Ctrl Z (8 page)

“Oh, God,” she gasped, confidence torn away by unexpected
panic.

She turned, staring up the street, desperate for the flash
of yellow that would mark a cab. Her heart was thudding in her ears, knees
shaking.

“You need a ride home?” Cal asked quietly. Everything
else
they’d been was woven into the words.

He reached out, touching her shoulder, but Indigo sidled out
of his way, wrapping the shawl tightly around herself. She wasn’t ready for
this yet. Maybe not ever.

“Thanks, but no,” Indigo replied. “I’m waiting for a cab
now.”

“It’s cold out,” he insisted. “My car’s just up the street,
sweetheart. It’s no problem.”

“I said
no!”

At that, Cal smiled, the skin around his eyes wrinkling the
way she loved. Indigo’s heart twisted. He always knew how to push her. How to
get her to do what he wanted even when she swore she was going to do the
opposite. This was no different.

“I’m sorry,” he said contritely, putting his hands into his
pockets. “I know how… independent you are.”

She nodded, not answering. A yellow and black cab appeared
at the end of the block, and Indigo stepped toward the curb. Like a dancer, Cal
moved back in front of her, blocking her view.

“I’m sorry about how things ended, Indigo,” he said softly.
“I had hoped that we could stay friends.”

Her attention jerked back to his face, calm scattering. She
couldn’t pretend when he was staring at her like this, all the unravelled hopes
of the two of them, rekindled in his eyes.

“You were the one who ended things,” she hissed. “Not me!”

He reached out, brushing a strand of hair off her face.
Indigo’s breath coming in shallow gasps, desperate to escape.
‘From him…
from myself…’
When he touched her she
wanted
to say yes.

“I needed some time to think about things for a while,” he
said. “What you told me just took me by surprise.”

His smile faltered, his hand falling back to his side, and
for just a second, Indigo wanted to comfort
him
. She swallowed hard,
throat aching.
This
was the part of Callum Woodrow she could never
manage. The man who made her feel things she swore she’d never allow.

“I still think about you sometimes,” Cal said gently. “About
us…”

A flash of yellow appeared, and Indigo stepped straight off
the sideway into the street, waving frantically. The cab pulled to a screeching
stop, the car behind it slamming on the horn.

Indigo had her hand on the door handle before Cal caught
her.

“Indigo, I want to talk,” he said, taking hold of her upper
arm. “I think you and I could—

She spun around, tearing from his grip.

“Just stop!” she gasped. “It’s done!
We’re done!”

Behind Cal on the sidewalk, Jude appeared. Catching sight of
Indigo, he jogged forward, concern sharpening the lines of his face.

“Sweetheart, listen,” Cal said, taking hold of her fingers,
his hand warm where hers was cold. “I’m so sorry for—”

“Let
go
of me!” she cried, voice breaking.

The cab’s window rolled down, the man inside, staring out at
them in concern.

“This man bothering you, ma’am?”

Indigo ripped her hand out of Cal’s just as Jude jogged
forward.

“Hey!” Jude barked. “Back off, man!”

For a half-second, Indigo was relieved, but then Cal turned.

Jude’s face blanched. “Professor Woodrow?”

Indigo wrenched open the door of the cab, climbing inside
before anyone could stop her. She could hear Jude talking, and Cal answering in
that arrogant, easy-going tone he always used with people he considered lesser
than himself. Leaning forward, Indigo gave the driver her address just as the
door reopened. Jude stared down at her, face fraught with worry.

“Am I coming?”

“I don’t care,” Indigo gasped, “I just want to go home.”

Jude climbed in, settling down beside her as the cab headed
down the dark streets. Above them, the sky had opened up, great wet flakes
swirling around them, closing them off from the rest of the world. Indigo
swallowed against the lump in her throat time and again, trying to force it
away, but her emotions churned like a storm. Too many other memories in the cab
with them too.

“What do you mean, there’s more?” Cal had asked.

“I mean that there are things I haven’t told you,” she’d
whispered. “Things I haven’t told anyone.”

“You can tell me, Indigo. I love you…”

Indigo peeked over at Jude. He hadn’t said anything since
the restaurant, but she could see he was troubled. His jaw was clenched, his
eyes hooded.

