Confessions at Midnight (22 page)

His gaze searched hers, as if looking for understanding, then words just poured out of him in a dry rasp. "I'd gone to the lake at Surbrooke Manor. I laid down in my favorite sunny spot and fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw her. In water up to her waist. I called to her, but she kept wading out deeper. Deeper. I couldn't understand why she didn't answer me. I screamed. Louder. Begging her to stop, to look at me.

"Finally she turned. And I saw it in her eyes. I knew what she planned to do. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. I ran into the water, yelling, pleading. I told her I loved her. That I needed her. More than anyone else in the world. But it didn't matter. She turned from me and kept walking. The lake there drops off sharply in the middle. I saw her go under. But I was a good swimmer. Thought I could save her. But I failed. The stones-" His voice broke and he cleared his throat. "She'd weighted down her skirt with stones. I eventually found her. Pulled her up. But it was too late."

Dear God. He'd witnessed a woman he loved kill herself. Had tried to save her, but couldn't. And clearly blamed himself.

Something wet plopped onto her hands, which still tightly held his, and she realized it was a tear. From her. They dripped from her eyes and silently coursed down her cheeks. "Daniel… I'm so sorry."

His eyes bored into hers. "After our meal today I fell asleep, and when I awoke, you were gone. I saw you in the water, walking in deeper, and then going under…" A tremor ran through him. "It was like reliving my worst nightmare."

Guilt and self-reproach stabbed her and she squeezed his hands tighter. "I'm so sorry I frightened you. Like you, I dozed off. When I awoke, I felt hot and uncomfortable and the water seemed so inviting. You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to wake you. I planned to just take a quick dip to refresh myself." She'd also planned to entice him to join her if he woke up, not realizing that there was no chance of that.

She bent her head and rested her cheek against their joined hands. "Even though I'm well acquainted with grief, I don't know what to say to you except to express my sorrow that you suffered such a heartbreaking loss. Was your loss… recent?"

Something flicked in his eyes then he shook his head. "No. I was eight. Carolyn, the woman was my mother."

For several long seconds Carolyn could only stare in stunned disbelief. She'd assumed he'd been an adult. Had lost a woman he was in love with. Which was horrible. But for a young boy to witness his own mother's suicide…

"Dear God, Daniel." Now she understood those shadows that clouded his eyes. The pain that lurked in their dark blue depths.

"She'd had another child before me," he said, his voice raw, distant. "A boy. He was stillborn. It sent her into a deep melancholy from which she never fully emerged. I came along about a year later, and although I think she tried to take an interest in me, she simply… couldn't."

"What of your father?"

"He thought I would cheer her spirits, but when I failed to do so, he wanted nothing to do with me. He eventually remarried and had two more sons with his new wife. Sophie never cared for me-if not for me, her eldest son would be the heir. Nor do my half brothers hold me in any esteem, mostly for the same reason. We rarely see each other. They only contact me when they need something, most often money."

His gaze shifted back to the water. "Until his dying day my father blamed me for my mother's death."

Pity for Daniel, for all he'd suffered, and anger at his father's thoughtless cruelty, collided in Carolyn. Certainly it wasn't necessary for his father to blame Daniel for his mother's death-clearly Daniel blamed himself more than anyone else ever could.

She touched his chin and waited until he'd turned back to her. "Do you recall I told you the other day that we cannot control other people's actions-only our own?" After he gave a tight nod, she continued, "Your mother's death was not your fault, Daniel. The sadness that drove her to take her own life had nothing to do with you."

Deep regret and naked desolation clouded his beautiful eyes. "I couldn't stop her sadness."

"But you didn't cause it." She brushed a stray dark lock from his forehead. "This… this is difficult for me to say, as it's something I've never told anyone. Not even Sarah, from whom I have no secrets." She drew a slow, bracing breath, then said softly, "For months after Edward died, I thought of taking my own life. I would sit for hours, staring at his portrait, feeling so alone and hopeless, unable to see a way to go on without him. Not wanting to go on without him."

