Crouching Buzzard, Leaping Loon (9 page)

„So tell me about this strangling lesson you were giving your coworkers last week,“ he said.

„It was just a demonstration,“ I said. „Pretty much what I did just now, only with a computer security cable, instead of a belt. And I managed not to hurt myself that time; last week I had a bigger bandage that cushioned the knuckles.“

„Chief,“ an officer said. „Danny wants to talk to you.“

„I'll be right up,“ the chief said, and headed for the door, motioning me to come with him. „Who was there when you did this?“

„I don't really remember,“ I said.

„Try, then,“ he said. „It could be important.“

„You mean you think whoever strangled Ted learned it from my demonstration,“ I said as we walked in and began climbing the stairs. „Which could be true, but there's no need for me to remember who was at my demonstration. Half the idiots in the office were running around showing each other for the next three days.“

„So pretty much everyone in the office knew about this belt fu thing?“

„Even the therapists probably know about it by now,“ I said. „So I feel bad that I may have showed the murderer how to
commit the crime, but that isn't going to narrow your suspect field down any.“

„Damn,“ the chief said with a sigh. „Not getting any easier,“ he told the ceiling.

He strolled into the reception room, and I tagged along. The mail cart was still there, I noticed, though Ted's body was gone. I wondered if the police would be taking the mail cart as evidence.

An officer – Danny, I presumed – hurried over when he saw the chief.

„Found this,“ the officer said. He handed the chief a piece of paper in a plastic baggie.

Whatever he'd found, the chief seemed to consider it very interesting. He read it – probably several times, from the length of time he stared at the paper – and then nodded with a grim look on his face.

„You got someone named George working here?“ he asked, still looking at the paper.

„No,“ I said.

He looked over his glasses at me. „You're positive?“

„If you don't believe me, check the phone list,“ I said. „Or the personnel files.“

„No George? At all?“

„He's the only George around,“ I said, indicating the dozing bird.

„He's George?“

„Can't be,“ the officer said. „Got to be someone with an office.“

„What do you mean?“ I asked.

The chief frowned and then held out the baggie. Inside was a note that said, „Put $5000 in small, unmarked bills in George's office, under the papers, or I'll tell everyone about the naked pictures.“

„That's easy,“ I said. „You're in George's office.“

The chief looked at George the buzzard. And then at the nest of newspapers surrounding him.

„You've got to be kidding.“

„No, but I suspect Ted was.“

„You think the deceased wrote this?“ the chief asked. „Why?“

„I think it's obvious,“ I said. „It fits his sense of humor. He'd leave this around where someone would find it, and then watch to see if they'd go scrabbling around under George's papers.“

„You don't think this could be a real blackmail note, then?“

I considered it.

„It's possible, I suppose,“ I said. „I didn't know Ted that well, of course. But from what I did know of him… yeah, it's possible. But I still think it's more likely it was his idea of a practical joke. The man was an incurable practical joker.“

„Looks to me like someone figured out a cure,“ the chief said, nodding toward the vacant mail cart. „You picked this up in an office?“ he continued, turning to the officer.

„Yes, sir!“ the officer said.

„Why don't you go down and see if you can find whoever belongs to that office and bring him on up here.“

„Or her,“ the officer added.

„Or her,“ the chief said genially. „You run along down to the parking lot and find him or her. Of course,“ he said, turning to me, „statistically speaking, around this place, the odds are the owner of the office is going to be a him.“

„About nineteen to one,“ I agreed. „For some reason, we have a hard time getting women even to interview here, much less take jobs.“

„But it's nice to see the troops are paying attention in all those expensive classes I send them to.“

I nodded absently. I had a bad feeling about this. I wasn't the least bit surprised when the eager young officer returned escorting Rob.

„Hey, what's up?“ Rob said.

„You recognize this?“ the chief asked, showing him the baggie.

Rob peered at the paper inside the baggie and nodded. „Yeah, I found it in my in-basket last week,“ he said.

„And did you comply with the blackmailer's instructions?“

„Blackmailer?“ Rob echoed. „You think this is a real blackmail note? Cool!“

„What did you think it was?“

„I figured it was someone's idea of a joke,“ Rob said. „Or maybe someone was putting together the evidence for a new trial.“

„A new trial?“ the chief asked.

„A new fictitious trial for the Lawyers from Hell game,“ I clarified.

„Yeah, exactly,“ Rob said. „We have this subscription service for registered users, you see; they get to download two new cases a month from our Web site.“

„I see,“ the chief said, looking disappointed. Why did I think he'd have liked it better if Rob's past were filled with prosecutions for blackmail and indecent exposure and other lurid crimes? „So you never followed the blackmailer's instructions?“

„No,“ Rob said. „I didn't realize it was a genuine blackmail note. Do you really think someone was trying to blackmail me?“

„You say it was found in your in-basket.“

„A whole lot of stuff ends up in my in-basket by mistake,“ Rob said.

„Including the occasional bit of actual work,“ I said.

„Yeah, probably,“ Rob agreed. „Most people know better
than to leave stuff there. I mean, if they really want me to see something, they usually just stop me in the halls and show me.“

„So when was the last time you cleaned out your in-basket?“ the chief asked.

„July third,“ Rob said promptly.

„That was six weeks ago,“ the chief said. „You're positive?“

„Absolutely,“ Rob said, nodding.

„You cleaned out your in-basket the day before the Fourth of July?“ I said. „What was it, some kind of declaration of independence from paper?“

„Actually I didn't deliberately clean it out,“ Rob said. „A bunch of us were fooling around with firecrackers in my office, and we set it on fire.“

„Your office?“ the chief asked.