Indigo shifted into the middle of the bench seat, her hand
sliding up the front of his shirt, tightening on his collar. Jude frowned, but
didn’t move. She tugged him nearer, feeling him resist for just a second, and
then fall forward.

The kiss started like a wildfire, one spark igniting them,
mouths bumping together in haste. He tasted of wine, his tongue deep in her
mouth, hard and insistent. Indigo’s fingers tangled in the front of his shirt,
rough and anxious to forget. Jude groaned, and she dragged herself close so
that the whole length of their bodies were pressed together against the door of
the cab.

Blocked off from the rest of the city, the embrace dragged
on, growing heady. When Jude was kissing her, it was easy to forget. Indigo
wanted someone else in her memory. Another man’s arms around her. One who
didn’t know her past, or judge her for it.

‘Someone with green eyes, not brown.’

The sensations rushed over them both, separating them out
from the rest of the world, leaving them clutching desperately to one another
as their mouths slanted together. She wriggled and heard the unmistakeable
sound of a seam popping.

“Up,” she panted, “on the seat.”

Jude slid back into place and in seconds, she had straddled
his lap on the cracked vinyl of the narrow seat. With each kiss, the embers of desire
between them grew hotter, fuelling their motions. The bruising pressure of
Jude’s mouth moved from her lips to her neck, sucking and nipping. He pushed
down the shoulder strap of her dress with sure fingers, finding his way to the
lacy bra and pulling it aside so he could reach her breast. His hands tightened
on her hips, grinding her against him, eliciting a groan from deep in her
throat.

Mid-act, her only focus was
Jude
, the rest of her
rebellious thoughts burned away. Wild with desire, his mouth latched onto the
free nipple while he played with the other through the barrier of her bra,
rolling it into a hardened peak. Her skin was luminous in the darkness, lit
from the streetlight beyond.

 The dress rode up her thighs to expose the triangle of
her panties as she writhed in his lap. Jude followed the path of bare skin, his
fingers nudging the lace aside to brush against damp folds. She quaked with
each touch, her hands moving frantically against him.

“Oh god, Jude…” she moaned. This was the wrong place to be
doing this, and she didn’t care.

His free arm wrapped around her hips, grinding against her,
the clothes that separated them a growing frustration. His fingertips were
sparks, igniting her skin where they touched, leaving her burning. His tongue
worked one hard peak and then the other, pushing her control precariously to
the edge. Impatient to kiss him, she threaded her hands into his short hair and
pulled him up to her mouth. Jude’s eyes fluttered open at the motion, looking
up at her with half-drugged eyes.

And then they were kissing again. His teeth nipped at her
lips before deepening the kiss, tongues moving together in an impatient rush of
desire. A moan of frustration slipped out as her fingers began to tug at Jude’s
belt. He shifted in the narrow seat, but there was barely any room, and the
button wouldn’t open; she moved to his chest instead. Indigo was panting, her
tongue darting into his mouth, her fingers impatient on his shoulders, tracing
the lines and angles of him. Jude ran one hand up from her hips to the soft
curve of her bare breast, while the other dropped between them, tugging the
lace impatiently aside. She rocked against his fingers, wild with need.

He’d just shifted his hips forward, trying to make room
where there was none when a loud knock on the window interrupted the two of
them. The two of them jumped apart, laughing.

The cab had stopped without them realizing, the driver
watching them in the mirror.

“You want to come inside?” Indigo panted.

Jude let his head fall against the back of the seat, eyes
pressed closed as if in pain.

“Yes, of course,” he groaned, “but I
can’t.”
He
lifted his head, brows crinkling together. “Marq and I have a new project.”

“The one you were talking about,” she said.

“Yeah,” Jude growled, his hand sliding into her hair. “And I
promised I’d put in at least a couple hours of coding tonight.” He kissed her
fiercely, before pulling away again. “It’s just something I’ve gotta do.
Alright?”

She nodded.

“You want me to walk you up?” Jude offered.

Indigo smirked, imagining the dealers who hung out by the
elevator and what they’d think of this man who looked like he’d stepped off the
wrong train.

