Complementary Colors (11 page)

“Pray the gay away, huh?” A shadow passed behind Roy’s eyes. “Is that why you got married? Because you thought it would just go away?”

“I don’t know.” He turned his coffee cup around and around. “Maybe I just didn’t realize I had a choice.”

“And then you did?”

“Yeah. Only it was ten years too late.”

“How could it be too late?”

“Becky had fallen in love, and I didn’t do anything to stop her. I took ten years of her life where she could have been building a family. Ten years where she could have had someone who loved her back. I loved her, just not the way she wanted me to.”

“According to you, she wasn’t exactly fit for parenthood.”

“I made her that way.”

“Yeah right.”

“No. I did. I ruined her. I didn’t mean to, but I did.”

“How?”

“Like I said, small town. A lot of people blamed her for me being gay.”

“Why?”

“Same reason people blame the wife when the husband cheats.” Roy shrugged. “She had to be doing something wrong, or it wouldn’t have happened.”

“You could have blamed the divorce on her cooking, and she could have blamed it on you snoring.” I waved a hand. “Or something like that.”

“I tried. I sat her down, and I told her the truth. Only it didn’t go very well. She was really upset and confided in a friend about what I’d said.”

“And that friend told a friend?"

He nodded. “Her family found out. Next thing I knew, I was getting divorce papers for infidelity. She had cops who were brothers, cousins who were attorneys, an uncle who was the magistrate judge. I screwed up so I let her have everything and left.”

“You didn’t screw up. Trust me. A lot of people find out too late they can’t change who they are.” Most of the men I took to my bed were married.

“And that’s why I screwed up. I knew it in my gut, but I thought I could ignore it.”

“But she accused you of cheating, and you didn’t…did you?”

“Of course not. She was my first and….” I was sure he was going to say ‘only’. He shook his head. “It was just her way of trying to save face. Instead, it only made things worse. I broke all the good things in her and what was left…”

“Maybe you didn’t break her. Maybe she just didn’t have to pretend who she really was anymore.”

I think Roy was about to argue, but our waitress reappeared with a fresh pot of coffee and Roy’s hamburger. To me, she said, “Jacky is bringing yours.”

Jacky—at least I presume it was her since that’s what her name tag read—lowered a large bowl of steaming substance, topped with more substance. I think it was onions, or maybe cheese. There were a few green things that could have been jalapeños, but it all ran together in a way only liquefied foods should.

Whatever was in the bowl reeked so strong of hot sauce and black pepper I wasn’t a bit surprised when our waitress retreated.

Roy made a sad, sad attempt to hide his smile. I’m not even sure if you could call half coughing, half covering your mouth with your fist, a real attempt in the first place.

“People eat this?” I stuck a spoon in and waited for it to dissolve.

“They must, or they wouldn’t have it on the menu.”

“Do I even want to know what it is?”

“Sorta looks like chili.” Roy snorted another laugh.

The spoon remained intact so I scooped up a bite.

“Are you sure you want to eat that?”

“Like you said, it’s on the menu.” An oily burn ignited across my lips before I could get any chili into my mouth. I’d eaten plenty of hot food in my life, but at least there’d been flavor beyond bitter, burnt, and slightly salty.

“How is it?”

I blinked back the tears. “I’m not sure. I think my taste buds have melted.” I bit down, and something crunched.

“Was that your tooth?”

I ran my tongue over my molars, but everything felt intact. “Must have been a rock.” I chewed and swallowed.

“Good?” The smirk on Roy’s face told me he knew damn well just how good it was.

“If you like sucking on cheap paint thinner.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why were you drinking paint thinner?”

I jabbed my spoon at him. “If you knew me better, I’d be insulted. I didn’t drink it. I have a bad habit of putting the wrong end of my paint brush in my mouth when I’m thinking.” I stirred the chili. Peppercorns floated to the top. “I think I found what—”

“Then let me.” Roy watched me with a soft expression.

“What?”

“Let me know you better.”

All the creamers were empty, and our waitress was nowhere to be found.

“Please.”

