Crashed into Love: Episode Five (2 page)

A small smile tugged my lips. At least we saw eye to eye on that. “You’d tell me… if you knew where he’d gone?” My voice barely hid the emotional roller coaster I was on.

Joslyn rolled her eyes. “The minute I know, I’ll tell you. I personally want to be there when you lace into him. And if it stops you worrying, I was saying goodbye to Nikolai.”

My ears pricked at her tone. Oh no, she wasn’t interested in him, was she? Before I could worry, unhappiness slammed into me again. Jos thought I’d see Liam soon. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I wasn’t holding my breath on that happening. If what the doctor said was true, the twenty percent chance he might heal and come back to me were slim. I couldn’t wait around pining for him. I’d go insane. The only way my heart would mend, and I could continue living with the gaping cannonball-sized hole in my chest, was to let Liam go. Just like he let me go. 

Joslyn stepped over the lip of the air bridge and onto the plane.

I followed and the moment my foot touched the carpeted aisle, my world imploded into a flashback.

Flames.

Hot.

Gusty.

Time warped, and I hurtled back to the crash, reliving everything in minute detail.

A sonorous boom tore through the air, smashing into my eardrums with the force of a fist.

Fuck!

The plane bucked and shuddered as shrieking metal and thundering pandemonium hammered the cabin.

The plane jerked, bucked, and yawed.

I took a deep breath. Then my stomach was left at ten thousand feet as we nosedived.

My flashback was interrupted by a passenger jostling behind me. I moved forward, following the procession onboard. The moment I took my seat, it continued, sucking me into the past my mind had tried to forget.

I fast forwarded through talking to Anderson and Liam on the inflight phone, dealing with scared passengers. And just when I thought I remembered everything, that my stint in a hospital was a crazy mistake, my brain unlocked what really happened.

We soared lower and lower to the sparkling teal ocean.

The split moment before we touched down, I took a deep breath and held it. Gripping my harness over my breasts, I closed my eyes.

The plane shattered against tarmac—the teeth-clenching metallic screech scraped along my bones. We bounced into the sky again, and my harness unlocked. I flew to the ceiling with the bucking of the plane, my neck crumbled, and I splatted against the aircraft floor.

Pain. Unbearable, unimaginable pain jack-knifed down my spine. My vision turned grey as adrenaline tried to suck me under to stop dealing with the agony.

The metallic screeching kept getting louder. We bounced and kangarooed down the runway till a wing tip connected with tarmac.

I screamed as Joslyn landed on top of me. Her panicked voice right in my ear as the entire aircraft’s wing grated itself on the runway. Then, in a bone-jolting snap, the wing broke, sending us careening to the left.

I tried to move, to check if Joslyn was okay. To do something. Anything. But nothing obeyed. My legs were no longer operational, and my neck bellowed as if it was in three pieces.

Our speed didn’t diminish as we shot forward, fishtailing, and shrieking. The plane moaned and groaned, rivets popped from panels, metal buckled and warped.

Then the explosion happened.

The engine, now exposed to the runway from the broken wing, sparked and ignited. It was as if one thousand sticks of dynamite detonated beside my ear.

The metal fuselage of the aircraft sliced to shreds like silk. Missiles of pieces of engine and wing catapulted into the cabin. Passengers’ screams intensified as people were caught in the crossfires of shards and nightmare.

I couldn’t move as heat billowed. The side of the plane showed licking, angry flames. Like a dragon wanted to toast us to chards.

Oh God, no.

The people by the window were engulfed with glowing flames of hell. Screams turned into souls escaping through throats, twisting my insides in horror.

Something whistled through the air and slammed into my head.

The memory shattered by Joslyn shaking my shoulder. “Nina. Wake up. Shit, you’re shaking like a vibrator. Nina!?”

I blinked, leaving the hell of watching people burn alive. I blinked again, shaking, shuddering. How did I block that out? How did I forget something so traumatic? What knocked me out? The shrapnel?