“Nah,” she laughed. “I’m good. You get going.” She reached
out, smoothing her palm against Jude’s cheek. He caught her fingers.

“You’re making it hard to leave….”

Indigo giggled, the tightness of her chest easing.

“Then I should let you go.”

She straightened her shawl, tucking the clutch under one arm
and opening the door. In seconds she was inside the building, watching the cab
pull away. With Jude gone, her expression changed, the flame of her smile
guttering out until only old pain remained. If she’d been a movie house actress
at dinner tonight, now she was a faded marquis poster, edges ragged and
curling.

With a tired sigh she pulled off her heels, and trudged,
barefoot, up the dirty stairs.

Jude finished programming just after dawn. On the floor sat
a sheaf of papers from the OpenSolaris Unix system, corners marked with sticky
notes. He’d done a trial run of the Trojan twice, watching how it functioned
within a protected system, then gone through the code by hand. In the last few
days, Marq’s concern had become manic, the tension spreading by degrees until
Jude felt like there was a person watching over his shoulder.

He saved the Trojan onto a hard drive, and then a backup
onto a spare jump drive, tucking both into the inside pocket of his jacket. He
stumbled across his room, only to find himself caught in the image in the
mirror; he ran a hand over his stubbled chin, shocked by the red-rimmed eyes
and haggard face that greeted him. He might want sleep, but he needed a shower.

Unexpected pounding at the door had him jumping.

“Yeah?” he croaked

Elliot opened the door.

“You’re already up,” he said in surprise. Three empty
Mountain Dew bottles lined the windowsill; chip bags and papers littered the
floor. “Programming again?”

“Uh-huh,” Jude said through a yawn. “Finished about an hour
ago.”

“Great! You can hit the gym with me.”

“No can do, bro. I’ve gotta grab a shower.” Elliot’s face
fell. “Sorry, buddy. Me’n Marq have a meeting downtown.”

Elliot nodded, but didn’t move. He was staring at the pile
of Unix pages, and Jude belatedly wished he’d put them away. He could see the
annoyance in his friend’s downturned mouth.

“Look Elliot, since you’re up,” Jude said, stepping in front
of the pages and waiting until his roommate caught his eye. “Could I catch a
ride downtown with you?”

“For what?” Elliot glared at the drive in Jude’s hand. In
seconds, Jude knew he’d be making the connection he
shouldn’t
be making.
He dropped it into his pocket, forcing an easy grin.

“Like I was saying, Marq and I have a business meeting
today, so can I catch a ride?”

Elliot gave a wan smile.

“Yeah, sure thing.”

: : :
: : : : : : :

Indigo was still in bed when she heard Shireese talking to
someone in the living room. She frowned, glancing at the clock on the bedside
table –
8:11 a.m.
– and closed her eyes again. The voices in the foyer
began to rise: one was Shireese, the other a man. The conversation was muffled,
but bits and pieces of it began to appear.

“… she’s asleep!”

“… leave her my number.”

“… oh, I’ll tell her you came by!”

The words grew in intensity, the voices digging into
Indigo’s awareness.

“If you could just check on her…”

“…not a chance in hell!”

“Just give me a second, Shireese…”

“You just go and keep on going!”

Indigo jerked awake, awareness dropping into place like a
puzzle piece. Cal was here in the apartment! His voice and the memories of last
night were abruptly real. Indigo clambered out of bed, grabbing jeans off the
floor and sliding them on top of the panties she’d worn to bed. She threw her
tank top into the laundry pile, fishing until she found an almost-clean bra.

“I just need a minute to explain.”

“I don’t know, and don’t care
what
you need!”

The voices were a low rumble, like thunder, the pretence of
whispers slipping. Indigo struggled into a t-shirt, dread rising. Socks and a
sweater were next; she pulled them on with shaking hands.

“… and don’t you think you did enough
last
time!”

“Look, Shireese, I’m not sure this is your call to make,
Indigo’s an adult…”

Alarm sharpening her senses, Indigo grabbed the brush from her
dresser, dragging it through tangled hair. She added a layer of lip gloss,
hastily powdering her nose, hoping against hope that she didn’t look as
exhausted as she felt. She popped a piece of gum into her mouth in lieu of
brushing.