The memory of those hideous, dark days swept through her and she shuddered. "But something inside me wouldn't, couldn't, allow me to end my life. I don't know what that something was. Perhaps an inner strength I'm unaware of. To this day I don't understand how or why I had it… My point is, my decision had only to do with me, not anyone else. If I'd been determined to end my life, no one-not even my beloved sister-could have talked me out of doing so or prevented it. Anymore than you could have prevented your mother from doing so."

A long silence swelled between them. Then he finally said, "I wish my mother had possessed that inner strength you spoke about."

"So do I. But it's not your fault that she did not."

He slipped one hand from hers, reached out and softly traced his fingertips over her face, as if trying to memorize her features. "I'm very glad you had it."

"So am I, although I wasn't at the time." She kissed his fingertips as they passed over her lips. "Thank you for confiding in me."

"Thank you for listening. And confiding in me." He cupped her cheek in his palm. "I hadn't intended to tell you, but having done so, I feel… better. Relieved. As if a great weight has been lifted."

"Keeping feelings locked inside can be a great burden."

"Yes. I don't often speak from the heart." One corner of his mouth lifted in a humorless half smile. "Some would say that's because I don't have one."

"And they would be wrong, Daniel." She laid one hand against his chest, her palm absorbing the steady thud there. "You have a kind, generous heart. Don't ever think otherwise."

Yes. And he was a kind, generous, honorable man who hid an enormous amount of pain behind the facade of a charming rogue. She'd known him for years, yet hadn't really known him-the real him. Until now. Until he'd shown her his heart.

A wave of warm tenderness inundated her, overflowing her own heart with a sensation that made her go utterly still. Because she recognized it. Very well. Because she'd felt it. Once before. With Edward. It was-

Love.

Dear God, she loved Daniel.

For several seconds she couldn't breathe. Couldn't take it in. She tried to deny it, but no, there was no mistake. She loved him.

But how had this happened? She barely knew him.

You've known him for years.

But not well.

You've gotten to know him
very
well recently
.

But not enough to love him.

You must recall that it only takes the heart a single beat to
know.

Yes, she recalled. And therefore knew there was no mistaking her feelings.

She realized they must have been building over the last few months, ever since she'd seen him at Matthew's house party. It was undeniable. Even though she never thought she'd fall in love again, she loved him.

A man who'd made it perfectly clear he didn't want her heart and who had no intention of giving his.

And even though she never thought she'd contemplate another marriage, she suddenly realized that the thought of marrying the man she loved filled her with a contentment she hadn't believed she would experience again.

Daniel hadn't made any attempt to hide his aversion to marriage. Given his wealth and holdings, the only reason he would need to marry was to provide an heir, something he could do decades from now. And given her lack of success in conceiving, even if he changed his mind and decided to marry now, she couldn't provide him with that heir. He had not one but two brothers who could inherit the earldom, but she knew every man wanted a son to be his heir.

She squeezed her eyes shut and cursed the irony.

"Carolyn?"

She opened her eyes and looked into his concerned depths.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

No. I've foolishly fallen in love with you. And I don't know what I'm going to do about it
. She attempted a smile but wasn't certain she succeeded. "I'm fine."

"I think we should get back to the house. Prepare for our return to London."

"Very well."

She made to arise, but he held her in place and slowly leaned forward. Settled his mouth on hers. And kissed her with a tender passion that swelled her throat and pushed hot moisture behind her eyes. Then he gathered up their belongings while she quickly donned her clothing.

An hour later saw them refreshed and on their way back to London. Not trusting her voice nor certain what to say, she spent the ride snuggled against him, resting her head against his chest. They spoke little, and she wondered what he was thinking. Hoped he was taking her words to heart that he was not to blame for his mother's death. And prayed he hadn't guessed the depth of her feelings for him.

She'd known their affair would eventually come to an end, but now realized that she'd need to end it as soon as possible. There was no point in confessing her feelings to a man who'd made it clear he only wanted an affair. To tell him would only embarrass them both, and no doubt horrify him.

