Crewel (11 page)

‘Cormac showed me Amie, you know,’ I say in a quiet voice.

‘Your sister?’ Enora confirms, and I nod my head.

I haven’t spoken of her often since I’ve been here. My life feels split in two: before and after. Everything that preceded my retrieval is a secret. A past life that has no place here, and although Amie is alive, for me she exists only in that time. I keep her there in my private thoughts, but something about the memories parading through my head as they prep me for travel longs to break free and be acknowledged.

‘She was happy,’ I say, and I hear how my voice almost echoes from the pain. I don’t tell Enora that Amie’s different now or what’s been done to her. Or that my thoughts have turned from memories to plans, and that the real reason I’m going along with this tour is to get out from behind the Coventry walls to the world of before, where Amie still exists, even if she’s changed.

‘I think rebounding will be much more comfortable for you this time,’ she says, pushing the digifile into my hands and forcing my mind back to the present moment.

The shackles from my first trip flash through my thoughts and set my hands trembling. ‘I won’t be—’

‘No,’ she says in a rush, reading my thoughts. ‘You will be travelling in first-class rebounding chambers. Ambassador Patton wants you kept happy.’

‘I’m still not sure what I did to deserve this,’ I admit.

Enora smiles sadly. We’re not stupid enough to believe the top-notch privileges I’ve been receiving have anything to do with me deserving them. ‘I guess we’ll have to wait and see.’

In the morning, I ride by motocarriage to my rebounding appointment. Erik and Jost come with me, but the rest of my crew follows behind. Erik keeps up a steady stream of chatter, but Jost sits quietly to the side. I laugh with Erik, but I feel the thickness of the air in the back of the carriage – Jost isn’t happy about being sent all over Arras. And he doesn’t seem thrilled about me chattering away with Erik either.

My scruffy friend has been cleaned up for the event. Jost’s face is closely shaved, and his hair is combed and tucked behind his ears. It brushes the collar of his grey wool jacket.

‘How do you two know each other?’ I ask Erik, pointing at Jost.

Jost startles out of his malaise and stares at me.

‘You said he sent you . . .’ I trail off, not wanting to talk too much about what Jost told me in the cell in case the Guild has installed audio transmitters in our motocarriage.

‘Jost is the head valet,’ Erik informs me. ‘When I couldn’t come to your cell, I asked him to attend to you.’

‘Okay.’ I nod, not sure I believe it’s as simple as that. Jost spoke as though he knew Erik. As if they had a history of some sort, and not a pleasant one.

‘Are you nervous about rebounding?’ Erik asks, changing topics.

Out of the corner of my eye I spy Jost settling back against his seat, but his eyes remain on me.

‘Yes,’ I admit, trying to ignore the steady gaze of Jost’s blue eyes. ‘My first experience wasn’t very pleasant.’

‘Well, that was not a typical experience,’ Erik tells me.

‘I forgot. You were there,’ I remember out loud.

He nods. If he’s sorry about ordering the medic to dose me, he doesn’t show it.

‘Enora gave me this,’ I tell him, producing my digifile from my handbag.

Erik lets out a low whistle. ‘Fancy gift.’

‘Really?’ I ask, flushing. ‘I assumed most Spinsters got one.’

‘Nah, Maela has one, but only because she sits on the training panel. Enora pulled some strings for that,’ Erik says.

‘I had no idea,’ I admit.

For a brief second Erik’s eyes flash to Jost’s, but whatever prompted the look, neither speaks. The conversation trails off again and I’m grateful the ride is short, because my stomach is doing cartwheels.

The rebound station that sits outside the compound walls is small and unassuming. Erik escorts me through the double brass doors into a small lobby with one brushed-velvet chair, which I’m forced to sit in. Behind us, my team, along with my gowns, bags and carts, filters in, packing the tiny room. A polished woman in a sky-blue suit appears from the hallway and speaks briefly with Erik. I watch as he nods and gestures to the group. A moment later, she strides over and beckons for me to follow her. I walk by her side. Behind us I hear Erik smoothly directing the rest of the group into an ordered line.

