Crave (23 page)
Authors: Violet Vaughn
Merino wool is soft on my fingers as it glides through to my needles. Christmas is coming, and even though I know Jason hates this holiday, I’m knitting socks to give him as a present. His childhood wasn’t the most pleasant, and he told me holidays weren’t fun. I yank on the ball to release the tension and relax into the methodical clicking of my needles. I’m determined to create a few happy holiday memories for him. I hope every time he wears them he’ll think of me and smile.
Curled up on the couch with my project, I try to decide what cookies to make this year. I plan to give little tins of cookies to my friends on Christmas Day. The instructors with families get the holiday off, while the rest of us without children work. I don’t mind. I didn’t go home to my parents last year for the holidays either. Instead, I send a box with gifts ahead of time. I get one in return.
Megan and Nick have invited me to dinner Christmas Eve. Megan suggested I invite Jason. Yet I’m nervous. This is kind of a touchy subject from our past, and I don’t want to ruin how well things are going now. I decide a text might make it seem like no big deal.
“Dinner at Nick and Megan’s the 24th. Want to go?”
I put my phone far enough away that I can’t check it every minute and drive myself crazy. I think about how tough the holiday will be for Clara this year. I know Blaine will be there for her and the kids, and it warms my heart. I mailed some gifts for the kids last week.
I hear my phone vibrate and get up to see the text. It’s from Jason.
“Sure.”
Well, that was easy. Another text comes in.
“What are you doing?”
“Planning my cookie baking day. You?”
“Hoping I get some :)”
He left it wide open. I can’t resist.
“I know just the girl. :D
Want to come watch a movie?”
That means I’ll have to put my knitting away, but I don’t mind because it also it means I get to snuggle with Jason.
“On my way.”
Minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. I open it and he steps inside. “Tell me about baking day.”
“It’s all about cookies. I make as many as I can. Then I distribute them in tins for friends as presents.” The door clicks shut behind him.
“Do you eat any?” His smile is playful as he sits on the couch.
“Of course, why? Do you want to help?” I sit so I face him.
“I might. But first I want to tell you something I should have a long time ago. It’s the real reason I hate Christmas. Remember I said I didn’t have the best childhood and that my father was dead?”
“Yes.” He’s looking so serious.
“When I was six, a week before Christmas, my father committed suicide.” I reach over and take his hand. “My mother was beside herself with grief and told me and my little brother there was no such thing as Santa and we would never celebrate Christmas again. And we didn’t.” He looks relieved.
“Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry.” Poor Jason. I imagine his sweet, little-boy face and how awful a time that had to have been. “No wonder you don’t like Christmas.”
“I’m fine with it now. It was a long time ago. I hardly remember my father. Every year Christmas comes around, and I don’t know how to enjoy it. This year I’ve decided I’m done hating Christmas. Will you help me?” Hope illuminates his face.
“Of course I will. Do you want to come do baking day with me? Hang on.” I hop up from the couch in excitement. Baking day is so much more fun with company. I grab the cookbooks from the kitchen counter. “Here, look through these and pick which ones you want to make.” I place the pile on his lap.
He stiffens and doesn’t touch them. “Ah, maybe.”
I chuckle as I take the books and set them on the coffee table. “Sorry, I get kind of excited about the cookie thing. How about you pick one kind you’d like to make and come for those? Then, if you’ve had enough, you can leave. Or you can stay and bake more. Does that sound doable?”
His shoulders relax. “Yes. I can handle that. Can we do the man cookies you made for me?”
It’s my turn to chuckle. The man cookie is a gingersnap heavy in molasses and makes every man I have ever given one to groan in pleasure. “Is there anything else you would like to try?” I raise my eyebrows to tease him. “There’s the mistletoe thing. I have a feeling you’d like that tradition.”
“Oh, definitely the mistletoe. How does it work again?” He grabs a cookbook and holds it over my head.
“Oh my, there’s mistletoe over my head.” Batting my eyelashes at him I add, “Somebody has to kiss me.”
He leans in and kisses me. When he pulls away, his voice is husky. “I do like this tradition.” He kisses me again; this time it’s deeper and arousing. He pulls me in tightly so that my body fits against his and sets my limbs on fire. Fingers slide under the bottom of my shirt and stroke my skin, making the heat spread. I ache for him to touch more. He stops and moves away.