Yet she couldn't continue their liaison feeling as she did about him. She knew from experience her feelings would only deepen, which meant that the longer she delayed in ending their affair, the more painful ending it would be.

Still, she couldn't even contemplate telling him now. Not when all his raw emotions and memories of his mother's death had so recently surfaced. And she wanted, needed, to be with him one more time. Make love with him one more time. And then she'd let him go. And once again start her life over.

When they arrived in London, the carriage stopped in front of her town house. Daniel escorted her to her door, where he lifted her hand and kissed her fingers.

"Thank you. For a beautiful day I will never forget."

Emotion clogged her throat, cutting off her words. She swallowed and managed a husky, "I'll never forget it either, Daniel."

And then he was gone.

And she climbed the stairs to her bedchamber on leaden legs.

Minutes after leaving Carolyn at her town house, Daniel, mentally drained and exhausted, approached his own home. Barkley and Samuel awaited him the foyer, the latter pacing the marble floor.

"Ye'll never guess wot, milord," Samuel said the instant Daniel entered the foyer.

Bloody hell. He wasn't certain he had the strength for any further drama today. "I can't imagine."

"Those two blokes are back. The magistrate and the Runner. Been 'ere nigh on two hours waitin' on ye. We told 'em we didn't know when ye'd be returnin' but they insisted on waitin'."

"Did they say why?"

Samuel shook his head and swallowed nervously.

Daniel clapped a reassuring hand on the young man's shoulder. "No doubt they've made a breakthrough in Lady Crawford's murder. I'll see what they want."

"Just in case they're here about young Samuel, I showed them into the library, my lord," Barkley intoned. "I thought perhaps they might enjoy Naughty's company."

Good God. Two hours with Naughty? He doubted either man would be amused.

He entered the library and was relieved to note that Naughty was sleeping. Rayburn and Mayne rose, and after greetings were exchanged, Mayne said in his brusque manner, "You've been out all day, Lord Surbrooke?"

"Yes. I arrived home just now."

"Where have you been?"

"I visited my country home in Kent."

Mayne's brows rose. "Rather a long trip for one day."

"The weather was good and I enjoy the journey."

Rayburn cleared his throat. "You must have gotten an early start this morning. What time did you leave?"

"Around seven." His gaze shifted between them. "Gentlemen, I'm weary and would like retire, so perhaps you could get to the point of this visit. Is it regarding Tolliver? Or Lady Crawford's murder?"

"Now why would you think we're here about Lady Crawford's murder?" Mayne asked sharply.

"I can only assume you're here about one or the other, as I can't see that we have anything else to discuss."

"I'm afraid we do," Rayburn said, his deep voice serious. "Tell me, Lord Surbrooke, what time did you depart Lord Exbury's party last evening?"

"I'm not exactly certain, but I'd guess around one A.M."

"Did you come straight home?"

"Yes."

"Did you remain at home?"

He hesitated for single beat, during which he shoved his conscience aside. "Yes." He had. For about twenty minutes before leaving to go to Carolyn.

Mayne's eyes narrowed with clear distrust. "Rayburn and I observed you talking to Lady Margate at the Exbury soiree last evening."

Daniel thought for several seconds then nodded. "We exchanged a few pleasantries."

"What is your relationship with her?"

"We are friends."

"We've heard from several sources that as recently as last year you were more."

"It's no secret that Gwendolyn and I had a brief affair."

"Did you give her any jewelry, as you had Lady Crawford?" asked Rayburn.

"Yes. A bracelet."

"Sapphires?"

Daniel nodded. "As a matter of fact she was wearing it last evening." A fissure of unease snaked down his spine. "Why do you ask?"

"Because, Lord Surbrooke," said Rayburn, "Lady Margate was found dead early this morning, in the mews behind Lord Exbury's town house. She was bludgeoned to death-the same method as your other previous lover, Lady Crawford. And you, my lord, are the one common link between the two murders."

