COWBOY ROMANCE: Justin (Western Contemporary Alpha Male Bride Romance) (The Steele Brothers Book 1) (5 page)

8.

Dinner the next night didn’t happen. After the way things ended, I couldn’t say I blamed Justin. He’d thought he was making out with a mature woman. Instead he found out he’d been sticking his tongue down a scared little girl’s throat. I was pathetic. I
couldn’t
stand up to my mom.

I knew what I should do. I knew what I’d counsel anyone else to do. I’d sit in front of them, dressed to impress, looking put together, and I’d say they had to stand up for themselves. I’d smile and tell them that they had to demand respect.

Instead I woke up every day, twenty-five, living above my parents’ garage because my mom liked to keep me close, and agreeing to dates that she paid for. I listened to her tell me I needed to take better care of myself, knowing that she meant I needed to lose weight. I smiled when she lectured me about my posture, career choice, inability to land a man, and even the way I cleaned my apartment.

I was
so
pathetic. And scared.

My relationship with my mom had always been rough for me. She’d been raised with a very particular idea of what a woman should be. For her, that meant etiquette, “respectable” clothing, and acting demure in front of men. In her mind, it was the only way to land a husband, and wasn’t that the ultimate goal?

She’d always been hard on me, demanding more than any of my friends’ mothers. When other girls got to go to sleepovers and have fun, I was in my living room, getting lectured on why sitting with my legs crossed instead of together would make men think I was a whore.

I was so scared of disappointing her, because that usually meant she screamed at me and then hid away in her room for days, not speaking to me. I’d hated when she wouldn’t speak to me. The whole house turned against me. The tension in the air had been painful to the point of my father snapping at me multiple times to tell me to fix whatever I’d done wrong just so he could avoid the stress.

Growing up had felt like being a prisoner in my own body. I just did what she expected until it became my instinct. I spoke the way she liked until I couldn’t remember the way other kids talked. Inside, though, I was a kid raging to be set free. That angry kid was still inside me, turning my mind sour until I couldn’t fully enjoy anything.

The only person I was normally myself around was Amanda, and even then I tried to appear sweet. She knew that I got angry, but she didn’t know how angry. She didn’t know how I was snarky and bitter in my head.

I’d been held hostage by my mother for far too long.

Hearing that she’d lowered herself to paying for my dates had been the final push I needed. I was never going to be good enough. No matter what I did, there would always be something else I could perfect. It’d been that way my whole life.

If I was always going to be a disappointment, then I might as well make one of us happy.
Me
.

I spent the whole day Sunday making a list of things that needed to change. It started out simple. Where I lived had to change, what I wore, who I dated. Then I realized I had to change the way I acted, too. If someone was awful to me, I was going to tell them about it. No more sweet Sara Jane.

Monday morning I dressed in a pretty green sundress that matched my eyes, with a jean jacket over it for work. I’d called a friend of Amanda’s and she’d agreed to cut my hair for me before work.

My hair was another control method for my mom. I could still hear her telling me that men liked long hair. Long hair made you more of a woman. Amanda’s friend, Macy, was an angel and didn’t even judge me when I cried happy tears as she chopped off the bottom twelve inches of my hair. She’d wrapped it up to donate it and then finished the cut.

When she was done, my hair was just a little past my jaw. It made me look fun. I actually looked my age, and a little wild. Macy had begged me to come back for highlights eventually and I’d agreed. I felt like I was infinitely lighter, and not just from the weight of my hair.

Strolling into the coffee shop in my strappy sandals, I was the happiest I’d been in as long as I could remember. I ordered my coffee and muffin and sat down to eat it for a change.

“Holy shit. Well, if I thought I was crushing on you the other night, I just fell in love.” Avery Steele was in front of me, his mouth stretched wide in a grin.

I laughed. “Thank you. Want to join me? I have a few minutes before I have to leave for work.”

He nodded and sat across from me with his own coffee. “You look amazing, Sara. You were always beautiful, but you look so happy like this.”

Tears pooled in my eyes, but I blinked them away. “I am. I’ve decided to make some changes. Anyway. What are you doing up so early?”

