Authors: Matt Shaw
“Sorry but I have to call bullshit on that one,” Dan chipped in from the seat behind Michael’s. “You can program them in so they take you the most direct route.”
“Big companies...You know...The real big boys...Like McDonalds...KFC...even the main supermarket chains...They’re in with the people who make those little boxes.”
“What?!” Joel said.
“They pay them a substantial amount of money, I’m not sure whether it’s yearly or monthly or...whatever...They pay them a fuck load of money to ensure we, the drivers using the maps, are forced to drive past the various companies...All it takes is ten percent of us drivers to stop off and make a purchase...That’s a lot of money thanks to a forced route.”
“Really?” asked Hayley.
“No. Not really,” said Dan, “that’s complete shit.”
Joel called out to the back, “Can someone please just pass it back through?” he turned to Michael, “Can you put it back on the windscreen, please?”
“No!” barked Michael. He addressed the back of the van, “I swear, you pass that through, I’ll throw it out of the window.” He turned back to Joel who was still driving, “You just missed your turning.”
Joel was visibly getting stressed, “This is ridiculous.”
“Come on, trust me, I know a short cut. Turn right just up here, you can get back on route.”
“Fine but you’re paying the extra fuel money if we get lost.”
“We won’t get lost. Trust me.”
* * * * *
Joel was sitting in the driver’s seat still. The early morning sun illuminating his face - showing his irritation clearly to all those who glanced at him. Once comfortable, now he wanted nothing more than to swap with someone else so he could relax and de-stress from the journey already traveled - not that he’d swap with anyone else...Not whilst they were in his VW camper van. No one got to drive other than him. He was looking out of the window, staring towards a petrol station they had stumbled across - the only building they had seen for what felt like hours. A building that they were all surprised to see was open for business when they pulled up outside. On first impressions it looked as though it was derelict - ready for demolition. The back half of the building, visible as you drove up to the property, already looked as though it had been partly demolished.
“Just relax,” said Hayley, “it’s all part of the fun. And, on the bright side, we’re getting to see lots of new places.”
“I don’t want to see lots of new places,” hissed a clearly stressed Joel, “I want to see the campsite. I want to see the campsite. I want to see a nice pint of cider. I even want to see a warm sleeping bag...A comfortable pillow...”
“And I wanted a real man...I guess we can’t have everything we want, hey?” snapped Lara. Unlike Joel, she wasn’t stressed from the journey. She was already stressed simply from being in the same vehicle as Joel.
“Fuck off,” said Joel.
A bell, above the petrol station’s door, chimed - alerting everyone in the van that the door had been opened. Joel turned his attention back to the station’s entrance and watched as Michael stepped out, back into the fading daylight; a sheepish look on his face.
He crossed the forecourt and jumped into the front of the van, back onto the passenger seat, next to where Joel was sitting - and fuming.
“Well?” barked Joel.
“The funniest thing...” said Michael. He tried his best not to laugh, sensing Joel’s annoyance.
“How far?”
“Did you want that in miles or kilometers?”
“Cut the shit, Mike, how far out of the way have you taken us?”
The satellite navigation system had informed Joel the journey should have taken approximately four hours. So far, they had been on the road for just under six - extra time which was eating, slowly, into their camping trip.
“Relax,” said Michael, “if you think about it...We’re only camping...It’s not as though we’re staying in a hotel. We could pitch up anywhere and have a nice weekend...We don’t have to go to that particular site...We could find another...One that’s closer...”
“We agreed on this site,” said Joel. “We paid for space at this site...Now...Tell me, before I have to kill you...Where the fuck are we?”
“We’re about an hour in the wrong direction...About...Give or take...An hour...Or two...”
Joel turned to Dan, in the seats behind them, “Pass me the sat nav, will you?”
Dan knew when to keep his mouth shut and simply passed the little box over to Joel. With no further words, he snatched it and secured it to the windscreen again. He stopped when he saw Michael start to put his seat-belt back on, “What are you doing?”
“Safety. You know, if we get pulled over and I’m not wearing a seat-belt...I can get a fine...”
“Fuel.”
“I’m sorry?”
“We agreed, you pay the extra fuel costs if we get lost. Well, we’re lost...We’re running low on fuel...And, oh look, we’re at a petrol station...The chances!”
“They’re out.”
“What?”
“Yeah, they don’t have any fuel...” Michael finished putting his seat-belt on.
“Did you think to ask where the nearest petrol station was?”
“No, but there is a McDonalds about ten miles that way,” Michael helpfully pointed up the road. “Happy Meals all round?”
Dan helpfully pointed out, “We’re supposed to be at the site already. We should have been tucking into a nice healthy heart-attack fry-up...”
Michael, “McDonalds could still be serving breakfast. What time is it?”
