Crashed into Love: Episode Four (6 page)

He looked at the grass then shot Joslyn a smile. “Glad to hear your leg is on the mend.”

She nodded reservedly. “Thanks. How’s the investigation going?”

Nikolai shrugged. “Still on. It’s gonna take a while to bag all the remains and evidence. Slowly getting there.” He stopped and pierced me with hazel eyes. “Mikin, I need to talk to you.” His gaze flickered to Joslyn and back to me.

Shit, was this really going to happen? Did I somehow mind-warp him into doing this? Some freaky higher sense? I struggled to combat the queasiness in my brain. Joslyn didn’t know what happened to Charlotte. I didn’t want her to know.

“Jos, will you go find Nina. Make sure she’s okay?”

She smiled and pecked my cheek. “Sure. Don’t be too long, or I’ll track you down.”

Watching her go, I was struck with the end of my life as I knew it. Nothing would be the same again. Everything I held valuable in my life was ruined.

I turned my attention to Nik. “Say what you want to, Rivers.”

He sighed, gathering his thoughts. “When I got the report I was to head an investigation on a downed aircraft in Samoa, I didn’t know you were on board. The moment I did, I rushed to the hospital. You looked awful lying there. You looked dead.” He chocked, clearing his throat. “There’s a lot of mess between us, Liam, but seeing you like that? It hurt. My childhood friend was mangled. You looked so much like Charlotte when she died. And I knew I’d never rest till I could finally apologise like I should’ve all those years ago.” His eyes blazed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I’m not asking for that, but I want you to know how sorry I am.”

My chest deflated. How could I tell him he’d apologised twice? My mind made him do it. I’d already had closure. My eyes widened. Crap, for the first time I didn’t think of Nik with furious hatred and shame.
I have closure, after ten years
. It was freeing, and compassion filled me. It was time to grant him the same peace. This time it was for him.

I reached out, offering my hand. “I accept your apology.”

Nik blinked, his mouth gaping open. “You sure you’re coherent, Mikin? I was expecting you to bite my head off.”

A tight grin pulled my lips. “Thought about it, but it wasn’t entirely your fault. I need to let it go.” I broke the handshake and leaned against the wall. My head pounded. I needed to lie down, but no way in hell was I going back in that hospital. I couldn’t handle the pity looks; the knowledge my career was over. I couldn’t risk seeing Nina. I’d break down and wouldn’t be strong enough to do what I needed to. As much as I wanted to run in there—alright, hobble—and crawl into bed with her and try and return to our dream-world, I needed to fix myself. And I couldn’t have her there to see me struggle.

A sudden thought struck me. “There is something you can do for me, though.”

“Anything. Name your price.” 

Refusing to think how betrayed Nina would feel, I muttered, “Get me off this stinking island. I need to leave.” I couldn’t be around Nina or Jos while I got my head around my new future. I refused to let them see me as an invalid. I wanted Nina. I hadn’t given up on what we shared. It wasn’t in my capabilities to walk away from her forever, but I wasn’t the man I wanted to be right now.

I was calling a timeout. Was it weak of me to bolt? Probably. But ultimately I was doing it for my future with Nina. My self-pity party was over.

Time for hard work and a reboot. 

And I needed to do it on my own.

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