‘You’re rebounding into Nilus?’ the woman asks me evenly, and I manage a nod. She’s older, with her hair neatly kept in a simple bun, and she guides me with the expertise of someone who’s done this her whole life.

‘Your rebound will take about an hour,’ she continues, leading me into a softly lit room and directing me to sit in an overlarge leather seat in the dead centre of the chamber. She reaches towards a panel beside me, and I hear the click of a button as she pushes it. I tense, waiting for the metal helmet to lower onto my head, but instead a small oak tray table glides over my lap. I exhale as she fastens a long, thick belt diagonally across me.

‘Have you rebounded before?’ she asks curiously.

‘Yes.’

‘I’m sorry to ask,’ she says. ‘You seem nervous. Most people aren’t as scared the second time around.’

I shrug weakly, not wanting to tell her I was chained to the chair during my last rebound.

‘You’ll be fine,’ she tells me sweetly. ‘I’ll bring you some tea.’

She disappears out the door, and Erik’s head appears in the doorway. ‘I’ll see you at Nilus.’

‘See you there,’ I manage.

He continues past my door and Jost follows him. Our eyes meet for only a moment, but I can’t think of anything to say to him. As soon as he’s out of my sight, the stewardess reappears with a glass of iced tea.

‘Best not to drink anything hot until you’re more accustomed to rebounding,’ she advises, setting it neatly on a square white napkin in front of me.

‘Thank you,’ I tell her sincerely, and she pats my arm as she exits. I feel my chest constrict, the memory of my last stewardess tugging at my mind.

After the door is shut, the room begins to shimmer, fading in and out around me. This time without the helmet blocking my vision, I’m struck by how beautiful it is. Strands of golden light wind around me, and the rebound chamber gradually dissolves. I relish the few moments when everything is pure time, knitted with raw material, as it is seconds before the weave binds together into the new room. I forget about the tea and the digifile I’m clutching in my sweaty palm as the room flickers in and out of my vision and another slowly and gracefully replaces it. I relax back into the chair as the hour passes, noting how each piece of the room is carefully rewoven until I’m in a bright red space decorated with a vibrant pattern painted in gold along its walls. As the last bit of the chamber settles into place, a pretty young girl bounces into the room.

‘Welcome to Nilus Station, Miss Lewys,’ she bubbles, pushing my tray back and undoing my restraint. ‘The rest of your party will be here shortly. Please rise carefully.’

As soon as I start to rise I understand her warning. My legs wobble and shake as though I’ve been sitting for hours. Clutching the arm of the chair, I force myself upright and take a deep breath.

‘It takes a long time to get used to it,’ she says. ‘At least that’s what most people tell me.’

I survey the girl more closely. She can’t be much older than me. She was probably assigned here shortly after my retrieval. This could have been my assignment.

‘Have you ever rebounded?’ I ask her.

‘Oh, no.’ She flushes. Dropping her voice as she helps me off the small platform, she confesses, ‘My boss told me he’s going to rebound me to Allia. The station manager there owes him a favour.’

‘Well,’ I say, trying to sound enthusiastic, ‘the first trip is the hardest.’

‘I know!’ she squeaks. ‘I’m nervous, but it’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance.’

Jost is waiting for me in the hall and the young stewardess flashes me a grin as she disappears around the corner. ‘Nice to see some enthusiasm,’ he says drily. ‘Erik is checking to make sure everything is in order.’

‘Great.’

I can’t think of anything to say to him, so I press my lips together apologetically. I hate having to pretend he’s beneath me, but I don’t want anyone questioning our
familiarity
with each other.

‘I know,’ he whispers.

‘I’m sorry.’ The understanding look he’s giving me makes me feel worse.

‘Hey, I told you to play dumb.’

I nod and vertigo from the rebound sends me reeling forward. Jost catches me easily, and my arms tingle where he touches my bare skin. The sensation travels up my arms and settles in the nape of my neck. I know I should pull away, but before I can, the click of shoes in the hall behind us startles us apart. Jost casually steps back as Erik comes into view.

