Confessions (11 page)

“Where you at? I thought your plane got in at seven!” I was irritated because I had dinner reservations and it would be near impossible to get another before nine.

“My plane was delayed. What you want me to do, put a gun to the pilot's head?” Leon snapped.

“Whatever, just hurry!” I barked through the phone. “I wanna at least take you by to see the house before it gets dark.”

My statement was met by intense silence.

“You still there?” I asked in a slightly softer tone.

There was another long pause, and when Leon finally spoke his voice sent a chill down my spine. “How much longer we going to live like this?”

I pulled the phone away from my ear, then back. “What?”

“You heard me, Trinette. How much longer are we going to live like this?”

Where the hell was this coming from? “I don't know. Why are we having this discussion now?”

Leon blew out a long, impatient sigh. “We'll talk when I get there.” Ain't that a bitch! He hung up on me. I didn't have time to have attitude, because I was suddenly nervous as hell. What made Leon decide to ask when I was planning to move with him? I dialed Nikki and asked her. After all, she is supposed to be the expert.

“He's having second thoughts,” she said the second I stopped ranting and raving.

“What do you mean he's having second thoughts? We're supposed to close on my new house next week.” Uhhh-uhhh, this could not be happening.

“Obviously, Leon's had time to think.”

“Well, it's too late for that. We already have a contract on a house!”

“I hate to say this, Netta, but it's never too late.”

“You're supposed to be my friend.” Didn't she understand I needed her on my side?

“I
am
on your side,” Nikki said as if she could read my mind. “But you need to look at it his way. Leon wants to know when you're planning to move to Richmond, and I think your husband deserves an answer.”

I took a deep breath and settled down on the bed. “I don't know when I'm moving to Richmond. I still need to make director at my job…first…then we can talk about it.”

“So…you're telling me when you make director you'll be ready to go?”

I hesitated. “Not right away. Listen, I
want
this house and Leon is gonna have to realize everything else has to wait. Look, I gotta go before he gets here.” I was too close to getting my house to lose everything now.

I hung up the phone, then moved into the bathroom and applied my makeup with care, then looked at myself in the mirror. I had found the House of Deréon outfit at the outlet last month. The pink sweater had a plunging neckline and showcased the twins. The black jeans hugged every luscious curve nicely. Yep, Leon was gonna be licking his lips when he saw me. I took my bottle of Sexual perfume and sprayed a little at my cleavage. The fragrance had a hint of an aphrodisiac in it, and I needed my husband begging me to give him some before the night was over. Unfortunately, a quick glance down at my watch reminded me it was Friday the thirteenth, and suddenly I didn't have a good feeling at all.

As soon as I heard his rental car pull up in the driveway, I hurried to greet Leon at the door. He stepped in rolling his suitcase, looking like he hadn't slept in days. His jeans were wrinkled. The T-shirt he had on beneath his leather jacket I had bought while we vacationed in Memphis last year. It was now dingy looking. On his feet were a pair of scuffed-up gym shoes he must have dug out of the trash, because I swore I threw them away the last time he visited. And he was in serious need of a haircut, but instead of bitching about him, making me look bad, I held my tongue and gave him a warm smile. “Hey, boo-boo.”

“Hello.” He tossed the greeting out, sounding casual, then brushed past me without even a kiss and headed upstairs to my—oops—I mean our bedroom. I followed and stood in the doorway as he sat on the end of the bed. I tried to appear up-beat and happy to see him. “You want something to drink?” I asked.

The expression on his face said he wasn't in the mood for games. “No.”

“Okay…then let's talk,” I said, growing impatient by every passing second. Here I was looking luscious and he hadn't even given me a peck on the cheek.

Leaning forward, Leon rested his elbows on his knees, then looked up and met my gaze. “I don't think buying another house is a good idea.”

“Why? We already talked about this…. I thought we agreed?”

He shook his head. “It was a mistake. You had me so caught up in your excitement, I wasn't even thinking straight.”

“So this is all my fault?” I asked with attitude.