He reached over and stole a piece of my muffin. “I’m meeting Justin to talk about some business with the ranch. We’re thinking of hosting a rodeo to raise some money for a charity and to gain attention for the ranch, get more buyers interested in the cattle.”

I nodded. “Makes sense. Do you do that whole bull riding thing, too?”

Avery laughed. “No. I don’t feel any sense of joy at the idea of getting myself speared with a horn. I do some barrel racing, but mainly I do the announcing and charity stuff for Justin. I like staying behind the scenes.”

I took a second to look at him and grinned. He was just as handsome as Justin, but I didn’t feel the same things I felt for him that I did when I looked at Justin.
Mostly
, they weren’t good. Frustration, anger, embarrassment, lust, unsteadiness.

“What?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Well, I’ve got to get a move on.”

He leaned closer to me and gave me a slow smile. “What would you say if I asked you out?”

My cheeks burned and I resisted the urge to say yes because that’s what my mother would’ve suggested. She didn’t teach me to turn down eligible bachelors. I wouldn’t say yes to Avery based on that, though. I took in a deep breath and frowned. “I would say that I made out with Justin two nights ago and that feels weird.”

“If I avoided any woman who’d ever made out with Justin, I’d be celibate for the rest of my life, Sara.”

I laughed. “I’m flattered. You’re the first person to ask me out without being instructed to by my mother. I just can’t. I don’t believe in double dipping in the same family.”

“Avery?”

Both Avery and I jerked our faces in Justin’s direction. I blushed, because the last time I’d seen him my mom had broken up our make-out session. I felt like a silly teenager.

Avery cleared his throat. “Hey, Justin. What’s up?”

Justin glared at Avery. “Are you seriously hitting on Sara?”

I had to leave and I had to have an outlet for the sudden anger I felt toward Justin. He hadn’t bothered contacting me after our walk. He’d just run away. “Well,
someone
has to. I’ve got to get to work. See you later, Avery. It was fun.”

Justin caught my arm and stopped me. “You can’t date my little brother.”

I pulled away and flashed him a fast smile. “Why not, Justin? It seems my schedule just opened up. I don’t have anything else to do. Any
one
else, either, for that matter.”

Avery snorted and winked at me over Justin’s shoulder. “Perfectly good someone, right here.”

“Not funny, Avery. Why don’t you just get the paperwork ready for me to look over? I’m going to walk Sara to school.”

I waved my car keys in front of his face. “I’m good. See you around.”

I left without looking back.

9.

The morning was busy with leftover scheduling issues. That, and avoiding the sudden interest of Trevor, the senior and waiter at Hank’s. He’d found me in my office and kept telling me how pretty I was. I’d corrected his behavior and sent him to class, but he’d shown up twice more.

Before lunchtime Mrs. Hill called me. She sounded more exasperated than usual, and it worried me that I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. One week and one day in and she was close to being done. I could hear it in the way she spoke.

I rushed down the hall and was just about to sprint into Mrs. Hill’s class when I looked up and saw Justin rushing toward me.

“What the fuck is that? I came to talk to you about Mason. Is that him?”

I nodded and he rushed into the classroom. The second Mason saw Justin, he clamped his mouth shut and put his head down. I walked over to Mrs. Hill as Justin stepped around little kids to get to Mason.

“What happened?”

She rolled her shoulders and blew out a big breath. “He’s been crying off and on all morning. Then, out of the blue, he actually spoke. Unfortunately, all he said was that he wanted you. I told him that you were busy with work and then he lost it.”

I winced. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Hill. I’m going to work with his dad and try to figure out what’s going on.”

She nodded and went to talk to other children. I turned and found Justin kneeling down, next to Mason, talking to him. I walked over to suggest we go to my office.

“Come on, buddy. What’s wrong? You’ve got to talk to me.”

I rested my hand on Justin’s shoulder and smiled down at Mason. “How do you feel about us taking a walk together?”

He nodded, his wet eyelashes dropping old tears onto his cheeks.  

Justin frowned and shook his head. “I’ve never heard him cry like that. Jesus.”

