Cyteen: The Betrayal (48 page)

He realized he had shaken up Catlin too. “Sorry,” he said, and tried to be quieter getting under the covers again. He was very conscious he was with a stranger, who might be a seven, but they were different from each other, she was Security and Security was very stiff and cold. He didn’t want to do wrong or make her annoyed with him. He lay there in the dark in a place with only one person in it, worse than being in a new dorm, very much worse. He felt cold and it was only partly because the sheets were. All the sounds were gone, except one of the Olders starting up the shower.

He wondered where Catlin had lived before this. She didn’t seem nervous. Somebody had told her everything that would happen. Or she was just able to do everything. Having a boy for a partner didn’t bother her. She was glad about him being good at traps. He hoped he was as good as she expected. He would be terribly embarrassed if he got them Blown Up in the first doorway.

And he was terribly afraid he was going to have to do Traps

in the dark, which was the hardest, and that meant he was going to need the penlight. Catlin said he could hide that with his coat, they usually let you have one. Because working against the light he was a target for sure.

Don’t make noise, she had said. I’ll watch your back; you just work; but noise is going to help the Enemy. We can try to Get one that way, but that depends on how much time we have. Or whether it’s a speed run or a kill run. They’ll tell us that.

What’s a kill run? he had asked.

Where you get most of your points for Getting the Enemy.

Like where you have to set the Traps, he had said, relieved he understood. Sometimes we do it both ways-you have to take one apart and leave one for the Enemy following you. You get extra points if he misses it. Sometimes they make you go back through right away, and you don’t know whether it’s your Trap or his or whether he got stopped. The blow-ups show, but you can’t trust those either, because he could touch it off and set another one.

That’s sneaky, she had said, her eyes lighting the way they could. That’s good.

He wanted to go blank so that he could go to sleep: there wad a Room to do in the morning; and he knew he had to rest, but that was hard to do, his mind was so full of things without answers.

The Room did not make him half so anxious as this place did.

Why are they doing this? he wondered. And thinking of the gun on the table and about the too-quiet mess hall and all of Catlin’s stories about people shooting each other in the Game: Are they sure I belong here?

It’s not a Game, Catlin had said sternly when he had called it that. A game is what you do on the computers in Rec. This is real, and they cheat.

He really wanted to go back to AG. He wanted to see the Horse. He wanted to feed the baby in the morning.

But you had to survive the Room to do that for just four hours.

From now on.

He really tried to go blank. He tried hard.

Why don’t they give me tape? Why don’t they make it so I know what to do?

Why don’t they make it so I feel better about this? Has the Computer forgotten about me?

x

Ari thought every night how her letter was on its way now and she figured out where it had to be if it took so many months. Maman and Ollie would be at Fargone now. She felt a lot better to know where they were. She looked at pictures of Fargone and she could imagine them being there. Uncle Denys brought her a publicity booklet for RESEUNESPACE that had maman’s name in it. And pictures of where maman would be working. She kept it in her desk drawer and she liked to look at it and imagine herself going there. She wrote another letter every few days, and she told maman how she was doing. Uncle Denys said he would have to save up a packet of her letters and send them in a bundle because it was awfully expensive and maman wouldn’t care if she got them all at once, all in one envelope. She wanted to address it to maman and Ollie, but uncle Denys said that would confuse the postal people, and if she was going to write to Ollie, maman would give it to him: the law said an azi couldn’t receive any mail except through his Supervisor, which was silly for Ollie, nothing could upset him; but it was the law.

So the address had to be:

Dr. Jane Strassen

Director

RESEUNESPACE

Fargone Station

And her return address was:

Dr. Denys Nye

Administrator

Reseune Administrative Territory

Postal District 3

Cyteen Station

She wanted to put her own name on the letter, but uncle Denys said she would have to wait until she was grown up and had her own address. Besides, he said, if it was from the Administrator of Reseune to the Director of RESEUNESPACE it looked like business and it would get right to maman’s desk without anybody waiting.

She was in favor of that.

