Conflicted (27 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

As I drove toward the city, the prospect of going on a job interview and looking at apartments filled me with excitement.

This was different from the night Kaylee and I went to the bar. This wasn’t just for a night of fun.

I wore a brand new dress, I’d polished my nails, and I felt confident and sexy. I listened to Christmas music as I made my way toward the skyscrapers, allowing the catchy jingles to lighten my mood.

This next step terrified me as much as it exhilarated me, but the only way to move forward was to stop hiding at my sister’s house and actually take the step.

My GPS got me to the building that housed MTC Industries, and I found a parking deck just around the corner. I parked and walked to the building as I hummed “Silver Bells.” I felt a giddiness I hadn’t felt in a long time.

It wasn’t because I’d seen Cole the week before. And if I kept telling myself that, maybe it would be true.

The receptionist greeted me with a smile.

“Lucy Cle—uh, Vance here to see Mr. Mathers.” I still wasn’t used to using my maiden name again.

“Of course, Lucy. Have a seat. Lincoln will be right out.” She called into Lincoln’s office.

“Ms. Vance,” Lincoln boomed in a jovial voice a few minutes later. He grinned and gave me a hug. “It’s been…what, two days since we spoke?”

I grinned. “Oh, is that all? Feels like at least three.”

He chuckled and put his arm around my shoulders as he led me back to his office. Even though I technically worked for the company, I’d never been to the office. I’d been too busy hiding out in Santa Clarita. “Lex wanted to know if you have time for lunch today.”

“I’m actually meeting with a realtor to look at apartments, but maybe after that.”

“She could go with you, if you want.”

“I know she could. I need to do this just for me, though.”

He nodded as we turned down another hallway. “Of course you do. I’m so proud of you, Lucy. And I’m excited to get you on board here. We’ll miss little Madi, though. Promise you’ll still bring her around?”

“Of course I will. I’m sure Kaylee would love to have them out to the house for a pajama party.”

We arrived at a closed door with a placard that read
CEO LINCOLN MATHERS
, and Lincoln paused outside of it. “That sounds wonderful. Now are you ready for your interview?”

“So formal. Yes, I’m ready.”

He opened the door, and my heart dropped into my stomach before leaping back up into my throat.

This was definitely
not
something I was ready for.

Standing by the windows overlooking the expansive skyline of Los Angeles was none other than Cole Benson.

He stood there in all of his royal beauty, imposing as ever against the backdrop of LA. And he looked just as shocked to see me as I felt in seeing him.

He wore a charcoal suit with a black shirt and tie. His black hair was a mess and the scruff on his chin was perfection. His dark eyes looked tired and a bit haunted, like he hadn’t been getting enough sleep.

It was the first time I’d ever been able to read the emotion so clearly on his face. He’d always been so disciplined in hiding his true feelings, but clearly seeing me in the flesh in Lincoln’s office had hit him completely off guard.

He looked even more beautiful in person than he’d looked in my memories, and all I wanted to do was run into his arms.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. It wasn’t my right to anymore.

He started toward me but stopped himself. “Lucy,” he whispered.

I cleared my throat. “Cole.” My voice shook.

“It’s good to see you again, Ms. Cleary.” His voice was soft and sincere.

“It’s actually Ms. Vance now.” My voice continued to shake, as did my hands and knees. I held onto the door frame for support, sure my legs were going to buckle beneath me. He looked at me in wonder at my pronouncement. “And it’s good to see you, too.”

Lincoln cleared his throat, and both of our heads whipped in his direction. I’d forgotten he was even there. “Cole, when you talk about Lucy in every meeting we have, there’s more than a simple professional admiration. I think it’s time for you to talk to each other and figure this out.”

My eyes darted from Lincoln back to Cole. He’d turned to gaze out the window, but his eyes flicked back to mine.

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Lincoln said, gently nudging me into his office. He closed the door behind me, leaving Cole and me alone.

We stared at each other for a full ten seconds before either of us spoke, and then we spoke at the same time. “What are you doing here?” we asked the other in unison.

We both laughed nervously. “You first,” he said.

“I’ve been working with Lincoln as an independent consultant. He asked me here today to interview me for a full-time position. You?”

He looked out the window like he always did during our conversations. “He told me he needed to meet with me regarding his account. I thought it was strange since we just met a few days ago.”

“I’ve become close with him and his wife,” I said by way of explanation—not that I owed one to Cole.

“They’re good people.”

“He knows what happened between us.”

Cole took a second to digest that information, and then he motioned to the chairs. We both sat even though my natural instinct was to move closer to him and to touch him.

I couldn’t believe how strong that instinct was.

It was strange sitting on the same side of the desk as Cole. I was so used to him sitting on the other side, looking down at me, his lowly assistant. As we sat in our chairs, I felt equal to him for maybe the first time since I’d met him. We’d never be equal in the business sense—I’d never aspire to be the CEO of a major company—but at least here we were on equal ground.

“So now he’s in the matchmaking business?” Cole asked.

I shrugged. “Maybe he just wanted to give us the chance to talk things out.”

He cleared his throat. “Would you have…” He paused, as if searching for the right words. “Would you have gotten in touch if not for Lincoln?”

The truth sounded so harsh, but I’d figured he had moved on by now. I shook my head slowly. “Would you have?”

“Not because I didn’t want to,” he whispered.

I wasn’t ready for this conversation. We’d only been in the same room together for a few minutes. I hadn’t expected to see him. I’d expected to go in for an interview for a job I knew was already mine, and instead I was chatting with Cole.