“No. I didn't say that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

Leon closed his eyes as if he was tired and would rather go to bed than have this discussion. “I'm saying…what's happening between us? When are you planning to move to Richmond with me?”

Pouting like a baby, I crossed my arms against my chest, then shrugged. “I don't know. I was hoping to move in the next two years.”

“Then why do we need to buy another house?”

“Because I want to,” I answered stubbornly.

Looking down at the floor, Leon shook his head. “It's always been about what you want. I'm tired of that.”

And I was tired of this conversation because it was obviously not getting me anywhere fast. “Why now? Why you wait until we have a contract on another house to start having second thoughts?”

“I think now is as good a time as any.”

Who was this stranger and what did he do with my husband? I moved over and straddled his lap, then placed my hands against his cheeks and gazed deep into his eyes. “Leon, baby, we're meeting with the realtor tomorrow. It's Valentine's Day weekend.” I pressed my lips to his and ground my hips against his crotch. All I had to do was give him some, then I'd have him where I wanted him. Unfortunately, Leon turned his head and pushed me away.

“Quit! That's not going to work this time.”

I rose. Stunned. I had never seen Leon like this…stubborn…standing his own ground.

“I'm not meeting the realtor tomorrow. Let's just leave it alone. I think the financing falling through was a sign we need to walk away.”

“No, it isn't. It's a sign we need to find a different company because the one we have is full of shit.”

Leaning forward, he took my hand in his. “Right now, we need to be talking about us.”

I snatched my hand away. “Uhhh-uhhh…not until we finish talking about my house.”

“You're right. That's exactly what it is,
your
house.” Leon dragged a frustrated hand across his face. “It's not like I'm going to live in it but once a month and then I still have
this
note to make as well,” he added with a sweep of his arms.

I was getting madder by the second because nothing I was saying was making a difference. “I love you, Leon. I have every intention of growing old with you, but right now has to be about me. I have worked hard at the DFS office and I'm not about to give that up, moving to Richmond with you. I need time to build my career and I
deserve
to be director.”

He just smiled at me sadly. “And I
deserve
the right to live in the same house with my wife.”

“I wanna live with you…just not yet.” I decided to turn the tables on him. “Why don't you come back here? If you love me and wanna be a family, then you'll come back to St. Louis. You said before you could work from home. Well, this new house will have plenty of room for a home office.” I was grabbing straws, but at that point I was desperate enough to say anything.

“I've worked too hard to get to chief financial officer to give that up.”

“Yeah, but you want me to give up my career! When you moved to Dallas, I gave up my career and followed. I did the same thing when you transferred to Simi Valley. Now you're in Richmond and you expect me to pack up my life again and follow you. That's not fair!”

“I'm the breadwinner.”

“And what am I…croutons?” I stood there with my arms crossed, chest heaving. I was so upset, I couldn't find the words to explain how I was feeling.

Leon dropped his head, and when he looked up again his expression was sad. “I guess neither of us are willing to give up our career for the other.”

I swallowed. “No, I guess not.” I was so mad I didn't even want to look at him anymore. I swung around and went down to the kitchen, where I poured myself a glass of wine. Leon disappeared into the bathroom. When he came out, he moved and stood in the doorway.

“You wanna go and get something to eat?”

“Nope. I've lost my appetite,” I said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. We had already missed our reservations. Besides, I wasn't interested in sitting across the table from him. Not after the way he had just stuck a stake through my left eye.

“I'll run and go get a pizza.” He headed toward the door, but before he opened it, he turned around. “It wouldn't matter to you if we ever lived together, would it?”

I stared at him over the rim of my wineglass while I took a sip, then shrugged. “I'm fine with our marriage the way it is…for now. I thought we both understood each other. I thought you supported my dream.”

“I do support your dreams. But I
am
a man and I get lonely sometimes. It would be nice to come home and find you there to hold…and talk to. Sometimes, on the weekend, I like to see a movie or go to dinner…and it would be great to have someone to do that with.”

“We can do that this weekend.”

He gave me a sad look that was easy to read. He was clearly disappointed. “You don't get it, do you?”