D
aniel stared at the two men and forced his outward demeanor to remain calm-a marked contrast to his inner turmoil. He could barely comprehend that Gwendolyn was dead, let alone that Mayne and Rayburn suspected him of murder. They'd been suspicious after Blythe's death, Mayne especially, though he hadn't been overly concerned. But now…

He lifted his brows. "You really believe me capable of committing such crimes?"

"Given the right provocation, any man is capable of murder, my lord," Mayne said, his dark eyes never shifting from Daniel's face.

"Yourself included?" Daniel asked, his own gaze not wavering.

"
Any
man," Mayne reiterated.

"And what could possibly motivate me to kill two women, both of whom I was fond?"

"Perhaps you weren't as fond of them as you'd like us to believe," Mayne stated.

"You'd have a great deal of trouble proving that, especially as it isn't true. While the evidence seems to point to me-"

"There's no 'seems to' about it," Mayne broke in. "It
does
point to you. Only you."

"Very conveniently so," Daniel said. "Too conveniently. Surely it's occurred to you that someone is trying to make me look like the guilty party."

"That's what you said about Tolliver," Rayburn said. "He couldn't have murdered Lady Margate, as he's in custody."

"But he certainly could have killed Lady Crawford," Daniel said, striving to keep his annoyance in check. "And shot at me. Unless you think I shot at myself. Perhaps Tolliver arranged for someone else to kill Lady Margate in the same way as Lady Crawford. The man threatened me, wanted revenge on me. What better way than to see me ruined and hanged for murder?"

Rayburn frowned. "Then why try to shoot you?"

"Impatience perhaps?" Daniel suggested. "I've no idea the workings of a madman's mind."

"Who stands to inherit your title and properties should you die?" Mayne asked.

Daniel hesitated at the abrupt question, then said, "My younger half brother, Stuart. And after him, his younger brother, George."

"Half brothers?" said Rayburn.

"My father remarried after my mother's death."

"And how is your relationship with them?"

"Strained," Daniel admitted. "However, neither could be responsible, as they're on the continent. Have been for the past several months."

"And your stepmother?"

"Is with them."

"Inheriting an earldom is certainly motive," Mayne pointed out. "Any one of them could have traveled back to England."

"Very unlikely," Daniel said. "Their last letter to me arrived only a few days ago from Austria. They were having a delightful time and planned to journey to Italy from there."

"Sounds like a friendly letter considering your strained relationship," remarked Rayburn.

"They're always friendly when asking me for money," Daniel said dryly. "While both they and my stepmother are greedy and shallow, they're not murderers."

"Any other enemies?" Rayburn asked.

"None that I'm aware of, but it seems quite clear I have one. I trust you'll keep trying to discover his identity. As will I." Daniel rose. "If there's nothing else…" he said, glancing pointedly at the door.

Rayburn and Mayne departed, although it was obvious to Daniel that Mayne wanted nothing more than to confine him in shackles and drag him off to the hangman's noose. He guessed Mayne suspected he'd bent the truth about leaving the house last night, and that didn't bode well. The Runner clearly thought him guilty. Which meant that Mayne would be spending his time looking for evidence against him rather than searching for the real killer.

Bloody hell.

A disturbing thought tickled the back of his mind, and with a frown, he paced before the hearth. It was glaringly clear that someone was trying to frame him for murder. But who? And why? Both victims were previous lovers. His frown deepened. Actually, they were two of his most recent lovers. The only women he'd been with since Blythe and Gwendolyn were Kimberly and-

Carolyn.

He halted as if he'd walked into a wall. Was his enemy specifically targeting his former lovers? It seemed so-and what better way to cast suspicion on him? In which case, both Kimberly and Carolyn could be in danger. The thought of Kimberly in danger angered and concerned him. But the thought Carolyn in danger-

He felt as if his heart stopped beating. The thought of Carolyn in danger chilled him to the bone. Did his enemy know of his relationship with Carolyn? And then another thought hit him-one that froze his blood.

What if that shot the night before last wasn't meant for him but for Carolyn?

