Come Back To Me (10 page)

Chapter Twelve

The cold air whipped against Tess’s cheeks as she ran awkwardly down the unfamiliar street, the cacophony of the costumed revelers falling away behind her.

“Tess! Wait!” Louie called.

His footsteps were fast approaching. Tess crossed her hands over her stomach and pushed herself to run faster, catching her heel in the crack of a sidewalk and stumbling forward.

Louie grabbed her arm before she fell to the ground. “Tess,” he pleaded, “I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Why are you dressed like that?” Tears ran down her cheeks.

Louie looked down at his clothes. “My costume? My friend’s in the army. I borrowed it.”

“You knew!” she yelled. “Did Kevin put you up to this? Alice? Did they give you Beau’s costume from last year?”

Only then making the connection, Louie said, “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t th—. It was all I had. I was invited at the last minute, and I had no costume. It’s a friend’s.”

Tess ripped her arm from his grip and huffed away toward a park at the end of the road.

“Tess, wait,” he pleaded. “I promise. I didn’t even know you’d be here.”

“Whatever,” she said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you even mad at me? You don’t return my calls, you haven’t spoken to me since we kissed—”

The night was busy with trick-or-treaters, and though Tess knew they were too busy with their costumes and candy to think about the lady running through the park, she slowed her pace and walked hurriedly toward a bench where she plunked herself down and swiped at beads of sweat along her brow.

Louie caught up to her and knelt down before her. He put his hands on her knees, the look in his eyes a mix of confusion and concern.

She pushed at his hands, the weight of his touch frustrating her.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She let go of his hands and wiped her eyes, though the flow of tears did not cease. “No,” she shook her head.

He sat next to her on the bench. “What can I do?”

She turned away. “Nothing. It’s just,” she turned toward him again and motioned toward his clothing, “I thought, when I saw you, I thought you were him.” She closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she feigned a smile. “I thought you were Beau. I thought—” suddenly she was sobbing again.

Louie brushed her hair from her face, sending a shiver down Tess’s spine. He put his arm around her back, pulling her into an embrace.

“Tess!” Alice’s voice rang through the air, the quick tap of heels on concrete followed.

Tess pulled back from Louie and stood, smoothing down her skirt. She wiped her eyes as Alice appeared.

“Thank God!” Alice said. She shot Louie a look of contempt. “What’s wrong? What did you do to her?”

Louie stood, hands splayed in front of his chest. “I didn’t do a thing,” he said.

“Right. That’s why she avoids your calls and flees the party the second she sees you!”

Tess wiped her eyes again. “Al, it’s not like that,” she said.

“Right, Tess. I know you. What’d he do to you?” She turned toward Louie, “So help me, if you hurt her—”

“Settle down, Tomb Raider. I didn’t do anything more than wear military clothing. She’s having a hard time right now, remember?” His eyes flashed a plea for leniency.

Tess settled herself back down on the bench, her head once again in her hands. “He’s right, Alice. It’s not him. It’s me.”

“I’ll leave you girls alone,” Louie said, then hesitated in front of Tess. “If you need me, you know how to reach me.”

Alice watched Louie walk briskly away from them before turning back to Tess.

“What the hell?” Alice asked. “What’s going on that you’re not telling me, Tess?”

“I thought he was Beau. The clothes, his hair, I don’t know. I thought,” she looked up at Alice, her eyes streaked red, “I thought you and Kevin set this up. When I saw him? I thought…”

Alice leaned back against the bench. “Oh, my God, Tess. I’m sorry. I thought you’d made great strides. I thought you accepted that Beau was dea—not coming back.” Her voice was more frustrated than soothing.

Ugh!
Tess stood and began walking toward her car. Alice followed, apologizing, asking Tess if she understood that Beau wasn’t coming back, and peppering her with questions about Louie. Tess didn’t say a word until she reached her car and unlocked the door. “I don’t know, okay, Alice? I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore.”

Alice climbed into the passenger seat, uninvited. Tess glared.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Where?” Tess snapped.

“Wherever you’re going. You’re not fit to be alone.”

“I’m going home.” Tess stared at the road as she started the car.

“I’m worried about you, Tess. You’re living in some alternate world, someplace that doesn’t exist, someplace where Beau’s death didn’t really happen.”

