Copping Attitude (8 page)

He shook his head.  “Jenna—”

“I’m not asking you, Noah, I’m telling you.  I want you to leave.”  She threw her jacket at him, and he caught it.  Her breath was hitching.  She was close to losing it.  And damn it, he needed time to process everything she’d told him.  So even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he nodded.  “Okay.  I’m leaving.”

He shrugged on his jacket and walked to the door.  There, he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob.  Uncertain, he looked at her.  She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, staring at the door as if already imagining him walking through it.  He wanted to kiss her goodbye or give her a hug, something so his last image of her wouldn’t be the defensive posture she was in now and so her last image of him wouldn’t be his back as he walked away.  There was a reason he held himself back—for the first time that night, he wasn’t sure if he could control himself. 

But he wasn’t leaving her with the impression that he was going for good.  “This isn’t over, Jenna.  I’m leaving but I’m coming back.  And we’re going to finish what we’ve started.”

***

Two days later, Noah sat across from Kate while they each nursed a cup of coffee.  “I can’t believe you set me up like that, Kate.”

Kate sighed, the pinched look on her face and the shadows beneath her eyes making him wonder if she regretted inviting him to her apartment that night.  “I’m sorry, Noah.  I didn’t know who else to trust with her and I knew no matter what happened you wouldn’t hurt her.  And I’d hoped that…well, that being with you would help her forget about her plans against Judge Stavish.”

“Plans?  What plans?  To become sexually involved with him in the hopes that she’ll get the information she needs to bring him down?  That’s
our
fucking jobs, Kate, not hers.”

“I told her that, Noah, but you don’t know Jenna.  She focused on Stavish as the symbol of her fury and humiliation, and she wasn’t listening to me.  She got it into her head that since the prosecutor had only named her as a ‘Jane Doe’ and her rapist had cut a deal, eliminating any need for her to testify at trial, she could approach Stavish without him knowing who she was.  When she showed up three weeks ago, determined to hook up with this sexual surrogate and go forward with her plan, I tried to buy some time.  In the meantime, I’ve been working on Stavish, trying to get the probable cause we need so Jenna wouldn’t have to.  Excuse me if it’s been a little hard trying to prove that a judge is accepting bribes in exchange for the early release dates of sexual predators.”

He reached out and covered Kate’s hand with his.  “Look, I’m not blaming you.  And I’m not sorry I followed you back to your apartment or that I stayed.  I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do from here.  Jenna won’t see me.  She won’t take my calls.”

“That’s because she already went back home.”

“What?”  He was so stunned, she might as well have reached out and slapped him.   She’d left? 

“She took the train back home this morning.”

Noah slammed his fist on the table.  “Damn it.”  He was immediately tempted to go after her, but he didn’t, for the exact same reason he hadn’t seen her in two days. 

Stavish. 

There wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to let her do what she was planning, but if what she’d accused Stavish of was true, he didn’t want to deny her some good-old-fashioned justice either. 

“It’s actually a good sign, you know.  Her leaving.”

His mouth twisted at Kate’s words.  “And how’s that?”

“Apart from the sexual issue, Jenna isn’t anyone’s mouse.  Not anymore.  She had a problem standing up for herself in the past, but since the rape, she’s toughened up.  She doesn’t take crap from anyone.  The fact she ran means you’ve scared her on an emotional level.  She’s not worried about her body, Noah. She’s worried about her heart.”

He remembered the way she’d taken charge of their lovemaking at the end.  How she’d allowed him to see her aggressive side, as well as her vulnerable one.  “Yeah, well, she’s not the only one.”

“Are you saying you love her?”

“No,” he answered honestly.  “I don’t know her well enough to love her.  But I’m pretty damn sure it’s not going to take much longer for me to get there.”

“Good.  Because Jenna deserves some happiness.  And so do you.  I think your best shot at getting it is with each other.

“I think you’re right.”

CHAPTER TEN

Noah didn’t come after her.

Two weeks had passed since he’d followed her to Kate’s apartment.  Two weeks with no attempt to call her or see her.  Once again, he was abiding by her wishes, even though doing so was really the last thing she wanted him to do.

God, she was fucked up.  No wonder he wanted nothing to do with her.  He was probably thanking his lucky stars he’d gotten away from her when he did. 

Feeling like she’d aged twenty years, Jenna stood, walked to the television, and pressed the button on the DVD player that paused the screen.

The frozen image of a woman having sex with two men almost made her want to laugh.

She’d picked it up at the video store last week, but only after spending hours trying to find the right one despite the snickers of the guy behind the rental counter.  She’d been playing the movie over and over in the past few days, remembering the sneaky way Noah had put it on after she’d invited him to stay for dinner.  She kept hoping as she watched it that she’d be more affected by the images than her memories, but it never happened.  All she could see was Noah’s body and gorgeous golden eyes.  All she heard was his voice, urging her to take him while she took her own pleasure.  All she felt was his hands touching her, making her feel cherished yet also strong enough to take anything he dished out. 

She’d given up her plan to seek out Stavish.  Realized that even for revenge, she wasn’t going to be able to let him touch her now that Noah had.  She wasn’t sure she’d ever want another man to touch her again, but as much as she grieved for Noah and the possibilities of what might have been, she wasn’t willing to give up that hope.

He’d given her that.  Given her back the hope that some day she could find the man she was meant to be with forever.  She just wished that man could be Noah.

So call him, she urged herself, just as she had for two weeks.  But she found that, at least with respect to that, she was still very much a coward.

