Comin' Home to You (22 page)

“When you were as addicted as we were, you tend to look past it. We wanted to get high. I’m sure we both thought the same. Means to a fucking end.”

Taking a frantic look at the half-full whiskey bottle, Ali made a distressed face, one that almost wanted to drink the entire contents of the bottle. But even that wouldn’t take away the pain. “Holy…oh my god. No…no, Mom was not like that.”

“I’m not lying. I wouldn’t do that to you right now.”

Ali placed her face in her hands. “I know you aren’t. But…I never saw Mom like that.”

“She loved you, Ali. We both did. But when you weren’t around, that’s what we were doing.”

“I do remember being at Grandma’s a lot.”

“We made a lot of mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that I can’t forgive myself for.”

Sighing, Ali looked up at the ceiling. She was visibly attempting to hold back tears. “So…what happened that day?”

“The supplier asked for another…blow…ugh, sexual favor,” said Owen. A bad taste developed in his mouth when remembering the exact acts she performed. “That time, I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

“Why then? Why didn’t you do it earlier? Why didn’t you…” Ali decidedly stopped talking before her lividness got the best of her.

“That’s something she asked me too on the drive back. Deep down, she was hurting because I never stepped up and told her no the first time. I was just tired of it all. The drugs, the infidelity…all of it. I wanted our old lives back. I wanted to be poor and happy. So I told Ali not to do it. Not this time. And that asshole then asks if I wanted to suck it instead.”

Ali raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I beat the shit out of him. Smashed his face until it was just wet sop and blood. Looked like a pile of smashed up hamburger meat. But she, in her wild state, takes the drugs on the way out. Drugs that were worth a lot of money. Drugs that someone would be looking for. But I wanted no part of it. She almost drove off without me, but once I got in our vehicle, I grabbed that heroin, ripped it open, and dumped it all out the window. She was so furious. Even though she was in so much mental pain, she didn’t want to see those drugs go. It would have taken one hell of an intervention to save her.

“Anyway, so we get home and we are fearing the worst. I just assaulted a Roaring 20, and well, you get the picture. You know what they are capable of. She ran inside, still screaming, and I went to get you. I waited outside with a gun at my back, thinking I would have to use it.”

Ali filled in the gaps. “I remember that. That big guy with a huge truck pulled up. You freaking screamed at me to go back inside.”

“That big guy was Roy Grayson.”

It was as if a million piece jigsaw puzzle just magically put itself together. “Roy? THE Roy Grayson? The same Roy that Clint’s talked about since I met him?”

“That’s him.”

“So what happened next?” Ali asked with anxious enthusiasm.

“Yeah...turns out he was directly over that supplier that we bought our product from. He asked what happened. I told him the truth...partially.”

Ali was animated, eager to hear more. “Partially? What do you mean?”

“I did speak the truth when it came to kicking the supplier's ass, but when it came to the stolen drugs, I told Roy that the heroin was mostly cut with sugar and your mother threw it out the window on our way home.”

“Woah. And he believed that?”

“Turns out my lie was truth. That guy had been cutting his drugs for a while, then he’d take out little bits of the pure heroin to others so he could charge what he wanted. That way, he could make money selling for the Roaring 20’s and selling secretly for himself so he didn’t have to hand out a cut

“Smart, but stupid. Do you know what happened to that supplier? Surely someone did something to him.”

“Roy killed him. Not sure how. Hell, he killed him before he came to speak to me. So I guess he was onto it from the start.”

“Wow. So your lie was right the hell on.”

“Yeah, if it wasn’t. I probably wouldn’t be here talking to you. Anyway, I told him another truth. I told him we wanted to stop selling.”

“And did Mom want to?”

“Not really. She was angry at me for letting it all get to this, but she didn’t really want to stop either. If I had a chance to talk to her after Roy, well, maybe she’d finally listen. I'm telling the truth, I promise. There's no point in lying to you anymore.”

