Compulsive (Liar #1) (5 page)

--------------------------

Jessica’s mother, Rita, recovered quickly from her initial shock at
seeing her fourteen-year-old “punked out.” And after a short debate about
whether or not she was too young to wear makeup, she gave in for obvious
reasons.

I had left Alyssa with Jessie who begged her mother to
let her stay for her treatment. Alyssa seemed more than willing, so I didn’t
argue the point. That sick and confused girl wasn’t the only one getting
something out of this new found friendship. Dr. Harrison and I headed to the
gift shop for a stuffed animal Jessie had had her eye on.

We talked as we walked. He filled me in on Jessie’s
illness, the progression and treatment, and how he’d been a stand-in for the
father who was in the Army. I wondered if it was why he wasn’t taking new
patients, but I didn’t ask. Hearing the vulnerability in his voice, his caring
words erased the doctor image in my head. At that moment, he wasn’t Superman
either. He was just a man, and I had to resist the urge to comfort him.

At the gift shop, we plowed through the stuffed animal
bin searching for a sloth of all things. I wasn’t sure I’d even recognize it if
I saw it. I held up an elephant. “How about this one, Daniel?”

“Oh, uh…”

“Is it all right if I call you that?” Once I’d heard
his niece say it, Dr. Harrison seemed too formal.

“Sure.” He smiled. “And no to the elephant, but you’re
close on the color.”

“I hope we find it,” I said, rummaging. “But why a
sloth anyway?”

“I don’t know. She said she liked the smile or
something.”

As we searched, a few animals fell to the floor. We
laughed together piling them back into the bin.

Daniel’s smile grew even wider, and I stared in awe at
the sheer beauty of it. “What?” I asked.

“I can’t believe it. I haven’t seen her this happy in
a while. She didn’t have many friends…
before
. And once she was diagnosed,
it got worse. All this time. Everything my sister and I have tried to help her
get through this.” He shook his head.

“And all she needed was a friend,” I said. “Someone
her own age.”

He nodded as his warm eyes connected with mine. We
stayed that way for a short time as if we were both trying to see inside the
other. I tore my gaze away at the heated sensation that made its way through my
belly. Looking down into the pile of fluff, I still felt his stare on me.

“I hope…” he said after a few seconds.

I glanced up and tilted my head, waiting.

“I’d like Alyssa to be able spend some regular time
with Jessie. I mean, I hope that won’t be an
issue
.” His voice showed
his uncertainty.

“What do you mean…an
issue
?”

“I hope that this situation with you, and that I said
I couldn’t…”

“Wait a minute.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Do
you think I would stop her because of you?”

He shrugged and started to speak.

“Oh my God.” My voice rose; my pulse instantly increased.
“Did I say anything? Did I even ask you about it today?” I began wildly digging
through the animal pile. “I don’t
need
you.” I picked up a stuffed
alligator by the tail and pointed it at him. “I’m not going to hurt the girls’
friendship because of
you
! Wow, talk about an ego.”

“Gray, I just…you’re right. It was a stupid thing to
say. I’m sorry. But, I would like to know that you’re moving forward as Dr.
Wallace suggested.”

“Yeah well, I’m starting to rethink all of that. The
whole thing was a big misunderstanding and the only reason I even agreed to it
was because…I don’t even want to get into that now.”

“It’s really none of my business. Again, I apologize.”

I looked up and met his thoughtful eyes, finding it a
challenge to stay angry. Then, I heard a voice behind me.

“Kate?”

I turned to see a muscly, red-haired man in gym
clothes carrying a water bottle. I recognized his face in an instant but
couldn’t place him. I made an abrupt turn back to the bin as if I assumed he
wasn’t talking to me.

“Kate.” Two fingers lightly touched my elbow.

Daniel eyed me and then the stranger curiously. I
turned, prepared to handle the situation on my own. Daniel’s testosterone beat
me to the punch. “Excuse me. You must be mistaken.”

“Oh, I’m not mistaken. Am I, Kate?”

“Yes, I believe you are,” I said matter-of-factly.

“We met at, uh…Gianni’s a few months back.” He smiled
as he eye-molested my body from top to bottom.

“Nope. Sorry. You must be thinking of my evil twin,” I
said.