Tess let her forehead fall to the steering wheel and rest there. She held the wheel with both hands and gently banged her head against it.

“I get it, okay? I know he’s gone, but I can’t help it. I feel like he’s not really…dead.” The word was like a knife in her heart. She gasped a breath. “I feel like I’d know if he was, so I’m stuck. I’m fucking stuck! I can’t move forward, because what if I do, and he suddenly shows up? And I can’t stand still, because life doesn’t stand fucking still.” She stared at the road before her, as if the answer would appear in the asphalt.

Iraq

The sun beat down on Beau. He was lying on a beach next to Tess; her presence as real as the sun that warmed his face. A cloud crawled in front of the sun, stealing the warmth it spread. He lay listening to her faint breaths. She ran her finger along his arm.

Beau turned to face her and opened his eyes. Reality, shadowed by disappointment set in.
Damn
, he thought.

Samira touched his arm again.

“I cover you,” she said, pointing to the sun.

Beau groaned as he stood. Every muscle in his body ached. Sand had settled in his nostrils and ears. His eyebrows were thick with the tiny, rough crystals. He wiped them away with his dry fingers—coarse sand had become caked beneath his fingernails in thick dark lines.

“Hurt?” she asked in a shy voice.

“No,” Beau lied. “I’m okay.”
A dream. Goddamn it.

Suha and Abdul Hadi studied the map while the children rolled the bedding. Beau limped toward the adults, noticing, for the first time, the stale smell of baked canvas.

“Medicine?” Suha asked.

Beau nodded. He kneeled by Abdul Hadi, ignoring the searing pain in his leg.

“We are very exposed,” Abdul Hadi explained. “We must move.”

Suha advised the children of their responsibilities: they must remain compliant if they were to live, they must respect their mother, and, of course, Abdul Hadi, their savior. The children did not speak for the first few hours of the grueling walk through the arid desert, flat to the horizon. Fear and fatigue had a way of stealing one’s voice.

Suha spoke in hushed tones, walking so close to Beau that their shoulders almost touched. He limped with pain, she with age. “Bringing shame to one’s family,” she said.

“Who does these honor killings?” Beau asked, trying to hide his disgust.

“Family members. If a woman dishonors her family, another family member must take her life. I worried, of these killings. I worried for Samira,” she glanced toward Samira, who walked with her head down. “She did nothing to dishonor Safaa, Safaa say different. He accuse her of dishonor.”

“Dishonor, like infidelity?” Beau asked.

“Yes, if he believe, can bring on honor killing,” her voice carried contempt.

“If she flirted, she could be killed?” He asked.

Suha nodded. “Women, children, raped, killed. There is no reason. War is not good.”

“But you were a doctor. Weren’t you protected?” Beau couldn’t wrap his mind around what he was hearing. This wasn’t the dark ages. The thought made him sick to his stomach. “Did you dishonor your family?”

Suha shook her head. “Never. After war began, women fell back in rights. Maybe ten percent of women left the home, always with the knowledge they may not return. Insurgents.” She lifted her eyebrow. “Many doctors are killed. Kidnapped, held for money, killed.”

Zeid said something in Arabic.

Suha turned scornful eyes toward him, retorting in Arabic.

Samira’s eyes grew wide. She opened her mouth to speak, catching a harsh glare from Suha.

Zeid slowed his pace, sinking back from Suha’s sight.

“Hateful boy,” Suha muttered beneath her breath.

Abdul Hadi walked with purpose, his eyes on the horizon, where the beige of the land blended into the washed-out blue of the sky, blurred from the heat. “Be thankful for the milder weather of October,” he said to Beau. “This heat,” he waved his hand toward the sun, “it’s ninety, maybe, no longer one hundred and twenties. Hot, yes. Livable, certainly.”

Beau was relieved when Abdul Hadi stopped to make camp in the early afternoon. His limbs burned with such intensity that he wasn’t sure he would have been able to walk much further. Sweat poured from his skin.

Abdul Hadi studied a hand-drawn map and crouched next to Beau, his dark skin glistening in the sun. He pointed a thick, dirty finger toward a brown square.

“That is where we meet,” he said.

“We’re right out in the open. Are we safe?” Beau asked.

Abdul Hadi smiled, “What is ‘safe’?”