“I ain't sayin' you are lying to me. But, this is a lot to take in. Especially since you've never told me anything like this. But you should have told me. This is definitely something I should have known, for God’s sake.”

“I’ve…just been scared to say it. I don’t enjoy revisiting these memories.”

Ali shook her head, partially in disbelief, but mostly in a sad understanding. “Yeah. Fair enough.”

Owen slowly rubbed his dry, dirty, and scratched hands together as he continued. “Anyway, I’m surprised all Roy did was give us a month off to get our shit together. He’s usually the type to threaten to get what he wants. I knew if I had a month, I could think of something, but at the moment, I was just glad to be alive. And that’s when I went into the house.”

“And...” That's all Ali could say. She knew what was coming.

“Yeah. That's when I came in and found her.” A brief pause came over the room. Austin had muted the television in an attempt to hear what was going on. Once he lost interest from the purposed silence, Owen felt the need to apologize. “Baby, I am sorry you had to see that.”

“It still haunts me. Whenever I lay my head on my pillow or sometimes when I fucking hallucinate, I still see Mommy. Her eyes wide open, just...staring at nothing. Sometimes, I feel limp and my throat tightens up. It’s scary. I’d rather not sleep than feel like that.”

“I know. I know exactly what you mean. I can't have a dream without her in it,” said Owen. “Let me tell you something. I doubt you want to hear it, but it is the God’s honest truth. Just like you needed to binge so you don’t sleep, I need…needed…to fuck other women. I needed the feel of their skin, the touch of their lips on mine, and other feels that I shouldn’t be taking about with my daughter. Because when I am with another woman, I don't have that dream about Patricia. That’s how it used to be back then anyway. But even that started changing as the years went by. Eventually, it didn’t matter what I did. She’d be with me every night.

“Every dream I have with her...hell, it is more like a nightmare. Every single night. It doesn’t matter if I drink myself to oblivion. She’s always right there, staring at me until I wake up. She tells me in this loud shrill scream that it is all my fault. She’s probably right.”

Ali finished the shot and helped herself by pouring another one. Noticing her father had also completed his portion, she quietly poured a shot for him also. Whether she cared for her father's self-pity was unknown, but Owen took consolation in the fact that his daughter wasn’t berating or screaming at him. Mimicking the sound of a machine gun with his lips, he prepared himself to finish the story.

“A month passed, and-”

“Dad, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have a question.”

“Yeah?”

“Have you visited Mom’s grave?”

Owen blinked repeatedly and took in a shallow breath. “No. Not since we put her in the ground. No.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I just can’t. I can’t face her, even if I am just facing a big hunk of limestone.”

“Dad…”

“I’m just going to move on with the story, okay?”

Ali showed her dejection. “Fine.”

Owen felt visible relief by not having to explain why he refused to visit Patricia’s grave. He just couldn’t face the pain he knew he would experience if he went there. “Alright. A month passed. I think you were with your friend across the pasture again. I think you had just started talking again and you sure as hell didn’t want to be around me. Well, sure enough, Roy came back on the exact day of the month and probably the same exact time too if I could have told you when he came the first time. I remember, it was a cloudy day. I think a front was coming in. There may have been some thunder in the distance. I can’t remember every detail of it, but I do remember there being clouds blocking out the sun.

“He pulled up in that ridiculous truck, blasting Pantera’s
Cowboys from Hell.
If you think mine has too much of a lift, his would have blown your mind. Anyway, he heard the news. He knew that Patricia had passed. Even if she was the driving force behind all the wheeling and dealing, he still wanted me to pick up right where she left off. I had a lump in my throat and a butterfly swimming around in my guts, but I told him I still wasn’t interested. I wanted to stay clean and leave that shit behind. But, Roy didn’t like me. He never liked me. I think he still would have hated me even if we weren’t members of our families. Instead of letting me move on, Roy kept badgering me. He got a big cut from all the hard work Patricia did, and he didn’t want to see that money stop coming to him.”

