Coming Undone (9 page)

“Yeah, Carter.”

“Could be nothing,” his brother said softly, “but I think we may have something.”

Ren stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and almost got run over by a woman and her humongous stroller. “Tell me.”

“One of our contacts may have sported Stella.” Carter sounded distracted. Ren figured he was focused on the video and other surveillance they had on Salim. “In Amsterdam.”

He frowned as he resumed walking. “How does
he know?”

“He’s not certain, but he described someone who looks a lot like her. He’s sending me a photo in a bit.”

“All right.” Ren knew better than to get his hopes up. “Keep me posted.”

“Will do.”
Carter paused then cleared his throat. “How is, uh, McKenna?”

“Sleeping.”
He kept the answer short since he knew his brother disapproved of him spending more time than he had to with McKenna. Maybe anytime he spent with her was time he had to.

“The old man called, wanted an update.”

“Did you give him one?”

He heard Carter’s shrug. “Told him we were getting close.”

“Yeah. Close.” He snorted at that.

“He wants to speak with you.”

He clenched the phone tightly. “No.”

Carter cursed in his ear, sharp and savage. “RJ, come on.”

“I said no.” He let himself back into McKenna’s house and kicked the door closed. “I’ll be over there in a bit to check out the photos.” He ended the call on his brother’s protests. He wasn’t ready, so both Carter and the old man had to accept his wishes.

After placing the food on the kitchen counter, he made his way back into the bedroom. The covers had dropped from McKenna’s shoulders and slipped down her body, exposing the glowing skin of her naked back and hip. He hadn’t put back on her panties last night, simply carried her to bed. She wore her bra still, although the clasps had come undone.

As he watched with hunger fisting his gut, her legs dragged along the mattress and she moaned, low and sexy. His cock jerked in the tight confines of his jeans. Damn. The effect she had on him. He didn’t remember feeling like that since he was nineteen and Stella was—

He caught himself before that thought fully formed and reached out to tap McKenna’s right ankle.

“McKenna.”

She stiffened but didn’t answer. He sat back down in the chair he’d slept in and regarded her. Her hair was a dark, wild mess against the pale of her pillows. Come to think of it, the contrast between her brown skin and the sheets was striking.

“I know you’re up, McKenna,” he said softly. “I brought you breakfast so come get it. Besides,”—he cleared his throat—“we need to talk.”

A loud sigh reached his ears. McKenna rolled onto her back, clutching the sheets to her chest. With her lips in a pout, she sat upright with her back against the pillows and directed her gaze to somewhere over his shoulder.

“I’m up.” She brushed a lock of hair from her eyes and swallowed. “What did you get for breakfast?”

He wrinkled his brow at her obvious discomfort in meeting his gaze. “I went to the Jamaican place.”

She nodded. “Okay. I like their cornmeal porridge.” She licked her lips as her gaze darted to his chest. “It’s thick and sweet.”

So are you.
He was beyond tempted to speak those words out loud. Instead he asked, “Why aren’t you looking at me?”

She scowled. “I am looking at you.” She fixed her attention to his forehead.

“My eye, McKenna,” he said sternly. “Look me in the eye.”

Her chin trembled. “I can’t,” she whispered.

He moved from the chair and went over to her to kneel beside the bed. She held herself still. “Why can’t you look at me?”

Her lashes fluttered close. “I’m afraid. I don’t want to see it.”

Ren traced a finger over the hand she used to hold the sheet over her nudity. “See what? Talk to me, McKenna.”

“Regret,” she mumbled. “
Disgust. Shame.” She trembled under his touch. “I don’t want to see the look on your face that says last night was a mistake. That it shouldn’t have happened.”

Ren smiled, but of course since she wasn’t looking at him, she didn’t get to see it. “I kept myself awake half the night with your taste on my tongue,” he said. “Echoes of the
sounds you made, of you calling my name rang in my ears last night.” He grasped her chin. “Look at me, McKenna.”

