Convenience and Compatibility (30 page)

“I’m not that big of a slut Tara, give me
some credit,” I tease.

“Listen Mallory, Greg is a great guy and I
wouldn’t blame you for being with him.”

I nod and sit at the bar, watching her cut
some lettuce.

“So are you having second thoughts about him?
Do you think you’ll get back together?”

“Who Dean?” I ask, shocked that she would
consider such a thing.

“No silly. Greg.”

“Oh, I don’t know. He is great to me, and
he’s seemed to have grown up a little since last year. Be honest
with me about something Tara.”

“Yea?”

“What happened after we broke up in
September?”

Tara stops what she’s doing and looks at me.
“I sort of promised not to say anything.”

What?! “Now you have to tell me. Spill
it.”

“Well he took your break-up really hard and
wasn’t coping well. He tried to date other girls and it didn’t work
out. That’s why I’m really scared for him now. I love you but if
you break his heart again… I will have to hurt you.”

“Tara….”

“I mean it Mallory, just be careful.”

I look down at the counter; unable to take
her mama-bear gaze anymore. Unsure if I want to hear more, I ask
her what I need to know before I can let the matter drop.

“Not coping well, how?”

“Not functioning Mallory. Not eating, not
going out. Just work, lots of work. And from what Adam told me, not
great with that either.”

“So what changed?”

“I think he saw that you moved on and he knew
you weren’t coming back. He started running and working out like
crazy. I think that helped get his perspective in order.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re welcome.”

I get off the stool and start towards my
bedroom.

“Hey, Adam will be by for dinner later. Wanna
join us?”

“Sure.”

I close the door between us and sit on my
bed, putting my head in my hands. I’m not lost on the irony that
instead of crying for Dean, I’m crying for Greg now. I laugh a
little at the thought and pull my phone out of my purse.

I start a text to Greg.

“Once again I had a lovely day. Thank you for
being there for me. I’m sorry I couldn’t go to your house for
dinner tonight. Honestly, I don’t trust myself with you. How about
drinks with the gang after you get off work tomorrow night?”

I hesitate, my finger hovering over the send
button. Oh, what the hell. I press send and go to the bathroom to
take a shower.

I come back to my room and put my comfy
fleece pants on and a camisole. I look at my phone and see a reply
from Greg.

“Tomorrow sounds great. Don’t trust yourself
how?”

I type a reply.

“You’ve just changed so much since we used to
go out. Remind me to tell you tomorrow.”

I hit send and walk into the living room.
Tara is setting the table and Adam is having a drink on the couch.
They are like an old married couple already.

“Hi Adam.” I sit down next to him on the
sofa.

“Hi.” He puts his drink down and turns to
face me. He looks at me expectantly, not saying anything.

“What?”

“Please be careful Mallory. I don’t think he
can handle it again.”

“What?”

“Leave her alone Adam.” Tara calls from the
kitchen. “I already talked with her.”

Adam shrugs and takes another swig from his
bottle. His body language tells me that he is upset with me.

I look at him incredulously. Wow. I’m getting
it from everywhere. “What do you want me to do, never see him
again?”

Adam turns back to me. “I’m not saying you
are, or ever have. But please don’t lead him on.” Adam speaks
slowly, careful with his words. I wonder at what point he stopped
being my friend and became the litigator for Greg’s heart.

“I care for him too Adam, but I hear what
you’re saying.”

“Thanks Mallory.” Adam leans over and gives
me a brotherly hug.

Tara calls from the kitchen. “Let’s eat.”

We eat our dinner of spaghetti with meat
sauce and salad and talk about meeting up tomorrow. It is decided
that Tara and I will have lunch downtown and do some wedding
shopping, then we will meet the guys at a restaurant after their
work. Adam offers to call our other mutual friends and invite them
to dinner as well.

I retreat to my room after dinner, giving
Adam and Tara time to be alone together. I look at my phone and see
another text from Greg, from about an hour ago.

“Looking forward to it.”

I smile and put my phone away, turning it to
silent. It’s early, but I’m exhausted and want to sleep all my
worries away. I turn out the light and lay down with my favorite
vibrator, thinking of Greg.