For several seconds his lungs ceased to function. He had no proof, but the churning in his gut told him he was right. Perhaps his earlier lovers might be in danger, but based on the pattern of the last two crimes, Kimberly and Carolyn were the next logical victims. He ran into the foyer and quickly told Samuel and Barkley about his conversation with Rayburn and Mayne.

"Wot bloody idiots, thinkin' ye could hurt those ladies," Samuel said, his eyes flashing.

"I agree, but that's not what's important right now. I need to warn Lady Walsh and Lady Wingate they might be in danger due to their… connection with me. Samuel, I want you to locate Rayburn and Mayne and tell them what I've told you. I don't know where they were going, but they'll eventually end up back at the Bow Street office."

"Yes, milord."

They left together, heading in opposite directions. When Daniel arrived at Carolyn's town house, Nelson said, "Lady Wingate is not at home."

Sick fear gripped Daniel. "Where is she?"

"At her sister's town house. Marchioness Langston called twice today, most anxious to speak with Lady Wingate. Lady Wingate remained at home only long enough to change clothes then departed."

"Are you certain she arrived safely?"

Nelson blinked. "Yes, my lord. She sent the carriage back, saying Lord Langston would see her home."

Relief loosened some of the tension gripping Daniel. He quickly related his concerns regarding Carolyn's safety to Nelson.

When he finished, the butler drew himself up to his full height and determination filled his eyes. "I'll inform the rest of the household, my lord. Rest assured we'll allow no harm to come to Lady Wingate."

"Excellent. I'm off now to warn Lady Wingate."

"But who will protect
you
, my lord?"

"I'm armed. And this bastard doesn't want to kill me-he wants me to hang for murder." And based on his interview with Mayne and Rayburn, if he didn't act quickly, the bastard would most likely succeed.

Daniel left and climbed into his carriage. Although he wanted to go immediately to Carolyn, his rational mind told him she was safe with Matthew. Kimberly's home was on the way to Matthew's town house, and she needed to be warned as well. After giving his coachman Kimberly's direction, he sat back and prayed he was wrong about the danger. But everything inside him told him he was right.

When he arrived at Kimberly's town house, he was relieved to find her at home. He was greeted warmly by her butler, Sanders, and as on his previous visits, was shown to her private sitting room. She entered several minutes later, wearing an exquisite cream lace negligee and matching robe.

"How lovely to see you," she said with a warm smile, holding out her hands. "I called on you earlier today and was sorry to have missed you. At your club, were you?"

He squeezed her hands then released them. "No. A quick jaunt to the country. Kimberly, there's something I must tell you."

"Then by all means, let us sit." She waved her hand toward the oversized sofa in front of the hearth. "Would you care for a brandy?"

"No, thank you. Nor do I wish to sit." He tersely told her everything, and watched her eyes widen with each sentence he spoke. When he finished, he asked, "Who is here to protect you besides Sanders?"

"James, and you know what a strapping young man my footman is."

"Good. Inform them both and do not go anywhere unescorted." He lightly clasped her upper arms. "Anywhere."

"I won't, but darling, you're scaring me." She reached and brushed her fingers over his tense jaw. "I'd feel much safer if you stayed with me."

He gave her shoulders an encouraging squeeze then released her. "I'm sorry, but I must go. I've every confidence in James and Sanders."

After extracting her promise to be careful, he departed, instructing his coachman to make haste to Matthew's town house. When he arrived, he was assured by Matthew's butler, Graham, that Lady Wingate was indeed there, visiting with Lady Langston, Lady Julianne, and Lady Emily in the marchioness's private sitting room. Daniel was about to demand to see her when Matthew strolled into the foyer.

"Seems to be our evening for visitors," he said with a smile that faded as he drew closer to Daniel. "Are you all right?"

Daniel shook his head. "I need to speak to Carolyn."

Matthew hesitated. "She's with Sarah, who's been very anxious to speak with her all day. Emily and Julianne arrived just before you." He turned to Graham. "When the ladies come downstairs, please tell them Lord Surbrooke and I await them in the drawing room."