Joel shook his head, “You’re a dick. Really. You are.” He turned to the back of the van, “Lara, did you want to sit up here with me? Perhaps you could carry on calling me an asshole for the rest of the road trip? Yeah? Let’s really make it a trip to remember.”
Lara replied by raising her middle finger.
Michael leaned closer to Joel, “Come on, man, we’ll be laughing about this around the campfire in a few hours.”
Joel turned the satellite navigation system on and sat back, waiting for it to book up properly, “You’re a dick, Mike...A dick. We’d have already been there. Tents would have been set up. Fry-up consumed. Laughter. Fun. Maybe we would have even had a little walk...” He addressed the rest of the group, “Everyone ready?”
The group, with the exception of Michael, agreed unenthusiastically. Clearly they were all wishing they hadn’t chosen to go with Michael’s own internal map system.
With no warning a hand slammed against the glass window on the driver’s side. They all jumped as no one had seen the person approach. Joel turned to see a rough looking man peering in. His clothes were tatty, his face was gaunt and unshaven, his dark brown hair messed up as though he had recently crawled through a hedge backwards.
Joel wound the window down, “Can I help you?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you...Was just wondering if you guys could help me out...”
“What’s up?” Dan called from the middle section of the van.
The stranger leaned in, making Joel feel uncomfortable in the process, to address Dan, “Hi...Sorry...It’s just that I...” The stranger stopped when he saw Hayley. He couldn’t help but smile at her beauty. She, in turn, smiled back at him - more out of politeness than anything else. “Oh, hi...” the man said.
“Hi,” said Hayley.
“You were saying?” asked Joel. He shifted forward in his seat forcing the stranger to pull his head out of the van.
“I broke down a little down the way. Just walked down here to use the phone...Just wondered if you’d mind driving me back to my car. My brother’s picking me up with his tow truck...”
“You didn’t think to ask him to collect you from here?”
The stranger paused. “No. No, I didn’t. So...A lift?”
Hayley leaned forward, “He seems nice enough...Give him a....”
Joel cut her off, “I’m sorry. We don’t even know you...”
“Does that matter?” the stranger asked. “It’s just a few miles in that direction...”
Joel continued, “And we’re running late. Not a lot of fuel...Heading in that direction. I’m sorry.”
“Come on, it’ll take you ten minutes max...”
“And I’m sure it won’t take you long to walk it. I’m sorry.”
Joel pressed his foot on the accelerator before the man could say anything and the van pulled away from the petrol station’s tatty forecourt.
“Whoa! What’s all that about!” Dan said from behind Joel and Michael.
“We don’t have the time or the petrol,” Joel spat - his temper frayed.
“That’s cold,” Dan moaned.
“And if we run empty,” Joel said to Michael, “you’re pushing. Got it?”
CHAPTER THREE
Joel was sat, twisted in his seat, staring at Michael who was refusing to budge.
“You weren’t joking?” asked Michael.
Joel didn’t say anything. He let the stern, pissed off, expression on his face do the talking.
Lara called out from the back of the van, “I don’t have any signal either.” A quick look on their phones revealed none of them had any network coverage with which to call for help.
“I’m not pushing,” said Michael. He looked out of the windscreen at the road ahead which seemed to stretch for miles and miles - as far as the eye could so. Nothing but fields and trees in the distance - the latter hiding signs of any civilization. “I’m sure someone will be along any minute.”
“Well let’s hope they deal with stranded people better than we did,” said Dan.
“If we had helped him, we’d have broken down sooner!” Joel replied indignantly.
“Which, in turn, meant we’d have been closer to the petrol station...” Dan continued.
“Would that be the same petrol station which had run out of fuel?” asked Joel.
“At least they had a telephone,” Dan fired back.
“I thought all the arguments had stopped now?” whined Charlotte.
“That’s before I realised what a cock Michael was,” said Joel.
“What the fuck?! I wasn’t even arguing - it was Dan!” Michael pointed out.
Joel opened the van door and stepped onto the road. Without saying anything else, he turned and slammed the door shut.
“So what now?” asked Hayley.
“Now he gets to breathe some fresh country-air in and calm down,” said Lara. “He’ll be fine in a minute.” Lara knew better than anyone else in the van how hot-headed Joel could get when he was stressed. She also knew it never took a lot to get him to that level either. “Just give him some space.”
Michael didn’t say anything, he just sat there with a sheepish look upon his face.
“And then what?” Hayley continued.
“And then we continue sitting here, waiting for someone to come by...Or...Or we pitch the tents up in one of those fields...”
“Because that will help get the van fixed?” asked Charlotte.
“It will give us somewhere to stay for the night. Michael can sit up and keep watch for passing traffic,” Dan pointed out.