Courtly Love (13 page)

Serena had no need to say more, for Geoffrey reached down and clasped her to his chest. " 'Tis I who should beg your forgiveness, child, for forcing you to marry against your will. If I could, I would set matters aright, but—"

"Nay, Father, there is no need. All goes well with me."

Geoffrey cupped his daughter's face with his hands. " Tis the truth, Serena? You would not lie to me?"

Serena's eyes glistened with tears, saying more than her words. " Tis the truth, Father. I am happy—you chose well for me."

"I had heard," Geoffrey hesitated, "that your marriage is not complete. Is that true?"

Serena slipped into a chair beside him. "I will not pretend that all was well between Gyles and me at first. But, Father"—she pressed his hands, overjoyed at being able to confide in him as she had done when she was a child—"I have grown to know him and . . . and care for him. Gyles has a son, Alan, did you know?" Geoffrey nodded, a worried look crossing his face. "A bastard child, I know, but Alan is a fine lad; bright, loving, and I have come to love him deeply. I wish you could meet him, Father, you would know what I mean."

"And your own sons, Serena, where are they?" Geoffrey teased and laughed at the color that rose in her cheeks. "I would have grandchildren before I become too old to dangle them upon my knee."

"Soon, Father, I promise you," Serena laughed. "You are too impatient. Besides, you will never be old. You look younger than ever." But concern touched her heart, for there were lines in his face that had not been there before and Geoffrey's usual ruddy complexion held a tinge of gray. "Are you well, Father?"

"Aye, Serena, but the years and old injuries take their toll. I have begun to feel my age, 'tis all." At his daughter's worried look he smiled. "But a grandson or two would greatly improve my spirits."

"As soon as God wills it, Father," Serena promised.

"Serena! How nice!" Aurelia's hands captured Serena's and she placed a kiss on heT stepdaughter's cheek. "We have seen far too little of you, dear. Why just last night your father was saying—"

"Yes, well, I have explained to Father how busy I've been." Repelled by Aurelia's display of affection, Serena stood up. "You look well, Aurelia. That is a new gown, is it not?"

Aurelia's sharp intake of breath was a hiss and Geoffrey said warningly, "Serena."

"Your pardon, Father." The words were humbly spoken but Serena stared icily at Aurelia.

Aurelia laughed shortly. " Tis all forgotten, Serena. And I have long since forgiven you."

"Forgiven!" Serena was brought up short by Gyles who had been watching the exchange with interest.

"You will excuse us, I know. Serena has begged to have her future told by the old seer, and I see she is now free." Deftly, he bowed to Geoffrey and led Serena away. "I know you bear no great love for Aurelia, Serena, but you needn't antagonize her."

"She's a witch. Gyles," Serena said bitterly.

"Don't you mean bitch?"

"That, too! And more," she grumbled. "Ooh, if she were a man. I'd run her through—and her lecherous sister as well! The world would be better for their going."

"Jealous, Serena?" Gyles stopped walking, and, hands on hips, studied his wife.

"Of which one?" Serena, goaded by his calm manner, said flippantly, "My loving step-mother or your loving harlot? Which should give me greater cause?" Gyles stiffened and Serena was instantly contrite, but anger overrode that emotion. "Well? Have I need to be jealous of Beda? Answer me, Gyles!"

Instead. Gyles turned on his heel and walked off, while Serena wanted to burst into tears. "Fool!" she chided herself. "You ignorant fool!"

"Wha's s'matter, Rena?" Richard stood beside her, bleary-eyed and weaving on his feet. "Yer noble husband find a better piece o' fluff?"

"You're drunk!" Serena snapped. "Get out of my way and go sleep it off somewhere!"

" 'Rena." Richard said in a hurt voice. "Aw, Rena, don' be mad at me. S'not my fault. You tell 'er, Bryan."

Serena rounded on her older brother to find him as far into his cups as Richard was. "Oh, you're a fine pair!" she hissed.

Bryan either ignored or did not hear Serena's comment. "S'right. ya know, s'not Rich..Richard's fault." He gave her a drunken grin.

