Coming Home to Love (Lakeside Porch Series Book 2) (27 page)

“Your fee?”

Gwen smiled easily. “That comes when we wrap up. Right now I want to go back to something you said about Joel having the key. You came back here because Joel had the key, I believe you said. Do you know what you meant by that?”

“Yes, I think it’s because of the way he uses his money to benefit others. Even more than that, the way he lives his life. In my mind Joel has integrity. It startles me sometimes, the things he comes out with, the way he thinks.”

“How would you describe it?”

“I would describe his thinking as moral, ethical, in tune with his community, disciplined, warm-hearted. No Cushman I ever knew, including Joel’s father, my brother Josh, ever had those traits. If it was genetic, he got it from Bridey.”

Gwen brightened. “Bridey who read the tea leaves?” She’d forgotten about Bridey.

Justin nodded as he laughed from his belly. “Joel’s mother’s mother. She was grand. I’d have liked to marry a girl like Bridey. And Joel is marrying a girl like Bridey. But to get back to your question, I had it in mind that perhaps I could find my way to my heart and my soul by being around Joel.”

Gwen studied his face. “You may be right,” Gwen said, “though you need to give Joel a lot of space right now. I think you know that. Let me ask you this: How do you think Joel got like that, if it wasn’t genetic, from Bridey?”

He turned back to her and shook his head. “I only know that getting sober was the beginning of it for him. I think that’s why I stopped drinking some years ago. I saw that I needed to change as radically as Joel was changing, and being sober was the beginning.”

“Good. We will work through the same process Joel used, the twelve steps. There’s one key I haven’t heard you reference, and it’s important that you think about it on your retreat.”

“What’s that?”

“The notion of a God or a power greater than you. One that will guide you if you seek it. Do you have a higher power?”

“I heard myself mutter a prayer yesterday. At least I think it was a prayer.”

She gave him a minute to recall the only time in their conversation he’d made reference to a power greater than himself.

Justin looked clueless again.

“I think you have a kernel of a god in your thinking. I heard you say—and I may have the words wrong, I apologize—‘What kind of monster hurts the people that are put on this earth to save him?’”

Justin nodded but seemed even more puzzled.

“It’s the idea that Joel and Gianessa were put on this earth to save you that makes me think you have faith in something watching over you, working toward your redemption as a human being.”

His face brightened. “Redemption, yes. That’s what I am searching for, and I don’t seem to be able to get it for myself. It’s not something I can buy or demand, I know that. It comes—I’m not sure how it comes, to tell you the truth, but it’s what I need. It’s why I’m here, why I came back to Tompkins Falls.”

Gwen reached out her hand. “Welcome back from the dark side, Justin. Time to do the hard work.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t get that denim jacket,” Sara said to Gianessa as they left the bargain back room of her favorite shop in Aurora.

“I might go back for it.”

“What were you thinking when you decided not to buy it?”

Gianessa grinned. “You are getting good at making me talk. I’m not sure I like that.”

Sara gave her waist a squeeze. They mounted granite steps, side-by-side, to an elegant lakeside inn. “Are you as hungry as I am?”

“Starved.”

“You don’t get morning sickness, do you?”

“Thank god no. And so far no cravings. I’m eating pretty smart, and I’ve only gained a couple of pounds. But today I could go for a juicy burger and fries and a hot fudge sundae.”

Sara chortled. “This I’ve got to see.”

They asked for a table on the porch and were seated by picture windows that framed the dark blue lake. One intrepid sailboat plied the choppy water. Its big white sail bent with the wind.

When Gianessa learned the burgers had breadcrumbs in the mix, she settled for a grilled chicken salad with sweet potato fries. Sara indulged in a Reuben with extra dressing and steak fries.

“Spill, roomie,” she said after the waiter left. “Start with why you didn’t get the denim jacket which, by the way, was wicked cute on you.”

Gianessa toyed with her linen napkin, pleating it with sharp creases. “I realized when I saw myself in the mirror that I need maternity clothes really soon, and I don’t have any.”