„Mainly just my desk,“ Rob said. „But it burned up all the papers on my desk. Melted the in-basket, too. Had to get a new in-basket.“

„So this paper couldn't possibly have been on your desk before July third, but it could have arrived there any time since.“

Rob nodded.

„What nude pictures do you think this note refers to?“

Rob shrugged.

„You've never, for example, posed for nude pictures?“

„Not since I was in college,“ Rob said, as if it were ancient history, instead of less than a decade ago.

„You posed for nude pictures in college?“ the chief said.

„I used to pose for life drawing classes to earn extra money,“ Rob explained. „I expect there are a bunch of paintings of me.“

„Nude?“

„Some of them, yeah,“ he said.

„Could someone be threatening to make them public?“

„They already are public, some of them,“ Rob said. „There's one in the UVA art department student museum that's not too bad.“

This was the first I'd heard of Rob's adventures in the art world, but I wasn't surprised. Rob took after Mother's side of the family, who tended to be drop-dead gorgeous and make Lady Godiva look like a shrinking violet. Apparently I took after Dad's side of the family. Since Dad was adopted, we didn't have any pictures of his blood relatives, but if we had, I was sure they'd show my female ancestors attempting to tiptoe out of range before the cameras immortalized their shapely but far from slender forms.

„So you don't see these paintings as grounds for blackmail,“ the chief asked.

„No,“ Rob said. „Unless the students who painted them decided that they've gotten much better and don't want anyone to see their student work, but then someone would be blackmailing them, not me – right?“

„What about the nude version of your game?“

„Amazing,“ Rob said, shaking his head and snickering, the way he usually did when Nude Lawyers from Hell was mentioned.

„Do you think that could be the naked pictures referred to in the blackmail note?“

„Those?“ Rob exclaimed. „But… they're cartoons! Who cares about naked cartoons? And besides, the note threatens to tell everyone about the naked pictures – what kind of a threat is that? Everyone already knows about Nude Lawyers from Hell. It's all over the Internet.“

„Maybe it wasn't when that note first arrived in your in-basket,“ the chief suggested.

„No, the nude game's been out for months. First showed up around April Fools' Day.“

„What if the blackmail note wasn't even intended for Rob?“ I put in. „What if the blackmailer found out who created Nude Lawyers from Hell and was threatening to tell?“

„Maybe the blackmailer did find out,“ the chief said. „Maybe he found out that you were the one responsible for creating the made version of your own game.“

„Me?“ Rob exclaimed.

„You're the one who knew the game the best,“ the chief said. A natural mistake; I hadn't explained to him who did the actual work around here and who sat around throwing out bright ideas and saying, „Cool! Amazing! That's exactly what I had in mind!“ when one of the programmers finished the work and showed him the results.

„And then there's your knowledge of karate,“ the chief continued. „Mighty interesting, considering the indications we have that someone with a knowledge of the martial arts might have something to do with the murder.“

Even Rob snickered at that, which probably didn't help him in the chief's eyes.

„You mean because of purse fu and the
shurikenT“
I said.

„And the crushing blow to the victim's larynx, which was used to stun him so the killer could strangle him,“ the chief said.

„Crushing blow?“ I echoed, and then remembered the chief's conversation with Dad and the ME, when they'd both kept gesturing at their throats. The doctor's daughter part of my brain mused that it must have been quite a strong blow, if the results showed up during the fairly superficial examination they'd have done on the scene. The rest of my brain asked if we could please think about something else now.

„The kind of blow you could do with one of those karate chops,“ the chief went on. He leaned back on his heels with his thumbs tucked in his belt, looking quite pleased with himself.

„Oh, for crying out loud,“ I said. „You don't really believe – “

„I think we should go down to the station where we can talk without all these interruptions,“ the chief said, frowning at me.

They led Rob down to a waiting patrol car, with me trailing after, pointing out things the chief was overlooking, especially the many other people who might have had it in for Ted. Although, since most of those people were standing around, mouths open, watching the chief haul their fearless leader off to jail, I refrained from naming names.

„And what about all the suspicious characters we told you about?“ I said. „The crazy fan, the angry ex-employee, and the sinister biker,“

„We're not going to forget about them,“ the chief said. „We'll continue to explore every avenue.“

But as I watched the patrol car drive off, I didn't believe it.

„Damn the man,“ I muttered. I felt strangely betrayed. I'd told him everything I could mink of about Ted and Mutant Wizards. I'd let him pump me for information. And just when I'd started to feel comfortable and think he was a sensible and intelligent person who stood a good chance of solving the murder, he had to go and settle on Rob as his prime suspect.

Maybe Dad had the right idea after all. Maybe I did need to do my own investigating. At least if the police were misguided enough to focus on Rob as a suspect.

I'd worry about that later. Meanwhile, the first order of
business was to keep Rob from saying anything stupid or incriminating to the police. Anything more than he'd already said.

I groped in my purse for my cell phone and the notebook-that-tells-me-when-to-breathe, as I called my combination to-do and address book, looked up a number, and dialed frantically. I breathed a sigh of relief when a familiar voice answered.

„Liz! Thank goodness I got you! Where are you?“

„The police told us we could all go home, so I was just getting into my car. What's wrong now?“ she said, sounding tired. Sounding, in fact, as if she were trying very hard not to reveal her irritation, and failing miserably.

„I think they're planning to arrest Rob for the murder,“ I said. „At any rate, they're taking him down to the police station. He needs a lawyer. Could you – “