Cowboys Down (12 page)

His heart hammered as he led Jasper into the private side of the ranch. He had no excuse for bringing Jasper in here. If his father happened to walk out… Calum swallowed hard.

When he had the light on and the door closed behind them, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Bloody hell,” Jasper whispered.

Calum turned to look at him. Jasper’s gaze flittered from one thing to the next. From Calum’s shelf of clay models, to the drawings pinned to his walls, his cluttered desk strewn with paper and pencils, his shelves of books, DVDs, CDs and his untidy bed. Anxiety chewed at his gut.
What’s he thinking?
Jasper walked over to the models and stared at them.

“I mean, Christ Almighty, they’re fantastic.” Jasper pointed to a reclining horse. “That cow is so realistic.”

Calum laughed and slapped a hand over his mouth. He was thrilled by Jasper’s response.

“I would really like to see them cast in bronze.” Jasper trailed a finger down the back of another horse and then moved to the desk.

Jasper picked up his sketch pad and flicked through it. Calum was too slow to stop him.

“Who’s this ugly mutt?” Jasper held up the pad next to his face and smiled at his image.

The best-looking guy I’ve ever seen.

“I’m so jealous that you can draw and carve…cows.”

Calum sniggered.

“You’re wasted here,” Jasper whispered. “You could make a fortune in London. Any gallery would snap these up.”

And just for a brief moment, Calum let himself imagine what his life might be like in a different world. And when he sensed Jasper was going to follow up on what he’d said, Calum pulled him into his arms and silenced him with a kiss. As Jasper wrapped his arms around him, Calum feathered his lips against Jasper’s, his tongue snaking along the seam. Jasper melted against him.

“Christ, you make me so hot,” Calum muttered into his mouth. “When did you realize you preferred guys?”

“The day my Latin teacher fucked me, and I liked it. He’d come to my house to give me lessons in the school holidays. My parents had gone out. After the renewed interest I showed in a dead language, and many private lessons later, my parents were disappointed I barely scraped a pass in my exam.” Jasper smiled.

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen.”

Calum raised his eyebrows.

Jasper pulled away and leaned against the wall. “I know. He could have gone to prison. He said he loved me and I believed him until the day I saw him touch my brother. I threatened to go straight to the headmaster and if he didn’t get there first and resign, I’d confess everything. The idiot thought I was jealous, that a few kind words and a computer game would win me over.”

“What happened?”

Jasper grinned. “He ran faster than me to the head’s office. Just. I made him work for it.”

“He left?”

“The new teacher was a woman with a moustache. I don’t like moustaches.”

Calum laughed.

Note to self: Shave every day.

Chapter Seven

Jasper had been serious about Calum making a fortune in London with his sculptures. He probably didn’t need to come to London, but Jasper let the thought burst out without passing it through quality control. Images flittered through his head of setting up a studio for Calum in his house, Jasper supporting him until he’d established himself, the pair of them eating breakfast on the patio, fucking in his bed.

All this on the basis of a mutual blowjob in the back of a truck?

I’ve got it bad.

Not only that, Jasper had acted completely out of character. He was far more likely to overanalyze and do nothing than give in to his desires. Maybe a bit of his bravery came from the alcohol but not all. Calum made him feel brave.

He smiled, moved away from the wall toward Calum, and the cowboy took a step back. Jasper halted. Had he missed some signal here?

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry,” Calum muttered, his head down.

Jasper felt as though a metal bar had been slammed into his face. For a moment, he could neither move nor breathe. He swallowed hard, unlocked his lungs and managed to croak, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no. I…I need to wrap my head around some things. See you later, right?”

But I wanted to wrap my arms around you.
No point torturing himself wondering why. Jasper nodded, turned and walked out.

He understood no.

Fuck it, I don’t understand at all.

Jasper detoured via the kitchen and retrieved the sandwich from the fridge. He didn’t want Angie to think he wasn’t grateful, and rather than throw it away and risk her finding it, he took it back to his room.