I slammed the glass down on the counter. “No,
you
don't get it! You just don't wait until two days before closing on a house to change your mind. I agree, maybe we do need to sit down and talk about our marriage, but we've already committed to this house. I've poured out thousands in earnest money, inspections, appraisals…this is crazy!”

He waved his hand in the air, dismissing me, then turned his back. “I already told you, I'm not buying the house.” With that he left, slamming the door behind him.

I couldn't remember the last time I had ever seen him that stubborn, let alone disagreeing with something I wanted. And I wanted this house so bad. It looked like Trinette. It smelled like Trinette. It even spelled T-r-i-n-e-t-t-e. The house was so close I could already see myself pulling up in my circle driveway. Leon was the only thing standing in my way.

I called Nikki again. She didn't sound happy to hear from me. “Netta, I'm getting ready to go on the air in thirty minutes.”

“Okay, call me later.” I hung up and dialed my cousin Peaches, who I hadn't spoken to in months. She is happily married with two kids. I allowed her a few minutes to brag about her family before I changed the subject and told her what happened.

“Peaches, Leon's never said anything to me before about being lonely and wanting someone there.”

Silence met the phone.

“What, Peaches?”

“I…I think Leon might be seeing someone else.”

“What?”

“I'm serious. That's the classic sign. Here it is Valentine's weekend and he's tripping. I bet you the female he's fooling with saw those loan papers lying around and started tripping…probably even gave him an ultimatum.”

I took a moment to think about what she said. It had to be the answer. Just four days ago, Leon was just as excited about the new house as I was. Now he refused to even go and take a look. My stomach started to churn at the idea.

“Netta, girl, you better throw that pussy on him and save your marriage. Kayla's crying…I gotta go.” She hung up.

I poured myself another glass of wine, thought about what Peaches had said and waited for Leon to return. It was past ten and I had already finished half the damn bottle and was lying on the couch when he walked in, looking as if he had stopped and had a few drinks himself.

I rolled my eyes at him. “I thought you were bringing a pizza.”

He rested his weight against the doorjamb. “I was, but then I decided I needed a drink and went over my boy Aaron's house.”

My eyes glared at him. I was sure he felt the heat. “If you came to Missouri to break my heart, why did you even bother to come? You could have done that over the phone.”

“I came to see my wife. So we could talk about her living with her husband again.”

I was so angry I stormed up to the bathroom and drew myself a hot bath, then climbed in. I was so mad that tears were streaming down my face. How dare Leon do this to me.

Sure, he was right, we needed to talk about our marriage, but not then. Not while everything was going the way I wanted. The perfect job was almost at my fingertips, and the house would put me where I needed to be. I had already planned a family barbecue for Memorial Day. I couldn't wait to let my family see just how good I was living. But in a matter of hours Leon had ruined everything. That night was the first time in my marriage I was scared shitless. What in the world could possibly happen next?

“Oooh-weee! We're back, and if you missed the show, you've missed an evening of straight-up drama! Let me tell you…you've definitely missed something. This is Ms. Nikki, and caller, you're on the air.”

“Ms. Nikki, this is Shaunda, and I got a problem.”

I adjusted my microphone. “Go ahead, Shaunda, we're listening.”

“Well…uh…I just found out last month I'm pregnant, and before I had a chance to decide what I'm gonna do, my boyfriend proposed.”

“Why do I get the feeling there is more to this story?”

She sighed with exasperation. “
Because…there is. It's not his baby or…at least I don't think it is.”

I fidgeted with excitement on the seat. “Okay, you're gonna have to back up and start over. Are you saying you're pregnant by another man?”

“Yes…or at least I think so. See, my boyfriend and I been together for almost two years. Well…three months ago we had a big fight and I ended our relationship. While we were apart, this dude started working at the Quik Trip with me. And one thing led to another and, well, we ended up sleeping together.”

“Oh, boy!” Now we were getting to the juicy part. “Let me guess—you didn't use protection?”