“You could wear the denim jacket pregnant.”

“True. But not these jeans, and maybe not even my dozen white T-shirts, which are already tight on my boobs. I want to be beautiful pregnant.”

“Cool. For that you need a haircut.”

“You’re right.”

“What?” Sara yelped, without thinking, then held up her hands in apology to the ladies at nearby tables. “Sorry. Just got a little excited.” She scooted her chair closer to Gianessa. “You’re serious? You’re going to let me cut it?”

Gianessa nodded and bit her lower lip. “Soon. I think you’re right about the beautiful pregnant damsel-in-distress.”

“You’ve given up on him, haven’t you?” Sara slumped onto one elbow on the table, her jaw rested in her hand. “You really don’t expect him to apologize and woo you back.”

“Not after he gets the letter from my lawyer, no.”

“What letter?” Sara’s voice was deep with foreboding. “What lawyer?”

“I got a sample of Justin’s hair, I won’t tell you how, and I’ve had DNA testing done to establish he’s the baby’s father. And my lawyer has written a letter requesting him to support the baby, including braces, health care, education, the whole works. And to support me for five years until I can establish myself professionally.”

“Holy cow, roomie.” Sara’s eyes widened with incredulity. “Way to kill a romance.”

“The romance died when he accused me of being pregnant with Joel’s baby.”

“He said what?” Again, she raised her hands in apology to the ladies nearby. She mimicked locking her lips with a key. “How could he even think that?” she hissed.

“He’s a little insane. Joel says he’s gone into therapy, which is a good thing.” Gianessa leaned in and whispered, “You cannot, cannot say anything to anybody about this. Especially Manda. Please promise me.”

“Okay, I promise.” She squinted toward the kitchen and warned Gianessa, “He’s bringing our food.”

“Good. I’m so hungry I was going to eat your hand.”

Sara bit off a laugh.

“I really need to hash over the whole career thing with you,” Gianessa said. Her eyes grew round as she surveyed the huge salad and the oval dish mounded with sweet potato fries. “And I need you to eat half these fries.”

“Got my own big pile. We can take them home. Let’s chow down for a minute.”

When they’d both consumed a third of their meals, Gianessa sat back for a break.

Sara reminded her, “I thought you were going to be a star in the holistic rehab thing Manda has going on.”

“Guess who’s putting up the funding for it?” Gianessa’s eyes met Sara’s.

“Ohmigod, Justin?”

Gianessa nodded and took another mouthful of salad.

“Kiss that good-bye. What are you going to do?”

Gianessa shrugged. “I’ve applied for my PT license in New York, but it’s a long process, and I don’t know what all they’ll require. That’s why she, my lawyer, wanted me to ask for financial support.”

“Of course. She was right.”

“Thank you.” Gianessa reached for her water glass, but her hand was trembling so much she didn’t try to pick it up.

“Hey, you don’t need my approval.” Sara covered Gianessa’s hand with her own warm one.

“I really want to know what you think.”

“I think you’re acting brave and smart. I’d probably be a total wreck.”

Gianessa fingered the vase on their table filled with fragrant yellow carnations. “Pretty. We should get flowers sometimes. Anyway, I’m going to do my best to build a career without depending on Justin’s support. If I can’t get my PT license, it’s hard to say what I’d do.”

“Well, you can probably do a hundred more things, just with your doctorate—like teach college. Or manage a clinic or a spa. Or do research with any of the PT programs around here.”

Gianessa brightened. “Thank you. Thank you, for getting me unstuck.”

“And I’ll be done with my MBA this December. We could open our own spa together.”

“Cool idea. Or maybe you and Randy will get married.”

“Not going to happen. It’s time for me to meet some new guy. Randy just wants a buddy, and I’m ready for more.”

“You sound very sure about it this time.” Gianessa pointed with her fork. “And you’re using protection, right?”

“Yes, Mom.”

Gianessa groaned.

“Oops, sorry, that wasn’t a slam.”