"See! Whyn't ya give him the same side of yer tongue ya give me?" Richard began to stagger, his eyes rolled heavenward and he pitched forward against Serena.

"Oof!" Serena staggered under Richard's weight as she struggled to keep him upright. Bryan dissolved into helpless, drunken laughter and Serena nearly cried in sheer frustration. "Richard, wake up! Ooh, you clumsy ox! Wake up!" Frantically, hoping pain would bring him around, Serena delivered a vicious kick to Richard's leg. "Ouch! Oh! damn you, Richard, get off me! If I had a grain of sense, I'd let you drop right here!" Abruptly, Richard's weight was taken from her. "Oh, thank you, Edward."

Edward was far less gentle than Serena had been, and simply dumped Richard's limp form in a corner by the hearth. The grizzled knight gave Serena a rakish grin. "Can I be of any further service, m'lady?"

"Nay, Edward, you have done more than enough. My thanks."

Edward shrugged and returned to his table. Serena swung back to Bryan where he sat on the floor. "Get up, Bryan!" she said through clenched teeth. Serena bent down until she could look squarely into her brother's face. "I said, get up," she said menacingly, and Bryan hurried as best he could to comply, while Serena nearly dragged him to his feet. "Now take yourself and Richard out of this hall and don't return until you've regained your senses!" Serena caught his ears in her hands and shook him violently. "Do you understand?" she said furiously.

"Y-yes, Serena," Bryan groaned. "P-please stop, you're m-making me sick." Bryan paled and Serena re-leased him.

"If you must be sick, go outside. And don't forget your friend!" Serena whirled and walked away, her emotions spiraling in confusion. She looked around the hall for Gyles and saw him conversing intimately with Beda. Tears sprang to her eyes and Serena quickly lowered her head to study the floor. Her temper and pride had once again overridden common sense and she wondered what price she would pay for her biting tongue. Serena scuffed a dainty foot against the floor and brushed the back of her hand over her cheek before she dared to look up again. The guests were beginning to retire to their chambers and as Gyles was still talking to Beda, Serena could not see what purpose would be served by remaining in the hall, so she also sought her room.

The chamber was dark when Serena entered and she fumbled about for a few moments before she was able to light a candle. She opened the adjoining door; Gyles's room was also dark and with a sigh she closed the door and moved distractedly around her chamber. Serena tugged at the ribbons in her hair and brushed the heavy mass gently; the golden necklace was placed in a small jewelry chest and Serena ran her fingers lovingly over the delicate links before closing the lid. The gown fell from her shoulders, followed by the kirtle, and Serena rummaged through a clothes chest for a nightgown. She pulled on the first one she found and then realized it was the same nightgown she had worn on her wedding night. Serena smoothed the thin material with her fingers; that night it had been Beda who had kept Serena from Gyles's embrace: would she allow her thoughts of Gyles and Beda to do the same thing now?

The door to Gyles's chamber opened and closed and Serena could hear him moving restlessly around. No woman's voice came from within and Serena breathed easier. She went to the door, but hesitated, her hand trembling on the latch.
Will my pride stand between us forever?
Serena wondered
. He is my husband and I love him! Should not that be enough to overcome whatever would keep us apart? If I give him my love freely, surely we will find some measure of happiness together.

Gyles stood at a window staring at the night, seeing nothing, his head resting on his crossed arms. The adjoining door opened and Gyles wheeled, arms dropping to his sides, to see Serena standing uncertainly in the doorway. Her white nightgown floated about Serena like a cloud, and by the grace of a bolt of lightning, Gyles saw the smile that trembled on her lips.

Serena advanced into the room until she reached the window and Gyles. A light rain began to fall from the ebony sky as thunder rolled over the plain toward Camden. Serena's fingers explored the stones of the wall and Gyles felt his anger ebb away. He understood—how could he not?—for his wounded pride and quick temper had often had distressing results. How often in Normandy had he challenged a man who dared broach the subject of his ignominious birth? Gyles ached to take Serena in his arms and explain the nefarious circumstances that had drawn himself and Beda together, but his pride would not permit such a disclosure. He had yielded enough that day.