‘Cormac won’t be joining us until Allia,’ he tells us. ‘Something’s come up in the Eastern Sector. Adelice, do you need to use the powder room?’

I shake my head, anxiety twisting my stomach into knots again. I’ve never spoken in public before.

‘Don’t worry,’ he says, extending the crook of his arm. ‘The reporters are limited to fifteen minutes. You remember your answers?’

‘Yes.’

‘You’ll be fine.’ His tone is reassuring, but it does nothing to steady my nerves. Erik strikes me as the type who doesn’t ever get nervous.

We exit through the rebound company’s lounge into the station lobby. It’s empty except for strategically placed guards.

‘No travel allowed between stations today, except for invited dignitaries, and we’ll have Special Service guards at every stop,’ Erik says.

‘I’m a dignitary,’ I say, willing myself to believe it.

‘Hard to believe, right?’ he teases, which makes me smile a little.

Jost ambles up beside me, and I realise the two are now flanking me like I’ve seen Erik and Maela’s guard do with Maela. Standing between them, I shift uncomfortably while we wait for the guard at the main entrance to clear us. After a few minutes, the guard motions for us to continue.

Without the usual foot traffic of businessmen, the grand marble hall of the station is quiet, the only noise coming from a small group of Stream reporters. As soon as they spot us, they snap to life and swarm around. The guards keep them at a safe distance, and I’m glad to have Erik and Jost standing by me, but when Erik steps forward to speak, the guards are the only buffer between me and the vlip recorders.

‘I’ve been assured you’ve received your assigned interview questions and placements. You have fifteen minutes to get your footage before Miss Lewys’s next rebound.’

The group organises itself quickly and I’m met with the questions Enora prepped me for yesterday.

‘Miss Lewys, what is your favourite privilege as the newest invited Spinster?’ a boyish reporter asks me in a clipped, businesslike tone as a vlip operator looms over his shoulder.

‘The clothing,’ I respond automatically. I try to sound casual, but I know my words are being broadcast on live feed across Arras as part of the promotional tour. ‘It’s so nice to have pretty things to wear every day.’

‘Bit of a change from the old purity standards?’ another rosy-cheeked reporter breaks in jovially, and a few others laugh, but a guard pushes him back and the group returns to the business at hand. It’s enough to loosen me up though.

They ask about the food, my work, the other Eligibles, and I recite my answers as naturally as possible, like a good machine.

‘Last one,’ Erik whispers to me as a middle-aged man steps forward with his vlip recorder thrust in front of him to catch my response. He’s dressed in an unremarkable navy-blue suit and he looks as bored as I’m starting to feel. I sift through my prepared responses for the answer to the only question left unasked and wait to answer, ready to retreat back to the comfortable chair in my rebound chamber.

‘Miss Lewys,’ he begins smoothly. ‘Can you tell us what happened to your parents, Benn and Meria Lewys?’ 

Erik’s response to the question is so expertly choreographed that I can see him rising above personal assistant soon. If the other Stream reporters felt any allegiance to this man, they don’t show it. Instead, several back away from him. Jost gently takes my arm and pulls me into the rebound company’s lounge, but I can see the vlip operators and reporters part for the guards. The man who asked about my parents doesn’t put up a fight, but he keeps his eyes on me as they lead him away.

‘Sorry about that,’ Erik says, moving to block my view of the activity in the station hall.

Play dumb
. I can see it in Jost’s eyes.

I shake my head. ‘Guess he didn’t get his question memo in time.’

‘Probably not.’ Erik smiles. ‘We still need to do the image shoot. I think everything is reorganised and ready for you.’

I follow him back into the silent hall. The Stream crew gathers around us mechanically, but no one speaks. The flash of cameras and hurried instructions from my aestheticians do little to distract from the sombre atmosphere in the echoing hall. I turn to see the rosy-cheeked reporter who’d joked during the interview standing at my side. I meet his eyes and smile, but he looks away. These reporters may not have stopped the guards from taking the other man away, but obviously they feel the sting of it.

