Coming of Age in Mississippi (10 page)

The following evening Raymond drove me, Mama, and Adline out to Mount Pleasant. He left us as usual, saying he would pick us up after church. When we walked inside, I saw that the place was full, but I was surprised that it wasn’t overflowing since Reverend Bridge was going to be there. We sat in the center pews. As the service began I asked Mama where was Reverend Bridge.

“I heard somebody say he ain’t comin’ to preach tonight,” she said, trying to look disappointed.

“He ain’t
comin’?”
I said, frowning. “Who told you he ain’t comin’?”

“What’s the difference who told me? Stop askin’ so many questions all the time. Always gotta
know
everything. Shut up now! Church is startin’.”

I was so mad with Mama, I sat through the prayers and testimonies without hearing one word that was said. When Reverend Tyson got up to speak, I thought, “Come all the way out here to hear this dull-assed sermon! Listen to this, listen to
this,”
I mumbled to myself as he began in his usual soft sweet tones.

“Tonight, brothers and sisters, since it’s the last night of revival and I know that there are still many of you sitting out there tonight who are undecided about serving Christ, we shall take as our text Matthew 4. I want y’all out there who’s been tempted by the Devil to stay out of the church, to take a
good
look at what Christ our Lord went through and remember his courage and strength in the face of great temptation.”

He opened his Bible very slowly, cleared his throat slightly, and began to read:

“ ‘Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit unto the wilderness to be tempted of the Devil and when he had fasted
forty days
and forty nights
,’ brothers and sisters, forty days and forty nights! ‘he was afterwards mighty hungry. And when the Devil came to him, he said, if
thou
be the Son of God, command that these stones be made of bread. But he answered,’ and listen, listen! ‘and he said …’ ”

“Yes! Yes! What did he say?”

“ ‘It is written, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.’ Do you hear that, sisters and brothers?” he shouted.

“Yes!”

“We don’t need them fine cars! We don’t need them fancy clothes.”

“Yes, Jesus! Yes, Lord! Yes! Amen!” the crowd roared and hollered.

I sat there thinking, “Who in here got fine cars and fancy clothes?”

He let them holler and “amen” and shout for a while, then he said, “If you think
that
was courage, listen to
this,”
he said, mopping his face with his handkerchief. “ ‘Then the Devil taketh Jesus up unto the holy city and set him on the top of the highest temple and he said to him,’ to Christ himself! ‘if thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down, for it is said that his angels watch over thee, and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. And Jesus said unto him,’ listen what he said, children! ‘it is written, that thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God’ and the Devil, not givin’ up,” Reverend Tyson said, closing his Bible, “took Jesus up to the
highest
mountain this time and showed him
all
the kingdoms of the world below,
all
them big houses,
all
them fine cars,
all
them beautiful clothes, and said, ‘if thou will fall down and worship me,
all
these things will I give unto thee,’ ” he shouted, standing on the edge of the pulpit, spit flying in every direction.

“And this time Christ got a little angry,” he said, coming down through the aisles. “And Jesus said, ‘Get thee hence,
Satan!’ ” he screamed, throwing out his arms and pointing his finger in my directiòn.

Women were shouting and jumping and hollering and screaming all over the place. Deacons were running around grabbing fainting women and shouting “Amen” at the right times.

“Get thee
hence
, Satan!” he said again, “for it is written that thou shalt worship the Lord thy God and him
only
shalt thou serve.” He paused for a while, breathing deeply, and it seemed like everybody in the church was about to faint.

“Then the Devil left Jesus and the angels came and ministered unto him,” he said, almost whispering, as everyone in the church leaned forward to catch his words. Suddenly he raised his arms.

“He fought away the Devil!” he shouted, going down on his knees. “He fought away temptation!” he said, getting up. “And God’s
angels
came to him!”

He walked past our row and as I turned to watch him my eyes met Sister Jones’s. I couldn’t take my eyes from her sunken-eyed wrinkled face.