I close my eyes and tilt my head back. “Oh my. Mistletoe is my new favorite part of Christmas.”
I hear a throaty noise as he shifts on the couch. “Movie?”
“Uh-huh. Just give me a minute to recover.”
Today is my scheduled day off. I coordinated it with Nick, Megan, and Jason. After the first powder day together, Nick suggested the idea. The four of us love to ski similar terrain, and it makes our day off super fun. With a two-week period of holiday vacationers approaching, this would’ve been my last day off for a while. Instead, I took a requested private. The pay is a lot more money, and it’s a sweet older woman named Meredith. I couldn’t refuse. I wait for her at the private sign.
A teenaged girl screams as she skis by. Following a precarious turn, she falls and laughs. A friend skis up to her and joins in the fun. I watch for Meredith’s familiar jacket and notice Jason near the lodge. Huh, I assumed he would ski with Nick and Megan today. He approaches a girl. She has a helmet on, but I see sandy-blond hair poking out the bottom. Is that Cassie? Jealousy seeps into my veins. They embrace for a moment and then walk toward the chair. As they get closer, I recognize the face. He’s skiing with Cassie? My stomach clenches. They’re getting close enough now that I could call out, but I don’t. I shove the green monster aside and rationalize.
She’s just a friend, and he’s probably helping her out.
I know she doesn’t ski very well, and he may be giving her an informal lesson. I take a deep breath. The old Casey would do something stupid to make him jealous, too. But what would Jason want from me? No games. I walk toward them. “Hey, guys!” I wave and they both look at me. “Cassie, how’s your winter going?”
She tilts her head at me, but smiles. “Great. My skiing’s getting better, and Jason is going to give me some tips today.” Jason looks pleased that we’re talking. “I meant to thank you for putting in a good word for me with Mrs. Matheson. The boarding house is more affordable than my other options.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad to hear it’s working out.” Jason beams. “You two have a great day. I see my private. Bye!” I move past them to take Meredith’s skis. I also mentally pat myself on the back. I have nothing to worry about. If Jason wanted to be with her, he wouldn’t be inviting himself over to snuggle on the couch. She also wouldn’t have been so pleasant to me. Yup, that was a much better approach than grabbing the closest guy and doing what I can to make Jason see I’m desirable. I greet Meredith with a big smile.
I watch the snow kick up from the back of Jason’s snowshoes. It sticks to the seat of his pants, and I’m tempted to slap it off. It’s an unusually warm day. My hair is damp with sweat from the effort of lifting my snowshoes coated with heavy snow. I’ve already removed my hat. I call out to Jason. “Hold up a minute. I want to take off my jacket.” I slide off the pack that holds our picnic.
He comes to me to take the backpack from my hands. I tie the arms of my jacket around my waist. “We got lucky. It’s great day for this.” His face shines as he speaks, and I notice the sun glisten off a few blond hairs in his day-old beard. Good Lord, he’s sexy.
I slip on the backpack and Jason leads on. He moves faster than I would, and I’m slightly out of breath. He doesn’t even seem to be winded. “How is it you’re making me work hard to keep up with you? I thought I was in good shape.”
I hear him chortle. “I’ve been running. I figured it was the best way to get my high-altitude lungs. I guess it worked.”
“That explains why your butt looks so good.” I hear his snort and he adds a little swagger to his movements. “Since you’re in such great shape, maybe you should carry the pack.”
He turns to walk backward, which is no small feat in snowshoes. I see the twinkle in his eyes. “Happily, but you have to go first now. I hear the view is something I shouldn’t miss.” He starts to laugh and stumbles. He lands in the snow with a plop.
I walk over and look down at him as I let the backpack fall off my arms.
“Help me up?” He reaches out a hand.
I know better, but grab it anyway. Within seconds I’m in the snow next to him. I lay back and let it cool my body. “Thanks. This feels great.”
“Really? Are you that hot?” He looks down at me with an evil grin on his face.
I reach up and pull him by his fleece to bring him closer. “I believe I am. Should I prove it?” I don’t wait for an answer as I lift my head to kiss him. His tongue meets mine and we melt into each other.
Jason pulls away and takes off a glove. He grabs a handful of snow, and cold water spread as he rubs it downward on my neck. “You most definitely
are
hot.”
Shivers run down my spine, but not from the cold. The snow under my head starts to get uncomfortable as the chill seeps through my hair. I sit up. “We need to keep moving. I want to find that clearing you showed me last fall.”