I propped my elbow on the table and stirred my chili. Beans traded places with chunks of meat only to be taken down by gobs of cheese.

“Look at me, Paris.”

I scraped my spoon along the edge.

“Look at me.”

I did.

“Give me a chance.”

If he’d been any other man, I could have turned on my smile, flashed him bedroom eyes, and promised him his heart’s desire. But Roy was not any man. He was special, pure, kind. He deserved so much better.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“Yes, I will.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I hurt everyone. It’s what I do, Roy. It’s all I am.”

He put his hand over mine. A long time ago, someone else had held my hand, but I couldn’t remember his name. “What if I’m willing to take the risk?”

I shook my head.

Roy pleaded with his eyes.

I’d spoken the truth. I would hurt him. It was fact. As firm and absolute as the sunrise.

Because blood had already been spilled.

By the time we left the Waffle House, there were more cars on the road and several of the big rigs were pulling onto the highway. A man came out of the RV with a little white dog under one arm. Where did he plan on walking it?

Humidity replaced the bite in the air, creating a fine mist that somehow reached deeper than the cold.

Roy drew me to him. It was an awkward way to walk, but the contact was just too addictive to give up. Some of the early risers we passed gave us funny looks until they sized up Roy, then they tried really hard not to look at all.

If he noticed, I was glad he didn’t care. I needed this. A fleeting moment of comfort might be enough to get me through the year, the month, or at least the week.

Or at worst, the day.

I took the bottle of liquor out of my pocket.

“You shouldn’t drink that.”

“Why not?” I guzzled a few mouthfuls. The burn of cheap alcohol was nothing compared to the nuclear chili.

“It’s not good for you.”

I drank some more. “Life isn’t good for me, Roy.”

He took the bottle away.

“Hey.”

He took a drink.

“I thought you said it wasn’t good for you.”

His face twisted up. “It’s not.”

“Then why are you drinking it?”

His smile made the answer irrelevant. I reclaimed my bottle and stuck it back in his coat pocket.

After a few more swallows, of course.

I pressed my face against him. “I love the way you smell.”

“I think that chili burned out more than your taste buds. You’ve practically got your nose in my arm pit.”

“Yeah. I know.”

It always amazed me how quick scenery could change inside the city. A few blocks could mean the difference between truckers, restaurants, shops, and ghettos. How taking a right or left could cause the real estate values to triple or plummet.

The people changed just as drastically.

“I want to see you again,” Roy said.

“We had this discussion over that bowl of nuclear waste and a heart attack on a bun. Let’s not have it again.”

“All right, but I just want to say one thing.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.” I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, and he kept me from falling. “Someone should fix that.”

He kissed me on the top of my head. “Call me. If you need anything. A ride. Someone to talk to.”

I closed my eyes and let him guide me.

“I’m not asking you to call me every night. Or even once a week. Unless you want to. But if you need someone, someplace to go, someplace that’s…”

I think he was going to say safe.

He sighed. “Please. Just tell me you will so I won’t worry.”

“You shouldn’t worry.”

“But I will.”

“There are so many more deserving things to worry about.”

“But none of them are as important to me.” We stopped in front of my building. Small white flecks plummeted to their death on the sidewalk.

“I should have bought stock in bread, milk, and eggs.” I held out a hand. The snow became tears on my skin.

“Promise me.”

“Maybe it won’t stick.”

“Please.”

“It never sticks in the city. Why is that? How come we never get a white Christmas?”

He held my face.

“I don’t want to lie to you.” And I didn’t.

“If you call me when you need someone, you can’t be a liar.”

But I would need him. I already needed him.

“Come upstairs with me.” I pulled him by the front of his flannel shirt into the alcove near the door where it was still the dead of night in the corners. With an overcast sky, it would stay that way.

Roy’s exhale shuddered. He was already hard when I squeezed us into the niche.

“Come upstairs and fuck me.” I bit his earlobe. Roy slid his hands under my coat. He dug at my shirt until he found my skin. Somehow his touch was warm, or maybe I was just that cold.

“Paris.” My name sounded more like a growl. I rocked against him. “God, Paris…”

I licked his throat, his chin, then found his mouth. His lips were salty from the french fries, his tongue sweet from dessert.

