Concealed Attractions (Cedar Island Tales) (72 page)

“
H
m
m, that feels good,” she
crooned
, giving her full attention to what Joel was doing.

Sometime later, they enjoyed a late dinner, she in a peignoir, he in a silk robe she
’d
given him when he
was awarded
his DVM.
“You know,” he said, rubbing the robe between two fingers. “This thing has never been in my house. Don’t you t
hink we ought to store it there,
so you ca
n put it on me,
or take it off
, your
choice
,
when you come back?”
he asked, hope in his heart.

“Aren’t you presuming?” She sipped her wine.

“When are you going to admit you can’t live without me?”

Angela sighed.
“I’m going to find that out soon
enough, aren’t I?
You know I’m leaving
right
after the
wedding
.”

“As y
ou keep reminding me.
I
know you
want to do the fellowship.
It’s not that I don’t want you to go—damn it!
I just wish you
could do that with us together
.”

Under the table,
Joel
stroke
d her bare feet. “I
love
playing footsie with you. I
love
us playing together in bed. I
love
when you are my first mate
on the boat.
Matt
er of fact, I’d
love
it if you were my first mate on solid ground—all the time, not just when it’s convenient. I want us to be together
,
like we were in Pullman.
Every time
I think we’re getting there, you up and leave.
Again.
”
He paused
and began to kiss first one finger and then the next
.
“I was wondering
when we might listen to
“
The Wedding March
”
at
our
wedding.
”
H
is voice
trailed off
.

Angela raised her head, her blue eyes soft
.
“Joel, you know I
love
you. If I didn’t, my leaving wouldn’t be so hard.”

He reached for her hand
again
.
“Then don’t go.”

She
shook
her head. “I have to. It’s important to me—professionally
.
You must know that
.” She
stood up, eased
away from the table and
stood
behind him to rub his shoulders. “I’ve wrestled w
ith myself about all
of
this, and
it’
s
important to me personally, too
. I need to know if
I want to, if I can,
live without you. I thought I
’d
answered that question when I was in Seattle and
we
didn’t see
each other
during med school
. Then when I joined the pr
actice here, I found you again.” She
leaned down
and kissed the top of his head.
“
B
ut
since we’ve been
together, I
fin
d myself becoming less sure.”
A pair of
tears slid down her cheeks. 
“It’s not your problem. I
t’s mine, and I have to deal with it.”

“But if you
love
me, why do you have to find out if you ca
n live without me? I don’t get tha
t.”

“I need to know that I can be my own pe
rson,
not an appendage of you, not like my mother.”

“Damn it, Angela! When have you ever been anyone’s appendage?” Joel
frowned.
“You kno
w I don’t think of you that way,
not
when we first met
, not now, not ever.”

She pursed her lips for a moment then
repli
ed, h
er voice quiet
ly intense
.
“This is something
I
have to deal with. It’s
a woman
thing.”

He
reached around his chair
and brought her onto his lap. “But I
love
you.”

“I know you do.” She sighed. “Think of it this way. After this fellowship, when I am clear in my own mind—
and
my heart—about all this, I may very well want to come back he
re,
back to t
his
practice
.” She stroked his sideburns. “Back
to you.”

“What if you don’t
?”

“That’s the ultimate test
, isn’t it?
” She wiped away another
tear. “
Maybe
you won’t
wait for
me. Maybe you’ll
find
someone else
.
Someone
who doesn’
t have to be so sure of herself
.
I have to take that risk.
Because if I do come back, it’
ll be
a hundred percent.
I’ll be back fully and there w
ill be no
more fears, no more running away.”  She kissed him. “Can
’t you please
give me that?”

“Do I have a choice?” He pulled her close.

“No, you don’t. And, nei
ther do I.” She kissed him
.

Two weeks later, Joel watched Natalie in a miniature version of the bridesmaid’s dress skip down the aisle tossing rose petals at everyone, followed by a radiant
Dannilynn
. It looked to him
as if
she and her father were
support
ing
each
other.