Chapter 12

Sara and Gianessa strolled barefoot across the sweep of green lawn, sandals swinging in their hands, arms brushing as they made their way toward the new terraced garden on the grounds of the Manse.

“I’m so glad you’re Manda’s maid-of-honor,” Gianessa said.

“Instead of Lyssa? I forgot about that. That must have been a nightmare.”

“No one needs that much drama for their wedding.”

“You know I’ll do anything for Manda. She’s like a sister to me. You are, too, Gianessa. My very own big sister.” Sara reached her arm around Gianessa’s shoulders and gave a squeeze.

Gianessa laughed. “Just don’t follow my example, little sister.”

“I love the way the grass feels between my toes.” Sara giggled. “You’ve got me tuned into the Universe, into so many little things.”

“Do you think they’ll guess I’m pregnant?”

“They’ll guess you’re anemic because you’re so pale. Have you made that doctor’s appointment? I don’t want to keep bugging you about it.”

“I will. I feel okay. I just keep forgetting.”

“I think we could be twins in our long flowery skirts and bright T-shirts.”

“That’s sweet. There’s Grace.” Gianessa pointed to the cart path and waved.

Grace gave them her signature one-pass wave that swept left to right and ended in a little finger wave. “You look like spring flowers, ladies.” She put an arm around Gianessa’s waist. “You’re so pale, Gianessa. Are you taking care of yourself?”

Tears brimmed in Gianessa’s eyes.

Sara signaled Grace to back off.

Grace changed gears. “Sara, has Manda explained what Gianessa and I will be doing at the ceremony? I don’t think she expects all three of us to stand like bridesmaids, but I’m clueless what she’s thinking.”

“Other than being gorgeous, I have no idea. I think that’s why she wanted us here this morning. Since Joel isn’t up for a rehearsal or a rehearsal dinner, this is our run-through.”

The three swept arm-in-arm onto the lower level of the garden and spotted Manda waiting for them under the rose arbor.

Manda did a pirouette of pure joy. “You three are so beautiful. My wedding is going to be the most beautiful little garden wedding ever.”

“Your wish is our command,” Grace said with a curtsey.

Manda told her entourage, “Let’s do a run-through, and then we can have lunch together.”

Gianessa spoke up. “Thanks for the thought, but Grace and I have to start work in an hour.”

“Okay. Well, it’s easy,” Manda said. “Sara and I rehearsed the whole procession, but just once, this morning with Phil. We practiced our formal step-pause and those tricky turns before and after the steps.”

“Let’s show them how good we are,” Sara suggested.

Manda beamed.

The two climbed, giggling, to the top level of the garden and passed through a waist-high holly border onto the lawn.

“I am so happy,” Manda told her maid-of-honor. She had tears in her eyes. “I love Joel so much. I can’t believe in five days I’ll be Mrs. Joel Cushman.”

Sara gave her a fierce hug. “You are perfect for each other.”

“Thank god Phil is giving me away. He is my rock.”

“We’ll pretend Phil is here, just like he was this morning.” Sara lifted Manda’s arm as though Phil had offered his elbow. “Take his arm and hold your bouquet.”

Sara stepped in front of Manda and faced the holly hedge. She cupped her hands as though she carried her fragrant bouquet of pastel and periwinkle flowers. “Ready? On three. One-two-three.”

Sara made a graceful entrance into the garden and caught her breath as the panorama of the lake unfolded for her. Between the upper and lower terraces, hostas unfurled beneath oriental maples, and bright blue phlox mounded between evergreen shrubs. The fragrance of Lily of the Valley filled her senses.

“Sara, what’s wrong?” Manda asked from a few inches behind her.

“I was enthralled for a minute. This garden is gorgeous.”

“It is, you’re right. Don’t you love that the phlox is almost the color of your dress?”

“Totally. Okay, I’m good now.” Sara pivoted to the right, traversed the upper terrace, turned, stepped down to the lower terrace, turned, and smiled at Grace and Gianessa.

Their eyes, though, were riveted on something over her left shoulder.