“You want that, don’t you?” I said.

“Yes.” He tightened his grip.

“You want my mouth on your dick.”

“Yes.”

“Your cock in my ass.”

Roy buried a groan into my shoulder.

“Then come upstairs with me.” I pushed my thigh between his legs.

He rolled his hips.

“Unless you want to do it right here. Is that what you want, Roy? To fuck me out here in front of everyone?” I fumbled with his pants. “They could catch us. No telling what would happen.”

A man walked out of the building. The shadows of the alcove were so thick, even from a few yards away, he didn’t see us.

I freed Roy’s cock. “Better hang onto the wall.”

He gripped the edges of the brick, and I dropped to my knees. The spices from the food and liquor gave way to his flavor. And it was so much better.

I hummed as I took him as deep as I could. Roy didn’t need any encouragement to pump his hips. I pushed my fingers between his legs to the soft spot behind his balls. I stroked the base of his cock with my other hand and worked my mouth over the head. In the darkness with only the slice of light escaping from inside the building, he was nothing more than a dark shape with shiny black eyes.

His pulse beat against my tongue, accenting his gasps. Roy threaded his fingers into my bangs and pulled. Not hard. Oh no, Roy would never pull hard, but I took him down my throat so fast he might as well have.

Roy buried a cry into his shoulder. I wish there had been more light. I wanted to see the bliss-filled anguish on his face.

A shudder ran up his legs, pulling him to his toes. He slammed his hand against the brick. Bitter heat filled my mouth. I tried to swallow, but it was impossible around the girth of his cock. I could only hope I wouldn’t drown. Or maybe I should have hoped I would.

Cum trickled down my throat, and I fought the urge to cough. Only when his cock began to soften was I able to swallow. I still didn’t want to release him, and I used the excuse of licking him clean to keep him in my mouth. Would he get hard again if I kept going?

Roy pulled me to my feet and pinned me in the corner. He fought with the button on my pants. The calluses on his hand scraped over the weeping head of my cock, sending shockwaves up my spine. Cold fought with heat as I pumped into the tunnel of his fist.

I raked my teeth against Roy’s ear. “That’s it. Just like that.” He squeezed, and I growled. “God, you’re getting good at this. Or maybe you’ve just been getting a lot of practice. Is that it? Are you fucking your hand and imagining it’s me?”

He moved faster.

“Oh, yeah. I bet you are. I bet you dream of your dick in my ass every night.” I laughed against his cheek. Roy turned his head and caught my mouth. The kiss was brutal, deep, fast. More people were on the street now, more cars, more noise. But none of it could touch us. We’d slipped beyond the real world and hovered where darkness and light made love to create the colors of the universe.

Shivers crawled through my muscles and seized my body. I hissed Roy’s name. “Harder, God, harder. Close. So close.” I clawed at his shoulders then bit his neck. “Need more.”

“Tell me.”

“Fingers. I need…”

Roy dipped his fingers into his mouth and then found his way inside my jeans. I hooked a leg around his thigh, spreading myself as best as I could. The burn of those thick digits invading me was almost enough…almost.

“I’ve got you.” Roy huffed against my neck. I wanted him to turn me around and fuck me against the wall. But the spiraling rush reduced my words into pitiful cries.

Roy shifted his weight, changing the angle, giving him more room to move, pushing deeper, hitting just the right spot. Made helpless, all I could do was fall. He swallowed my shout just in time.

Our exchange of breaths became the only sound. Then slowly the rest of the world spilled back into focus, and the refuge we’d found in the corner was simply a dark place occupied by two bodies.

He held me for the longest time.

“You should go.” I didn’t want him to, but he was dangerous because he made me weak.

“Remember what I told you.” He fixed my clothes, then his. “Remember, okay?”

I gave him his jacket. He used the hem of his shirt to wipe his hands before he took it.

“Tell me you’ll call if you need me.”

I took the liquor bottle out of his pocket.

He caressed my cheek. “Any reason. Any time.” Concern shone in his eyes. “Please.”