Cold-Blooded Beautiful (11 page)

Using my ID card again, I entered the building through the emergency exits, a small beep echoed in the hallway, which alerted security I was coming in, and the row of bulbs that lined the ceiling flickered on and off.  Creepy.

Climbing the staircase to the second floor family clinic, I could hear far away laughter of a group of people, most likely orderlies, taking a cigarette break in one of the stairwells above me.  The strong smell of tobacco flittered across my senses.

My office was at the end of the hallway on the second floor, with an entire wall of windows that faces the tree-lined campus of the hospital, sun filtering in warm rays, even when the weather outside was still icy cold. I loved to stand inside the beams and feel the warmth as it hit my skin, bask in being alive, being able to do what I was put here to do, if only a fraction of what I have done.  I missed being in a trauma unit.  The adrenaline rush, the puzzles to solve, and the lives I could save.  Maybe one day, again…
maybe…
I’d been hearing really great things about a new drug for tremors.

My hand touched the knob of my office, such a peculiar thing to remember, the icy smooth coldness of the metal handle and the metallic, yet floral smell of it.  That acidic, aromatic scent was what confused me, citrus and sandalwood. It muddled strange sensations in my brain.  The odor was so strong that I could almost taste it, like bitter rust and roses along my tongue.  A strange wave of flutters rolled through my belly, but I dismissed it instantly, and I pushed through the door, thoughtlessly slinging my coat on the back of my chair, and my bag on the desk.  For some ungodly reason, the slats of my window were closed, and I moved to open them, craving the brightness. 

The mirror that ran the length of my office wall echoed my reflection.  For a moment, I paused, confused, and disoriented.  The pale-faced woman in the mirror stared back at me, eyes wide, mouth slightly opened. 

My chest tensed, muscles tightened and coiled, ready for something, anything to jump out at me.  My belly fluttered again when I noticed an enormous beautiful bouquet of red roses surfacing from the veil of shadows of the corner. 

I knew I smelt flowers.

Oh, my God, did Kade get me flowers?

My heart thudded faster
.

He texted me he loved me and got me flowers?

A dark velvet jewelry box sat in the middle of the arrangement, exactly like one an engagement ring would come in.  That
instant
was like pure electric surging through my chest. 

Oh, my God.

 Was Kade going to ask me to marry him?
 My pulse sped up, my breathing accelerated, and I wanted to scream, YES, YES, YES, at the top of my lungs before I took another breath. 

I stepped forward, eyes stinging with joyous tears, heart pounding with excitement. 

Then I saw the man behind the flowers, standing larger than life, in that darkness full of shadows and emptiness.

David.

Chapter 7

Everything was set up perfectly.

Okay, well, I didn’t know anything about proposal shit, but it was perfect to me.  I ran through the halls of the hospital, nurses and visitors flying out of the way just to get to her.  My fingers tingled to sweep the hair that always hung against her cheeks, to watch her smile when I asked her to become my wife.  There was no doubt in my mind, not one ounce of apprehension as I flung the door open to her office and stepped inside.  I
knew
her answer was going to be yes, because she knew me, she knew I would give her everything she ever wanted.  I’d give her everything that was taken from her, everything.

The room was empty, save for the bright afternoon sunlight filtering in from the window. 
Damn, she must be in with a patient
.

My eyes quickly scanned the room.  Her coat is neatly hung on a hook and her bag lay on her desk.

One of the clinic nurses came in behind me and cleared her throat, “May I help you, sir?”

I spun around, smiling like a bloody kid at Christmas; a huge Mt. Everest sized diamond, hiding deep within my pocket.  “Hey, Evelyn.  Where’s Sam?”

“Oh, Kade.  I didn’t recognize you.  Um, Samantha hasn’t come in yet.  I tried calling her cell, but I can’t reach her.  She missed all of her appointments today.  I’ve been rescheduling them all day.”

What the hell was she going on about? 

How could that be? The stuff she left from home with this morning was laying on her desk, her coat hanging on the hook.  She had to come here this morning. Fuck me sideways; this tart must be stupid.  They must give nursing degrees to anybody.