Sara swiveled to see Manda shaking at the top of the steps.

Gianessa hurried across the terrace, up to Manda’s side. As she murmured comfort and encouragement, Manda slowly recovered.

“Nice steady breaths,” Gianessa breathed with her.

Manda nodded.

“Think about Joel and how excited he is and how beautiful you are.”

Sara marveled. With all the uncertainties in her life, Gianessa was focused on helping a friend achieve her dream.
She’s going to be a great mom
.

Manda gave a shaky laugh. “I know it’s only three steps. Phil avoids stairs, so we did just one practice run this morning, and he decided he’d be fine. I was so focused on him, I didn’t realize how scared I am.”

“Tell me why you’re scared.”

“What if I fall? I could hurt Phil and make a fool of myself and ruin the wedding.”

“Think you really will fall?”

Manda shook her head and demonstrated how easy it was by taking the stairs in three nimble steps. She turned, raced back to the top of the garden, and executed the procession once more, with grace and dignity.

Sara, Grace, and Gianessa clapped and hooted.

“I should probably practice in my heels, too, so I won’t panic Saturday morning.”

“Smart idea.” Gianessa gave her a thumbs-up.

Manda’s smile turned dreamy. “And when I get to the bottom of the steps, I’ll turn and see Joel, and I’ll know exactly what to do. He’ll be so handsome in a morning coat.”

“I can’t wait to see Tony wearing one,” Grace said.

“And driving the golf cart,” Sara chuckled.

“I can’t wait to see Tony and Joel together,” Gianessa said, “standing tall, less than six months after the accident. Who would have guessed that was possible?”

“Joel wanted to get married in the hospital, and I freaked. For once in my life I cared about what I’d wear and how I’d look—not just to Joel, but to everyone who knows him. Wait till you guys see my gown.”

“It’s magnificent,” Gianessa said. “We need to hustle. Teach us our jobs, Manda. What is this ‘Shepherd’ thing you’ve got Grace and me doing?”

“Yeah, what’s up with that? We’re not wearing head wraps and carrying crooks, even for you, Manda.”

“Okay.” Manda stepped in front of them. “There are twenty honored guests at the ceremony—the big wigs, Joel calls them. Our friends will join us after, at the reception. Possibly including my sister, Lyssa, and nobody give me grief about that, okay?”

Manda’s glare silenced them. Shrugs and eye rolls were the only responses.

“So, here’s what the shepherds do.” She started at the rose arbor and moved to the far end of the terrace, slicing the air six times as she went. She explained, “Six rows, four chairs in each row, except three in the first and last rows. Gianessa will sit in the first chair in the last row. Tony with be right behind her in the big golf cart.”

“Cool, I get Tony,” Gianessa said with a grin.

Sara saw the relief on Gianessa’s face.
Thank god Manda listened to me and put Gianessa away from Justin
.

“Grace will sit in the first chair in the first row, right next to where Sara will stand.”

Sara did the math on her fingers. She nodded, satisfied that it added up to twenty guests plus the two shepherds.

Grace urged, “Let’s go to our places.”

She and Sara raced each other to the rose arbor. Gianessa floated toward the far end of the terrace where she pretended to sit in her chair.

“When the ceremony is over, Justin will direct everyone up to the Manse to start the reception ahead of us, while we stay here for photos. And this is when the shepherds do their thing. When Justin finishes speaking, Grace and Gianessa will stand, very beautifully.” Manda gestured for them to stand.

Grace stood tall and imitated Manda’s arm waves.

Gianessa and Sara laughed.

Manda continued seriously, “The shepherds direct the people in each row toward the golf cart or the gravel path, or the lawn leading up to the Manse. You work your way row by row and wave everyone away from the terrace up toward the Manse.” She shooed the imaginary guests away from the rose arbor. “The main thing is not to let anyone move in on Joel.”

“Oh,” Gianessa said, “we’re protecting him. Like his body guards, but gracious and happy.”