“Aren’t you ready to give up the Devil and come to Christ tonight!” Reverend Tyson shouted. “Who’s goin’ to come? Who’s ready? Do we
have
anybody tonight? Do we
have
anybody tonight? Will you come? Will you come?” he pleaded. As he did, Sister Jones started singing and all the other sisters joined her. I turned around and looked at Mama and she had tears running out of her eyes. Even Adline looked like she was about to cry.

“Come to Je-e-sus,

“Come to Je-e-sus,

“Come to Je-e-sus right now,” they all sang.

“He will
sa-a-ve
you,” Reverend Tyson sang as he walked back toward the pulpit.

“He will
sa-a-ve
you

“He will
sa-a-ve
you

“He will
sa-a-ve
you ri-i-ght now,” the whole church sang.

Reverend Tyson reached the pulpit and turned to the audience.

“Will everybody stand?” he said, motioning with his arms. Everybody stood, continuing to sing “Come to Jesus.” Out of all the voices, Sister Jones’s was the only one I heard.

“All the
Christians
, I want you to sit down!” Reverend Tyson shouted over the singing voices. “And all the
sinners
, I want you to remain standing! Now don’t you
lie
to the Lord!”

People started sitting down.

“If you are a
sinner, repent
tonight! Stand up and let me
see
who you are!”

It seemed like I was floating in the air and I had lost sight of where I was. Something was behind me, pushing me. All I could hear was Sister Jones’s singing and Reverend Tyson saying, “Will you come, will you come tonight?” I could feel myself moving and I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing. I didn’t see anybody.

When everything was quiet and the singing had stopped, I looked around and saw that I was standing right in the front row of the church, at the mourner’s bench, with a few other candidates for baptism. I was standing face-to-face with Reverend Tyson.

“What’s your name, young lady?” he asked gently.

“Essie Mae Moody,” I stuttered.

“Speak up, young lady. Tell the Lord your name.”

“Essie Mae Moody,” I said, a little bit louder.

“You want to become a member of this church, Sister Moody?” he asked.

I didn’t say yes. I just nodded my head.

“Brothers,” he said solemnly, “do we accept Sister Moody
as a candidate for baptism to become a member of this church?”

“Brother pastor,” said Deacon Brown, standing near us, “we accept Sister Moody as a candidate to be baptized into Mount Pleasant Church on the second Sunday of next month.”

When Reverend Tyson finished with the last candidate, he motioned us to return to our seats. I hesitated. I didn’t want to go back there to face Mama. When I realized that I was standing there by myself, I turned around and walked slowly back. As I came up to Mama, I didn’t even look at her. I just stumbled into the row and sat down. Adline leaned over and said in a loud whisper, “You joined church!”

Then I looked at Mama. When she smiled at me, I felt like killing her and Sister Jones both.

During the next few weeks I hardly spoke to Mama at all. Since I had threatened to run away before baptism, I didn’t have to avoid her, she was avoiding me. She was so pleased that I had joined Mount Pleasant that she was scared to say anything that would make me mad enough to really run off.

Baptism at Mount Pleasant was the biggest event of the year. Some people saved all year to buy a new outfit. Mama got busy planning what we both would wear. She went to the one store in Centreville that gave credit to Negroes and got a gray fall suit and a pair of shoes for herself. The candidates for baptism had to wear all white so Mama had a white dress made for me and bought me a blue one for after baptism. When she said that the white dress symbolized that I was entering the church pure and the blue one meant that I would always be true and faithful to the church, I felt more than ever like running away.

Saturday, the day before baptism, it rained. I had hoped it would flood so that baptism would be called off, but it didn’t rain that hard. On Sunday morning, baptism day, I got up and
the rain had stopped. I was the last one up. Everybody else had eaten breakfast, dressed and everything. When I saw that Mama had laid my baptism clothes out at the foot of my bed, I sat there thinking of jumping out of the window and disappearing forever. Instead, I looked at that
white
dress, those
white
socks, that
white
slip, and those
white
drawers, and thought, “This shit means I’ve been washed clean of all my sins!”

“My sins!” I said, kicking everything off onto the floor like a wild woman.

Just then Mama came in.