As if he hadn’t heard me he said, “Yeah. I remember
now. You work for a catering business. And you gave me some bogus number.” He
stepped up closer to me, and his voice took on a hard tone. “I know because I
called it like an idiot.”

Daniel grabbed my wrist, catching me completely off
guard, pulling me back as he stepped between Red and me. “Look, there’s
obviously been a misunderstanding here. Whatever happened doesn’t matter,
because she doesn’t want to talk to you now.”

“Maybe you should let her decide that.” He attempted
to make eye contact with me over Daniel’s shoulder.

Daniel became a wall and shook his head. “I don’t
think so.” Red may have been beefier, but Daniel had him in height. He
solidified his barricade with a chest full of air, staring at the man as if he
had nefarious intentions.

My initial anxiety over the situation slowly seeped
away, turning to attraction for a man who’d just stepped out of his seemingly
passive demeanor and into aggressor mode. At the same time, I couldn’t let him get
dragged into my mess. “Daniel, it’s okay. Maybe he and I should have a little
chat.” I pulled my arm away and started to step around him.

“No!” He shot his arm out in front of me. “I don’t
think that’s a good idea.”

The stare down lasted a few more seconds before the
guy peeked at his watch and a pained expression came over his face. “Look,
forget it. I don’t have time for this BS anyway.” He took a few steps backward
and then turned to walk to the register. I stood, staring at the back of him as
he paid for his water, embarrassed to look over at Daniel. I envisioned the
range of emotions on display: confusion, pity, and awkwardness. As the man left
the shop, he pointed to Daniel with the water bottle and said, “Watch your back
with that one.”

I ambled back to the animal bin with my head down and
began a slow sift through the pile.

Daniel followed my lead, letting me believe I would
not have to answer for what happened. After a minute of us both going through
the motions, he said, “Do you want to tell me what that was all about?”

“Not really.” I picked up a black and white kitten
that reminded me of Alyssa and brushed my hand over its fur. “I am sorry. I
could have handled it myself, but thank you for what you did.”

He reached over and touched my hand on the kitten to
get my attention. “Gray…don’t you see? This is the kind of thing that will
continue to happen unless you do something about it.”

My head snapped up, my brows joined together in
defense. “Hey, don’t you presume to know anything about me. You didn’t want to
know, remember? So, don’t pretend to care now.” I tossed the toy back into the
bin. “We’re never going to find that thing.” I started to walk toward the door.

“Gray, wait.”

I sent a quick glance over my shoulder. “Look, don’t
worry about it. Please, tell Alyssa to meet me in the car, okay?”

“Stop.” He gripped my arm, and I halted. He let go in
an instant when I eyed his hand on me. “Just because I couldn’t take you on as
a patient doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Why would you say that?”

His concerned expression disturbed me, causing my feet
to move again, this time on the double. Daniel followed. I couldn’t tell if I
was mad or embarrassed. I sure as hell wasn’t feeling grateful like any sane
person would. “We barely know each other,” I said, grabbing the door. “Don’t
worry. I’ll stay out of your hair. I’ll make sure Alyssa keeps in touch with
Jessie, but you won’t have to deal with me professionally or otherwise.”

* * *

I didn’t speak the majority of the way home; Alyssa didn’t seem to notice.
Unlike the way there, this time she was glued to her phone, texting Jessie. The
thought filled me with warmth and helped alleviate some of the tension that had
built up inside my head at the mere thought of Dr.
Not So Feel Good
. He
was under my skin—a dangerous place to be.

As we neared home, my head clouded with confusion,
refusing to admit Daniel may have been right. But, I also wanted to be free
from the binds of my past and all the issues that constantly surrounded me. Plus,
Evyn would kill me if I didn’t go through with this. Even worse, she would fire
me. I flashed back to Daniel grabbing my wrist, the sight of him stepping
protectively in front of me, staring down the red-headed terminator. The image
was damn hot, but at the same time, debilitating. He forced me to be
vulnerable, to allow him to diminish my own protective instincts.

As I pulled off the freeway, I’d settled into the
notion of taking control of my life. At this point, that would mean towing the
line, at least for a little while. Shit, I’d faked my way through plenty of
relationships, parties, and meetings. I could handle six more months. And if I
happened to exorcise a few demons with the help of someone from Dr. Wallace’s
geek squad, then that would be a bonus. I’d planned to finally make use of the
indestructible referral list when I arrived home. First, I had to get Alyssa
squared away.

