Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (29 page)

"Please don't shut me out anymore," Ethan whispered in anguish.

"I won't," I said with wide eyes.

His tone sliced through every part of me. The pain in his eyes displayed how much I hurt him by pushing him away this last week. It simmered some of my wayward desires.

"I'm going to hold you to that Mia."

Ethan took my hand on our way to the apartment at the end. He let us in his place not bothering with lights or a tour. We hurried along to what I assumed was the bedroom. He stopped before opening the door. He ran his fingers along my arms at a deliberate pace. It sparked at my insides as he traced a trail to my lower back where he rested his hands. I melded my body into him. His fingers drifted across my backside as his thumbs sketched small circles. It sent the burn inside me further south at a rocket pace.

Ethan kissed me with resolve as he opened the door to his bedroom. The only light came from the full moon illuminating the sky and flooding the room through the exposed window. As we shuffled along lost in each other's mouths, his hands ran underneath my top until it was off. My hands worked with the buttons on his shirt. I discarded it from his body with more gentleness than earlier. Everything was moving in slow motion. I was able to appreciate every defined part of his chest and arms. He let out a soft moan when I traced my fingers along his waistline. I let them drift underneath his boxers where my hands rubbed against him.

He picked me up and lowered me onto the bed. Ethan hovered over me as his lips trailed down my chest to my bra where he gently sucked before discarding it. His lips had reignited the inferno from early. I purred in anticipation of having him back inside me. My hands went to his chest and my fingers outlined his tattoos with reverence. Ethan ran his lips down my stomach stopping at my belly button where he swirled his tongue before continuing further south. He removed my skirt and paused for a moment to look at me.

The unmistakable passion in his eyes as they ran across my body made every part of me blaze. I unbuttoned his fly and brought his jeans down. He reached a hand around to pull them off. My eyes sprang open as I took in his very long, hard length. I had no idea how big he actually was until now. That wasn't what surprised me the most. He had a piercing down there.

How the hell did I miss that earlier!!

Ethan dropped his head as soft chuckles escaped from him. I'd given him yet another moment where he got a priceless reaction out of me. I shoved at his shoulders not particularly happy that he was laughing at me.

"I guess I don't need to ask if you have ever been with someone that has this particular kind of piercing," he teased.

I blinked and shook my head. His humor vanished as he swept his lips down my throat. His fingers did a similar motion further south. I arched my back and screamed at the dual sensation. He continued rubbing his thumb along my hot spot as his fingers eased in and out. I wanted to do the same thing with my hands but I wasn't exactly sure what would be pleasurable for him with a piercing there. Ethan didn't seem to care as he carried on at a relentless pace. Every fiber of my body electrified at his touch. My lips found his shoulder where I pressed tender kisses along it as my hands ran up his chest. I grasped his neck as my mouth sucked along his throat in the same fashion that his lips coasted along my neck. We had each other breathless with the intensity of every kiss. Ethan tilted his head away from my mouth as his eyes conveyed the hunger that he wanted to satisfy.

"Are you ready Mia?"

I bit my lip and nodded. I was more nervous than earlier but I didn't want him to see it. I let out a shaky breath as he slowly entered. My worries vanished as I absorbed the immense pleasure of having him back inside me. I had no idea if it was his length or the piercing but sex with him was unbelievable. The sensations within my core blasted throughout me. He moved at a slow pace that made my body crave for more of him.

"Fuck. This feels amazing. You're incredible," Ethan moaned loudly.

He inched his way deeper inside me. I rolled my hips with each thrust that he exuded upon me. It was much different going at an unhurried pace than the fast momentum from earlier. He eased until every part of him consumed me. He pulled back before thrusting forward again.

"Yes...Ethan...Yes," I cried out.

Our bodies rode together with effortlessness. It was so damn hot that I couldn't control anything within me let alone what flew out of my mouth. My hips kept with his steady rhythm. He secured his hands with mine and brought them above my head as his lips met mine. He tenderly kissed my top lip before doing the same to the bottom. We continued with no rush to finish any time soon. The only thing filling the room was our heated breaths and moans. Beads of sweat formed throughout various parts of our bodies as we rocked together.