I’m too distracted to enjoy my next rebound, but this time when the stewardess helps me from my seat I’m not dizzy, which is good because Cormac is waiting in the doorway, and I don’t want him to see me stumbling around. He immediately drags me into a small bar next to the lounge. The place is empty. Not even a bartender is here, thanks to the travel restrictions security has arranged. I perch on a tall mahogany stool and rest my arm on the cool wooden counter, feeling a bit out of place.

‘I hear you had some excitement,’ he says, straightening his black bowtie as he surreptitiously looks me over.

‘I guess so.’ I shrug like I hadn’t noticed.

‘It was nothing,’ Erik says as he strides over to him. ‘Adelice handled it like a pro.’

‘I bet she did,’ Cormac responds. ‘Where’s my valet?’

‘I’m here,’ Jost calls from the door.

‘Good, make me a highball,’ Cormac orders. Turning back to me, he says, ‘It’s really incredible. I can have him make you one. I’m strongly considering reassigning Jost to a permanent position. He’s the only valet who knows his place.’

I stare blankly at this suggestion, but manage to shake my head at the drink offer. I don’t like the idea of him taking Jost away from the Coventry, and I bet Jost wouldn’t either.

‘Probably best. Wouldn’t want you drunk for the Stream crews.’

I quickly learn that Cormac’s idea of keeping on time is different from the rest of the group’s. His schedule apparently calls for a quick cocktail followed by syrupy banter with the long-legged stewardess who made the mistake of coming to check on us.

It’s Erik who finally says something. ‘Sir, we need to hurry or we’ll have to cut the image shoot.’

‘The image shoot? Didn’t they get enough poses at Nilus?’

‘Yes,’ I break in, forcing myself to sound sweet, ‘but not with you.’ Even I’m grossed out by how saccharine my words sound.

‘I guess you’re right. They’ll want photos of me with my escort,’ he says, looking away from the girl and downing the remnants of his drink.

‘Of course,’ I continue in the sugary voice, ‘and we don’t want you drunk for the Stream crews either.’

So much for sweet.

Cormac’s grin slips from his face, and he elbows past us to the bar’s door.

‘Adelice,’ he says with his back to me, ‘try to keep a lid on it.’

‘Of course, Cormac,’ I reply. I know better than to provoke him this way, but I hate the way the rest of his team kowtows to him. I can only imagine the panic attack Enora would be having at this point.

‘You seem to have quite an effect on him,’ Erik murmurs, coming up beside me.

‘Cormac and I have an understanding.’

Erik raises an eyebrow. Clearly he’s got the wrong idea.

‘Don’t worry. It’s a death-threat thing.’

‘Oh,’ Erik says, ‘just that.’

The crews here are on their best behaviour, and I wonder if they’ve been prepped on the situation in Nilus. There’s no good-natured ribbing or unapproved questions. The interview runs as precisely as loom-work, and although the image shoot with Cormac is less than comfortable, it’s over quickly. He slides an arm around my waist, signalling me to cosy up to him. Standing this close together, I notice an antiseptic smell that hangs on him, covering up his cologne. It burns my eyes.

‘For the love of Arras, smile, sister,’ a broad-faced photographer calls from behind the snapping cameras, but he shuts up when a guard edges his way.

‘I’d appreciate it if you made this look natural,’ Cormac hisses through his perfect rows of blinding teeth.

‘I’m trying,’ I force through my wide-mouthed smile.

‘They’ve got it, sir,’ Erik informs him from the side, and Cormac drops his arm and strides back to the private lounge.

We don’t speak again except when he barks at me to look happy at the next station. By the last rebound of the day, I’m getting bored. Eating while rebounding is harder than I imagined. It’s difficult to balance the food on my fork while the room shifts and shimmers around me. By the time we arrive in Cypress, where we’ll stay overnight, I’m hungry and cranky. I answer the interview questions mechanically and smile brightly for the camera, but I’m looking forward to spending some time alone in my hotel room before my aestheticians arrive to dress me for tonight’s scheduled appearance.