Yet, she stood there.  Stern.  Serious. 

My jaw tightened.  Fists clenched.  Somebody was bloody lying to me.  Something was wrong.

“Bollocks.  She has to be here, Evelyn.  All her bloody belongings are here.  Her coat.  Her pocketbook.  Stop messing with me,” I snapped.

“I’m not, Kade.  I’m being serious.  I haven’t seen her all day,” she said, raising her brows, and handed me her phone. “Look at all the texts and calls I’ve sent her.  She’s replied to none of them.”

Assumptions can kill you.  They are the devil in disguise of a normal everyday moment.  Assumptions are never really considered; they are just the reality you believe as truth.  I assumed that Samantha was at the family clinic.  Safe.  I never doubted her whereabouts.  I never considered that anything could go wrong.  Not until it was too late. 

I called her cell, but there was no answer, so  I left a message.

Then I left five more.

Her coat was on her desk.  Her pocketbook too, but I couldn’t find her
. 

She never showed up to the clinic that morning.  No one had seen her.  The words kept announcing themselves in my head. 
She’s gone
, they taunted.

I called Jen.

Jen hadn’t seen her, and Dylan had been with me all day.  They dropped everything and were on their way, just as worried as I was.

I left another message on her voice mail and looked at the time.  It was three o’clock in the afternoon.  That meant she had been missing for at least five hours.

Blood rushed past my ear, throbbed in my veins.  Panic.

A few minutes before, I assumed Samantha was fine, didn’t even consider anything could go wrong.  Just as tomorrow, I assumed the sun would rise and another new day would begin, but not for me, not if Samantha was gone.  If she were gone, my world would forever be plunged into darkness.

Just bloody calm down.  Think.

The question to answer, was did she leave on her own, or was she in trouble?  Was there an accident?  Couldn’t be, her stuff was there.  Did she get locked in a closet somewhere?  If she was in a bloody closet with someone else, I will rip every inch of his skin off, and make myself a suit.

Grabbing her purse, I looked through her stuff.  Her wallet was still inside, so she couldn’t have gone far.  She had to be in the hospital somewhere.  Maybe there was a trauma, and she was needed in emergency? 
We’re a bunch of bloody morons, that’s got to be what happened!

My eyes dropped to her desk.

A small pale pink
Post-It
note was stuck dead center on her desk.

A small note; addressed to
me
.

Kade,

Sorry.  This is too much for me.  I’m suffocating here.

Everyone will be better off if I leave.

Samantha

Holding the note up to my face, I crushed it silently into my fist.  Complete self-destruction in 3, 2, 1.

The edge of my vision exploded in reds and oranges; licks of heat and flame.  Quick and savage, my fist holding the note slammed into the mirror that ran along her office wall, shattering it into webbed strands that traveled to every edge.  My reflection was broken, fractured into thousands of pieces, completely fucking destroyed.  Just.  Like.  Me. 

Crushing my hands against the sharp splintered mirror, I slid them down harshly, taking in the burn of pain as the uneven edges sliced through my palms.  Dr. Jekyll, meet Mr. Hyde.

I’m going to destroy this room.

Every bloody inch of it
.

And I did, until Dylan and Jen found me on the verge of smashing Samantha’s desk through the window, crumpled up letter still balled up in my bloodied fist.  Dylan tackled me.  It wasn’t hard, because I didn’t fight him, just sort of sunk onto the ground and handed Jen the letter.

Her eyes scanned over it, hand to her mouth.  She wiped my blood off her hands onto her pants, disgusted. 
Fuck you, bitch, this is how I deal with shit
.

“I have to get out of here before I destroy this hospital.  Need to be alone,” I growled.

People gave me a wide-open path to leave the hospital.  Nobody stopped me, detained me, or even called security.  They just let me tear the place up behind her office door.  Being thought of as dangerous and savage, does have its fucking advantages, doesn’t it?  Not one person thought twice about provoking me, stopping me, or calling for fucking help.  Everyone there was a stupid, pathetic sheep, because all they did was make my brutal tendencies feel bloody liberating.  As if I had every right to explode so violently, because of feeling wronged.  The sheep just fed the wolf.