She asked why their address was Cyteen Station when they lived on Cyteen, and he said mail didn’t go to planets without going through stations; and if you wanted to write to somebody on Earth the address was always Sol Station, but because there was Mars and the Moon you had to put Earth, then the name of the country.

Uncle Denys tried to explain what a country was and how they started. That was why he got her the History of Earth tape. She wanted to do that one again. It had a lot of really strange pictures. Some were scary. But she knew it was just tape.

She went to tapestudy. She studied biology and botany, and penmanship and history and civics this week. She got Excellent on her exams and uncle Denys gave her a nice holo that was a Terran bird. You turned it and the bird flapped his wings and flew. It came all the way from Earth. Uncle Giraud had got it in Novgorod.

But there was only Nelly for playschool. And it was boring doing the swings and the puzzlebars with just Nelly. So she didn’t go every day anymore. She got tired of going everywhere with Nelly, because Nelly worried about everything and Nelly was always worrying about her. So she told uncle Denys she could go to tapestudy by herself, and she could go to library by herself, because people knew her, and she was all right.

She took a lot of time getting back from tapestudy. Sometimes she stopped and fed the fish, because there was a Security guard right at the door and uncle Denys had said she could do that. Today she went down the tunnel because there had been a storm last night and you had to stay indoors for a few days.

So she got to thinking how she and maman had come this way once when she went to see ser Peterson. You took the elevator. Dr. Peterson was boring as Seely was; but that hall was where Justin’s office was.

Justin would be interesting, she thought. Maybe he would at least say hello. And so many people had Disappeared that she liked to check now and again to see if people were still there. It always made her feel safer when she found they were. So if she got a chance to see an old place, she liked to.

She took the lift up to the upstairs hall, and she walked the metal strips she remembered: that was nice too, like once upon a time, when maman had been down the hall in that very office; but it made her sad, too, and she stopped it and walked the center of the hall.

Justin’s office door was open. It was messy as the last time. And she was happy of a sudden, because Justin and Grant were both there.

“Hello,” she said.

They both looked at her. It was good to see someone she knew. She really hoped they would be glad to see her. There weren’t many people who would talk to her that weren’t uncle Denys’s.

But they didn’t say hello. Justin got up and looked unfriendly.

She felt lonely all of a sudden. She felt awfully lonely. “How are you?” she asked, because that was what you were supposed to say.

“Where’s your nurse?”

“Nelly’s home.” She could say that now about uncle Denys’s place without it hurting. “Can I come in?”

“We’re working, Ari. Grant and I have business to do.”

“Everybody’s working,” she complained. “Hello, Grant.”

“Hello, Ari,” Grant said.

“Maman went to Fargone,” she said. In case they hadn’t heard.

“I’m sorry,” Justin said.

“I’m going to go there and live with her.”

Justin got a funny look. A real funny look. Grant looked at her. And she was scared because they were upset, but she didn’t know why. She sat there looking up and wishing she knew what was wrong. Of a sudden she was real scared.

“Ari,” Justin said, “you know you’re not supposed to be here.”

“I can be here if I want. Uncle Denys doesn’t mind.”

“Did uncle Denys say that?”

“Justin,” Grant said. And gently: “Ari, who brought you here?”

“Nobody. I brought myself.” She pointed. “I came from tapestudy. I’m taking a shortcut.”

“That’s nice,” Justin said. “Look, Ari. I’ll bet you’re supposed to go straight home.”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t have to. Uncle Denys is always late and Nelly won’t tell him.” She kept getting this upset-feeling, no matter how she tried to be cheerful. It was not them being bad to her. It was not a mad either. She tried to figure out what it was, but Grant was worried about Justin and Justin was worried about her being there.

Hell with Them, maman would say. Meaning the Them that kept things messed up.

“I’m going,” she said.

But she did it again the next day, sneaked up and popped sideways around the doorframe and said: “Hello.”

That scared them good. She laughed. And came out and was nice then. “Hello.”

“Ari, for God’s sake, go home!”