“No. I didn't. I was hurting and wasn't thinking. And I had no idea my boyfriend was going to come back a month later and propose.”

“So what are you gonna do, 'cause inquiring minds wanna know.”

Shaunda hesitated. “
I planned to terminate the pregnancy, but my boyfriend found out, and I panicked and told him the baby was his
.”

I smacked my lips. “Then what happened?”

“
Well, Terrence confronted me at work and wanted to know if the baby was his, and I couldn't lie to him. He wants to be a part of his baby's life, and I don't know what I'm gonna do.
”

“What do
you
wanna do? That's the question. We're getting ready for a commercial break, then we'll be back and maybe someone out there can help Shaunda figure out what to do.”

I turned off the microphone and reached for my soda. All that talking made me thirsty, and it had been one hilarious evening. I needed a good laugh.

I still hadn't returned to the store, but I needed to be on the air. I realized I needed my job and my man to help me move on.

There was still a minute before we went back on the air when Tristan came into the studio. “Nikki, you need to pick up line two.”

I gave him a suspicious look. “Who is it? And it better not be Mr. Loser.”

He shook his head, trying to keep a straight face. “Better.” Tristan swung on his heel and headed back to his desk. I hate when he does that.

I pushed line two. “Hot 97, and you got Ms. Nikki on the line.”

“Yeah, this is Darren…Shaunda's fiancé.”

Oh, shit! This was about to get good. “Hello, Darren, welcome to the show. Don't go away, and I'll be right back.” I waited until Tristan signaled we were back on the air and switched on my microphone.

“This is
Truth Hurts
and you're listening to Nikki Truth. We're on the air with Shaunda. Before commercial break she was sharing her big problem. She's pregnant and her fiancé is not the father, but he
thinks
he is. At the same time the other man knows about the baby and is planning to be a part of his child's life. Oooh-weee, I got my own head spinning just thinking about it! Shaunda, does Terrence know you're back with your fiancé?”

“Yeah, he knows, and he still wants to be in his child's life.”

“Sounds like a good man to me. There are a lot of men who won't stand up and be a man.”

“I know, and that's what makes this so hard,”
she said, voice heavy with emotion.

“Answer this…do you love your fiancé?”

“Yes,”
she said without hesitation.
“I love him with all my heart, but I just don't know how to tell him the truth.”

“Hold on, we have a caller on the line who would like to speak. Caller, you still there?”

“Yes, I'm here, and I would like to say something.”

Shaunda gasped. “
Darren, is that you?
”

“Yeah, Shaunda, it's me. Why couldn't you tell me the baby wasn't mine?”

“I-I didn't know how.”

“It wouldn't matter, I love you regardless.”

“Well, listeners, there you have it. Isn't love grand? We're outta time, so I'll allow the two of them to work out their problems off the air. In the meantime, this is Nikki Truth with Hot 97 WJPC, saying good night.” I turned off the microphone and raised my arms in the air. Another fabulous night.

Twenty minutes later, I was walking out to my car when I spotted Kenyon sitting on my hood.

“I thought maybe you might wanna share a bottle of wine before you go to bed?” His large hands took my face and held it gently.

I had planned on going home and starting a new mystery novel I had bought, but spending time with Kenyon wasn't a bad exception. The man had a way of growing on you. “Sure, why not?”

“Okay, I'll meet you there.” He gave me another slow, drugging kiss, then opened my car door for me and waited until my seat belt was on and my car was started before he moved and climbed into his Lincoln.

He followed me at a close distance. He was so sweet, but at times he seemed too eager to please. It's funny that a woman always wants a good man but when she gets one, there are doubts. I guess I just liked a little mystery and excitement, and with Kenyon you just didn't get that. What you see is what you get. His love was unconditional. I guess I should have felt flattered he loved me, but with so much uncertainty in my life, at times, it was just a bit too much.

I pulled into the driveway, and Kenyon pulled in right behind me. He was out of his car before I got out, and moved beside me.

“I was listening to your show when my daughter Rachel called,” he said as I put the key in the door.

“What was wrong?” I asked.