"Gyles?" Serena turned from the window. "Gyles, I am sorry. I apologize for my sharp tongue. I meant not to throw your . . . your liaison with Beda at you. 'Twas a cruel and thoughtless thing for me to do . . . and I am sorry. You cannot know how the thought of you holding her pains me. Call it jealousy if you will, for in truth that is what it is, because I love you." Serena's voice broke and when she stumbled on, the words were choked. "I never believed I could feel for a man what I feel for you, and it frightens me and my fear causes me to be foolish and irrational. I fear that some day you will decide to set me away from you and, oh, Gyles, that I could not bear! 'Twould be easier for me to remain here and watch you take a mistress." Tears dropped from her eyes to spot the bodice of her gown. "Oh, that is not true, I would not easily give you up. I would fight her for you ... I am just so afraid, Gyles! Afraid of you, myself, my own emotions," Serena said miserably. "I wish only to be your wife and make you happy. And I greatly desire to bear your children. Gyles ..."

Serena was suddenly crushed in Gyles's arms and she could only sob against his chest while he stroked her hair. "I do love you, Gyles, but I fear that one day you will look at me and there will be hate in your eyes and then..."

"Hush, Serena!" Gyles placed a kiss on her hair. Her honesty and defenselessness touched him deeply, and he wondered at what had contributed to molding Serena into the woman she was. "Hush," Gyles said again. "You have no need to weep. If I could love, Serena, I would love you." He gave a short mirthless laugh. " 'Twould have been better for you to marry Richard, for I doubt I will bring you happiness. But, Serena, you give me so much. You love my son, and without asking for anything in return you love me. That you anger me at times is true, but before God, there is something about you that stirs me as no other has." Serena's weeping had ceased and Gyles pulled her even closer to him as if he would envelope her slender frame in his. When Gyles spoke, his voice was thick and harsh. "I desire you as I have no other woman, and the ache I have had for you these past months has come close to driving me to insanity. I may not give you love, but I can give you this!" And his lips covered Serena's with a bruising, searing kiss.

Caught off balance by Gyles's sudden attack, Serena felt her body stiffen in shock, and then she tasted the wine on his lips. Had she so offended him with her caustic remark about Beda that he had taken his solace in a wine flask? Remorse for her action filled Serena, remorse and an overwhelming desire to bring to Gyles a peace she was positive he had never known. Gyles was still assaulting her mouth as if it were a keep to be wrung from an enemy's hands or as if she were a harlot bought and paid for for the night.

That thought gave her strength and Serena brought her hands up to exert a steady pressure on Gyles's shoulders. She wanted and needed this union as desperately as he, but it must be shared, not brought about through force. Gyles raised his head with a snap, his green eyes flaring with anger at her resistance.

"What. . ." Gyles started to say, but speech died as Serena covered his mouth with her fingertips.

Serena traced the curve of his mouth while she spoke. "I desire you. Gyles, with all my being, but I will not be brutalized." Recognition showed in his eyes and Gyles gently kissed the fingers pressed against his lips.

"I did not realize, Serena. I shall go mad if I do not have you soon!" Gyles's voice was a groan as he bent to lift Serena into the shelter of his arms.

Their faces were level as Gyles carried Serena to his bed and she looped her arms around his neck so that he had no choice but to accompany her to the mattress. Serena now sought Gyles's lips eagerly, and her own parted willingly for the invasion of his tongue. One of his hands was tangled in her hair and the other sought her curves through the nightgown. Serena pressed as tightly to Gyles as she could, her hands stroking the back of his neck, frustrated because he still wore his formal attire of the evening and there was no bare flesh for her to touch and caress. As if sensing her thoughts, Gyles rolled from Serena to divest himself of his clothing. Her breath caught in her throat as Serena gazed at the symmetrical perfection of his body—his broad shoulders gleamed, bronze in the candlelight; his chest and abdomen were covered with a mat of fine, dark, curling hair that tapered to a thin line running downward ...

Gyles watched Serena assessing him and mistook the silence that followed her inspection for fear. Serena had risen from her prone position and was kneeling on the bed, her hair falling in glorious disarray about her. If she fled from him now . . . "Am I so ugly, Serena?" His voice was a whisper.