Cyborg Nation (34 page)

The water wasn’t at all kind to her hair, either. It wasn’t as glossy and soft as it had been before, but she wasn’t sure the water was entirely responsible for that. Her hair was lighter and she knew that was from the sun. She suspected the sun’s rays had damaged her hair just as it had her skin—lightening her hair to a brighter, less subtle red and darkening her skin.

Not for the first time, she wondered about her all over appearance. She hadn’t been beautiful before and she knew damn well nothing that had happened to her had
improved
her looks.

It had Gideon’s, she thought as she studied him surreptitiously, and he hadn’t even needed it. His skin had darkened to a more golden color and his dark ash blond hair had lightened to a paler blond and the sharp contrast had added a unique appeal all on its own. Like her, he’d also lost weight, but it had only seemed to give him a leaner more muscular look all over and it made his face even more appealing—stronger, more angular, more masculine somehow—made all three men look even more virile.

He never really relaxed his guard anymore. On the ship, he and Gabriel and Jerico had seemed to spend most of their time squabbling and carousing like rowdy teenage boys. From the moment of first threat, though, they’d gone into rigid military mode and now, even when they appeared to be relaxed, they weren’t. They never allowed themselves to get distracted by a difference of opinion as they had before—in fact, there didn’t seem to
be
a difference of opinion. They worked together almost as if they were of one mind.

But then maybe it was just that, as soldiers, they each knew their role in the scheme of things? Gabriel and Jerico were the foot soldiers and Gideon the leader they looked to to decide the best course of action and the best usage of their skills?

It was
outside
their roles as military men that they were adrift and uncertain. What everyone else considered the ‘real’ world was chaos and confusion for them and it made them feel awkward and unsure of themselves because they didn’t know what to say or how to behave.

She liked both sides. Before, she’d felt as if they needed her. Now, she felt completely protected by them and she realized with a touch of surprise that they’d created the perfect symbiotic relationship—from her viewpoint, anyway.
They
met all of her needs. She wasn’t as certain as she would’ve liked to be that she met all of theirs. It was important to her, though, to do her best to give them what they needed just as they gave her what she needed.

They probably didn’t
need
the outlet sex gave them nearly as much now as they had when there’d been too little to excise all their excess testosterone. Since the crash, they’d had almost more ways to expend it than they could handle—fighting for their lives, and pushing their bodies to the limit in physical expenditure, and having to hunt for food to supplement their dwindling supplies. It had been a conscious decision not to approach her for sex out of consideration for her injuries, she knew, but she thought the other things had made it easier to exert that self-control.

She
needed it, though. It wasn’t just that she wanted it, wanted to feel the pleasure they could give her. She needed the reassurance that they still wanted her, still found her desirable.

She got that assurance the moment she moved closer to Gideon. The surge of the sea around them bumped them lightly against one another in an imitation of the sexual act and his cock rose hard against her in response. To her consternation, though, he grasped her hips, holding her slightly away from him even as she tried to initiate sex by stroking her hands along his body.

Desire filled his eyes, darkening them, but there was a question in them, as well. “I do not think you are as well as you believe,” he said gruffly.

She ignored the twinge of irritation that comment elicited. “Who’s the doctor here?” she murmured, leaning closer to nibble at his chest with her lips.

“If I believed it was the doctor making the decision based upon skills, I would not doubt, but you have none of the things you need to test to make an informed decision, so I do not think it is the doctor making this decision. And, while I am no physician, I have more experience, I am certain, with wounds. I know how those wounds should have affected you and how you should have progressed in recovering, and you came far closer to dying than I liked or expected and have taken much more time to recover than I anticipated.

“As much as I would enjoy fucking you until you were screaming with pleasure, I would far rather wait until I am certain that would be the results and not further injury that would take
more
time to recover from.”

Bronte’s irritation mounted. “I
feel
well enough.”

“But you do not
know
that you are.”

Thoroughly annoyed by that time, Bronte let out a huff of anger and turned away from him. He caught her, pulling her back against his body and holding her. “It is not that I am not tempted,” he murmured huskily near her ear. “But I can not trust that I would be as careful of you as I needed to be, because I can not remain in control of my desires when we come together. I have tried and all that it has taught me is that no amount of determination to hold onto my control will make a difference. I still lose my ability to reason.

“And I am not the only one who wants you or who has a right to want you. As much as I would like to ignore Gabriel and Jerico and only concern myself with my desires, we can not make this agreement between us work if we do not consider every partner equally.

“If I do not consider the danger to you, I can not expect them to. And while I might be able to be careful enough of you to do this, they will also expect to have you, and I trust them less than I do myself. In battle, I trust them implicitly. With you, I do not. I know that they would not want to hurt you, would never deliberately hurt you, but they are accustomed to being
told
what they can and can not do.”

Mollified, Bronte ceased trying to pull away from him.

Not
that it had done any good to try except to let him know that she wasn’t willingly allowing him to hold her.

It was annoying, though, that he always seemed to be right, always made her feel as if she was being unreasonable.

Maybe because she was much of the time, but then that was because emotions tended to be unreasonable and she couldn’t help being governed by them anymore than he could help that he didn’t have them to govern him, but had cold, hard reason instead.

The temptation to see if she could push him beyond his control was thrumming through her, though, in spite of the fact that even she didn’t think she was up to having sex with all three of them.

It
was
unfair. She knew it was, but she didn’t especially care about being fair at the moment.

While she was considering how little she cared about the fairness of getting her way at the moment, Gideon stroked a hand across her belly and cupped the mound there. “What is this?”

There was no surprise in his voice as if he’d just realized there was a rounded mound there when there hadn’t been before. He’d taken advantage of her distraction and proximity to examine what had been bothering him for some time.