I had no idea if it was minutes or hours but my body reached its point of release. I clenched around Ethan as he picked up his pace. He groaned as he drove into me harder than he had earlier in the evening. I screamed at the roughness as he continued at a faster pace. As he grew closer to his climax, he started to tremor. I took in his deep brown irises that had so much passion behind them. It made everything in me peak at a higher level. He continued to shudder as I trembled with my insides squeezing against him. I climaxed hard around him and he followed me with a loud moan. Ethan sprawled across my chest showing no signs of movement. I was still trying to catch my breath. My heart surged as I heard his beat rapidly. He released our hands and brought them down to our sides. He kept his fingers wrapped with mine before turning my hand over to press a gentle kiss upon the outside of it. Our pants began to fade as our bodies came down from the power of our lovemaking.

Everything about this time was nothing short of perfect. It made me kind of hate him. I was never going to be able to be with another guy after being with him. I thought when he kissed me that he ruined me but right now effectively did it. There was no way I was going to bounce back from this moment with him. I'd never be able to rid this level of euphoria from my memories. Every part of my body succumbed to him tonight. Ethan infiltrated the wall within my heart. He pressed upon until it cracked at his advances. In his pursuit for me surrender to him, he stole a piece of me. It aggravated me as much as it exhilarated me because I didn't forfeit over that side of me anymore.

I became very tired while pondering what just happened between us. It was so much more than sex. Ethan slid out and brought me into his arms before crawling to the head of the bed. He laid me down on the pillow and kissed the tip of my nose before he fell next to me. My mind quieted itself with each breath he took next to me. Each of his breaths brought such comfort to me. They were a repetitious plea that I belonged with him. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his chest. I fell asleep listening to the steady beat of his heart.

CHAPTER TWENTY

I slept for what may have been a few hours before discovering something about Ethan. He enjoyed having sex just as much as I did so we didn't sleep for very long. We went several more times until the wee hours of the morning before exhaustion made it impossible for another round. It was without a doubt the best sex of my life and it got better each time.

My eyes fluttered open with the brush of his hands. My brain struggled to determine the time of day. The sun was bright as it poured into the room. I needed to get a better grip on not letting him take over my every thought. I was lying on my stomach and Ethan was at my side with his fingers trailing along my arms and back. After a while, he settled on a spot between my neckline and shoulders. He swept my hair to the side before tracing a diamond pattern. My body drank in the delightful sensations he brought with each stroke. He removed his fingers and replaced them with his lips. Ethan placed a tender kiss on each tattoo. A moan slipped from me as his lips went up my neck. I rolled over to bring his mouth to mine. Our lips met with passion. He lingered at my bottom lip before he pulled away to look into my eyes. His fingers ran through my hair with tenderness.

"When I asked if you had any tattoos, you ignored me. I assume there is a reason that you avoided discussing it with me," he pointed out.

I sighed. "The four that you see on my back is all that I have."

I hoped that would be the end of it but his eyes persisted for more. It irked me that he sensed that there was a story behind them. He stared at me in a way that begged for me to allow him in even further. I couldn't deny the thoughtful look in his eyes. It tugged at my heartstrings. His hands cupped my cheekbones as he encouraged me to share more of me with him.

"I got them a while ago."

I rolled onto my stomach. I didn't want to look at him when the rest of the story came out.

"Will you tell me what these mean?"

His fingers made their way back to my tattoos. I savored his soft touch. He was so damn sweet sometimes that it was impossible not to give in to him.

"They're a reminder."

"What are they are reminder of?"

"As hopeless as life can seem, it's never a reason to give up."

"What do they mean?"

"They're Chinese symbols. The top one is the symbol for dream. The one to the right is the symbol for live. The one to the left is the symbol for love. The last symbol completing the diamond is the symbol for laugh. They're my reminder to never give up."

"What happened that you needed a permanent reminder?"

My eyes started to water and I started to shake as the memories of that night flooded through me. Even swaddled in the comfort of his arms, the pain spread to the surface in surges. Ethan rolled me over so that I was facing him. He brought his thumb up to wipe away a tear that was starting to fall. I buried myself into his chest as he closed his arms around me.

"Talk to me," he whispered.