I had them follow me outside and then we all walked in silence. Mason held both of our hands and kept his head down. He seemed embarrassed to have been caught crying in front of Justin. I had so many questions, but I wasn’t sure how to proceed with them.

After a long walk we made our way to my office and sat. Justin laughed when Mason went right to my chair, leaving me and Justin in the fold-out chairs across from him.

“Seems like he’s been here before.” He chuckled.

I nodded. “Yeah, you always get the big chair, don’t you?”

Mason grinned at both of us. “I like it here.”

“Is that why you’re crying in class? Do you want to be here instead of in class?”

Mason shook his head and looked down at his little hands.

“It’s okay if you’re upset, Mason. You don’t have to be embarrassed to cry.”

His eyes shot to his dad and then back down.

Justin sucked in a big breath. “What was that look, Mason? She’s right. It’s okay to cry if you need to.”

“You don’t cry.”

Justin looked struck. “I don’t get sad a lot, I guess. That doesn’t mean you can’t cry.”

“You said big boys don’t cry.”

I looked away, afraid that the pain I saw flash in Justin’s eyes would cripple me. My heart thumped painfully in beat with the sound of Mason’s legs swinging back and forth in my chair. I felt like I was intruding suddenly. I stood up and made myself smile.

“I’m going to give you boys some time. I’ll be outside.”

Justin touched my arm on the way out. “Thank you.”

I nodded and gave Mason a thumbs up. “Take your time.”

***

Two hours passed before Mason and Justin came back out of my office. Mason looked like the world was a much better place. Justin looked exhausted.

“Miss Sara! Daddy’s going to take me for ice cream tonight.” Mason was even speaking louder and holding his head up higher.

I grinned at Justin and lifted Mason into my arms when he was close. “You tricked your daddy into ice cream, huh? You’re so smart, aren’t you?”

He giggled when I tickled his sides and then jumped down. “Can you come with us?”

I looked up at Justin and worked to keep the smile in place. “I can’t tonight, Mason. I’ve got more work to do after school ends.”

He looked sad but nodded. “Next time you’ll come with us?”

I nodded. “Next time.”

Justin picked Mason up and tossed his son’s tiny body over his shoulder. “Mason is going to class now. He agreed to stop giving Mrs. Hill such a hard time. His one stipulation was that he gets to take a walk with you after school.”

I laughed. “You drive a hard bargain, little man. I think I can do that, though. An after-school walk every day. We’re going to be so fit.”

“I’ll be back to talk to you in a little bit. Don’t run.”

I frowned at Justin’s back as he strode away. Jerk. I went back into my office and tried to get a little work done before Justin returned. I was pretending to fill out some paperwork when my phone rang. I looked down at the screen and nearly cheered.

“Hello?”

“Sara? It’s Wilson Graves. Is this a good time?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Glad to hear you’re so excited.” He laughed. “I think I found the perfect house for you to rent. It’s the old white house on Hamilton Avenue. You know the one?”

My heart started to race. “Yes! It’s available?”

I’d loved the house for as long as I could remember. It was in a section of town that hadn’t been updated very much. Everything felt preserved, like you’d stepped back in time.

“It is. The owner just moved away and couldn’t get what they were asking for it, so they decided to rent it out for the time being. It’s in your budget.”

“I’ll take it. When can I move in?”

“As early as tomorrow. I told them it was you looking and they know your dad and are excited for you to get into the house.”

I leaned forward and rested my head on the top of my desk. “Oh, thank god. Get everything ready for me, Tom. I can stop by after work and sign whatever you need me to sign.”

He spoke for a few more seconds about the technical stuff and then hung up with a promise of seeing me that afternoon.

I hung up, feeling like I was on cloud nine. I was getting to leave my parents’ house. The timing was perfect. I felt like that house being ready for me was a sign that I was making the right choice.

“I guess that run-in with your mom the other night lit a fire under your ass.”

I snapped my head up so fast my neck pulled awkwardly. I rubbed the spot that ached and frowned. “That has nothing to do with it, thank you.”