Chapter 20

I wake late in the morning and look out the
window – another grey drizzly day. I look at my clock – ten
o’clock, and wonder what Dean is doing now, just a half mile away.
I crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Tears
fill my eyes, thinking about the mornings we would spend together;
the amazing sex, the showers, and breakfast all rolled into one.
Thinking about the moments makes the tears come harder and I bury
my face in the pillow, not wanting Tara to hear.

My phone buzzes and I wipe my tears enough to
see who it is. I clear my throat, trying not to sound like I’ve
been crying and answer Mom’s call.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hi honey, how are you?” She sounds worried.
I should have called her before this to let her know how I have
been.

“I’m good Mom, just woke up.”

“Oh… have you heard from Dean?”

“No Mom, I don’t think I will. We are over,
remember?”

“Oh okay. Is there anything I can do?” Wow,
she barely met the guy. Who’s side is she on?

“No. Things are good. Oh, I do have some
news.” I sit up, bracing myself for what I know will be a
freak-out.

“Yes?”

“I will be going on a sabbatical. I’m leaving
two weeks from tomorrow for Guadalajara, Mexico.”

Total silence. She must be totally freaking
out.

“It will be fine Mom, I will be back after a
few months.” I fail to mention that it may be closer to six, but
better to cross that bridge when we get to it.

“Oh.”

Still more silence. I’m sure she will make
herself a cocktail and tell Dad and Christina all about it after we
get off the phone. They will gossip about my flighty personality
and how I fucked things up with Greg, then Dean, that’s why I’m
running away.

“Listen Mom, I need to go. I have plans with
Tara today. I love you.”

“Love you too. Come visit soon, I want to
hear more about this trip.”

“K Mom, bye.”

“Goodbye.”

We are sitting down at
lunch in
Westlake Center, having just ordered salads. I feel especially sexy
with my hair straightened and tight skinny jeans on. I put on the
sexy stilettos again for Greg – I know he loves them.

“Did Adam tell you where we are meeting
tonight?”

“Yea, we are going to El Gordo in Belltown.”
Tara says nonchalantly and my face falls. What?

“The last time I went there was with
Dean.”

“Oh, do you want me to text him? Maybe we can
go somewhere else.”

“No. It’s okay, the food is great, but I
always leave there wanting to fuck.”

“Mallory!” Tara looks around, scared someone
has heard me. Sometimes she can be such a prude.

I shrug, it’s the truth. Maybe it’s because I
always end up drinking too much wine.

“Tara, I need you to do something for
me.”

“Yea?”

“Tonight please don’t tell Adam or Greg about
me leaving in a couple of weeks. Remember, you promised.”

“Mallory, that’s not fair. Greg will be upset
when you tell him if you wait until the last minute.”

“Please let me handle it. Let me have the
chance to tell him my own way.”

“Are you getting back together with him?”

I look down. “I don’t know. It feels really
good to be with him, but I’m afraid that he is just a distraction…
a convenient distraction that I’m very attracted to. But I still
love Dean and miss him terribly.”

“Have you tried to contact Dean again?”

“No. What’s the point? In fact, I erased all
of his contact information so I wouldn’t be tempted.”

“That’s smart.”

I feel that familiar frog in my throat and
know we need to change the subject or I will start crying again. I
put on my best fake smile and look at Tara. “What time are we
meeting them tonight?”

“Five-thirty. I thought we could get there
earlier and have drinks first.”

I see the pity in her face, but am relieved
that she doesn’t ask why I’m upset.

We finish our lunch and then walk through the
shops downtown. Tara is looking for bridesmaid’s dresses which I
find completely boring. I’m not at all excited to be her maid of
honor even though I know I should be. Girls my age are supposed to
love shit like this. By mid-afternoon I’m beat and we stop for some
coffee at Nordstrom, then head to the wedding dress shops. This is
worse than the bridesmaid’s dresses, but at least at the nice
stores they serve Champagne.