She flinched at the command and took her own sweet time, but she did finally. Her lashes lifted and her brown eyes focused on him, nailing him in place.

“I don’t regret last night. Not the way I gave you pleasure, not the way you took it.” Her lips parted and he touched the bottom one with his thumb. “I regret only how everything began for you last night.”

She stiffened but held his gaze. “I knew you’d see it, the way he treated me, you’d see how I perform for him. At his command.”

Ren shook his head at the shame in her tone. “You can’t do that. You can’t make him make you feel that way.” He brought his face close to hers and stared into her wide eyes. “You didn’t have a choice. You didn’t volunteer to be his puppet. He forced you into this and I can’t—I won’t—look at you as any less for doing what you have to in order to make sure you mother is taken care of and secure.”

“I thought of you,” she whispered brokenly. “On my knees, I thought of you and I wished—I wished I could be with you that way. That I could be worthy of being someone you’d touch.” She licked her lips. “Someone you’d make love to.”

“Don’t say that,” Ren snarled. “Don’t even think it. You’re beautiful and vibrant. So fucking courageous.” His body shook with rage at Salim for breaking McKenna down like she was then. “I’m not a nice person, McKenna. Don’t let the kind words fool you. Don’t mistake me for someone you can aspire to see a future with. I’m not the kind you need in your life.”

“Yet here you are.” She met his gaze, unflinching. “In my life when I need you most.”

“I’m here now.” He pressed his forehead to hers, brushed his lips over her nose. “When I find what I’m looking for, I’ll be gone. Know this. Please.” He didn’t stick around, not since he’d snuck out at nineteen. He didn’t put down roots, so there was less chance of having them uprooted.

McKenna nodded at his words, and Ren moved away after taking one last whiff of her natural scent. He got to his feet and held out a hand. “Let me feed you.”

Chapter Seven

Breakfast was a silent affair, finished quickly before Ren ran off using the excuse he had to check on some leads with his brother. McKenna nodded at him, her eyes tracking his departure while her gut clenched.

He didn’t sound like he was lying, but she couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help thinking back to the night before, the tape, and what he must think of her. She knew what
she
thought of her. Nothing good, nothing complimentary. The time had come though, with or without Ren’s help, to do something. To act. To stop sitting idly by, scared of making waves in the shallow pond she was drowning in.

Long after her backdoor closed behind Ren, McKenna sat on her couch, staring off into space. She searched her brain for any way out, nothing she hadn’t done over a hundred times before, but she tried harder than ever. Nothing.

She heaved a weary sigh and put down her empty food container. Nothing. She knew nothing about how Salim lived, besides where his apartment was and how he liked her positioned in bed. She’d tried, God knew she’d tried, looking for dirt, but he’d been good at keeping her ignorant of any dealing. She could pick out the men he brought around in a lineup or out in public, but she didn’t know names and had nothing on them beyond maybe rough sex and cheating on spouses.

That Salim was good.

He handled his business right. She'd been the fool who’d spent all that time on her back for him, and she had nothing but the memories to show for her troubles.

Her cell phone went off. She took one look at the caller ID
and her heart plummeted to the floor.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Lacey, it’s Dr. Morrow. How are you?”

The low cadence in the doctor’s voice didn’t help McKenna
relax any. The doc didn’t call except to give updates, and since McKenna had seen her not even two days prior, she shouldn’t be calling. “Dr. Morrow, I’m fine. How is my mother?”

“I’m afraid she’s had another seizure.” Dr. Morrow cleared her throat. “In fact, it was a series of them late last night and into this morning.”

“What? Why?” McKenna jumped to her feet and ran to the bedroom, yanking clothes from drawers. “What’s happening?” Her voice trembled, the fear icing her skin. Tears burned her eyes.

“Her condition is deteriorating. Rapidly.”

“What does that mean?” She pulled on a pair of faded jeans then sank onto the bed. “How do we fix it? Is it money?” she rushed on. “I’ve got money, so that’s not a problem.” Not if she continued as she’d been.

