Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (20 page)
It blew my mind that he continued begging to explain things to me.
Fuck! Just answer one of these texts. I refuse to walk away from you. There are things that you need to know for your own good. Stop being so damn stubborn and talk to me. You're hatred is blinding you. You'll regret not hearing me out. Mark my words Mia.
I took a deep breath. I'd have to deal with him eventually but it had to be on my terms not his. This morning sucked with him showing up out of nowhere.
You think this has been easy for me. You think I wanted to leave. I can't believe that you're so quick to believe that I'd destroy you with no reason. If you had any idea - Fuck I won't do this by text. You have to let me talk to you!
He sure had a pair of brass balls to act like I was out of line for shutting him down. The anger he pointed out kicked up another notch. It grew with each message but it was refreshing after keeping it at bay for most of the day.
I can't believe you acted like I never loved you. I've loved you since I was a little boy and I'll never stop loving you. You're the love of my life. I didn't expect you to be okay with what happened but fuck you hurt me too by doing what you did this morning and it keeps getting worse. I can't go anywhere without someone telling me about all the guys you slept with since I left. I didn't expect you to wait for me but shit you could at least talk to me.
He sure was verbose as these went along. I shook my head at the nerve he had with each message. Maybe he was the insane one because if he thought I'd sit around and wait for him to show up with an explanation then he was off his rocker. It took months for me to function somewhat normally. Once there, I never planned to be celibate.
Are you doing this to get even? I can't figure it out. I've always protected you. I relied on you remembering that when I made the most difficult choice of my life but fuck both choices were shitty. Even with the choice I went with, I lost you. You don't think that broke my heart. You're acting like your heart was the only one that shattered but mine did too. You got our friends to get through that. I fucking had no one and I came back to no one. I lost my life because I chose you and you won't even hear me out.
He elected to leave so it flabbergasted me that he tossed that in my face. If he would've stuck around to explain himself, there was a possibility that neither one of our hearts would've broken but he chose to leave me. How he ever thought he could return without matters being different was beyond me.
You didn't even give me the chance to tell you that I'm sorry. I know I fucked up your life. I'll never forgive myself for it either. I need to talk to you. My mom refused to give me your new number so that's why I showed up. After our blowout, I had to beg her to give it to me. My family never stopped caring for you and you pushed them away. My mom has always treated you like her own and she's still looking out for you. She begged me to come home and explain myself right away but I had to go and you need to know why. I need to explain. I'm begging Mia. Please!
My chest started to spasm with the mention of his mom. I refused to answer a single phone call from her. The anger receded some as a painful ache spread everywhere. He not only messed up my life - he left me fucked up. I barely recognized myself and he did a fine job at pointing out one of the many reasons why. His mom cared for me just as much as Trey's mom and I shut her out. I treated people horribly with the worst part being that I stopped caring when I did it. A tear started to form at the corner of my eye. This was precisely why I wanted Micah to leave me the hell alone. He created the person that I had become and I had no clue how to fix me. I swiped away the tear and opened the final text.
I know you still love me. You don't just stop loving someone. I'm still in your heart. I know it. You can tell me that what we had was never love but you're lying to yourself. You've loved me since we were kids. I'm a part of you. I know I'm still in your head. You proved that this morning. Please let me talk to you!
He was in my head but not in a good way. I blocked his number and set my phone on my desk. The anger and the ache fought with each other as I crawled into bed. I wouldn't let him destroy me any further. I had to get my shit together. I dug for the indifference and pushed it to the surface.
~
The rest of the week at work went much better. Connor and Ethan paid extra close attention to me but I had been nothing less than perfect since Monday morning. I focused more on getting information for Harrison. I tried sitting with a new group of people over lunches to get any further insight to the people around here. Most of the chatter at lunch or around the water cooler was the typical office gossip. I continued to wait for the day to come that something deeper than who slept with who was the topic of discussion. There had to be a day that would have everyone in a tizzy over something work related. It had to happen occasionally. People couldn't be that shallow all the time. I spoke with Harrison on my ride home but there wasn't much to report. He reassured me to keep being patient with matters. He never seemed upset when I didn't have anything to report and that was unsettling.
The rest of the week at home sucked all around. There was tension in the house due to Micah. Everyone had an opinion on what I should do about his return. By the end of the week, I avoided them all together. I missed my friends but being the catalyst for an argument every time I walked into a room had worn me down. When I got home Friday night, the driveway was empty and they were more than likely bar hopping. On my way into the house, I kicked off my heels before going into the living room. I tossed my phone on the coffee table and headed for my room to change into comfy clothes.
In a pair of jogging pants and hoodie, I went down to grab some popcorn for a quiet movie night. While it popped, I surveyed the kitchen noting it was surprisingly clean. A benefit of not having a party this week was a semi clean house. I reached above the stove to find a large bowl. Before leaving the kitchen, I checked the kitchen door that leads outside. The lock was in place so I grabbed my bowl full of popcorn and shut the lights off.
I frowned on my way into the cave. It was odd being in here without the boys. They were practically part of the décor.
I set the popcorn on the end table next to the recliner. I intended on making that spot my home for the evening. I walked over to the shelves that contained our massive DVD collection to locate Magic Mike. I needed some hot bodies after this week. I turned on the flat screen and put the movie into the DVD player. I got cozy in the chair as the beginning credits began to roll.
I was close to half way into the movie when it sounded like pounding coming from the front of the house. I shook my head dismissing it as the wind outside. It was windy with a significant thunderstorm forecasted for later this evening. On command, the wind howled loudly making the pit in my stomach subside. I figured it was the branches hitting the side of the house and redirected my attention back to the hot men on screen.