His nostrils flared as he spoke. “She had some fool over her house who wouldn't leave. I had to tell him he needed to go home.”

It was amazing how he believed in talking and trying to reason. If it had been one of my cousins or Trinette's brothers, they would have acted first and asked questions later.

“I'm glad she's okay,” I said, then opened the door. Kenyon immediately headed to the family room to let Rudy out his kennel. The second the door was opened, he ran to the back door so he could go out and take care of business.

While they were out back, I moved to my room and changed out of my clothes, then put on a caftan. I reached into the closet on the top shelf for a perfume I hadn't worn in years I thought Kenyon would enjoy. When I pulled the box down, something fell on my head. I stared down at the picture and collapsed on the floor. It was me holding Mimi in my arms only hours after she had been born. My lip quivered and next thing I knew, I was crying.

Kenyon stepped in the room, holding two wineglasses. “Here you…” His voice trailed off. “What's wrong?”

I shook my head, trying to hold back more tears. “Nothing.”

“Uh-uh. It's definitely something.” He set the glasses on my dresser, then scooped me in his arms, carried me over to the bed and took a seat with me on his lap. “Now talk to me.”

I buried my face against his chest. I tried to block out her precious little face and those amazing chocolate eyes she had inherited from her daddy. “Four years ago, I had a little girl.”

His eyes widened. “You do? I bet she looks just like you.”

“She did.” Kenyon's hand stilled. My lip quivered. “Mimi died right after her second birthday.”

“Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.” He pulled me close, and I let my tears fall freely. “Do you feel like telling me what happened?”

“S-She…she was hit by a car.” I started bawling as that afternoon came rushing back. “I was in the backyard with her. She was playing and somehow I…I had drifted off to sleep.” I paused long enough to wipe my eyes. “The gate was open and s-she wandered out the yard and into the street. The sound of brakes screeching and a woman s-screaming woke me up, and I…I came running. I found my daughter…lying in the street.”

“Oh, baby!”

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “How could a mother fall asleep when she knows her daughter is playing? I was so tired. I had worked at the bookstore all day trying to get ready for opening day and then went to the radio station. Donovan had gone to the shop, and I thought while she played in the yard, I could relax. I had no idea the gate was open.”

Kenyon stroked my back with a comforting hand. “Sweetie, you can't beat yourself up about it.”

“I can't help it! If I hadn't fallen asleep she…she would still be alive.”

For a long time, he simply held me and said nothing, and I appreciated that.

“I m-miss her so much.” Tears choked my voice.

“I know you do, baby.” He rubbed my back soothingly. “What can I do to cheer you up?”

I wiped my eyes and offered him a small smile I wasn't at all feeling. “How about handing me a glass of that wine?”

He kissed my lips. “Anything you want.” Reaching over, Kenyon grabbed a glass and handed it to me. “I told you, I'm always here for you.”

“Thanks.” I took a sip, soothing my dry, aching throat.

“Do you have a picture of your daughter I could see?”

I nodded. Instead of retrieving the one from the closet, I moved over to my drawer and reached inside for a five by seven I kept close. I handed it to him and took a seat cross-legged on the bed beside him.

Mimi had on a yellow dress I had found on clearance at Sears. I had styled her shoulder-length hair in a single ponytail with a matching yellow ribbon. “Tamika was two in that picture. The photographer spent almost a half hour trying to get her to smile. She was such a sweet baby.”

“She's beautiful just like her mother.”

I nodded. “Yes, she is.” We were silent for a long time just staring down at my little girl's chubby face and beautiful dimpled cheeks. Kenyon eventually handed me the photograph back and planted a kiss on my lips.

“Thanks for sharing her with me,” he said.

I was getting teary eyed again. “Thanks for being there for me.”

“I'll always be there for you. If you haven't figured it out, I love you, Nichole Sharice Truth.”

“And I love you.” I needed him in my life. I just hadn't realized how much I needed him until now. Trinette was wrong. Kenyon was a good man, and I wanted him in my life. There was nothing psycho about him at all.