Jason’s face lights up, and I know he remembers the magical place. “Do you have any idea how to find it? I’m aware of your sense of direction. I think it’s for the wrong planet.”
“Very funny. I can’t believe you doubt me.” I give him a sly smile and unzip the outer pocket of my pack. I pull out a map. Paper rustles as I unfold it. “I come prepared. Look at this.” I show him the topographical map with a penciled route and notes. He studies it. I reach down to my fleece zipper and hold out the small compass attached. “And this is my secret weapon.”
“Nice. I’m impressed.” He nods and I can tell he means it. “Let’s get going, then. I can’t wait to see what else you packed.”
The swishing of nylon is the only sound I hear as we move. The beginning of our hike was easy compared to what we’re doing now. In thick woods, we part trees and maneuver our feet through low branches and fallen logs. Fortunately, I hiked back here a few times last summer and know the trees thin soon. I also know we’re about to come to a small pond. This time of year I expect we should see animal tracks near the water.
I stop and turn back to Jason. “It’s about to clear, and there’s nice spot for a break. Sound good to you?”
“Yes. Want water?” He has taken off the pack and pulls out our bottles from the side pockets. His smooth locks are a stark contrast to the rough stick I remove from his hair. My skin longs to feel more.
I say, “It’s pretty out here. If we didn’t sound like a couple of elephants, I’d bet we’d see some wildlife.”
“I know. We can try to be quiet when we rest, and maybe we’ll have a sighting. There are deer and elk in these woods.” I put my bottle back in the pack he has returned to his back. “Do you ever wonder what it must have been like to live in the woods during the 1800’s? When I was a little girl, I read the Laura Ingalls Wilder series a few times. She made it sound fun and fascinating. Part of me wishes I could experience it.” I hold a branch back for Jason to grab so it doesn’t hit him as he goes by.
“I do. I’ve thought about what it would be like to build a house using trees I cut myself. I think we would have been great pioneers.”
“If I had you, then I think you’re right.” I look back at Jason to see his reaction. He’s smiling.
“Want to live off the grid with me?” He has a joking tone, but I sense he’s considered it.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I could live without getting to be girly from time to time. I kind of like heels, makeup, and pedicures.” I duck under a thick branch and it catches my hair. I yank, leaving some behind.
He snorts. “If you help gut the deer, I’ll massage your feet and let you prance around the cabin in sexy clothes. Deal?”
I giggle. “Gosh, that sounds too good to resist.” I look over my shoulder at him and he winks.
“Yeah, you in a tight dress and heels
is
too good to resist.”
I flash back to the night he drove me home, and my insides get tingly. Note to self—wear that dress again sometime soon.
Up ahead is the clearing. As we approach I notice tiny rabbit tracks and bigger prints that look like deer. This must be the local watering hole. “Let’s go sit over there by that fallen tree.”
Jason walks ahead of me and swipes snow off the log. The backpack lands with a thunk. “Do you have anything in this we can have for a snack? I’m hungry.”
“Sure.” I walk over and unzip the backpack. “How about some cheese? And we can share an apple.”
“Sounds good to me.” He takes the hunk of cheese I hand him. “Doesn’t food always taste better in the woods?”
I chuckle. “I’m not sure I’ve ever thought about that, but I suppose.”
“Seriously though, it just does.” I can tell by the look on his face he believes it.
“Maybe when we live off the grid we should have an outdoor café. No one will know why they can’t resist coming back for more. But we’ll both know the secret. Food tastes better in the woods.” I snort.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re just humoring me. It’s okay. You’ll discover the truth now that I’ve brought it to your attention.” He’s grins and takes a big bite of the apple.
We sit in silence as we eat. I hear birds chatter as they flit from branch to branch. An occasional plop sounds as heavy, wet snow melting in the sun drops from branches. Jason touches my arm and he points to the small hare hopping toward the pond. We watch him take a quick drink of water and bounce away.
I pop the last bit of cheese into my mouth and peer into the pack. Seeing the chicken salad, bread, and cookies, my stomach clenches in anticipation. “Oh man, I wish we could eat everything right now.” I stand up and prepare to leave. “I don’t think we’re far from the magical place. Did you get enough of a snack?”
“Yup. Which way do we go?”
I look down at my compass and point toward the direction we should head. “That way.”