After about five minutes, I heard the pounding again. My heart started to race as I listened. Instead of pounding, I heard nothing but the branches of the trees scratching the house. To help ease my nerves, I went to grab my phone from the living room. I glanced out the windows but didn't see much since it was so dark. As I turned to head back to the cave, I heard a floorboard creak. I shrugged it off since my senses were on overdrive along with my imagination.
I was almost back to the cave when the pounding picked up again. It was coming from the front door. I sauntered to the front of the house to investigate. As I hit the living room, the front door swung open displaying Micah and he was beyond angry. Before I could get out of his eyesight, he saw me. I wheeled around running as fast as I could for the stairs. Every room up there had a lock and it would buy me time to reach someone. My heart and nerves were in competition with each other as to which could rise faster. The panic increased with each step. I took the stairs two at a time making it to the landing of the upstairs hallway. Micah was half a second behind me and terror filled me as I struggled with Trey's door handle.
"Come on damn it," I cried, slamming my hands against it.
Just as I got the door open, Micah tugged me back by my ponytail. I screamed as he pulled me away from the door. He secured both of my arms and forced me up against the wall. His grip was so tight that I was afraid he would break one of them. His breaths were long and heavy with his rage at every corner of his face. I tried to pull my knees up to free myself but he brought his leg between them to pin my bottom half as well.
"I told you I'd make you listen. You shouldn't have pushed me this far," he seethed.
This wasn't Micah. He had a temper and could be irrational but he was never like this with me. The only time I remembered him ever being like this was when he was using drugs. I glanced at his eyes to confirm my suspicions. His eyes were like saucers for how dilated they appeared. He was on cocaine and that meant I was in more trouble than just having a pissed off ex in the house.
"Micah please let me go. I promise I'll listen to what you have to say," I whimpered, trying to reason with any part of him that wasn't higher than a kite.
He tried to focus his eyes. I squirmed but that made him squeeze tighter. I cried out as he started cutting off my circulation. The terror in my stomach ran icily throughout me.
"Micah, you're hurting me. If you love me like you say you do, then you wouldn't hurt me this way. Please let me go," I pleaded.
He loosened his grip but kept me cased to the wall. Micah cocked his head to the side as a pompous grin formed at corners of his mouth. He licked his lips as if he was about to kiss me. I turned away but he grabbed my chin forcing me to face him. With a firm grasp, he lowered his mouth to mine. Before our lips touched, Trey ripped him away. I slid to the ground shaking uncontrollably. Trey threw Micah up against the opposite wall. He swung his arm back and went in for a blow to the head. The crack of Micah's jaw echoed through the hall.
"You fucking asshole. Once this week wasn't enough, you had to come back for another round. When are you going to learn Micah?" Trey bellowed, letting his fist make another crushing blow to Micah's side.
Trey kept swinging at Micah like he was a punching bag. The crack of Micah's ribs brought me out of my state of shock. Trey would kill Micah if I didn't stop him.
"Trey stop!" I cried.
Micah hunched over clutching his head and passed out. Trey glanced at me in confusion.
"Are you serious Mia? I come home to see you pinned up against the wall and you want me to stop kicking his ass for doing that to you!"
He raised his arm again to swing at Micah but I tugged on his arm to stop him. He pulled away to look at me. The fear, the panic, the pain, the hatred, the disgust, the sadness, the love, it all ran through me like a freight train. I walked into Trey's chest and wrapped my arms around him to remain upright. I glanced at him with tears in my eyes.
"Trey, it's not the Micah we know. He's using again," I whispered.
He stood frozen for a moment then pulled me closer and draped his arms around me. Trey let me get out the sobs that had built in my chest. When I'd calmed down some, he let go and we stared at Micah who was out cold on the floor.
"How do you know he's using again?" Trey asked.
I sniffed. "He broke in here in a rage. He was forceful with me. But mostly, it was his eyes. I remember what he was like before and it hit me after I got close enough to see his eyes."
"We should call the cops Mia. What he did tonight is enough to get a restraining order."
"If I truly want to go down that road, I'll file one. I just want to get him out of here. You should call his mom and let her know that he's using again. He doesn't have us to help him so someone that cares about him should know."
"Why do you care what happens to him?" Trey questioned, exasperated.
"I don't but I'm not going to ignore something like this either. Could you live with yourself if he ended up dying because he was using again?" I countered, exhausted.
"Of course not but I'm surprised you give a damn."
Trey stared at me in utter shock. I looked away from scrutiny behind his eyes.
"I may hate him but I have to help him. I know how bad it will get if he keeps using. I'm angry not inhumane," I admitted.
It confused me as much as Trey but everything inside of me worried for Micah. I walked that path with him once already. He almost died because he had no control over it. It nearly destroyed him, his family, and us. I'd never forgive myself if my own hatred led to his death. I refused to let him have that over me so taking the high road tonight seemed like the best option.
Trey crouched down to slap Micah awake. The blows to the head seemed to sober some sense into him. He got up with more focus in his eyes so he had to be coming down. Micah glanced at me then at Trey. His eyes drifted to the wall behind me. Micah looked me in the eyes as shame filled his features. I looked away from the apology that he begged to give me by the sorrow in his eyes. Trey shoved him down the stairs. I slumped to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. I shuddered at the thought of what Micah could've done to me. I longed for the good old days when things weren't so life and death. My life at work was dangerous and now my life at home stood a chance to match it. Trey came back upstairs and slid down next to me.
"I'm glad you came home," I whispered.
"Me too," Trey breathed, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
We may have our differences on almost everything but we shared a bond that was different from any of our other friendships. It was a bond built in our childhood that would be there forever. We sat in silence for a few more minutes. Trey got up and pulled me with him. He hugged me then went to his bedroom. My movie was a thought of the past and I did the same thing wanting nothing more than to end this night.