“You okay? You look like you’ve seen my naked Aunt Beatrice doing star jumps.” Joslyn peered deep into my eyes. “Perhaps the hospital shouldn’t have discharged you so early? Do you want to go back?”

Back? No way. I doubted I could move even if I wanted to. I shook my head. “No. I’m okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She laid a soft hand on my forearm.

I shook my head again. “No. Not really. Wait…Did anything happen to you when you stepped on the plane?”

Joslyn frowned, then her eyes clouded and she sighed. “Oh, I know what happened. You remembered. Didn’t you?”

It was the first time I saw any residual fear or horror in Joslyn’s eyes. She seemed so put together and unaffected.

I shuddered. “Do you remember?”

“All of it. For a while I was jealous of you and Liam, the doctor said you’d most likely never remember the trauma. Every time I close my eyes I see the flames, smell the acrid stench of skin and polyester burning.” Her voice haunted me. “I’ll never forget.”

My throat clogged and I looked out the window. I’d never been a nervous flyer, but the jerk when we pushed back from the air bridge filled my stomach with lead. What if we crashed again?

Joslyn stole my hand, grasping it tight in her clammy one. “You scared?”

I went to shake my head, but honesty made me nod.

“Me, too.”

* * * * *

Two weeks later, I eventually ventured out of my apartment.

My injuries from the crash had faded, but every organ in my chest hurt like I was a voodoo doll and someone stabbed pins through me. The loss of Liam muddled me and turned me into something I never wanted to be, heartsick.

Dream-Samoa and Liam morphed more and more into fable every day that passed, and I struggled to get up in the mornings. Every moment was an effort, not because I’d sampled something so bright and dazzling as what I’d had in Samoa, but because I let myself become terrified of the one thing that made me,
me
. As much as I hated to admit it, I understood Liam and his choice for leaving, no matter how much it hurt to be unwanted. He left to confront his demons—his lost memories and freedom. I’d lost my freedom by letting fear shackle me to the ground.

Ever since the plane ride home, I avoided the airport. Work had tried to coax me into doing a light shift, but I couldn’t stomach the thought. I didn’t want to risk my life in something as fickle as a metal tin can that could kill me if gravity decided to pluck it from the sky.

I’d even refused to see Joslyn. She reminded me too much of Liam.

In fact, the only company I could stomach were the two terrapins who lived in a large aquatic tank in my sparsely furnished lounge. And my father. We’d had lunch a few times and it was nice to have him back in my life, but I needed time on my own. Yet another thing I had in common with Liam. Space. I couldn’t stand the thought of having people hover, asking me if I were okay. Did I need counselling? What was I going to do for a job? My life turned from promise to dismal the moment the flashback had stolen my will to fly. Dancing no longer gave me a reprieve either…nothing worked.

And I hadn’t heard a word from the pilot who ran away with my heart.

My breath came sharp and fast as I clutched the steering wheel of my Honda Civic. The aeroclub beckoned with memories of fun and excitement. The scent of air fuel permeated the atmosphere and the thrill of flying zapped me briefly before being smothered in terror.

I tried to recall the awesome experience of flying with Liam in Samoa, but I didn’t trust my emotions anymore. It wasn’t real. Crap, it wasn’t real enough to keep Liam by my side even when I desperately required his help. If he hadn’t left me would I be such a mess? Was I that weak that I couldn’t get over the crash on my own? Yes, it happened, but I survived.
I survived dang namit! And I’m letting life suck me dry.

I fiddled with my keys, warring with myself to turn the car on and leave, but I couldn’t. I sat there for who knows how long, memorized by the small planes taking off, overshadowed by Jumbos on the larger runway next door.

A rap on my window scared me shitless. My hand flew to my throat and a flash of whiplash made me wince. “Theo?”

His smiling thirty-something weathered face, grinned through the glass. “I’ve been trying to get hold of you, Poppins.” He unlatched my door handle, green eyes flying to mine when he found them locked. “Open the damn door. Don’t make me break it.”