As promised, we stopped at the duck pond and unloaded
the loaf of stale bread. The sun baked over the dark green water, while the
ducks enjoyed their fancy feast. I practically had to drag her away when it was
time to go, and I was tempted to check her sweatshirt for ducklings. Once, she’d
left her jacket at my apartment. When I went to check her pockets for her phone,
my hand made contact with something furry and squirming. I put the jacket into
the bathtub until she arrived. “That’s just Mr. McKenzie,” she’d said, pulling
the white rat out and holding him up. “Why that name?” I’d asked. “Oh, I named
him after his daddy…my science teacher.” She’d left that day wearing a large
devious grin.

After the duck pond, I took her to have the key made.
I waited in the car, so I could call Nathan and ask if he we could get together
the next day. It was time to make things right with him. When Alyssa came out,
she gave me a key. “I had two extras made, but don’t tell my mom.”

I didn’t argue with her because it was probably a good
idea for me to have it. I placed it inside my purse and started the car. “Hey,
I’m really proud of you for what you did back there for Jessie.”

“It was nothing. The kid was starting to get on my
nerves with all that screaming.” She shrugged. “I had to do something.”

“She’s only a year younger than you.”

“Yes, but I’m ages older in this thing called
life
.”

“That’s true. Pretty strange day though, yeah?”

“Yeah. How about we go wind down with some beers?”

“Nice try.”

“Wine?”

I swallowed a smile and turned to her with narrowed
eyes. “Seriously, Alyssa. I don’t want to hear you getting into that shit. Do
you understand me?”

Her head shrank back like a turtle going in its shell.
“Whoa. Chill. I was kidding.”

I backed out of the space and headed toward home
without responding.

“Man,” she finally said. “What did I say about wanting
you as a mother? Jeez.”

--------------------------

Nathan had already settled into our usual spot at the bar of the Blue
Moon Saloon when I arrived. An amber-colored beer, half-gone, sat in front of
him. As if on instinct, he turned to me as I headed toward him. Our mutual
smiles indicated the irony of the situation was not lost on either of us.
Nathan and I met in AA and this was where we played hooky, had our own therapy
sessions, shared secrets, fought and made up, time and time again. The worst
times were when he’d gotten into it with his foster mom or brother, and I
couldn’t reach him. I’d come here and find him blasted, hitting on women, and talking
to complete strangers about how messed up his family was.

My smile faded quickly as I struggled with what I
would say…how honest I would be about everything.

“There’s my girl,” he said, standing to hug me. He
wore a simple long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. With his physique, every
outfit modeled well.

His arms pulled me to my comfort zone, a place that
had always given me safety and seclusion.

“You’ve been waiting patiently,” I said, eyeing his
drink when he released me.

“I ordered for you, too. Here it is now.”

I slid onto the stool next to him just as a martini
floated into the spot in front of me. “Thanks, Eddy.”

“How ya been, Gray? Haven’t seen you in a while.” He
pulled empty glasses from further down the bar where a small group had vacated.
His short blonde ponytail slid to the side of his neck when he bent over the
counter. Modern rock stemmed from speakers above, low enough so patrons didn’t
have to shout.

“Workaholic doesn’t suit me, but I found my way back
here.” I reached over and squeezed Nathan’s arm in case he had the urge to
chime in with a comment.

“Well, I’m glad to have that gorgeous smile back,”
Eddy said.

“Thank you.” I turned to Nathan when I saw that a
customer had summoned Eddy by waving his card. The relaxed glow emanating from
him told me I’d been forgiven. Then, his words confirmed. “He’s right you
know…you’re gorgeous.”

My lips curled, but I kept my teeth hidden. “How many
girls have you said that to in the last week?”

“Counting you?”

I nodded.

“Two.”

My grin fell, and my eyes questioned him.

“You…and Sheila.”

I punched him in the arm and then picked up my drink.
“Your German Shepherd doesn’t count.”

“Hey.” He grabbed his arm, feigning pain. “You’re much
cuter than she is…especially when you’re jealous.”

I took a slow sip of my drink, showing him I was
unaffected by his accusation. He watched me with a confident grin. “Since when
was I ever jealous?” I said.

His mouth turned tight, and he nodded. “Unfortunately,
that’s probably true.”

“So how’s the restaurant?” I asked, attempting to brighten
the mood…or postpone my news.