My mind wanders to Greg as I watch Tara try
on dress after dress. I notice how much he has changed since last
year. He seems more mature; drinking less, and I haven’t smelled
pot on him once since as long as I can remember. I consider what it
would be like if we got back together. Tara and Adam want me with
him but I think they have ulterior motives. Adam wants to see his
best friend happy, and Tara wants me to fit into the same mold that
she has chosen for her life. It’s almost like she has planned my
life for me: same college, same major, working in the same hospital
in the same unit. Now I’m expected to meet a nice guy and get
married, have a couple kids and live in the suburbs.

I realize that my decision to get away from
Dean, and partly from Greg, is to also get away from Tara. I’m not
ready to get married or have kids - I want excitement and
adventure. My friends and boyfriends have controlled my life for
too long. This is the first decision I’ve made for me, without
their best interests in mind. No wonder Tara is freaking out and
I’m sure Greg will as well.

The only problem is my recent desire to be
with Greg again. Maybe if I’m honest with him we can work something
out but I’m pretty sure I want to leave without any strings
attached. I need to in order to be the confident, independent woman
I want to be.

At four-thirty I suggest we walk down to
Belltown and order drinks. Happily Tara agrees and we are able to
leave the nauseating dress shops behind.

The guys show up right when our drinks arrive
– they are early. From where I am sitting, I can see Adam and Greg
walk through the front door and I only have eyes for Greg. His
looks formal, yet casual in his tailored pants and predictable
pin-striped shirt. His shirt is unbuttoned a bit, showing his white
undershirt and his tie hangs loosely around his neck. Greg’s eyes
are on me as he pulls on his paisley tie with one hand, never
leaving my gaze, and puts it in his pants pocket. I feel my pussy
come alive and lick my lips. Why was that so sexy? My determination
for no strings attached has weakened just a bit.

I sigh reflexively at the sight of him and
Tara turns to see what I’m looking at. She looks back to me and I
ignore her, but I make a mental note to keep my lust in check – at
least while our friends are around. They reach the table and we
stand to say our hellos. Greg hugs me and kisses me on the cheek as
Adam nods toward me. My heart melts a little and my blood runs to
that sweet spot between my legs again and I squeeze them
reflexively. Oh fuck, I’m a goner.

We are seated in a round booth and the boys
sit, flanking Tara and I.

“How was your day?” Greg asks,
breathlessly.

“Okay, how was yours?”

“Good. Better now,” he smiles down at me.

He looks up as the waiter comes to take his
drink order. To my surprise he orders wine instead of his typical
double Scotch. Maybe he has changed?

Greg has snuggled up next to me; a little too
close for what we are supposed to be – just friends. I cross my
legs towards him and wiggle my foot a little, showing off my shoes.
Greg responds by putting a hand on my knee and squeezing a little,
sending shivers up my spine. I raise an eyebrow and look at him,
shocked at his forward display of affection. Greg smiles and
whispers in my ear. “I’m so fucking glad to see you.”

I look straight ahead and take a sip of wine,
glancing at Tara and Adam, whose eyes are wide looking at us. I
move my leg down under their gaze and sit up a little straighter.
Greg withdraws his hand and I try to take the focus off us.

“So… is there a date set for the wedding?” I
ask, looking from Tara to Adam.

Adam nods and Tara answers. “Yes, I forgot to
tell you. October first. Are you going to be able to make it
Mallory?”

I glare at Tara, and she realizes what she
has just said. She tries to fix the mistake, bless her heart. “I
mean, you’ll have the day off won’t you?”

“I’m sure I can get it off.” I hate lying, or
stretching the truth in front of Greg. It will just make it worse
when I tell him the inevitable.

I change the subject again, hoping Greg and
Adam didn’t notice our exchange. “Did you invite everyone else
tonight?”

“No, we decided to keep it small.” Adam is
looking at Greg and smiling, like they are sharing a private joke.
Noticing that those two have secrets as well makes me feel a little
better about my admission of truth.

I look over to Greg and he turns his head to
me, dazzling me with his million dollar smile, and shrugs. My eyes
drift to his lips and my mouth goes dry.

Dinner comes and we enjoy each other’s
company like we used to, almost a year ago. This feels so right, my
best friend and Adam and Greg –everyone getting along and fitting
so well together like the pieces in a puzzle. I get halfway through
my second glass of wine when Greg whispers in my ear.