Confessions of a D-List Supervillain (6 page)

“Are you doing okay, Cal? You haven’t come out in hours.”  Stacy asks after knocking on my doorframe.

Smacking one of my hands on the table, I sigh. “I can’t come up with anything that’s going to work on the scale we need it to.”

“No one’s expecting you to solve it all by yourself. Why don’t you take a break?”

“Has Athena said we need to start targeting Lazarus and his scientists yet?”

“Um, no.”

“You’re not a very good liar, Stacy.”

She shrugs. It’s incredible just to watch her do it. “Okay, she has, but don’t let that get you down. You’ve done an awful lot here, but Lazarus is an organizational genius. This kind of thing is up his alley.”

“Of course there’s one hitch, where in the world is Lazarus Patterson? The bugs are probably using his so-called creative genius rather than his Ultraweapon suit.”

“We’re thinking we could track him with his Blackberry if he’s still carrying it. You know, figure out what cell phone tower his phone is responding to and then track him down.”

The thought of him sitting in a cubicle somewhere, for sixteen hours a day, designing weapons that no one is going to build amuses me. Still, I’m about to be kicked to the curb. Obscurity, it’s just a phone call away.

Wait a damn second! “Cell towers! That’s it!”

Aphrodite is confused. “What are you talking about?”

I fish around through the cards until I find the combination. “I’ve only been focusing on the things in your vault. The delivery system is already in place. I just didn’t think of it until now. The General’s chair will boost your power right?”

“Well yeah, but we’ve been through this before. It’s not enough.”

“Unless we use The Wireless Wizard’s dead zone gear and use the cell phone towers all across the world to carry your signal. His stuff would use the cell towers and people’s own mobile phones as weapons. We don’t have to lug you and the chair all around the world. We can just have a big old bug killing teleconference! There’s The Overlord’s Mindwiper too. The energy might not be able to go through the Wizard’s gear, but if we hit the heroes with the ray and wipe out the last three months worth of memories, they’ll still have the cravings and feel like shit, but won’t remember why.”

She runs it through her mind. “It’s brilliant! I’ll get Holly.”

Of course, there is the small matter of breaking into the Olympian’s headquarters – the most secure location in the world. It’ll be just like a big bank job, a piece of cake, right? Oh wait; I never had much luck with banks.

• • •

“So, are you ready for tomorrow?” Stacy asks, using a diagnostic scanner on her suit as I watch.

“Ready as I can be, I guess. It’s nice that you’re really serious about your armor. Crenshaw just wants her suit to work.”

“I’d watch Lazarus working on his when we dated. Anytime I’d ask questions, he’d get really possessive. It was kind of strange considering he usually had an entire team of techs working on it at any given time.”

“You weren’t on his payroll. Either way, his suit is a corvette and mine’s a dump truck. Plus, I’m used to people giving my stuff the once over. It’s generally haggling over the price that irritates me.”

Rolling her eyes, she chuckles. “Given any thought to what you’ll do after all this is over, Cal?”

“Well, I’ll have to get a new base. Everyone knows where this one is.”  I don’t bother mentioning that should we lose, I’ll be welcoming my insect overlords with open arms.

“You could always play for the good guys. I’d vouch for you. The Guardians pay their heroes.”

I pick up a piece of metal on the bench and flex it in my hands nervously. “Me? Punching the clock and picking up a paycheck, bankrolled by Uncle Sam and Promethia? I don’t see it. Plus, there’s some bad blood between me and the guys here on the GulfCoast.”

She’s trying to rehabilitate me. “Give it some thought. You keep saying how no one’s ever given you a fair shake.”

“We’ll see how it plays out. What about you? If we win, you’re going to be stuck on that throne playing ‘Miss Twelve Step program’ to a few billion people all going through withdrawal at the same time. That’s going to be thrilling.”

“Yeah, I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s going to be even worse for you guys. I’ll be safe in Headquarters and you’ll be out there dealing with all the depressed and suicidal people. I’ll take being inside over riot duty any day.”

“Riot duty?”  I check the list of things I’ve signed up for, that isn’t on it.

“I’m guessing Athena hasn’t spoken to you about this yet.”

“That’s a fair assumption.”

“We’re going to be so shorthanded after this that we’re going to need everyone to pitch in.”

“So you’re recruiting me?”

“I figured you might need a bit of persuasion.”

I mull it over. “I don’t have any other plans. I’ll do it, but only because it’s you asking.”

