) and her professional ambitions (to run her own inn) both rest snugly inside the town. The diner that provides most of her meals and feeds her coffee addiction is only a walk away. (As is the pancake joint that serves stellar Chinese food.) Between lovable neighbors and local movie nights, Lorelai embraces Stars Hollow as unequivocally superior to the life that came before it.
 
But
if
that’s the case—then why has happiness so often eluded her?
 
Over the course of the show, Lorelai has found herself in suffocating debt to her parents and gone from one failed relationship to the next. It would be tempting to blame her disappointments on the varying circumstances that accompanied them, but to do that would be to ignore the larger pattern of Lorelai’s behavior—which reflects an acute ambivalence toward Stars Hollow.
 
Emily Junior
 
Despite Lorelai’s vocal disdain for her parents and the wealthy trappings of their lifestyle, she is more like Emily and Richard Gilmore than she would ever admit. Especially Emily. In fact, while she may be wittier and more gregarious than her mother, Lorelai comports herself with an equivalent amount of self-importance. Lest we get seduced by the cult of personality, we need to set aside Lorelai’s general affability and look at her through unfiltered glasses
.
 
When we do, we see that she is vain. Sure, she might mock her mother for her preoccupation with “appearances,” but conveniently, Lorelai herself is always stylishly put together. Her clothes are trendy. Her hair is curled. She usually wears makeup and she never repeats an outfit.
 
More importantly, she is arrogant. Where Emily is restrained, Lorelai is chatty—but either way, they are two sides of the same coin. Both are pushy and self-absorbed. Like Emily, Lorelai exudes a supreme sense of entitlement in nearly everything she does. Whether it was demanding that
she
be the one to choose the annual town square movie, or the time she showed up late and made herself the center of attention at Chilton’s Parent Night, or the day she deliberately annoyed customers at Luke’s diner so they would be uncomfortable and leave—thus freeing up the table where Lorelai preferred to sit—her sense of entitlement has never wavered. (And, like Emily, Lorelai has instilled it in her daughter.) In fact, in some cases, Lorelai is actually worse than her mother; while Emily is dogmatic in her devotion to social graces, Lorelai makes her endless, and often inappropriate, quips the center of every conversation she takes part in, even peripherally.
 
But Lorelai’s resemblance to her mother goes beyond vanity. It’s been nakedly apparent in the things she has wanted for Rory since the beginning of the series, which included admission to Chilton (an elite private high school), followed by a top-notch, Ivy League education. (And she may have paid a lot of lip service to the idea of “only Harvard” and “never Yale”—which was her father’s alma mater—but Lorelai’s loud protest against her “parents’ world” was hollow at the core. As if sending Rory to Yale would be an admission that she embraced her parents’ values, but sending her to
Harvard
was an act totally independent of them.)
 
So it was not a cruel quirk of fate that Lorelai ended up in debt to her parents. Rather, it was to be expected. Despite her endless derision for Emily’s elitism, Lorelai clearly shared an admiration for the prestige and exclusiveness of institutions like Chilton, Harvard, and Yale. So much so that she was willing to let her parents have the satisfaction of financing both.
 
The Outsider Within
 
Despite Lorelai’s tendency to reach outside of Stars Hollow in her aspirations for her daughter—and more often than not, reach
back
toward her roots—she remains sentimentally attached to the town. Comfortable. Determined not to leave. So every time she chose a boyfriend outside of the town, she was simply continuing on a recursive loop in which her romantic relationships were preordained to fail.
 
It was no bizarre accident that prior to Luke, all of Lorelai’s romances were with men who lived a good thirty-minute drive away. Men who were more representative of her parents’ social set than her own—men who would never and
could
never fit seamlessly into life in Stars Hollow. Not an accident, but rather a pathology—a telling one. Despite Lorelai’s affection for Stars Hollow, she constructed her romantic life in sync with an underlying, yet persistent, desire to pull away from it.
 
First there was Max Medina, Rory’s (pompous and unattractive) English teacher at Chilton (who had sloped shoulders and Eddie Munster’s hairdo). Then there was Lorelai’s on-again, off-again flame, Christopher Hayden, who is Rory’s biological father. Interestingly, (arrested adolescent) Christopher is part of the same privileged Hartford set that Lorelai rejected—yet time and again, she has been drawn back to him. Next up, there was (nasal-voiced) Jason Stiles, who could not have been more ingrained in Lorelai’s parents’ world—he was Richard Gilmore’s business partner! Nevertheless, Lorelai began a serious relationship with him, only to have it fall apart later when Jason threatened to sue Richard. On the surface, Lorelai’s breakup with Jason was rooted in family loyalty, but I can’t help but note that it came not long after Jason visited Stars Hollow, turned his nose up at Luke’s diner, and took little interest in the town. Even regular-guy Alex Lesman, whom Lorelai dated briefly, was yet another outsider. Lorelai met him at a seminar she attended out of town, and their most significant date was spent in New York City.
 
So what does it all mean? So Lorelai happened to date men who lived outside of Stars Hollow. So she never considered dating anyone in town—a town with a population of 10,000—except for her long-time friend, Luke Danes. So that relationship fell apart, too—and she went running right back to Christopher. So what?
 
So, nothing just “happened.” Rather, Lorelai, quite unconsciously, set up a conundrum. She firmly rooted herself in Stars Hollow—by psychologically ascribing it as home—then secured her future in the town by purchasing the Dragonfly Inn. And then she set about choosing boyfriends who were incompatible with her world. Boyfriends who, ultimately, would be unable to compete with the lure and comfort of Stars Hollow.
 
It was particularly symbolic when Max Medina sent Lorelai 1,000 daisies along with his marriage proposal (after she expressly told him that she would have liked 1,000 daisies along with his marriage proposal—so imaginative, that Max). Sure, she was touched by the gesture, but she clearly found more enjoyment in going around giving out the daisies to her neighbors than in thinking about marriage to Max.
 
To understand Lorelai’s pattern, we need to understand what she has never articulated: her desire to be
both
an insider and an outsider in regards to Stars Hollow. From the series’s nascence through today, Lorelai has wanted to be fully embraced by both worlds—Stars Hollow and the affluent Other, the world of her parents—yet to retain her position slightly outside of each. Where she can be a critical spectator. Where she can hold herself a little apart—and above. Purporting to identify with Stars Hollow, yet always making sure to have “a life” outside of it, Lorelai has never really seen her neighbors as her peers or considered them to be on her level—an attitude that is mirrored in her daughter, Rory.
 
What better demonstration of this push-pull dynamic than the regular town meetings? Lorelai and Rory have gone to every single one—and then spent the entire time mocking the proceedings. When Mayor Taylor Doose selected Rory as the town’s poster girl, she railed against the honor. (Clearly she didn’t consider it one.) With constant sarcasm, Lorelai and Rory often seem to be stopping just short of blatantly making fun of whomever they’re talking to, whether it be Taylor, Kirk, Babette, Mrs. Kim, or any of the other Stars Hollow fixtures. (In fact, only their best friends, Sookie and Lane, have been consistently treated with respect.)

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