Compliance (26 page)

She nods. “Okay. I’ll help with the kid.”

I pull her into a hug. “I knew I could count on you.”

We head toward the makeshift shelter. An alarm rings.

Jayma jumps and I pull her into a shadow. My heart racing, I keep us hidden, but soon realize the alarm’s not about us. If we’d triggered it, Comps would be swarming over the rooftop by now.

“Come on.” I pull her out of the shadows and help her climb into the box ahead of me.

Jayma screams.

I
FOLLOW QUICKLY
and assume an attack position, ready for whatever is threatening Jayma and Tobin.

She’s pointing across the shelter, her mouth still open, but her scream has gone silent. Her face is so pale in the torchlight that her freckles look like black spots. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so frightened. Tobin has backed into the far wall, tucked into a shadow.

“What is it?” I keep my fists up, my legs flexed, ready to fight.

“Deviant,” Jayma says, her voice high and tight. “T-Tobin. Not a Normal.”

“Oh.” I step toward her, my body relaxing. “Don’t worry. He’s harmless.” I turn toward Tobin and beckon him to come out from the shadows. “You are harmless, right?” I hoped
that Tobin’s Deviance could remain a secret, but clearly that’s no longer an option.

Tobin takes a shaky step forward. His face hits the light first, then his bare chest. Nothing unusual. Then he takes another step and I gasp. Wings. Silver wings spread behind Tobin from high on his back. When I step forward, his wings flap, creating a current inside the small space.

I can barely breathe. “Do they work?”

“Do they work?” Jayma steps up beside me. “
That’s
your question? This kid is a Deviant who somehow tricked you into helping him, and that’s all you ask?”

Tobin reaches for his t-shirt.

“Leave it off, if you’re more comfortable,” I tell him. “I bet that t-shirt binds your wings when they come out. Did the alarm startle you?”

He nods and grabs the shirt, holding it to his chest.

Jayma clutches my arm, her fingers digging into my flesh. “He’s a Deviant,” she whispers hard into my ear, as if I’m not fully comprehending the situation.

I turn to her, take her shoulders, and draw a deep breath to calm my emotions before I look into her eyes. This is it. The moment of truth. The moment I’ve both yearned for and dreaded. But if I don’t tell her now, she won’t believe anything else. She won’t trust me. She won’t let Burn save her.

“Jayma, I already knew that Tobin’s a Deviant.” I swallow.

“And you brought him here? Why didn’t you turn him in? What’s going on?” Her voice is shaky, her eyes full of confusion.

“Jayma, we’re friends, right?”

“Forever.” Her brow wrinkles.

“Friends forever, whatever?” My insides shake, but she nods.

“Tobin’s a Deviant”—I draw a long breath—“and so am I.”

She backs away from me. “You are not.” She reaches for me as if pleading, but when I reach toward her, she tucks her hands behind her back.

My throat nearly closes. “I am. So is Drake. That’s why I had to hide him. That’s why I had to get Drake out of Haven.” The words come out quickly, as if they’re trying to keep pace with my racing heart.

“No.” Her head shakes vigorously. “No. The Comps came for Drake because he was a Parasite.”

“That too. But Jayma, Drake can walk now. Once he got Outside, his legs got better.”

“How? That’s not possible.” Jayma backs up and slams into the wall. The vibrations from the impact are dulled by the alarm that’s still ringing.

“Jayma,” I step closer and smile. “I don’t completely understand how it happened. I just know what I saw. Drake can walk.” Telling her what little I know about the dust’s healing but addictive qualities would only confuse her. I’ll save that for later.

“Why did you say you’re a Deviant?” Red spots flare
on her cheeks. “To make him feel better?” She gestures toward Tobin, whose wings are now folded back in. He’s sitting on the floor, head down.

“I
am
a Deviant, Jayma.” My voice cracks and I try to wet my mouth. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you, that I couldn’t tell you.”

“When did you find out?” Her nose twitches as her shocked expression shows hints of disgust. “What’s
wrong
with you?”

Her question is like a slap, but instead of letting it knock me down, I absorb it and take a deep breath. At least Jayma’s got her spark back.

“I realized I was a Deviant about nine weeks after my fourteenth birthday.” That was the first time I killed a rat with my eyes. No sense mentioning that my Deviance first kicked in at thirteen without my knowing or remembering. If I mention that, I have to explain what I did to my mother. That confession can wait until everyone’s safe.