N
ext to Joel
, Ben
sucked in
his breath
and gulped as he
stared at
Danni
as she approached.
Joel had never seen her look so beautiful.
“Breathe, buddy,” he whispered to Ben.
Joel
imagined how Angela might
look
coming toward him,
with eyes only for him, like
Danni
was looking at Ben
, and his
eyes misted over.

After the ceremony, t
he reception in the church fellowship hall rang with laughter as
Joel
told of his former extern’s exploits, and some of the missteps
Dannilynn
had made when she first started working as his vet
assistant
while still in high school.

Joel insisted on hosting t
he post-wedding dinner for the family
. It
went off without a hitch—even
when
Ben’s nieces and nephews
tended
to monopolize the conversation. When all the kissing and hugging was over, Ben and
Danni
left
the church
in the G
reen Monster,
now
festooned with flowers and red
and green
ribbons
befitting the Christmas season
.
They planned to spend their first night together at a bed and breakfast
on the island
and then leave for their honeymoon.

The
morning after the wedding
, Angela finished packing her things and moved the last of the boxes into her car. The man taking her place in the practice looked relieved when she
finally
handed him the keys. She
grimac
ed, thinking how
they
had got on
each
other’s nerves when they
’d
discussed alternate ways of answering the
sam
e clinical questions.

“He just does it differently than you do, babe,” Joel
kept
reassur
ing
her.

“But
what if my
pat
ients don’t
like
the way he does it?” She flipped her hair over one shoulder and sat down with a frustrated
moan
.

“While you’re gone, they won’t
be
your
pat
ients. You need to concentrate on the fellowship. Isn’t that what you really want to spend your time on?” When he stroked her cheek, she placed her pale hand in his tanned one.

She looked
dee
p
ly
into his brown eyes. They always reminded her of the chocolate sauce she poured on her favorite mint ice cream. She wanted to dive into them when
ever
he looked at her. “You’re right. That’s what I
want
to do.” She sighed and pulled aw
ay from him. “I need to go
.”

“I’m here—if you—when you
… W
ill you call me when you get there
so I’ll know you’re okay?” He stood between her and the outer door. “You want to fall into my arms, and never let go, don’t you?”

She nodded, her eyes filling. “Yes, but I can’t do that.”
If I do, I’ll never leave.
“I’ll call you.” She pulled on her coat.
“Joel. You’re making this
so
hard.
”

“No harder than it al
ready is, babe. I’ll be waiting
to hear from you.”

They clung to
each other
for a
prolonged
hug. Their kisses held promise and regret, sadness and hope.

“Promise me you won’t cry while you’re driving. You always complain about what that does to your contacts, and you’ll never get there if you run off the road.” He cupped her face in his hands as her eyes welled.

She nodded and reached for her keys.

Five miles down the road, tears were still sliding down her cheeks. As she crossed the channel on the big bridge, she slowed and pulled over for one final look at the mountains
shining in the winter sun to the west
.

A boat was bouncing on the waves, fast
approaching
the bridge
before it made a quick turn,
its wake
churning the water to foam
. It was the
Pride
’n
Joy
, and Joel was waving to her.

“
Honeymoon, here we come,” Ben sang as he tossed their suitcases in the back of the Green Monster.

I
love
your
big
family,”
Danni
said, when
she and Ben
were headed for the bridge linking
Cedar Island
to the mainland.

“I do, too—except when they get on my case. Your family is pretty cool, too.”

“Even my father?”

“Hey, we’re tight. He gave
me some ideas about fixing the Thing
so it’ll run better. And he knows where I can get tho
se dings knocked out of that go
d-awful truck Joel is driving
right now
. Your dad seems to know everyone who c
an
do that sort of thing without charging a king
’
s
ransom.” He
lapsed into silence
while
he
negotiated the traffic
through town
.

Danni
glanced
lovingly
at Ben. “Can we talk about something that’s
really
important?”

“Shoot.”

“It’s about babies.”

He gave a mock gasp. “You’re not pregnant
, are you?
I wouldn’t want your dad
thinking we had to get married.” He grinned at her.

She giggled.

“W
hat about babies?”