“Gal! Looka here what you done! Gettin’ this white dress all dirty! Get outta that bed!” she screamed angrily, picking up the dress like I had wounded it. “How you ‘spect to be baptized layin’ up in the bed pokin’ your mouth out, kickin’ these clothes on the floor. God’ll
slap
the
breath
outta you, playin’ with him like this! Get up! Take a bath and get these clothes on. It’s nine-thirty and I gotta get you out there ’fore eleven o’clock,” she continued, hollering all the way to the kitchen. “Can’t do nothing with these hard-head chaps.”

Getting out of bed, I looked at those white things again and thought, “Washed clean!” I threw off my pajamas and pulled on the drawers. “Washed clean!” I said, putting on the slip. “Washed clean!” I said louder, pulling on the socks. “Wa-a-a-shed cle-e-e-an!” I yelled, pulling the dress over my head.

“Get outta them clothes and take a bath!” Mama yelled and pushed me onto the bed, just as I was putting my arms through the sleeves of the dress, which was still over my head. As I hit the bed I heard a loud rip.

“Looka there!
Looka
there! Done
tore
that damned dress! Gal, I could
kill
your ass! Get on in there and
take
a bath while I sew this dress up! God
damn
you!” she yelled, pushing me out of the room.

Finally I put that white dress on and we were on our way out to Mount Pleasant. Everyone had left the church for the pond except the dozen or so candidates who were waiting for
me. I was almost an hour late. A couple of deacons used their cars to drive us to the pond. As we drove past the pond where they usually had baptism and turned into the old gravel road I had walked so many times on my way to school, I asked Deacon Brown which pond we were going to.

“They just build a new pond out there right in front of Miss Rose them. That’s a better setup ’cause it’ll be easier for y’all to change clothes at Miss Rose’s house.”

Deacon Brown parked the car in front of Miss Rose’s, saying “Oh, they’re all out there, huh? Pretty big day today.”

Getting out of the car, I looked down the hill and saw hundreds of people standing around near the levee of a big new pond. Opposite the levee, on the far side of the pond, stood a whole group of cows. They looked like they were part of the service.

We walked through the gate and headed toward the pond. I felt the dampness of the ground from yesterday’s rain. It was a gloomy and chilly September morning and it looked as if it was going to rain again. As I got closer to the crowd, they looked to me like they were huddling together to keep each other warm. Looking at them made me even colder. The girls were shivering in their gaily colored nylon dresses. The young boys stood motionless in their thin suits, with their hands in their pockets. Even the old ladies were too cold to talk. I spotted Mama in the crowd in her new fall suit and thought, “At least she knew how to dress.”

When we got to the edge of the pond where Reverend Tyson was standing with two deacons, we were told to line up. I looked over at the crowd and saw that they had spread out so everyone could see better. There were a lot more people than I had thought. Seeing all those brightly colored dresses and hats, the long earrings, beads, and fancy hairdos, the blood-red lipstick laid on so thick that on some lips it looked purple made me even more aware that we were all dressed in white, even the boys. I felt like a stuffed white rabbit in an Easter parade.

Now that we were all lined up, we were asked to slip our shoes off. Then Reverend Tyson was led out into the water by two deacons. Just as they stepped into the water, I heard Sister Jones’s voice sing out, loud and clear, “Take me to the wa-a-ters …”

She was immediately joined by everyone else standing around the pond.

As the people caught their breaths for the next verse, several moos could be heard. The mooing got so loud that the singing stopped for a moment. Reverend Tyson, in water up to his knees, turned toward the cows and raised his hand as if to quiet them. When they stopped mooing, everybody laughed. Then the singing began again.

When Reverend Tyson and the two deacons were standing in water up to their chests, the first candidate was led out. Everyone continued to sing “Take Me to the Waters” but much lower. Most of the candidates looked scared, especially the girl in front of me. I couldn’t tell whether she was shaking because she was scared or cold, or both. I heard Jack, one of the wildest, crap-shootingest boys around, whisper from behind me, “Lookit all that
cow
shit in that water!” I looked down at the water and saw big piles of cow manure floating around. The thought of being ducked under that water made me want to vomit. The water was so muddy, the whole pond looked like a giant mud pie. Then I looked at the girl standing between Reverend Tyson and one of the deacons.