“And Jayma,” I say, “there’s nothing
wrong
with me.” How do I explain this? It goes against everything she’s been brought up to believe. “You know how good I am at killing rats?’

She nods.

“That’s what I do.”

“Your Deviance kills rats? How?”

“I’m not sure. I look into their eyes and—”

Her eyes open wide. “That’s why you hate making eye contact. You kill people too.” Her voice quavers.

I try to make eye contact but she won’t let me. I ache inside. “I would never—ever—hurt you, Jayma. Never. I don’t use my Deviance anymore. Not even on rats. I’m learning to control it.”

“Deviants won’t rest until they control Haven…” Her voice trails off and I can see her thinking—see the wheels spinning and jamming and reversing inside her mind.

Not literally—I’m not using my Deviance—but I can see it all the same. When you know someone as long as I’ve known Jayma, when you’ve shared your secrets, your hopes and fears, you can tell what they’re thinking without special powers.

“I know what we were taught.” I keep my voice even. “We were taught that Deviants are dangerous, that they’re monsters. Evil.” I shake my head. “It’s not true. I’m not evil. My brother’s not evil. Does Tobin seem evil?” I pause. “I’m still the same person you’ve known your whole life.”

She finally looks at me. “You never told me.” Her voice is shaky. “Why?”

My ears clog. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t be sure you’d understand. I couldn’t put Drake at even more risk than he already faced, I…”

“I understand.” Her lips twitch. “I’m hurt, but I understand.” She looks straight at me, eyes wide. “Does Cal know?”

Guilt lands on my chest and I shake my head. “I want to tell him, but I can’t. I’m so afraid. He doesn’t even know I’ve been Outside.”

“Oh, Glory.” She steps up and squeezes my upper arms. I pull her into a tight hug, so glad my friend doesn’t hate me.

“Wait,” Tobin says from a few feet away. “Is that where your friend is planning to take me?” His voice is shaky, full of fear. “Outside? Where I’ll die or turn into a Shredder?”

Jayma rushes over to him and takes Tobin’s hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll be safe. There’s fresh air and a lake and…” She struggles to remember the things I’ve told her.

The alarm stops and I peek out. “I need to go. Will you two—”

“We’ll be just fine,” Jayma says. “Don’t you worry about us.”

Grateful, I slip out and slump back against the metal.

Jayma knows I’m a Deviant. The relief’s overwhelming and I feel almost boneless.

I’ve been so afraid for so long, but maybe I should have admitted the truth long ago. She’s my best friend; I should have trusted her to understand and accept me for my differences.

It’s time to tell Cal.

Thinking of this, anxiety creeps back in. Just because Jayma’s accepted the truth—for now—doesn’t mean Cal will. He’s so devoted to the rules. But Burn was right. I have to learn to trust. I have to use my judgment to decide whom to trust.

Jayma and Tobin are trusting me.

A sinking feeling further fuels my unease. What if I’ve made promises I can’t keep? What if Burn can’t or won’t save them? What if I never see him again?

I consider heading out to look for Burn again now, but the moon light just turned on and I should go back for bed
check. If my absence hasn’t already been noticed, it will be. Besides, I need more time to decide whether or not to tell Burn about the rebels’ meeting.

His mission is to find them, but I’m not sure I want him to.

I have until Stacy’s asleep to decide.

M
Y CONFIDENCE RETURNS
when I successfully sneak back into the barracks without notice. Finding Tobin and telling Jayma I’m a Deviant have made me believe I can do the impossible, that I can save them, that I can stop the rebels from bombing the Hub, that I can save everyone.

If I’d told Jayma I was a Deviant years ago, I’d have had someone to talk to besides my little brother. I feel lighter than I have in a week, stronger than I have since I learned that Clay and Arabella were killed.

After my shower, I briefly consider getting a few hours of sleep, but if I fall asleep I might never wake, and I can’t miss the rebels’ meeting.

Instead, I slip into the rec room and Cal comes over to sit next to me. He takes my hand, kisses my cheek, and
doesn’t question where I’ve been. Other than him, no one takes notice. I was made for spy work.

Soon, the lights blink and, with a groan, my classmates set down their games and file out of the room. I get up to follow, but Cal pulls me back into the darkened and empty rec room.

“We should get to our rooms before lights out.” I squeeze his upper arm. “We don’t want to get caught.” The sooner I get to bed, the sooner Stacy will fall asleep and the sooner I can sneak out. I want to tell Cal the truth but there’s no time. Not now.