Beau stared at him, incredulously.

Abdul Hadi explained that just over the edge of the horizon was the camp that would protect them. They would have medical supplies—he motioned to Beau’s leg—food, water, and protection. The problem, he feared, would lie beyond the safety of the camp, after they were given new identities and would be traveling to Germany. “That transport, that is the worry.” Abdul Hadi glanced at the others.

The children
. “Does my presence create more danger?” Beau asked.

Abdul Hadi stared into his eyes with a serious look. “Life presents danger.”

The tiny hand on Beau’s back could only be Edham’s. Beau reached behind him and took the little hand in his own, pulling the boy forward. Edham’s eyes were wide, his face a slate of innocent excitement. He thrust his other hand toward Beau and opened his palm. Four small rocks rolled to the center of his palm.

Beau smiled, “Marbles?”

Edham smiled eagerly. A game of marbles ensued, complete with giggles, and watched by Athra, Samira, and Suha. Zeid sat off to the side, his head hung low, his shoulders drooped.

Abdul Hadi motioned for Zeid to join the game.

Zeid shook his head.

Abdul Hadi sat next to him on the sand, unwrapping the cotton fabric that protected his head and face from the sun, the black and white diamonds expertly intermingled. He relished the sensation of his head being freed from its binding. He pulled the fabric through his fingers and spoke in a soft voice, the Arabic words smooth and iridescent. “Your father would be proud, yes? You have trekked the desert like a man.”

Zeid’s eyes remained downcast.

Abdul Hadi folded the fabric and set it between him and the boy. “Your mother,” he lifted his dark beard in Samira’s direction, “she is a strong woman. She looks at you with pride. You are the man now.”

Zeid tilted his ear in his direction, listening.

“Yes,” he nodded, “you took your father’s place.” He picked up a handful of sand, letting it sift slowly through his fingers, as if he were mulling over his thoughts.

Zeid played with his toes, walking his fingers back and forth across them. 

“You have a choice, Zeid.”

Zeid’s hand stilled.

“Your mother, she lives in fear. She has not known a life without fear. She will have a chance to know that life. You will have a chance to know that life.”

“I’m not afraid,” Zeid protested.

“No, I can see you’re not,” Abdul Hadi replied. “You can help her feel safe, too. You can lend your strength to her.”

Zeid turned his body toward Abdul Hadi and sat up straighter.

“Yes, you can protect her instead of fighting her. That is your job,” he emphasized ‘job’. “Your mother, she is smart, she is strong, but she needs protection. She has babies to care for.” He motioned toward Edham and Athra. “You owe your life to your mother—and to Suha.”

“But—”

Abdul Hadi spoke over him. “You would have been killed, had she not saved you and your brother, your sister. That takes intelligence, strength. She is a smart woman.”

“She—”

Abdul Hadi deepened his voice. “She risked her own life for yours.” He filled Zeid’s head with the values of his mother and Suha. He took great care not to disparage Zeid’s father. When his lesson was complete, and Zeid had the look of a drunken soldier, he moved away.

Maryland

“She’s fine,” Alice listened to Tess’s footsteps in the upstairs hallway while she sat on the couch, talking to Kevin on her cell phone. “She’s just hurting, confused, but she’ll pull through.” At least Alice hoped she would. “Hey, I didn’t know you knew Louie Tole.”

“I didn’t, until last night, I mean. I met him at the party.”

“He’s our client, sort of,” she said.

“Hey, that movie’s out, the one with Will Ferrell? I’m meeting a few friends there tonight, wanna go? Bring Tess?” he asked.

Alice weighed the idea. She’d seen more of Kevin in the past few weeks than she had in the four years since they’d met, and she didn’t necessarily mind it.

“Never mind,” Kevin said.

“I didn’t say no.”

“You didn’t say yes, either,” Kevin replied. “It’s cool. We’ll be at the Cinema and Draft House if you change your mind.”

Tess appeared on the stairs, and Alice rushed off the phone.

“Was that Kevin, making sure the crazy woman is okay?” Tess asked.

Alice went to the kitchen and set a kettle of water on the stove. “It was Kevin, but he was asking about a movie later, not the psycho bitch.”

“Ha ha,” Tess said. “Thanks for staying up half the night with me.”