Her heart thudded uncomfortably, but this time not with desire. Bronte swallowed against the sudden knot in her throat that was a combination of fear and reluctance in having to face something she didn’t really want to face. “I don’t know,” she said finally.

“It is not … right, is it?”

She gnawed her lip for a moment. “I don’t think so,” she admitted reluctantly. “But as you pointed out, I don’t have any way to check.”

There was anger in his voice when he spoke again. “When did you think that you should tell us?”

She broke his hold on her and turned to look at him angrily. She’d been scaring herself with horrible possibilities for weeks and the anger and accusation in his voice broke the dam she’d been trying to hold. “When I
knew
something to tell you!” she snapped.

His lips tightened. “You believe you do know!” he growled accusingly. “Can I not even trust
you
to guard your health? To uphold the terms of our agreement and keep us informed of things that affect all of us?”

It made her angrier that he was right—again—that she couldn’t even defend her behavior. They
did
have the right to know if her health was an issue that could affect all of them, and she
had
been willing to risk sex when she had no idea what was going on inside of her beyond the fact that she didn’t hurt anymore. She just hadn’t wanted to think that having sex might cause more damage than her body could take. “So I’m in breach! Throw the damned contracts away for all I care! You might as well, because I’m pretty damned sure the crash destroyed any chance I might have had to have children and I probably can’t have sex either because I’m totally fucked up! You could hire
anybody
to do what I can do now!

“And I don’t care if it was unethical not to tell you before. You know now. I’ve told you in plenty of time to just throw the damned contracts away and you won’t even have to go to all the trouble of taking me to court for breach!”

She would’ve loved to have delivered that speech and then stalked away without giving him any opportunity of a rebuttal. Unfortunately, there was no stalking anywhere when she was breast high in sea water.

Particularly since Gideon, as furious as he was, wasn’t about to let her try it. He did let her have the last word, though, mostly, she thought, because she’d so thoroughly pissed him off he couldn’t think of anything to say. Scooping her up into his arms despite her furious resistance, he stalked to the beach, set her oh so carefully on the sand, and then strode away. He didn’t stop until he’d reached the edge of the woods. She didn’t think he would’ve stopped then except that everyone’s attention was caught by a sound all of them had begun to think they would never hear again—the sound of an engine.

Chapter Twenty One

Bronte was so stunned when she turned toward the sound and saw a craft heading directly toward them, or at least toward the beach, that she simply stared at the thing dumbly as if she’d never seen one before. Jerico brought her back to awareness by dropping the blanket around her shoulders and pulling it snugly around her.

The look of censure in his eyes took her aback. “There will be men on board.”

Bronte blinked at him in surprise. It was the first time he’d behaved the least bit jealous or possessive toward her and it hadn’t occurred to her that he felt that way about her—not that she’d realized she was still stark naked. She’d been too shocked to think. “I was just surprised,” she said uncomfortably. “I didn’t think....”

His gaze flickered over her face. Some of the tension left his expression. “I will carry you into the edge of the forest to dress.”

Nodding jerkily, Bronte took the clothes he handed her and looped her arms around his neck when he bent to pick her up.

As little time as it took to cross the beach and dress, the craft landed while she was dressing. She heard the engine die and moments later the voices of strangers. She couldn’t see anything. She hadn’t gone far into the woods, but Jerico took care to block her from the view of the men exiting the craft and that ensured that she couldn’t see either.

He examined her critically before he picked her up to carry her back. That look unsettled her almost more than the first. She’d always thought of Jerico as the ‘easy going’ one. She didn’t know what to make of this heretofore unseen side of him until she noticed the speculative gazes of the men they approached.

It would’ve been easy to guess they were military only by their bearing, but the uniforms certainly seemed to cinch the identification. The discussion, whatever it covered, was over by the time she reached the men. Without a word, she was carried into the craft. Jerico settled her into a seat and helped her with the restraints and within a few moments everyone was aboard and the craft rose from the beach.

Her stomach knotted with terror the moment she felt the craft rise. She hadn’t had time to consider how frightening it would be to climb into another ship of any description after their crash. It was probably just as well, she thought wryly, and yet she hadn’t even had time to brace herself, or to try to focus on ‘good’ thoughts, or give herself a pep talk. All she could think about as she heard the engines roar to life and then rev until she could feel the vibrations running through the ship was those minutes that seemed like days when they’d been falling. Struggling against hysteria, she focused her panicked mind the best she could on trying to breathe slow breaths, curling her fingers into the arm rests.

Jerico had left her once he’d adjusted her safety harness. She glanced around hopefully for Gideon or Gabriel and discovered that neither of them were seated close to her either. The stern, unyielding faces of complete strangers was all that met her gaze. Reluctant to allow anyone to notice how terrified she was, Bronte turned to look through the viewing window near her seat, but looking out the window didn’t help at all. Her panic rose as the craft did, threatening to engulf her. She could hear fragments of conversation around her as the men who’d found them questioned Gideon and the others about the crash. The noise of the ship itself, however, combined with the roaring of blood in her ears and her rasping breaths to chop bits and pieces from the dialogue and that made it impossible to follow what they were saying even if she could’ve focused enough of her mind on the conversation for the task.

Once it reached the goal altitude, the ship skimmed the air so fast the world outside the window blurred sickeningly. She closed her eyes against the dizzying sight, struggling against nausea as well as fear then. She began to cramp after a while from the rigid tension that held her entire body.

It wouldn’t take long, she told herself. No matter how far they still were from civilization, it couldn’t possibly take very long when they were traveling at such a speed and directly toward their destination rather than having to follow the winding course nature allowed them to follow. Soon, she could be really clean again, sleep in a bed instead of on the sand, shivering half the time even with a man on either side of her to help to keep her warm.