The drive home was almost lethal, as I never once touched my foot to the brake, not until I slammed on it in front of my house, and lunged out of the truck.  There were no deputies to stop me, no soft smooth voices to lure me to calmness, there was nothing; nothing but blurs of movements and hazy moments.  And rage.

Disconnecting from the world, I closed myself in my den, just watching the dark crimson blood seep out of the wounds on my hand, as I obsessively opened and closed them.  Open and closed them.

When the outside skies grew dark, I heard Jen tiptoe into the room, “I am so sorry, Kade.  I had no idea she was planning this.” She held a bat in one hand, most likely for her own protection. 
Smart
.  I wanted to beg her to hit me with it.

“It is because of
that
woman I’m still fucking breathing.  There are too different Kades, there’s the before Sam one, and since Sam one.  I’m going to die going back to the first one,” I seethed.

She lowered herself to the floor next to me, leaning her back along side mine, against the stone of the fireplace, and laid the bat across her legs.  Looking down into my hands, she asked, “What is that?”

I held it up, a small lilac ribbon on a clip, twirling it between two fingers.  “Her ribbon.”

“That’s the one you found in the crash…
you kept that?
” 

“Hold it in my pocket wherever I go.” 

“Why?”

“Smells like apples and cinnamon, smells like her.  She wore it the first night I saw her, and I can’t let her go just yet. You need to leave me alone, Jen.  Not at a good place right now.  I feel like I could climb a bloody bell tower and start shooting.”

“When I found her and David that day, freaking bloodied and…God, it was horrible, Kade.  She didn’t want me to help her.  She didn’t want me to come with her. The only reason I knew what happened was because I was at the hospital.  Then we got her out of there, and she asked me to drive her home to get some stuff while David was working, and pick her up when she was done to take her to the airport – she was going to start over alone.  But when I got there, they were physically fighting, and he grabbed me and punched me…Anyway, she never wanted to drag anyone into this…Maybe she…”

“What happened that day?  She’s fucking gone, so just bloody fucking tell me.  How the bloody hell did she end up in
my
hiding place?” I snapped viciously.  “And don’t waste my time by telling me about what
you felt and what you went through
.  All I want to know about is
her
.”

Puffy, tear filled eyes looked back to mine.  Strands of hair were plastered to her face from the tears that streamed down her cheeks.  Haunted eyes shifted down, not able to look into mine a minute more.  “She wanted to take her aid packs and some clothes, so I dropped her off.  She…uh…told me to give her an hour…so I did.  I ran back to my little place and packed a bag. I wasn’t going to let her leave alone.  She was the only family I had, so I couldn’t let her go alone.”  Her attention turned to her hands, picking and playing with her nails as she continued.  “When I got there and she wasn’t out front, I ran up.  And he…he was dragging her by her hair across the rug.  He was trying to get to the surgical knife that was full of blood on the floor.  I threw a picture frame at him, and when let her go, he turned to punch me and she…well…she…ah…”

“Tell me, or use the bat,” I hissed.

“STOP IT, Kade!  She stabbed him in the back.  Over and over, okay.  She wouldn’t stop.  She just grabbed the knife, and instead of running, she went back after him until he was lying still on the floor, and she had blood all over her.  I grabbed her off him. God, Kade, he looked dead.  He looked so dead, I wanted her away from him. She tried to go back to the hospital and get her father, but I got her in the car and told her to drive.  She just focused on the driving and that was it…we hardly spoke for like seven hours, and she was just bleeding and bleeding, but she wouldn’t stop.  She was screaming at me to leave her, and just let her hide, but I couldn’t.  She didn’t want me to be involved.  She doesn’t want anyone else hurt by them, Kade.  Don’t you get that?  She left because she fucking loves you,” she cried.  Wiping at her tears, she whispered, “She left because she didn’t want you to be hurt.”