Stacy smiles at me and disconnects the scanner from her armor. “Good. I’m glad that’s settled. Now, I’m going to go take a long hot shower and get cleaned up. Mind if I use the one in your bedroom?”

As I fumble for an answer, she sets the scanner on the workbench and laughs. “Funny, that’s basically how we met isn’t it?”

“Yeah, if I hadn’t turned on the camera in the bathroom to record it we’d both be little drones right now.”

“Do you have cameras in these showers?”

Inside my armor I gulp and stammer, “No, just in the main rooms and the cells.”

“That’s a shame. You could always bring a camcorder in and do it old school.”

The world stops for a moment as I try to process what she just said. My climate control inside the suit seems to be failing. All I can manage to squeak out is, “Are you serious?” 

“Yes. Tomorrow, we could die or worse, be turned into slaves. I want to do one last thing that’s my choice, of my own free will, and I’m feeling the need to work off the pre-battle jitters. How about it, Cal?”

There’s absolutely no arguing with that logic. Count me in!

Chapter Five

War Dialing FTW

This morning, I’m still trying to rationalize what happened. It couldn’t have meant anything to her. It was just a diversion, merely something (or someone) to do. Though she said she was impressed because she reached what she calls, “the second level,” something that doesn’t happen that often. It’s this
other
thing where she ends up venting some of her powers. All I can say about that is it got me right back in the game and both Holly and Keisha were giving her shit about it this morning because they caught some of the backlash. I try to push it aside and focus on the task at hand.

“Listen, you two are essential to our plan to raid Promethia. We can’t pull it off without you.” I say trying to sound sincere.

Gunk and Rodentia are lapping it up, just looking for a way out. They’re nowhere near cured and that’s exactly the point.

“Our team here will head out to Promethia’s West Coast offices and our other team will assault the West Coast Guardians' base. We’re certain they have a weapon there that will stop the bugs. Rodentia, we’ll need lots of your furry creatures and Gunk, we need you to ... to start making mucus.”

I finally came up for a use for these two losers – decoys. They will “escape” shortly and waste no time finding the nearest bugs. The bugs aren’t deep thinkers and are probably bigger suckers for lies than the heroes. With any luck, most of their super-powered drones will be hours away on the west coast when we attack New Mount Olympus, outside of Washington DC. That’s good, because we’re going to need time to get this all to work.

One of the perks about being a bad guy is that I’m not above using people. It’s doubtful that any of the heroes would’ve come up with this one, except Stacy. She's probably had a lot of experience using people. I’ve recently been added to that list, or maybe I’m jumping to conclusions. Either way, I need to stop thinking about her!

The reality is that we’re stealing one of the Gulf Coast Guardians’ planes and heading east.

Smiling inside my helmet, I give them the key code to open the outer door and say that we’ll be letting them out of the cells shortly.

Returning to the control room, I say to the rest of the team, “It’s done. All that’s left is to set them loose.”

Andydroid, Aphrodite, and I have the technical part of the mission, making the Wireless Wizard’s equipment work with the throne. The rest have to protect us using whatever they can for as long as possible.

• • •

Amidst the hordes of Type B guard-bots, I fire my Gatling mini-gun wildly. Blasts of energy and concussion grenades strike my opponents indiscriminately. There is no shortage of targets. The Type B’s aren’t even humanoid; they’re just rolling balls with heavy stun guns attached on rotating stabilizers. The bad guys usually equip them with something much more offensive, but the Olympians make up for it in quantity.

I use my jetpack and strafe them, swooping through the masses, cutting a path, and drawing fire away from my teammates. It’s weird being part of a team and I’m trying to adjust to it.

Athena and Aphrodite are struggling with Poseidon. The Sea Lord’s dense skin allows him to soak up their best attacks like a sponge. Super strength and high-pressure blasts of water keep them busy. Once Stacy killed his bug, it sent him into a berserker rage. She’s probably regretting that now.

Hermes is holding her own against both Demeter and a squad of robots. Andydroid and the Cyber Dudes help me with the robots and the gun emplacements rising out of the ground. Landing, I feel the ground shake as a pair of Type D Warbots step out from the faux Greek columns surrounding the headquarters. The “Death Dealers” are coming up next. They’re going to need massed firepower to beat and we’re too spread out at the moment.

If we don’t turn the tide soon, we might not even make it inside. This is the part where I usually run away – except I know that there’s nowhere to left to run. I toss the mini-gun to Andy and trigger my jetpack. Accelerating into the backside of Poseidon, I slam him into one of the sculptures, trigger a full electrical discharge, and give him a helmet-mounted force blaster noogie. The power levels in the suit immediately begin dropping at the continuous release of energy.