What changed? What did I do?

He showered and soaped his flaccid cock. Even remembering the way Calum’s mouth had felt on him didn’t make Jasper hard. He was suffused with disappointment and confusion until he remembered Calum’s fear of his father finding out he’d been with a guest. Was that it? The reason he’d not wanted to go further?

Jasper knew he’d get no sleep. He opened his laptop. He wished he could ignore work, but if he didn’t keep his eye on what was happening in the markets, he’d be letting people down. Jasper didn’t trust the guy covering for him. It had been a long while since Jasper had trusted anyone.

He ate Angie’s sandwich as he worked.

Jasper poured a mug of coffee at the breakfast buffet. He scanned the room for Calum but wasn’t surprised not to see him. Jasper had eventually decided it was fear of discovery that had come between them a few hours ago, though if that were the case, his cock reminded him, why had Calum taken him back to his room? Because he’d felt the same desperation as Jasper? It had worn off bloody quickly. Jasper exhaled. What he needed was for Calum to tell him what was wrong so he didn’t go home fretting about what he’d done, hadn’t done, could have done.

He glanced at the array of food, his stomach churned and Jasper turned away. He didn’t feel well. He took a sip of his coffee before he looked for somewhere to sit. There was no sign of Angie, so no chance to apologize for not being there at dinner, or to thank her for the sandwich, though it had left a strange aftertaste. Jasper swallowed the moisture in his mouth and winced.

He took a seat across from Matt and Paul, away from the giggling cowgirls. Was it his imagination that he suddenly felt weak, his legs trembling?

“Only coffee?” Matt asked as he tucked into a plate of bacon and eggs.

“Not hungry,” Jasper said.
Christ. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

“Worried you’ll puke again?” Erik walked up behind Jasper and slapped him on the back just as he picked up his drink. The coffee sloshed and a wash of hot liquid hit his hand. Fuck. Jasper put the mug down and grabbed a napkin to wipe his stinging flesh.

“No need to be nervous,” Erik said in an overly loud voice. “Ring said you did okay yesterday on Zander. We’ll put you on Spider today. She has a bit more spirit. Want to ride with these two?”

Framed as a question, but Erik wasn’t asking. It flittered through Jasper’s head to request Calum take him out. When they’d arrived, Erik had been at pains to tell them to ask for what they wanted.

I’d like to fuck your son.

On the other hand, Jasper didn’t want to cause trouble. At least on a ride with Matt and Paul, he’d be spared the chattering chipmunks.

“Fine,” Jasper said, glaring at the coffee stain on his shirt cuff.
Damn.

“Vera’s going to think you’ve got something against her cooking if you keep skipping dinner. You’re missing out on our evening entertainment too. Found something better to do? Or maybe you don’t like our company?”

Erik laughed but Jasper didn’t miss the edge to the man’s voice.
Shit.
Was this because he’d upset Angie or had he and Calum been seen last night? Maybe Erik was doing nothing more than fishing.

“I work fifteen-hour days, six days a week. I’m jet-lagged and I’m tired,” Jasper said.

“Try rounding up cattle,” Erik snapped. “Think about doing it in the pouring rain and freezing cold with the wind so strong it could knock you off your horse. Think about being knee-deep in mud while you drag cattle out of trouble. Amazing you find sitting behind a desk playing with your…pencil so exhausting.” Erik walked away before Jasper could say anything, but the coldness in the guy’s tone was unmistakable.
He knows something.

“Someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning,” Vera said with a forced laugh. “Ignore him. He’s got a lot on his mind.”

“It is tiring though sitting behind a desk,” Paul said. “A different sort of weariness to the physical kind, but I’m exhausted by the end of a day in the office.”

Jasper sipped his coffee, pleased he had an ally.

Matt raised his eyebrows. “You find enough energy to party most nights.”

Paul grinned. “Perk of the job. Too many desperate models, not enough hours in the day.”

“You can always toss a few more my way,” Matt said.