Ali rose from the table to check on Austin before sitting back down. Once settled, her attention was back on her father.

“He didn’t like me saying no, so out of the blue, he pulls out his gun. Simple 9 millimeter handgun. He didn't aim it at me directly. It was basically a test to see if I would break and bend to his will just by seeing the gun. At that time, I realized I had left my gun on my dresser. All I had on me was a pocket knife that my father gave me when I was eight years old. I’ll admit that I was scared. I almost succumbed to his wishes because I wanted to freaking live. I knew I still needed to be alive for you. But even if I did do what Roy wanted, that was no life for me and it sure as hell was no life for you.

“While I was flipping out, thinking of what the hell to do for us to stay alive, he started pacing back and forth. Now, as long as I had known the guy, Roy had always been a pacer. Before a baseball game, he’d pace. While he was bullying some random kid after class, he’d pace as he waited for the kid to give him what he wanted. But, I knew something. The Graysons, with the exception of my dear grandson over there, are dumb as hell. If Roy didn’t cheat off of all the girls he banged in high school, there was no way in hell he could have passed. He-.”

“You’re rambling, Dad.”

“Right…anyway, he started pacing, playing with his gun, telling me to hurry the hell up with my decision that was being forced on me, giving me a look every now and then. But he barely paid any actual attention to me. So, I made my own choice. I would do absolutely everything I could to keep you away from that life.”

Owen paused to look at his daughter. She had her head turned toward the kitchen, refusing to make eye contact.

“The moment he turned his back on me, I darted at him, stuck that pocket knife deep in the back of his neck. His complacent ass never saw it coming. I bet in a million years he would have never thought someone would take a shot at him. Pretty sure I paralyzed him, because he just dropped to the ground. Then, I lifted his head up, and as hard as I could, I slit his throat from one end of the neck to the other. If there was one thing I remember, it was my white gravel driveway turning blood red.”

“Fuck. Dad. Wow. And now Clint…oh shit, and Scar knows.”

“Scar’s had an idea this whole time. I never revealed anything or told him, but anyone in the know in the Roaring 20’s knows that I was the last person he visited.”

“What have you been telling them all these years?”

“That he went on his way after we talked.”

“Where is he, really?”

“His truck was crushed and ripped apart. Had some help from a scrapyard owner. I buried his body in a marshy area out on Lake Fork. The kind of area no one would bother venturing into.”

Ali quickly rose from her chair, bumping the table in the process and causing her newly poured shot to spill slightly. She grabbed her hair and paced through the kitchen, clearly unnerved and alarmed. She still tried to maintain a restrained voice so Austin didn’t hear. “Dad, they are going to kill you!”

“I am well aware of this, daughter. You get why I have these guns out?”

“Fuck. It’s not just you, Dad. Do you not realize what Clint will do to me!? He will beat the shit out of me. He might do more than that. I can’t go home. I…What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“I won’t let him touch you or Austin. You are welcome to stay here.”

Ali only answered by pacing and muttering the words “Oh my god,” repeatedly.

Owen rapidly got up from his chair and placed both of his arms on Ali's shoulders. “Calm the hell down. They are after me, not you.”

“Clint don’t give a damn. He’s hit me for way fuckin’ less.”

“Just stay with me and calm down. I’ll make sure everything will be fine.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna try to take out Clint again?” harshly whispered Ali. “Regardless of what you think of him, he is still Austin’s daddy. He’s going to be devastated if you do somehow manage to end him.”

“I’m aware of it, but it is something that has to be done if I want to assure your safety.”

“Assure my safety? What the hell? Why are you trying to assure my safety?”

“I just am, okay?”

Ali glared at him with confusion and worry, backing away from his arms. “What the hell is this for? You basically never gave a shit about me, and now you are trying to, what’s that word? Liberate me from my abusive fiancé? Why are you doing this now, huh? Waiting almost ten years to do this? Seriously, give me a good answer.”