Justin sat down across from me and brought a leg up and rested his ankle on his knee. He looked relaxed, but his eyes said differently. “I can’t believe your mom caught us on the verge of fucking.”

My eyes went wide and I jumped up to close the door behind him. “This is a school, Justin! You can’t say the f word.”

He laughed. “You can’t say it at all, can you?”

I frowned. “Sure, I can. I just choose not to.”

“Uh huh.”

I had to change the subject. “Things seemed to go great with Mason. He looked a million times more confident when he came out of here. You, on the other hand, looked like you’d run a marathon. You still look rough.”

He let his head fall back and sighed. “You were right. About the separation anxiety. He finally talked to me about it. Said that being away from me scared him because he was worried I’d go away, too.”

“Like his mom?”

Justin nodded and pulled his hands down his face. “Yeah. The main reason I didn’t put him in school last year didn’t help, either. I got thrown by a bull, and before I could get my feet under me the damn thing stomped on me. It wasn’t pretty.”

“And Mason saw it?”

He nodded. “Yeah. My mom said he was shaking so bad that she thought he was having a seizure. He was terrified.”

I could relate. The idea didn’t exactly sit well with me, either. “He lost his mother and almost lost his father. I can’t believe he’s not crying harder than he is.”

“And apparently I’m the biggest asshole on the planet. At some point I told him that big boys don’t cry, and he took it to heart.” He sat up straight and shook his head. “I never meant anything by it. Of course he can cry. Fuck. I try and try and still I fuck up.”

I moved around my desk and leaned against it right in front of Justin. I rested my hands on his shoulders and squeezed. “Justin, I see a lot of messed up kids in here. I see even more messed up parents. I see people that make the choice daily to be a shitty parent. That’s not you. Mason’s had it rough. You said so yourself the other night. He’s gone through a lot. You can’t help that.”

He let his head drop. “I can help make sure he feels comfortable now.”

“In this situation, how? You can’t keep him out of school, Justin. He needs this. Being away from you and realizing that you’re always going to be at home, waiting on him, will give him more comfort than anything we say ever will.”

He looked up at me and nodded. “I guess. This shit is hard. I never thought I’d be doing it alone.”

“You’re not alone, Justin. You’ve got your parents and brothers and a great school system here.”

His eyes turned warm. “And you? Do I have you?”

My face burned and I had to look away. “You don’t want me.”

He opened his mouth to say more when my office door opened and Trevor walked in.

“Hey, Sara, do you think I can stay in here with you during my sixth period? I’d much rather look at you than Mrs. Jones.”

I frowned at him. “Trevor, we talked about this. You can’t say things like that.”

Justin stood up and moved to stand in front of Trevor. “Hi. I’m Miss Sara’s boyfriend.”

Trevor’s face went bright red and he backed up. “I’d better go back to class.”

I watched as he fled the room and Justin turned back to me. I couldn’t help the smile that played at my lips when I met his gaze. “Thank you. I don’t think he would’ve gotten it any other way.”

He moved to stand right in front of me and rested his hands on my hips. “You’re not going out with Avery, right?”

“Of course not. We made out the other night. Whether that means anything or not, I’m not going to then make out with your brother.” I tried to step back around my desk but Justin held me in place.

“Good. I want you to go out with me. A real date. Dinner, a movie, the whole thing. Say yes.”

He was staring at me so intensely that I was having trouble remembering how to make sounds into words. I bit my lip and tilted my head. “Give me a couple of weeks. I’m in a weird in-between place right now, and I need some time to sort myself out.”

Justin’s chest heaved as he sighed. He dropped his hands and stepped back. “Two weeks. I’ll give you two weeks and then I’m coming for you.”

“Four weeks.”

“Three.”

I smiled. “Deal.”

Justin leaned back in and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Better get ready for me, sweetheart.”

I watched him leave and barely made it to my chair before my knees gave out. That man was more than I’d ever had to handle, and I always ended up feeling a little scorched.

My stomach did a little flip at the knowledge that three weeks was only three weeks away. I didn’t know if I’d ever truly be ready for a man like Justin.