“Sandy letting you off the leash again?” Paul asked.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Matt glanced at Melissa and Janie.

Jasper didn’t think he’d misunderstood the conversation. The earlier camaraderie he’d felt with Paul evaporated.

Paul pushed a business card across the table to Jasper. “I’d like you on my books. You’ve got exactly the face one of my clients is looking for.”

As though I’m going to throw up?
Jasper left the card where it lay. As the men tucked into their towering plates of food, he felt more and more queasy. Was the presence of Calum the only reason he’d managed to get on the horse? Jasper didn’t think he was worried about riding, but he did feel ill.

“I’ll see you at the stables.” Jasper jumped up.

Once he was out of the dining room, he rushed back into the guest wing and just managed to reach his bathroom before he vomited. Slumped over the toilet, Jasper retched and retched, his stomach seemingly intent on turning itself inside out.

When there was nothing left to throw up, Jasper cleaned his teeth, washed his face and stared at himself in the mirror. The color he’d acquired yesterday had disappeared. His eyes looked huge, the shadows beneath them darker. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he didn’t want Erik to think he was a coward, he’d forgo this morning’s ride and stay by the pool. As it was, he grabbed his gloves and headed for the stable.

He was the last one there. He could see the other guests riding in the distance. Paul and Matt were already mounted and waiting. So was Ring.
Shit.
The wrangler pointedly looked at his watch. Jasper hadn’t realized the wranglers would move between guests. He thought he might have preferred the chattering Calamity Janes to this sour-faced guy.

Gunner held the reins of a black mare. The horse’s head was up, her nostrils flared. No quiet mount like Zander, Spider looked difficult. Jasper put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the tube of mints. When the horse showed no interest, his heart sank.

“This one’s a picky lady,” Gunner said. “You could bring her diamonds and she’d turn up her nose. Don’t let her have her head until you’re ready or she’ll take charge of the whole ride.”

Jasper stroked the horse’s neck and grabbing the horn, put his foot into the stirrup and hoisted himself into the saddle. The moment his weight settled on Spider’s back, the horse reared up on her hind legs. The reins flew out of Gunner’s grasp and the old man shied away from the flailing hooves.
Oh Christ.
An image of Ben shot into Jasper’s mind as he caught hold of the mane with one hand and made a grab for the trailing reins. Missed. Spider’s hooves slammed down and then she tried to buck Jasper off.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Jasper knew what to do but the horse was having none of it. Without even a loose grip on the reins, he had to yank on the mane to try and force up Spider’s head. Jasper tightened his legs, neither foot was in a stirrup, and used the pressure of his thighs to urge the horse forward. If he could make her move in a tight circle, she wouldn’t be able to buck. Ring yelled instructions, but Jasper sensed this was a horse in pain, not one who just didn’t feel like being ridden. He was going to get thrown. Sooner rather than later. Better if Jasper chose when and how and not the horse.

He heard a familiar voice shout out his name.
Oh God.
If Calum tried to help, he’d get hurt. Jasper leaned forward, put his hand on the horn and swung his shoulders right at the same time as he shifted his right leg over the horse’s hindquarters. Theoretically, he’d be able to get his balance before he dropped off, but pressure on the saddle seemed to make this horse jumpy. Jasper didn’t hesitate. He pushed himself backward as Spider bucked. Jasper stayed airborne for a long second and then he hit the ground rolling.

Impact with the dusty earth knocked the sunglasses from his face and the air out of his lungs, but he knew he’d avoided serious injury. Jasper struggled to get up, more to prove to himself he could than to avoid Spider’s dancing hooves. Jasper’s sunglasses weren’t so lucky. They lay in pieces in the dirt.

Gunner grabbed his arm and hauled him to one side. Jasper slumped down on his haunches, his breathing labored, his chest tight.
Please, not now.
He concentrated on taking deep, slow breaths. Calum snagged Spider’s flying reins and talked to the horse, trying to calm her down.