“Exactly. You’re crowd control wearing smiles and gorgeous dresses. Tony will make as many trips as he needs to, and he can take four or five at a time.”

“Let’s do it, Gianessa,” Grace enthused.

Grace and Gianessa moved slowly toward each other, row by imaginary row, smiling and shooing their imaginary flock up toward the Manse.

They met in the middle and gave each other high-fives.

Sara laughed. “Wait a minute. Who came up with ‘Shepherd’?”

“Isn’t that cool?” Manda said. “Justin’s into biblical references. It just fit.”

Gianessa turned away, but not before Sara saw the pain on her face.

“Justin, you’ve mentioned several times that you’re done with running. We need to talk about what you’re running from. Do you know?”

“Probably guilt. When I try to pinpoint it, it’s mixed up with self-worth. But I do know when it started.”

“Really?”

“Is that unusual?”

“It’s a big plus. Let’s hear it.”

“It came to me when I was in New York in December talking to Sydney, my old friend and lover. We talked about the fact that one of the reasons we didn’t marry was that we had different agendas on different continents. She reminded me I went to London and never came back. And I said something like, ‘Yes, I ran and now I’m done.’ And I had a flashback to that phone call about the crash.”

“What crash?”

“I was nearly done with my doctorate, and my parents came to London for a visit. Their plane went down in the Atlantic.”

“I’m sorry. I’d forgotten how they died.”

“They’d given my name as the contact for the insurance. Remember when people did that? Bought flight insurance for a big payout if the plane crashed?”

“Yes. And they’d bought one of those insurance policies and named you as the beneficiary?”

“Exactly. When the call came, I had no idea it was about money. All I heard was the plane had gone down and both of them were killed. I couldn’t bear the pain of never having had a relationship with them. Right on the eve of having some acceptance from them for who and what I was.”

Gwen struggled to draw in a deep breath. It wasn’t often a client opened a treasure chest of insights in the first five minutes of a session. She wasn’t sure which gem to pick up first.

Justin didn’t give her a choice. “Actually their acceptance was only about the professional position I was assuming in the family tradition of high finance, but it was, at last, something they approved, and I was absurdly proud of that. In the face of such devastating loss, that bit of approval felt like the key to the future. I grabbed it and ran with it. For two decades, Gwen, I ran with it. Straight to the depths of hell. What was I thinking?”

“Before they died, what had you envisioned for your career?”

“I saw myself as a venture capitalist with a primary interest in seeding businesses for innovators. Creative thinkers who could turn around the status quo when it had stagnated or who had solutions to problems like hunger and disease. And, instead, I allowed myself to be courted by the energy firms and cartels that wanted my genius for sniffing out the promising ideas among the dross.”

Gwen said the words before she knew she was thinking them. “It sounds like you lost your mind out there, along with your soul.”

“I did.”

“I’m not sure why that popped out of my mouth.”

“It’s the truth. Let’s be glad it came out.”

The man is full of surprises today
.

“I’m curious. Did you ever give yourself the chance to work with any of those creative thinkers who wanted to improve the status quo?”

“Perhaps a few. I would have to think hard to recall their names or their ideas.”

Gwen shook her head. “Pity.”

Justin hung his head. “Yes.”

“The bright side is you can turn that around now.”

“Thank you. I mean to. Somehow. And is that the way out of the guilt and the grief I’ve never dealt with?”

“Possibly. Let’s talk about the guilt some more. Were you blaming yourself for their deaths?”

“Yes, the truth is, they’d normally have gone directly to Amsterdam or Berne or wherever father’s business was. That was their pattern. They’d invite me to join them, rather than come to London to visit me.”

“Seriously?”

Justin nodded and averted his gaze, but not before Gwen saw the pain written on his face.

Had she really known these people?
What kind of parents operated that way?
“I’m speechless.”

Justin cleared his throat. “Thank you for that. Others reinforced the guilt. Chief among them, Josh.”

“Your brother? Why?”

“I can tell you what he said, but what was behind it is anyone’s guess. He was furious about the insurance money coming to me.”