Against the backdrop of her memories, she couldn’t help but compare herself to Noah.  To how strong and good he was, and how mixed up and tainted she was.  She knew what had happened wasn’t her fault.  Despite what she’d said to him just before he’d left, she knew she hadn’t deserved what happened to her.  But she’d been so afraid that someday, inevitably, that’s what Noah would think, and she hadn’t been able to face that fear down.

The more time that passed, the more time she had to convince herself that she’d been right.

He must be glad that she was gone, otherwise he would have tracked her down so they could finish things between them, just as he’d promised they would. 

Shaking her head, she was just about to turn the television off when someone knocked on her door.

The hope she’d felt earlier expanded, filling her throat and urging her to rush to the door and throw it open.  Noah, her heart cried, but she deliberately quashed it.  It’s probably just the…

Just the…

Her thoughts jerked to a halt.  She couldn’t even
pretend
to guess who it might be.  She rarely had visitors.  So even though she told herself not to hope, she couldn’t help the flicker of it that continued to burn inside her as she opened the door.

The flicker flared for a moment when she saw Noah, but dimmed again when she saw his cool, serious expression without an ounce of softness or joy reflected at seeing her.        

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.” 

She stood there, her body half hidden by the door.  She tried to speak, but couldn’t.  Tears filled her eyes and yet he still appeared remote.  Out of her reach despite the fact he was standing right in front of her.  Her arms ached to hold him, but fear held her back.  She didn’t know why he was here, but if he pushed her away, she wasn’t sure she could bear it.

“Are you going to invite me in?”

“S—sure.”  She backed up and opened the door further.  He walked past her, seeming to take extra care not to brush against her.

“I can’t imagine you want to see me since you left without saying goodbye, but I wanted you to know that Kate and I—”  His words came to a crashing halt when he spotted the TV screen and the graphic image still frozen there.

The humiliation started out as a bitter taste in her mouth and it quickly intensified the longer he stared at the screen.  Why, oh why, hadn’t she turned it off before answering the door? 

When he finally looked at her again, his mouth now set into grim lines, she tried to do what she’d been doing for so long.  Fake her way through her fear.

“Oops.  You caught me.”

“Did I?”  His gaze swept over her rumpled shorts and tee.  Then, for some reason, it shifted around the house and landed on the hallway leading to the back bedrooms.  “Is there someone here?” he asked silkily.

“What?  Of course—”  Not.  Of course not, she meant to say, but it dawned on her that he suddenly looked jealous.  That meant he still cared about her.  Didn’t it?

But he obviously misinterpreted her words, because rage flashed across his face and suddenly he was striding down the hallway, opening closed doors so hard they banged against walls.  When he came back to the living room, breathing hard, fists clenching, she hadn’t moved an inch.

“Where is he?”

She lifted her chin.  “Where is who?”

“The guy you were watching the porn with.”

“He—he’s right there.”  She pointed behind him.

He whirled around, and their gazes clashed in the mirror.  Instantly, the indifferent mask he’d been wearing was gone.  Every part of him radiated relief, and that relief migrated into her, prodding her forward until she stood directly behind him.  Hesitant, still unsure of her welcome, she wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and leaned her cheek against his strong back. 

The muscles that had clenched as soon as she’d touched him slowly relaxed.  Her body shifted in time with his breaths.  But still he didn’t turn to face her.  Doubt taunted her one last time, and then she shoved it away.  She wasn’t running from him or her own fear again.  Today, it would stop.  

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.  “I’m sorry I got scared.  I’m sorry I drove you away.  It was the last thing I wanted to do.”

He took another deep breath, gently broke the hold she had around his waist, and slowly turned to face her.  Automatically, she stepped back and her arms fell to her sides.

“Then why did you do it?  Why did you leave without telling me?”

Her mouth twisted with self-contempt.  “No good reason.  I’d been angry so long.  At the man who raped me.  At the judge.  At myself.  I kept telling myself that if I could use him, if I could expose him for what he was, I could move on.  But then there you were, confusing me.  And I wanted to move on, but I didn’t know what that meant anymore.  You thought I only wanted a sex lesson and you were going to go back to all those other women and—”  She bit her lip and he shook his head, stepping forward.

“No.  Shhh.  Don’t do that.”  Gently, he caressed her lip with his thumb until she released it.  He smoothed her cheek and smiled.  “Didn’t I tell you not to use those other women against me?”

It was the smile that did it.  She threw her arms around him, lifting up on her toes to kiss him.  Their lips fit together perfectly and by the time they separated, they were both breathing hard, their hands flitting over one another, restless with the desire to strip off the other’s clothes.   She lowered her hands to his jeans, but he caught them in his.

“Wait.”

She glanced up at him.

“What about Stavish?  Are you still planning on seeing him?”

She shook her head, not surprised Kate had told him the judge’s name; either that, or he’d researched and figured it out himself.  “No.  If I could, I’d erase his memory from my thoughts.  I don’t want to cling to the past anymore.  I want to look forward to the future.  With you.”

She held her breath, waiting for his reply. 

He grinned.  “That’s good.  Because Stavish was brought in for questioning this morning and is probably being arrested as we speak, if he hasn’t already been.  It’s also good considering I have lots and lots of plans for your future.  And mine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Now why don’t you turn off the TV and join me in your bed so I can start telling you about them.”

And that’s exactly what they did.

THE END

 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ava Meyers is a former criminal prosecutor who enjoys exploring the light and dark sides of humanity.  Her erotica novels are steamy but also infused with that most essential element of life — love.

You can find more about Ava Meyers at
www.avameyers.com
.

Ava also writes paranormal romantic suspense and romantic suspense under the name Virna DePaul.  www.virnadepaul.com