I’ve been in my room for about twenty minutes, waiting for room service, when my prep crew flies in.

‘I hope you had something to eat,’ Valery trills as she lays out my long satin gown on the bed.

‘I’m supposed to have private time,’ I snap back. ‘I’m still waiting for my food.’

‘You can eat while we work,’ she assures me, not meeting my eyes. ‘As long as it’s not messy. Enora wants you ready to go half an hour before the event.’

‘Even from afar she tortures me,’ I say with a groan.

Valery shoots me a disapproving look. ‘Enora is only looking out for you—’ she begins, but she doesn’t finish the thought, because my food arrives.

My dinner of roast goose and sweet potato curry looks delicious, but as the girls work on me I only find time to snatch a handful of bites. There’s always someone powdering me or doing my nails.

‘May I enter?’ Jost asks from the sliding door to my room.

‘Yes,’ I croak out against Valery’s hand, which is firmly holding my jaw as she plucks my eyebrows.

‘You look lovely.’ Jost laughs as he comes into the room.

‘Oh, shut up.’

Valery sighs and lets go of my face. She gives him a scathing look as she squeezes past him to pull my adornments from the trunks the crew brought with them.

‘That looks good,’ he says, pointing to the goose. ‘I had the duck.’

My stomach rumbles as he draws my attention back to the food, and I tilt my head towards the girl carefully painting my fingernails to indicate why I haven’t been able to eat.

‘Here,’ Jost offers, picking up the plate and gathering a forkful of the potatoes.

I take the bite gratefully. The dish has grown cold but the curry still pops along my tongue.

‘Thank you,’ I mumble with my mouth half full.

‘It’s my pleasure.’

Jost stands next to me and carefully sneaks me a few more bites as the girls continue with their prep. Soon the gnawing hunger evaporates, and I find myself enjoying the light touch of my aestheticians expertly curling my hair and massaging cream onto my legs. With a full belly, I don’t even notice I’m tired until Valery’s irritated cough rouses me from an impromptu nap.

‘We’re ready to dress you,’ she says.

I nod and look around the room for Jost, but he must have left when I fell asleep.

‘He’s not here,’ Valery tells me as she helps me step into the cool satin gown.

‘I’m sorry?’ I ask.

‘Jost,’ she says, and it’s clear from her voice that she doesn’t buy my innocent act. ‘A valet? When you could have someone like Erik?’

‘Or Cormac?’ her assistant offers as she zips me up.

‘I really don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say, but I can feel my cheeks growing hot.

‘Oh stop it or you’ll ruin your cosmetics.’ Valery laughs. ‘Don’t get the wrong idea. He’s very good-looking for a valet. His eyes are as blue as Erik’s, but he’s . . .’

I give her a drop-it look, and she holds out a bracelet, which I cuff onto my wrist.

‘It’s probably for the best,’ her assistant continues. ‘Cormac goes through the ladies pretty quickly, and Erik . . .’

I can’t help but turn to listen to what she has to say about him.

‘He’s Maela’s.’ Valery finishes the thought.

‘Good thing I’m not interested in any of them,’ I say, but I keep my eyes on the mirror.

In the reflection, I spy Valery and the girl exchange meaningful looks.

‘Sure, honey.’ But when her assistant goes to retrieve more of my adornments, Valery drops her lips to my ear and whispers, ‘Take the happiness you can, even if it’s only a little.’

Valery straightens up as soon as the girl re-enters with my necklace, but her words lodge themselves in my head. Watching her movements in the mirror, lithe and purposeful without a trace of resentment for her assignment, I hope she’s happy and wish I could be.

‘So exactly what’s on the agenda tonight?’ I ask Erik when he meets me at the door.

‘Well, you looking beautiful for one thing,’ he says, and I have to hold myself back from laughing.

‘Does that stuff work with the other girls?’ I ask, barely containing my amusement.

‘Yeah,’ he says, grinning widely. ‘How are you so immune to my charms?’