Nathan leaned into me, his hand finding my calf,
sliding up to my knee. “Things are good.” His eyes told me the now almost empty
beer was not his first. Upsetting him wasn’t my intention, but this shouldn’t happen
tonight. I turned from his gaze and took another sip; he pulled back and
continued while grabbing his beer. “New patio looks incredible. You should come
see it. I haven’t cooked for you there in such a long time.”

“I will. Soon.”

We drank in silence, people watched, checked our
phones. “You want another?” he asked as I downed the last sip.

“I better not.”

His head bobbed tiny little bobs as he stared at me,
waiting. “Well…you called this party.”

I turned toward the bar and rested on my elbows, so I
wouldn’t have to see his face, his eyes examining mine. “Remember how I said
Evyn made me take that programming class for our new database system?”

“Yeah.”

“I lied.” Those two little words had such immense
meaning. You’d think I’d have said them a million times by now. I could scarcely
remember if I’ve ever said them to anyone but Nathan, and even to him it was
rare. One drunken night here of all places, we’d shared our sad stories. And
since he had the disclaimer going in, I didn’t feel obligated to justify myself
to him at every turn. We accepted each other and our demons.

“You made all that up about the new program, and how
it was going to change the way you guys do business and all that?”

“No, that was all true. But, I learned everything in
about five minutes. Probably could have done it in my sleep. I ended up
training everyone else on it.”

“You’ve lost me. So, you’re saying there was no
class?”

I turned my head to look at him, confusion lacing over
his eyes. “Right.”

“Then, what were you doing all those Tuesday nights?”

“I was seeing a shrink.”

It registered slowly, and then his face held surprise.
He coughed out a laugh. “You’re shitting me.”

“Don’t be an ass about this because I’m dead serious.”

“Holy shit, Gray. Really?” His surprise seemed to turn
to delight in an instant, and his words sped up. “This is great news, actually.
I mean, I’m happy for you. For us—”

My mouth fell open; my eyes narrowed on him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean us-us. I just meant…well it
could—”

“Nathan, stop. Please. I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“It was a total bust. A sham. Don’t you get it?”

Eddy came over to see if we wanted another round. We
both shook our heads silently, Nathan looking like he got sucker punched in the
gut. He waited for Eddy to walk away. “Yeah, I get it. I think I get it pretty
fucking clear now. Why did you even bother? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Evyn made me.” I looked down to my lap. “Some funds
were missing from an account. An account that only a few of us had access to
and since…”

“Of course, she assumed you did it.”

“Yep. And, this was sort of my last chance in her
eyes.”

“God, Gray. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” I paused, staring at him, his expression
turning more frustrated by the minute. “Aren’t you going to ask me if I did
it?”

“Are you freaking kidding me? Of course, you didn’t do
it. Evyn should know that. Why aren’t you more pissed about this?”

I shook my head. “She’s done a lot for me, Nathan. And
she’s put up with a lot of crap from me. I don’t blame her for not believing me.”

“So, somehow you pulled it off, and everything goes
back to
normal
?”

“Not exactly.”

We decided to order appetizers at the bar, mainly so
we could order more drinks without getting hammered. Nathan made comments about
the bland artichoke dip and the stale pita chips in between me filling him in
on what happened with Dr. Wallace and how I’d been on temporary leave from the
office working part-time from home. I told him everything except all the parts
that included Dr. Daniel Harrison.

“You’re really going to do this? Take it seriously
this time?”

“I’m going to try, Nathan. That’s all I can commit to
right now. And what would really make this whole thing easier is if I had a
friend…a real friend.” I wiped my hands on my napkin and then wrapped my
fingers around his hand.

“You know I’m here for you, Gray.” He took my face in
his hands. “I’ll do whatever it takes.” And then a trace of fear crossed his
face. There was always fear with change. I fought to keep from getting
emotional. He saw it coming and headed me off. “One of us has got to be sane, don’t
you think?”

I giggled, letting out a breath of relief. “Thank you.
That means everything to me.”

“But, just to make sure…that means no sex, right?” He
smiled wide, making it incredibly difficult to answer with the correct
response. But somehow, I did.