Cal bends his head close to mine and wakes delicious feelings that further pump my confidence and clarify my thoughts.

I know who I am, I know what I am, and I know what’s right. Cal needs to know the truth. But not tonight.

“Stay with me a few minutes,” he says, his voice low and deep. “I’ve barely seen you all day.”

I nod, and he kisses me in a way that makes me feel stronger, ready to take on the world. When our lips part, I reach for his neck to pull him back down. I need more strength to face this night.

But he resists. “We need to talk.”

“Now?” I stroke his neck. “For months you wanted me to kiss you, and now you want to talk?”

He moves his lips close to my ear. “What’s your plan?”

Everything tenses as I try to remember what I’ve told Cal and what I haven’t. “My plan?”

“Is Mr. Belando helping?”

“Mr. Belando?” My mouth goes dry.

“You disappeared earlier. I know you were on an undercover assignment. Have you found the mole? Have the Comps stopped the terrorist threat?”

“I—I can’t talk about it.”

Cal’s eyes are filled with worry, but also trust. The worry’s well founded but the trust almost kills me. It’s time. I need to tell him everything. I’ve treated Cal badly on so many levels, and it’s time to make it right no matter what it costs. Besides, if I’m going to rescue Scout from the Hospital, I need to tell Cal. I need to give him the choice to leave Haven with his brother. I’d never forgive anyone who took Drake away without telling me.

Jayma accepted the truth. Cal will too.

“Okay.” My heart thumps. “I’ll tell you what’s going on.”

He cups my cheek and kisses my forehead. “Let’s sit.” He starts back toward the chairs.

“Cal.” My mouth’s so dry it won’t open. I suck on my cheeks.

He turns back and I glance up at his trusting face, trying to keep mine neutral and knowing I’m failing.

“You can tell me anything,” he says. “You can trust me. I’d never betray you.”

“I’m a Deviant.” My voice comes out in a croak and my heart races, banging in a sharp, hard staccato.

Cal doesn’t speak for what feels like an hour, and I watch him, his profile lit by the soft light from the hallway. His expression runs from shock to amused to angry, and finally he speaks. “That isn’t funny.”

“No, it’s not.” I draw a long breath. “But it’s true. I’m a Deviant.”

“You’re not. I know you’re not.” He grabs my hand. “Why are you saying that? If you were a Deviant, I’d know.”

I thread my fingers through his and hold tight. “I’ve known since I was fourteen. My brother’s one, too, but his Deviance is harder to conceal because the skin on his torso and arms turns hard like armor when he’s scared. That’s why I had to keep him hidden.”

“You kept Drake hidden because he was injured.” Cal’s voice is cold. His jaw hardens. “Your brother’s dead. Why are you talking about him like he’s not?”

My stomach twists. “Drake’s
not
dead. He’s alive.”

Cal wrenches his fingers from mine and strides across the room. His hands grip his hair and pull. His shoulders rise and fall as he stands near the door, and for an instant, I’m scared that he might call out to report me. But this is Cal. He’s thinking. He’s torn. I’ve just ripped his sense of loyalty to shreds.

As I wait for his reaction, my muscles cramp and twitch. I want to run to him, to explain, to wrap my arms around him to make him understand, but I know this boy. He needs time to absorb what I’ve said.

He turns abruptly and stomps toward me.

I gasp. He’s so angry. So hurt.

“What’s
wrong
with you?” he asks.

I reach toward him, afraid to make contact. “I should have told you sooner. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied.”

His brow furrows. His eyes narrow. “You’re a liar, yes, but that’s not what I meant. What’s
wrong
with you.”

My head snaps back. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“But you said—”

“I can hurt people,” I blurt, knowing full well what he meant.

“I got that.” His voice is cold. “You’re a Deviant.”

I reach for him but he pulls back.

“Not all Deviants hurt people, Cal. In fact, most don’t. We aren’t evil like Management tells everyone. I promise.”

His jaw twitches. “But you—” He shakes his head. “You admit that you hurt people.”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“With my eyes.” I look down. “I don’t understand how it works, but when I get angry or really afraid—when I feel negative emotions strongly—something behind my eyes changes, and if I look into someone else’s eyes, it’s like I can feel the person’s insides. I feel their blood flowing. I can sense their internal organs and understand how they work. Then once I do, I can grab on and…” All this barely makes sense to me. How can it make sense to Cal?