‘Years of segregation,’ I say, letting myself smile a little.

‘That usually works in my favour,’ he admits in a whisper as Cormac exits his room to meet us.

It’s not that I don’t like Erik. I even think he’s charming. Maybe it’s my years of inexperience with boys that make his flirtations more awkward than endearing.

‘You look lovely, Adelice,’ Cormac says, taking my hand. He ushers me out to the waiting motocarriage. I wobble on my high pinpoint heels as I step out of the hotel, but Erik’s hand shoots out to steady me. Before I can thank him, he’s faded back behind me. Stream crews call out questions, but I can’t see past the perpetual flashes of light from their cameras. I press closer to Cormac for safety despite his stinging smell. Part of me wishes I had a few doses of Valpron right now to make the whole thing easier, but I suppose it’s for the best that I don’t. I’m going to need to keep my wits about me if I’m going to get through the evening without making a serious social blunder.

Cormac beams and calls many of the crewmen by name. He answers questions, keeping his arm tightly around my waist the whole time. Once we’re safely inside the motocarriage, I pull out of his grasp and run my hand along my dress to smooth out the wrinkles where he held me.

‘Can’t wait to get away from me?’ he asks, his dark eyes gone hard.

‘I’m overwhelmed,’ I admit.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ he reassures me, lighting a cigar. ‘We’re doing a simple ribbon-cutting ceremony, a few pictures, and then back to the hotel.’

No more dinners or meetings or interviews after this. It’s such a relief.

‘I can cut a ribbon,’ I tell him confidently.

‘Arras, I hope so. You’re a Spinster after all.’ He keeps the condescending grin on his face as he puffs smoke rings.

I’m not sure what to make of Cormac. I hate him, but increasingly, I’m not sure I’m justified in that. Sure, he’s creepy and arrogant, but of the people I’ve met since my retrieval, strangely, he’s shown me the most respect. If you call brutal honesty respect, that is.

The motocarriage pulls up to a large crowd. Most of the neighbourhood must be here. Seeing that many people makes my hands shake, which is going to be problematic if I have to cut a ribbon. Cormac opens my door and helps me out. There are Stream crews and dozens of people. But something about the crowd is strange. On each of our stops, the people have been frenzied, trying to touch us or calling our names, but the citizens here are fairly calm. Some even look bored, as though they were forced to come. They probably were, but that’s nothing new.

‘So why are we cutting a ribbon here?’ I ask Cormac as he escorts me to a large brick building. I look for the telltale sign that will indicate what its purpose is, but I can’t find it due to the audience surrounding the structure.

‘It’s their new academy,’ he answers, placing one hand on my elbow and guiding me firmly to the front door.

If it wasn’t for his arm propelling me forward, I would have stopped on the spot.

‘I’m cutting a ribbon at an academy,’ I say, turning to him, ‘in Cypress.’

Cormac keeps his gaze on the path in front of us and doesn’t respond. Suddenly I’m remembering why I hate him. So that’s why I’m here. As a reminder of what I’ve done. The threat isn’t lost on me. Looking out over the crowd, I wonder why they’re so placid. The Guild must have fed them a lot of lies to keep them from turning on us. Did they say it was an accident, like the story Amie told us about Mrs Swander?

Even if they did, the people here are too complacent. There’s not a single person with a hint of rage or pain flashing across his or her face.

And then it hits me. They don’t know what happened.

‘What did you do to them?’ I whisper.

‘Why would I do anything to them?’ Cormac asks with feigned innocence.

‘What do they think happened to the academy?’ I ask, unwilling to play his little game.

‘That’s not the point, doll,’ Cormac says with a smirk. ‘This isn’t about them. It’s about you.’

By this point, we’re at the door and he hands me a pair of giant ceremonial scissors. Sadly, they’re heavy and dull. All for show. But maybe if I aim just right . . . 

Cormac’s grin fades, and he steps back. Not in fear, but to let me know he can see what I’m thinking and that it won’t work. He’s saved from me trying by another man, from the looks of it an official, who strides over.