* * *

The next night I ate Chinese alone in my apartment in front of the TV,
the notorious referral list a solitary place mat on the coffee table in front
of me. Conveniently, it was too late to make calls. I had taken Alyssa to meet
Jessica and her mother at the movies. When Rita asked if I’d join them, I told
her I’d come down with that twenty-four hour stomach virus that had been going
around.

Halfway through a rerun of
Jeopardy!
, I grew
bored and clicked off the television. My apartment rested as quiet as a coma.
Each wall held one large piece of art; lining up multiple frames gave me a
migraine. The spacing never put me at ease. Clutter was not welcome, and
counters remained clear. I’d hope simplicity and order in my living space would
penetrate my chaotic mind through osmosis. One of the problems with that thinking
was the secret to my success in this area: out of sight out of mind. Pull a
cupboard handle or turn a closet doorknob and you might be greeted with a
collapsing mound of miscellaneous items. Nathan called it my Flintstone Closet.

I leaned over and slid the small photo album from
under the side table. As thick as it was, photos only filled half of it. The
charade of recording memories had become tiresome. Or perhaps reality had been
a stronger force than fantasy. I flipped past a few images grandma had given me
of Mom and her, as well as ones when the twins were born. I stopped on an image
of my mother, alone and in her wedding dress. Her bright smile and glowing eyes
portrayed an endless stream of beautiful dreams waiting to come true. The page blurred
before me, but I continued flipping until I came to Noah and me. He sat in
front of me at the top of the slide at Regency Park. Grandma often took us there
before her stroke.

My phone pinged, pulling me from the album. It was after
nine. Alyssa texted that Rita was driving her home.

I climbed into bed with my E-reader to settle in for a
little escapism. I’d obviously not read much before falling asleep because a
little before ten, my phone rang. I reached over, blindly snatching it from my
side table and pressing answer without looking at the number.

“Hello,” I said, my voice unsteady.

Silence.

“Alyssa?” I pulled the phone from my ear to check the
number. It wouldn’t have been the first time I’d received a call from her for
some emergency.

“No. I’m sorry, Gray. It’s Daniel, uh, Dr. Harrison.”

“Oh, Daniel. Is everything all right with Jessie?”

“She’s fine. In fact, I just got through talking to her
about the movie and about Alyssa. She was dying to fill me in on their night.”

An odd, intimate feeling ran over me talking with
Daniel in my bed, at night. We’ve had a handful of conversations, yet his voice
fit me like a favorite sweater. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“I hope you’re feeling better.”

“About what?”

“Rita said you had a stomach bug.”

Crap
! Why did it seem like he saw right through
me, but not once called me on it? “Oh, yes, thank you. I’m feeling much better.
Got myself to bed early.”
Cringe
.
Why’d I have to say that?

“Well, I’m sorry to call so late. I actually hoped to
get your voice mail.”

“Oh? Why is that?”

“I knew it was late, but I’m leaving early tomorrow
morning for a workshop in the wine country. I planned to leave you a message to
ask if you’d come to my office tomorrow afternoon. I should be back around
five-thirty.

“Did something happen with Alyssa tonight? I know she
can be a little aggressive, and the language for her age is…”

“No, Alyssa is great. We’re so thankful for her,
really. Although Rita wasn’t too happy when Alyssa told Jessica to ignore the
skanky
,
uh,
twatwaffle
, I think was the word she used to describe the girl who’d
teased her about her hair.”

A genuine laugh escaped me into the receiver, and
Daniel chuckled along.
That’s my girl
. “Wow, that’s really…um, well,
that’s Alyssa for you.”

When our laughter cleared, silence filled the space. “If
it’s not about Alyssa, what then?” I should have kept my big mouth shut and
simply agreed because the thought of seeing Daniel again unleased ninja
butterflies in my stomach.

“I’d rather not go over this on the phone, but I’d
really like to talk to you about your options for your therapy.”

“Oh.” My cheeks flushed, even though Daniel couldn’t
see them. Was he going to offer to be my doctor, or was this only about helping
me with the referral list? Suddenly, I doubted I wanted him as a therapist. It
was getting more and more difficult to picture him looking at me in his office
when what ran through my brain was him looking down on me as he hovered over my
body in this bed. Embarrassment surged through me at the thought of how Daniel
must see me. Like some sort of charity case. I dreaded the thought of him
looking at me that way, yet something inside me had to take the opportunity to
see him again. “How about six?”

“Great. I’ll see you then.”