It’s everything I’ve got and I know it might not be enough. Pulling him into a full-nelson, I trigger my flight system and drag him skyward. If he can survive the crushing depths of the ocean, a big drop shouldn’t kill him.

I manage only about a few hundred feet before Poseidon breaks my hold and nearly dislocates a shoulder. He twists and wraps an arm around my neck. I’m staring into his enraged face as his other arm cocks back a fist. Oh shit!

Activate sonic generator! Fire force blaster!
Earmuffs clamp down a millisecond before the high decibel wail begins. It takes a second blast from the helmet gun before he lets go – my own version of “catch and release”. I’d like to say that his plunge into a Type D Warbot was completely planned and perfectly executed, but it wasn’t. It was luck, pure and simple. Either way, it’s what we need.

I dive bomb the giant robot as Athena and Aphrodite hammer away at it. My weight hits its upper back, driving it down to the ground as its servos and stabilizers adjust to my sudden weight. I go right for the Poseidon-sized dent in the shoulder and start ripping armor plating away and firing into the inner workings. Sending my last two concussion grenades down the hole, I fly off and let the primary and secondary explosions rip it to pieces.

My shields protest against the blasts of the remaining turrets and the other Warbot. I’m swatted back down to the ground and rise out of a freshly made crater, already checking my diagnostics and firing my Cyclops blaster. Hurling chunks of the destroyed robot at its companion, I play kickball with a Type B.

That’s strange, Athena and Hermes are still standing, but the Warbot is attacking me. Must be a glitch in the threat selection programming
.

Faulty subroutines or not, it’s one of the last things standing between us and the exterior of the Olympian’s Headquarters. I reach for my sledgehammer and find it missing – lost during the fight somewhere. It doesn’t matter.

Hermes zips up next to me and shoves the mini-gun in my hands. I feel her popping a fresh clip of twelve grenades into the launcher. Her face is bleeding and her voice is ragged, “Take it out and we’re in!”

Backed by energy spears, force blasts, rockets, and a kitchen sink or two, I take flight and advance on the almost ten meter tall machine. Other than Ultraweapon’s suit, it’s the pinnacle of Promethia’s technology. It’s the next best thing to fighting Patterson himself and I’ve never been more eager in my life.

Less than a minute later, amidst ground shaking explosions, the huge robot topples into the side of the building and disintegrates in a flaming mass of destruction. I emerge from the wreckage and, for the first time, understand what I am truly capable of.

• • •

Inside the base, Hestia, the remaining Olympian, proves to be little trouble, but we know that she sent out the alarm. The clock is ticking. We’re down to one fully-functional Cyber Dude and Andy. Hermes is looking downright awful as she speed-eats, replenishing her energy. Already two bugs have tried to land on her and suffered a shocking demise. Athena’s damaged armor lies in a useless pile at her feet. She’s dressing in thick clothes to protect her from the bugs.

I’m connecting fresh powercells from the Olympian’s stock when Athena issues the orders. “Stacy, get Andy and Stringel into the vault. The rest of us will buy you time, so make it work!”

The Olympians’ vault – for a technogeek like me, is like Christmas come early. I could spend a full week in here just looking around. The throne is easy to locate. Size and image matter a great deal to the General. I’m already running cable to the base power supply while Andy and Stacy search for the Wireless Wizard’s telecommunications gear and the Overlord’s Mindwiper.

The good news is that Hestia, who maintains the base, is an obsessive compulsive type. Each display is meticulously labeled. The bad news is that there are an awful lot of them. Athena and Hermes deploy the few remaining Type B robots to keep the normals out of the way, but when the big dogs get here, they’ll make short work of them, and we’ve taken out all the other defenses.

“How’s it coming?” Athena’s voice comes over the announcing system, “We’ve already got incoming. Looks like WhirlWendy and a few other Guardians.”

“The chair’s powering up, maybe ten minutes before it’s charged. Stacy’s getting into the Wizard’s suit. She’s going to need time to figure out how to use it. Andy’s still looking for the Mindwiper.”

“I don’t need to tell you that time is of the essence.”

“You just did.”

“Bite me, Stringel!”

“If you run out of energy spears, don’t forget the stick. You can use that too!”

Athena breaks contact in a huff as Stacy glowers at me. She’s trying to fit gracefully into a suit clearly made for a three hundred pound man, “Cal, what did I tell you?”