"Yes, my lord."

Daniel was about to protest, but decided that since Carolyn was clearly safe, he could take this opportunity to fill Matthew in on the latest developments.

Matthew led him into the drawing room, and after closing the door behind them, immediately asked, "What's wrong, Daniel?"

He listened carefully while Daniel told him everything, concluding with, "Now I must warn Carolyn. If anything were to happen to her…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head, unable to contemplate such an outcome. "I want her safe. At all costs."

Matthew made no reply. Instead, he walked to the decanters and poured two generous brandies. After handing a crystal snifter to Daniel, he said, "I agree with your assessment that someone's trying to frame you, and is killing your former lovers in order to do so. But
who
is doing it and why?"

Daniel dragged his hands down his face. "I don't know. Since Gwendolyn's murder couldn't have been committed by Tolliver, I'm wondering if he either hired someone to commit the crime or perhaps had a silent business partner who is also facing financial ruin. Someone who would blame his difficulties on me for backing out of the deal."

"Perhaps." Matthew's gaze met his. "Have you considered your family?" he asked quietly. "There's no love lost between you, and they would certainly benefit from your demise."

A humorless sound escaped Daniel. "Mayne and Rayburn suggested the same thing. Perhaps if they were in London I'd be inclined to suspect them, but they're in Austria."

Matthew nodded slowly. "The suggestion of Tolliver having a silent partner is a good one, one we should have Rayburn and Mayne look into."

"Samuel is searching for them. As soon as I speak to them, I'll let them know." He pulled in a deep breath then admitted, "I wasn't entirely truthful with Mayne earlier, and I suspect he knows."

"About what?"

"He wanted to know my whereabouts last night. I told him I was home."

"But you weren't?"

"No."

When he didn't elaborate, Matthew said, "You were with Carolyn."

It wasn't a question and there was no point denying it, as Matthew knew him so well. He gave a tight nod then said, "I promised her discretion and had no intention of telling them something that is none of their business."

"Surely they'll guess the nature of your relationship once they learn you believe her to be in danger."

"Perhaps, but there was no way around telling them that. Still, I don't plan to admit to them that Carolyn and I are anything more than close friends, which is perfectly true. Anything else is none of their damn business."

"You were with Carolyn today as well?"

"Yes. I took her to Meadow Hill."

Matthew's brows rose at that. "I see. And how was your visit there?"

Emotional. Frightening. Cathartic.

Perfect.

"Enjoyable," he murmured. Not wishing to answer any more questions on that topic, he said, "Sarah was anxious to speak with Carolyn. Nothing is amiss, I hope."

"On the contrary, everything is wonderful. I'm going to be a father."

Based on his expression, there was no doubt Matthew was ecstatic. Daniel smiled and held out his hand, happy for his friend, but aware of a vague sense of emptiness tugging at him. "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"You seem very calm."

"Actually, I've been a frenzy of anxiety ever since the doctor confirmed the pregnancy this morning. Both Sarah and the doctor assure me she's perfectly fit, and Sarah has
forbid
me to worry. She said if I intend to pace the floors until the babe arrives, she'll cosh me over the head with a skillet."

"Quite the violent streak your wife has."

"Apparently. Of course, even the threat of bodily harm won't keep me from worrying. I'm afraid worrying comes with the territory of loving someone." Matthew looked at him over the rim of his brandy snifter. "As you're finding out."

Daniel's own snifter halted halfway to his lips and his brows collapsed in a frown. "What do you mean?"

"Do you truly not know?"

"Know what?"

Matthew looked toward the ceiling then pinned his gaze on Daniel. "You're in love, you idiot."

An immediate denial sprang to Daniel's lips, but when he opened his mouth no sound came forth. In love? Surely not. But the instant he tried to deny it, he realized with stunning clarity it was true.
That's
what this bone-deep wanting, needing, and yearning was. This unfamiliar aching, twisting, gut wrenching plethora of emotions that ran the gamut from happiness to misery.