Conquering Chaos (19 page)

Taking responsibility for your life isn’t always easy. Whether it’s owning up to your
mistakes or holding up your end of a relationship, recognizing that you’re in charge
of your life comes with pressure and tough decisions. But it also puts you in the
position to make the most of yourself and your life.

It’s the same as understanding what it means to know right from wrong. We talk about
this all the time. When there’s a right thing to do and a wrong thing to do, the right
thing usually isn’t the easier option. That’s why people screw up. It’s easy to screw
up! It’s easy to act on impulse, to be selfish, to do the thing that feels the best
right at this moment. But when you make the effort to do the right thing instead,
you see the consequences are so much better in the end. When you’re honest and kind
to people, they trust you more. When you’re fair and own up to your mistakes, you
get more respect. And when you put someone else’s needs before your own, you get to
be a part of their happiness as a result.

Taking responsibility for your life is the same thing. No matter how hard it is to
own your behavior, that’s the only way you’ll ever get the most out of life. If you
don’t like yourself, make yourself into the kind of person you respect. If you don’t
like your life, find out what you can change to make it more like the life you want.
If you’ve wronged someone, apologize and give yourself and them a way to move on.
And if you ever get the urge to just act up and be selfish, remember it’s not worth
compromising the person you want to be!

We are on an incredible journey. There have been times when we felt overwhelmed, helpless,
and uncertain. There have been disappointments, difficult challenges, and painful
sacrifices. But when we made the decision to choose right over wrong and fight for
a better life, we opened ourselves to more positivity, happiness, and hope than we
ever imagined.

Our efforts have already paid off in the form of so many wonderful blessings. Our
first child is in a safe, happy home, surrounded by great role models, and we know
she’s getting the chance to pursue every opportunity she deserves. In the years since
we placed Carly in adoption, we’ve had our own opportunity to grow into the kind of
people we want to be for our children. And the most unexpected gift of all is that
we’ve had the chance to share our story with the world and connect with people who
can benefit from it.

Since our experience with teen pregnancy and adoption first aired on MTV, we’ve heard
from so many people who were touched by our journey. With the help of Dawn, the adoption
counselor who guided us through the adoption process and has continued to support
us and Carly’s adoptive parents, we began to share our story with people in person
through speaking engagements at venues all over the country.

The first time we stood on stage to talk about our adoption experience with a live
audience, we were as nervous as you’d expect. Even though we’d already shown our lives
to millions of people through
16 & Pregnant
and
Teen Mom
, it was a new experience to speak so honestly to a bunch of real-life faces turned
toward us. But at the end of our first appearance, we were shocked by the applause
we got. The crowd’s reaction made it clear that our story really had meant something
to these people. That was even more obvious when certain people from the audience
approached us afterwards to thank us personally, ask for our advice, and tell us how
much they had connected with our journey. And these weren’t just teenagers, but people
of all ages: adoptive parents, people who had been adopted, birth parents, and all
kinds of people who had found something in our story to connect with. The first time
someone told us we had inspired them to make an adoption plan, we knew this was something
we had to keep pursuing. If one person in the audience is impacted positively by what
we have to say, that’s more than enough reason for us to keep sharing our story openly,
honestly, and freely.

It was insane to look at each other and think, “Wow. Two kids from the trailer park
are getting applause for being positive influences.” It made us proud to realize how
far we’d come, and it made us determined to make the most out of whatever opportunity
we had to inspire people. We’ve worked so hard to get to the point where we feel like
we’re contributing something positive to the world in the way we live. Nothing could
make us happier than to think that we’ve actually helped people with our experiences.

That was the spirit of writing this book. We’re not life coaches or adoption gurus.
We know we’re still young, and we have plenty to learn. But we’re in this privileged
position of having a platform and an audience that’s given us a chance to share whatever
it is we have to offer. And what we have to offer is our story, our gratitude for
anyone who’s listened, and our best wishes for everyone out there who is struggling
to do right in their lives and be the best people they can be.

Like we said in the very beginning, this book was written with one goal in mind: to
inspire you. If we can spread a message of hope and positivity, that’s what we want
to do. For the kids growing up in trailer parks, unstable homes, or in the shadow
of family problems and addiction. For the single moms working their butts off to take
care of their kids no matter how hard they have to struggle. For the “bad kids” who
can’t seem to keep themselves out of trouble, and the parents and teachers who are
trying to understand them. For the pregnant teens feeling lost and scared, and overwhelmed
by their situations. For anyone who feels trapped in a cycle of dysfunction and wants
to make something better of their lives. Whatever encouragement we can offer, we offer
it from the bottom of our hearts.

We want to end this book the same way we always end our speaking engagements: With
gratitude. No matter what you thought as you read this book, we know we would not
be here if it wasn’t for you and all of the other people who have given us a chance
to tell our stories. We would not have the stability in our decision that we have
now without the support so many strangers have given us. Not a day goes by when we
don’t give thanks for that support.

We would like to thank our parents, Carly, Brandon & Teresa, MTV, Jake and Nick at
NBTV studios, and all the people who have supported us through the hardest times in
our lives. You have no idea how crucial you all were in our healing process. Your
love and dedication to our story humbles us everyday. We wouldn’t be here without
you. For all the people who have been inspired, uplifted and impacted by our story,
this is for you because you are the reason we continue to share our story. You are
the reason we make ourselves so vulnerable, and you are the reason that makes it all
worth it... so thank you.

And finally, to the families affected by adoption, we hope we’ve done your experience
justice. To our daughter Carly and to all of the other adopted children who may be
reading this book: Never doubt how much love went into the choice your birth parents
made. They did not give you up. They made a plan for you to have the best life they
could possibly figure out how to offer you. And to all of those loving birth parents
and adoptive parents, our hearts are full of understanding and admiration for the
positive choices you have made for your children. Your struggles and sacrifices for
the young lives who depend on you are worth everything in the world. From the bottom
of our hearts, we wish you all the strength, positivity and love in the world.

With all our love,

Catelynn and Tyler