“I was only trying to be helpful and give her a fall-back strategy. Andy, while you’re looking for the Mindwiper, see if you can find something using a standard power cable. The General’s throne has a second interface. We can get it powered up faster with another cable.”

“Don’t ignore me, Cal.”

“Sorry Stacy, there are people in this world who don’t get along. Holly and I are two of those people.”

She pauses for a moment, bunching up the fiber mesh of the suit and connecting it to the backpack with the satellite dish attached. “You do know that you’re going to have to make a better effort to get along with my best friend if you’re serious about being my boyfriend.”

Despite the obvious danger of approaching superheroes and the time crunch surrounding us, that phrase stops me in my tracks. I sputter, “Come again?”

“Hopefully, yes,” she grins at me.

“Are you serious?”

“Why not? But let’s work out the details after this whole save the world thing, okay?”

Andy interrupts my stupor by shoving a power cable into my hands and I gather my scattered wits about me. I scramble to get the cable connected to the throne and load a code-breaker into the keypad. Given that they’ve had this chair for a few years; my cracker should break it in less than five minutes.

I’m off the chair and back by Stacy helping her with the backpack. “Looks like the interface is on the left wrist. Activate it and tell me what you see.”

“It’s mapping out the nearby sites for the Three-Oh-One and Two-Oh-Two Area Codes. Wow! I can use the cell towers to see, sort of. Oh no! Apollo’s chariot is inbound.”

“Andy! Get her in the chair. I’ve got a minicomputer attached to the keypad breaking the code. When it finishes, punch it in and lower the headgear. I’ll go see if I can buy you a few minutes more.”

Stacy looks worried. She motions for me to open my helmet. When I do, she leans in and kisses me. “Good luck, Cal.”

I scoop up the mini-gun and head to the door. “I’m counting on you to save the day, Aphrodite. I’ll concentrate on saving the next five minutes. Seal the door behind me.”

Opening the door, I charge out, trying to banish childhood memories of Newman and Redford running out to fight the entire Bolivian Army.

The sight before me makes me wish for a plain old army – I might have a chance against that. Instead, I see Ares hoisting Athena over his head like a rag doll while some flying hero I don’t recognize rips the clothes away with his claws. A swarm waits close by and a bug immediately jumps on Holly Crenshaw.

Hermes is still sprinting around, but she’s slowing down and going to be overwhelmed any second now. Athena stops struggling and points an accusing hand at me. Oops! Someone just told everyone about our little scheme. I zero in on the crowd around Ares.
Fire all concussion grenades! Activate sonic generator!

The high-pitched piercing whine and the detonations of forty millimeter grenades at least show that I’m going out with a bang. Maybe I should go e-mail the Spartans, because my last stand is going to be on the steps of MountOlympus. I swivel the business end of my energy mini-gun around and cut loose.

“Eat hot plasma!” Of course no one can hear me over the sonic generator, but that’s not the point. I concentrate my fire on the ones that come charging, heedless of the ear-splitting pain.

The crowd pushes me in through the opening where the doors once were. It actually works to my advantage, limiting the people who can kick my ass at any given time to only five or six. The mini-gun is ripped from my arms and I resort to flailing limbs, electrical discharges and bolts from my helmet blaster.

I stand my ground, giving much better than I'm getting, but it’s like a bear being surrounded by wolves. I can’t hold them for long! Shields begin to falter and an uppercut from a visibly bloody Ares sends me flying into the wall and triggers a warning klaxon in my ear.

Suit power at six percent! I fire the last shot from my helmet blaster and struggle to stay on my feet. It doesn’t work. The view from down on my knees is better anyway.

That’s it! I’ve done all I can. The heroes, most driven to the brink of sanity by the loss of their bugs, close in.

I’m watching my life flash before my eyes, trying to fast forward to get to the parts involving the love goddess when the doors behind me are blasted off their hinges. The hairs on the back of my neck rise as the air around me crackles with power.

A bolt of energy washes down the hallway over my head knocking everyone back. Andy comes out with what must be the Mindwiper in his hands and starts zapping everyone in sight. He drops a pair of fresh powercells at my feet.

The energy boost gets me back up to thirty-five percent, allowing me to bypass damaged systems. Standing, I cast a glance over my shoulder and see Stacy. She's bathed in light and glowing like the goddess she truly is. I stumble forward and grab the mindwiped Ares.

He opens his eyes and I help him up. “What’s happening?”

“Invasion of the mind controlling bugs, Olympian. Welcome back to the right side.”