"It has to do with my expulsion from school. The reason I got kicked out was because my ex-boyfriend framed me. He set it up to make it seem like I wrote an article that would damage the reputation of the school as well as the board members. He said had no choice and that it had something to do with me all along but who knows what is true. I have a hard time believing anything from him anymore."

I paused to bring my head away from his chest. My eyes were moist as tears continued to form. I wiped a few of them away in haste. I'd never told anyone what I was about to tell Ethan. His eyes carried so much concern that it made telling him the rest of the story that much easier.

"We were living together at the time. After being expelled, I came home to find my apartment in disarray and him gone. He was the only person that I'd allowed inside my heart. He not only shattered it but he minced it up in to finely diced pieces. His actions made it difficult for me to find reason in anyone or anything."

I stopped to drink in his deep brown eyes. They gave me courage as I bared a side of me that had not scratched to the surface in a very long time. His eyes were windows to his soul. I stared into them pouring a part of my soul into his. Ethan rested his hands along my face with compassion upon his face. I prayed that he'd understand how deep the damage within me ran.

"After I figured everything out, I started drinking. Between the large amount of alcohol and my lack of will to survive, I crashed to the floor. I hit my head hard enough on the way down for it to crack open. If Bri hadn't found me, I would've died from the blood loss. I wasn't trying to kill myself. My mind and body broke in every way," I whispered.

Ethan hugged me so tightly that I had trouble breathing. He lessened his grip to bring his lips to my cheek where he kissed away the tears that were streaming down. My heart melted at his repeated attempts to ease my pain. The walls around my heart rattled even more.

"That's a lot for one person to handle without questioning humanity," he murmured.

I nodded. "It was a really low point in my life. It took me a long time to crawl out of that hole and I'm still not sure that I'm quite there yet."

He arched an eyebrow. "Where is there?"

My eyes darted across the room. "I want to get back to a point that allows me to believe in people again. It wouldn't be horrible if I found a way to have faith in myself either."

"You carry yourself with such confidence that it's difficult to see that you carry that type of darkness inside of you," Ethan remarked.

"I don't think I'm that confident. I recall having a go around with you about my attitude on more than one occasion," I joked.

"Will you tell me what got you into such a funk that I had to give you the day off just to get you to lighten up a little?"

I ran my fingers along his jaw while soaking in his wistful eyes. My hands went down his body until I hit his chest where they outlined one of his tattoos. I gave Ethan a playful grin before replacing my fingers with my lips. My tongue licked its way around one of his bigger tattoos. He moaned and pushed me onto my back. Ethan pinned my hands to the side as his lips touched mine. I went wet with the hungriness of his kiss and roughness of his approach.

"You're really not going to tell me," Ethan growled.

I beamed. "Nope, I think one story is enough this morning or afternoon. I have no idea what time of day it is because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Yes, because of you. I lose track of everything when I'm around you."

His fingers reached my hot spot wasting no time to turn me on. My body bucked to his command. I arched my back and met each stroke of his fingers. I moaned as he switched to an unyielding pace. His lips curled into a sexy grin as he relished his control over me. Our talking had reached its end and every part of me was more than happy to connect without words.

~

The sun was starting to set when my brain screamed at me to snap out of it. I needed to get back to reality or at least check in with it. Bri was probably well past enraged with me. I looked around his bedroom. Other than the king size bed and Ethan, I hadn't taken the time to observe the rest of the room. The bed took up most of the room. The door was in the middle of the room. From the right side of the door, there was a large walk in closet off at edge of the room. Along that wall, there were various pieces of art. Several Celtic pieces caught my eye as they matched some of the tattoos that covered his body. The side of the room adjacent to his closet had a huge window. Black drapes concealed some of the sunlight. Ethan had to have shut them between last night and this afternoon. Behind his bed, colorful artistic pieces adorned the wall. They were more vibrant than the Celtic ones that lined the opposite wall. The wall across from the window had more Celtic pieces or art with a huge flat screen TV. I looked over at Ethan who was flat on his stomach. It appeared that our vigorous afternoon sated him. I lost track on how many times it had been since we started last night. It must have been enough because he was snoring. I secured the bed sheet around me and tiptoed out of his bedroom.