Cupid's Dart (25 page)

'And you didn't want them to have an old father.'

She looked embarrassed. She couldn't think of a reply.

'I know you'd never have wanted kids,' she said.

Had she not read my letter from Prague?

That led naturally on to the other question I had to ask. There was a burst of cheering. Half the room leapt up with cries of 'One Hundred and Eighteeee.' I had to wait.

'Did you get a letter from me?' I asked. 'From Prague?'

'Yeah, I did. I couldn't read it. The writing was terrible. As if you was drunk or somethink. I mean I know you never would be, but that was how it looked. Or it was written by bluebottles. It was a list, wasn't it?'

'Yes. Yes, it was.'

'I thought, "It's philosophy. It's a list of, I don't know, theories and black holes and that." I didn't try very hard.'

'It was a love letter.'

'Oh. Sorry.'

'The only love letter I ever wrote.'

'Sorry.'

'Probably the only love letter I ever will write.'

'No! You'll write lots now you've broken your duck.'

'Maybe.'

'I am sorry I didn't read it, though, Alan.'

'It doesn't matter now. In fact it didn't matter then.'

Rob returned with the drinks. I was grateful to him for having left us alone so long.

'Sorry about that,' he said. 'They haven't got enough staff on.'

I admired his finesse. I thought that there was a good chance that they would have really lovely children.

'I must be off,' I said, and I ventured a comment about our relationship in front of Rob. I was prepared to leave, I was even happy to leave, but I didn't wish to slink out.

I leant over and kissed Ange for the last time, and said 'Thank you for everything, Ange.'

'Do you really mean that, Alan?' she asked.

'Oh yes,' I said. 'It would all have been a waste of time if I didn't. I really do think, you see, that in this cruel world we should be grateful for every nice thing that happens, and, when it's over, we should know how to walk away without looking back.'

'You're a bit of a philosopher,' said Rob.

'Yes, well, you've got to be in my game,' I said.

My eyes met Ange's for the last time. We both smiled wryly, and then I did what I had said I should do. My father would have been proud of me. I walked away without looking back.