She liked that better. Justin was mad like maman’s mad. She liked that a lot better. He wasn’t being mean. Neither was Grant. She had got them and they were going to yell at her.

“I did Computers today,” she said. “I can write a program.”

“That’s nice, Ari. Go home!”

She laughed. And tucked her hands behind her and rocked and remembered not to. “Uncle Denys got me a fish tank. I’ve got guppies. One of them is pregnant.”

“That’s awfully nice, Ari. Go home.”

“I could bring you some of the babies.”

“Ari, just go home.”

“I have a hologram. It’s a bird. It flies.” She pulled it out of. her pocket and showed how it turned, and came inside to do it. “See?”

“That’s fascinating. Please. Go home.”

“I’ll bet you haven’t got one.”

“I know I don’t. Please, Ari, -“

“Why don’t you want me here?”

“Because your uncle is going to get mad.”

“He won’t. He never knows.”

“Ari,” Grant said.

She looked at him.

“You don’t want us to call your uncle, do you?”

She didn’t. It wasn’t very nice. She frowned at Grant.

“Please,” Justin said. “Ari.”

He was halfway nice. And she was out of tricks. So she went outside, and looked back and smiled at him.

He was sort of a friend. He was her secret friend. She wasn’t going to make him mad. Or Grant. She would come by just a second every day.

But they were gone the next day: the door was shut and locked.

That worried her. She figured they had either figured out she was coming at the same time every day or they were truly Disappeared.

So she sneaked over on her way to tape the next morning and caught them.

“Hello!” she said. And scared them.

She saw they were mad, so she didn’t laugh at them too much. And she just waved them goodbye and went on.

She caught them now and again. When her guppy had babies she brought them some in ajar she had. Justin looked like that made him feel better about her. He said he would take care of them.

But when she took the lid off they were dead. She felt awful.

“I guess they were in there too long,” she said.

“I guess they were,” Justin said. He smelled nice when she leaned on the desk near him. A lot like Ollie. “I’m sorry, Ari.”

That was nice anyway. It was the first time he had really been just Justin with her. Grant came and looked and he was sorry too.

Grant took the jar away. And Justin said, well, sometimes things died.

“I’ll bring you more,” she said. She liked coming by the office. She thought about it a lot. She was leaning up by Justin’s desk now and he had stopped having that bad feeling. He was just Justin. And he patted her on the shoulder and said she had better go.

He had never been that nice since a long, long time ago. So she was winning. She thought he would be awfully nice to talk to, but she wasn’t going to push and make everything go wrong. Not with him and not with Grant. He was her friend

And when maman sent for her she would ask him and Grant if they wanted to go with her and Nelly.

Then she would have all the special people and she would be all right on the ship, because Justin was a CIT and he was grown-up and he would know how to do everything you had to do to get to Fargone.

She had a birthday coming. She had not even wanted a kids’ party. Just the presents, thank you.

Even that hadn’t made her happy. Until now.

She skipped down the hall, playing step-on-the-metal-line. And got Nelly’s keycard out of her pocket and used it on the lift.

Because she knew how Security worked.

xi.

“You damn fool,” Yanni yelled, and threw the papers at him. And Justin stood there, paralyzed in shock as the sheets of his last personal project settled on the carpet around them. “You damned fool! What are you trying to do? We give you a chance, we do everything we fucking can to get you a chance, I sweat my ass off on my own fucking time working up critiques on this shit you dream up to prove to a hardheaded juvenile-fixated fool that his brilliant junior study project was just that, a fucking junior study project that Ari Emory would have dismissed with a Thanks, kid, but we tried that, if she hadn’t been interested in getting her hands on your juvenile body and fucking over your father, son, which you’ve just done all by yourself, you damned fool! Get this shit out of here! Get yourself back to your office, and you keep that kid out, you hear me?”

It hit him in the gut, and paralyzed him between wanting to kill Yanni and believing for a terrible moment that it was over, that a little girl’s spite had ruined him, and Jordan, and Grant.