A small smile graced my lips and I stepped out of the car. My neck was mainly healed, which was good considering I could’ve caused some serious damage at his abrupt arrival.

The moment I was free, he squeezed the bejesus out of me.

“Shit, Poppins. I was so worried. I heard all about the crash. You alright?” He broke the embrace and dragged me toward the aeroclub. “Come on. You deserve a drink.”

My heels dug into the driveway gravel. “Um, no, I’m—” How could I tell the most wonderful flight instructor, even if he was a blabbermouth, that I couldn’t fly anymore?

He stopped, eyeing me. “Don’t tell me you let a crash get to you?” He put hands on his hips. “I thought you were stronger than that. What happened to the girl who loves to test the rules of gravity? Who doesn’t care about what others think ‘cause you’ve got your eye so firmly on your dream?”  He sighed. “Why haven’t you called me? You’ve been back two weeks. I know. I checked with Kiwi Air.”

Oxygen was gloppy and hard to breathe. “Theo… I.” I steeled myself. “I can’t go in there. That part of my life is over. Flying almost killed me. It brought me pain and grief.” Then my eyes widened. Theo was friends with Liam. Why hadn’t I thought to ask him if he’d heard anything?

“Well, that is the most stupid bunch of crap I’ve heard you say, yet. So you crashed. I’m sorry. But if you don’t get back on the bike or horse or whatever, you let your fear win. You share the name of a magical nanny, open your little umbrella and fly.” He grabbed my elbow and pulled, giving me no choice but to stumble beside him. “And after all the time and energy I put into training you? I don’t bloody think so, missy. You’re a kickass pilot and you’re gonna get your commercial wings.”

The aeroclub loomed above me. Normally the sight of the logo with red wings on black ground made my step light, eager. Now, it stifled me like I was going to the dentist.

The airplane hangar had been converted to house a bunch of classrooms, meeting rooms, and a small bar nook.

As Theo dragged me across the stark foyer, housing bits of old plane and hanging engines from the ceiling, I asked, “Have you heard from Liam?” Did that sound blasé enough? I hoped so and not my wretched soul desperate to know any snippet of information on him. Was he even still alive?

Theo turned to me, a glint like emerald-fire in his eyes. “
That’s
why I’ve been trying to get hold of you, little lady.”

He
knew?
What did he know?

“Come have a drink with me and I’ll tell you.” Theo pointed to the small open bar.

I managed a nod and settled on a barstool as Theo poured himself a pint. Everything was on an honesty system, and we could serve ourselves. He poured me one, even though I didn’t like beer, and shoved it down the slippery bar like he was a pro.

My hands splattered with sloshing beer and I gave him a small smile. “You’ll never get better at that. I’d stick to flying, and leave the bartending to others.”

He chuckled, taking a seat next to me. He took a long drag of beer before wiping the foam off his upper lip and pinning me with his stare. “Now that I’ve got you here, I’m going to say a few things.” His blond shaggy hair glinted under the lights humming above.

I wanted to slouch into my seat like a wayward student, but a twinge of fire built in me. If he tried to convince me to come back to finish my license, he’d have a fight on his hands. Just the thought of going up stole the air from my lungs.

“Nina.”

Uh oh. He was pissed. Theo
never
used my first name.

“You’ve lost weight. I don’t like it.”

A laugh burst from my mouth. I startled… crap, when was the last time I laughed? “I was in a coma for almost a month. I guess you tend to lose weight.” That wasn’t entirely true, I’d lost more since arriving home. 

“Well, I’m going to stuff you with junk food so get used to grease.” He gave me a soft smile. “And, you’re going to fly again. No arguments.”

Ignoring that, I asked, “You’re not going to ask what happened?” I took a sip of beer, cringing.

“What do I need to know? Kiwi Air 93 crashed. Lives were lost, including crew. And you suffered. Do we really need to talk about something that upsets you?” He touched my wrist. “If it isn’t something you want to relive, then talking about it is pointless.”