“Thanks for saving me the other night,” I blurted.

“It was nothing.”

“How’d you know I was there?”

He chuckled mirthlessly. “It was purely coincidental. A friend invited me out for drinks after a fundraiser.”

“I’m glad you were there.”

“I’m glad I was able to save your drunk ass once again.”

We were both quiet for a moment, and all I could think about was what his arms would feel like around me. His familiar scent wafted over toward my nose, and my chest tightened with emotion.

“How’s your new assistant?” I asked, changing the subject. I tried to make my voice sunny and bright, but I failed miserably. I wanted to talk about what had happened between us. I wanted to talk about all the months we’d been apart. I wanted to tell him that I was striking out on my own. That I wasn’t married anymore. That I was free to begin a relationship now.

I was finally in a place where I understood that everything had happened for a reason. I wasn’t meant to spend my life with John, and even though the way I’d gone about destroying what we’d had was harsh, it still got me to where I was supposed to be.

“Fine,” he said, answering my question about his assistant. “What have you been up to?”

I wanted more details than
fine
. Was she more efficient than me? Did she work as hard as I did? Did she take notes as good as me? Was she prettier than me? Was he fucking her?

“Well, my divorce is finalized. I’ve been staying with Kaylee and helping with Madi.”

He hid his reaction to my words well. “How’s your brother-in-law?”

“Completely recovered. Thanks for asking. I needed a place to live and they needed help with Madi, so it worked out.”

“Good. Madi’s doing well?”

I nodded. “She’s great. She actually asked about you a few times.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, which was unfortunate since I was trying to play it cool.

“What did you say?”

“Just that I don’t work with you anymore.”

“Oh.”

His hands rubbed his thighs while I absently fingered the leather armrest of my chair.

“Yeah. It’s more complicated than that, I guess, but she’s five.”

We sat in awkward silence for a few beats, and then I stood and walked toward the door. “Well, it’s been great catching up with you. I better go find Lincoln and see about this interview.”

I turned the handle and opened the door.

“Lucy, wait,” he said, rushing toward me and setting his hand on the door next to me. It shut with a loud click, and Cole Benson was back in my orbit. I turned to face him, my back against the door.

He was close enough that I could smell his body wash and feel his heat. All I had to do was tilt my head back and stand on my tiptoes and our lips would be touching. I could feel his breath against my cheek.

I looked up at him, my eyes round with surprise—and, I was sure, full of lust. He gazed down at me, his eyes full of this tenderness that I’d never seen before.

“She’s terrible,” he blurted.

I looked up at him in complete confusion.

“My new assistant. She’s awful. She’s the fourth one I’ve hired since you left, and not one of them has worked out. Because not one of them even holds a candle to you—to your professionalism, to your efficiency, to your knowledge...” He paused as he gently traced one of his long fingers from my temple, down my cheek, and to my lips, his eyes following the path of his finger. “But most of all to your beauty.”

He moved his finger and stared at my lips. His eyes flicked to mine before refocusing on my mouth. “I want to kiss you. It’s all I’ve thought about for two hundred thirty-six days.”

“You counted?” I asked in wonder.

He bent his head down closer to me, his eyes on mine. “Each day that has passed has been one more day that I kicked myself for letting you walk away. Each day has been a reminder that I’m alone when I could have had everything. I fucked up, Lucy, and I haven’t been able to move on from you. You weren’t innocent in this, but I didn’t fight hard enough, and I’ve had to live with that for the past two hundred thirty-six days. But it stops here. Screw the interview you have today with Lincoln. Come work for me again.
Be
with me again. I can’t let another day pass without telling you what you mean to me.”

I wanted it more than anything.

But even though he was saying the right words and giving me an amazing offer, I needed time to think.

I couldn’t make a decision like this when he was so close to me, confusing me with his scent and warmth and sexiness.

“I can’t, Cole.”

I ducked under his arm and paced around Lincoln’s office just to put some space between us.

“Yes, you can. You want a raise? I’ll give you a raise. I’ll give you better hours. I’ll treat you like a woman should be treated. I’ll fight for you this time instead of letting you walk out the door.”

“Why, Cole? You know what it was like before. Why would you do all that?”

He walked over to the window and leaned his arms down on the windowsill. He stared out at the city. “Because that’s what you do when you’re in love.”

My jaw dropped. “In…in love?”

He turned toward me and nodded slowly. “It didn’t take me two hundred thirty-six days to figure that out. I fell in love with you in New York. As stupid as it sounds, it was that night you came in drunk and I was so fucking mad at you for ditching me the night before the presentation.” He stalked slowly toward me as he spoke, as if he was the hunter and I was the prey. “I fought my feelings because I had to, and I let you get away because I thought that’s what you needed. But you walk in here today and tell me your divorce is finalized? I’m done letting you get away.”

He stood in front of me. I hadn’t realized I’d been slowly backing up until I was against the desk. I had nowhere else to go, and he knew it. “We’re destructive together.”

“Passionate.” He pressed his body to mine.

I arched back and stiffened. “We hurt other people and we hurt each other.”

He set his arms on the desk on either side of me. “We’ll stop.”

I set my hands on his chest, but I couldn’t bring myself to push him away. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then say yes. Let’s stop this nonsense and finally be together.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my neck.

I didn’t fight him, and speech evaded me as his mouth worked its way up to mine. My only response was a soft moan.