“No, money is not the issue.” Dr. Morrow sighed. “Why don’t you come over here and we’ll discuss it in person?”

There was something left unsaid. McKenna felt it. “What aren’t you saying?”

After a brief hesitation the doctor spoke. “Ms. Lacey—McKenna—we’ve had to put your mother in a medically induced coma to deal with the swelling in her brain. Please, come to the office, and we’ll talk further.”

McKenna hung up and slapped a hand over her mouth, stifling the scream as she slid from the bed to the floor.

A coma. Her mother was in a coma. Tears poured. The palm over her mouth didn’t contain her sobs, and they echoed in the quiet room, loud and ragged. She cried until she couldn’t, until her head and chest hurt and her lashes clumped together. Until she had nothing left. Even then, she couldn’t stay there, on the floor, weeping. Feeling sorry for herself. She had to get up, finish getting dressed, and go deal with her mother’s doctor. She was all her mother had and McKenna, who’d once considered her mother to be her savior, had no one.

****

Hours later, the consensus was the same and the diagnosis beyond grim. Her mother’s brain was
soup. The only thing keeping her alive was machines. For how long depended entirely on McKenna.

Everyone expected her to have the answers, to know what to do and when. The patient’s daughter, that was her title, and as the daughter, she got to make the choice whether her mother lived with machines or died. She’d have to make the choice, pull the plug, as they say. End her mother’s life.

She stood in that sterile place and stared down at the still body, so pale, and felt so lost. Her mother was still there. McKenna still saw her. Still saw the vibrant woman with the gift, the mysterious ability to make people fall in love with her. She’d been beyond smooth, a pro at zeroing in on whatever people wanted to know, wanted to hear, and giving it to them. She’d been there, always, at McKenna’s side. Teaching her. Yes, it was always a con, and yes, it wasn’t the most healthy or conventional way to grow up, to raise a child, but McKenna didn’t know anything different.

She hadn’t known anything else. She’d loved her mother, loved knowing that she was the only one in on whatever her mother was up to. She was always in on the secrets.

The memories, they remained, and McKenna wasn’t ready—she doubted she’d ever be—to make a decision. She left the place with a heavy heart, sorrow slowing her footsteps as she got back into the cab and gave the driver her address. On the way back she stared at the dark screen of her phone. She’d sent Salim a text telling him what was going on, but of course she didn’t hear back, and she wouldn’t, not unless he wanted her body.

She’d never felt as alone as she did then, never felt so insignificant. She took a look at her life and saw nothing good, nothing decent. Everything was unraveling fast, slipping through her fingers like water. There was nothing, no one around to hold on to.

Back in her house she crawled into bed, sank under the covers, and used them to blot her tears as they flowed. She’d take this moment, feel sorry for herself. Then she’d get back on her feet. How, she didn’t know yet, but that didn’t matter. She was entitled to shed the tears, but not for long. No way was she going to roll over.

A hand at her shoulder yanked her awake. McKenna jerked upright and blinked at Ren. He frowned down at her.

“What’s wrong?”

She licked her lips, darting her gaze from his face. “What makes you think anything is wrong?”

He touched her chin, brushed knuckles over her cheek. “You’ve been crying. Why?”

She stared up at him, at his concerned expression, and almost lost it again. She wanted to talk to him,
share her secrets with him. She wanted to believe he’d help lessen her load, but she couldn’t go there right then. She couldn’t take that leap right then. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re here?”

His gaze bored into her, deep, as if searching for the words she dared not speak. She made sure he got nothing, locking it all up inside, and finally he nodded. “I came to say good-bye.”

“Good-bye?” she asked softly. When he didn’t offer anything else, she dug for more. “Where are you going?”

“I’ve found the person I’ve been looking for. At least, I think so.” He moved away from her to pace the length of the bedroom. “Either way, my brother and I leave tomorrow to go check it out. In a matter of hours we may know for sure.” His eye had gone bright, hope and fear and caution, all spilling over.