Damned If You Don't (20 page)

“But it hurts so badly.”

“I know. I thought what I was doing was for my country. There was honor and pride in that. I was willing to lay down my life no questions asked. And yet when I balked, when I questioned what happened, they told me to forget about it.”

He chuckled, the sound as bitter as she felt. “Forget?” he continued. “Forget that I killed innocent people? That mistakes get made in war? Truth was they wanted the target dead. And they didn’t care if his kids got killed with him. End of story.”

“I faced a choice,” he added. “Same as you’re facing right now. Live through it or don’t.”

That wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear.

“Morgan, listen to me. I hurt you the first time because I thought you were a criminal and it didn’t matter if I hurt you or not. Jack and justice. That’s me.”

He sighed, the breath cleansing for both of them. “But it’s funny how life turns around on a person. I found out you’re as far from a criminal as a person can get. But by the time I did, you’d already played right into the web I was weaving. You ended up trusting me. How in God’s name was I going to tell you I was following orders? So I hurt you a second time. And you know what the irony of all of this is? I thought I was in complete control and ended up with absolutely no control at all. Things just happen, Morgan.”

“No joke.”

“People will tell you to get on with your life, just like I’ve been telling you, but you’ll never really believe it until you can tell it to yourself in the mirror.”

“I can’t. Not yet.”

Was he smiling? She thought so. She could feel his cheek move against her hair.

“Listen, this isn’t about me anymore. It’s about you. Or maybe I just need to go get Bruno so he can bop you over the head a couple of times.”

Her shoulders shook slightly. Maybe there was hope after all.

HE’D GOTTEN HER to laugh. Jack couldn’t believe it. He twisted his body slightly so they faced each other. Jack looked down at her. They were about to kiss, his insides were firing on all eights, yet his thoughts couldn’t go beyond the warmth radiating from her eyes.

He melted.

He should have been gone by now, should have run in the opposite direction, put the moment into Jack-like perspective. But he couldn’t. Because hooks like hers didn’t simply come out; they ripped out. And while Jack wasn’t afraid of the pain or the scars that would follow, he was terrified of
her
consequences and the hurt he would inflict on
her.

For the first time in his life, Jack put another person ahead of himself. And he liked it that way.

“Morgan, I want to make love to you badly. But I’ll get up out of this bed right now if you say no.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you again. Because I don’t deserve a third chance. Because you’re beautiful and strong, you’re honest and honorable—things I’ve dragged through my muck for way too long now.”

“Why, Jack? Why did you hurt me?”

“Because I wasn’t thinking about you, I was thinking about me. It’s that simple.”

“Nothing’s that simple.”

He chuckled. “I know. I also know you won’t forgive me any time soon. But I can’t stand to see you like this. I want to make it better.”

“You can’t.”

“We both know I can. But if that’s going to end up hurting you even more, then I’ll get up and walk away. Now. Before we both regret it.”

Jack held his breath. The ball was in her court; the decision was hers.
Do I stay, or do I go?

She shook her head, lifting up and covering his mouth with hers. Molten fire spread through his veins. He was certain he was going to die right then and there.

Tearing his mouth away, he gasped, “Are you sure? I don’t want to— Once I—”

She nodded with an abashed grin. “I’m sure.”

He rolled them both over and bent his head down to kiss her again. She knew. There was only one way to heal the ugliness. With all the feeling that was in his heart, Jack covered her mouth with his. He licked her lips; his tongue rimming the outside, then slipped it inside. Their tongues didn’t simply fence, they danced to the glory that was theirs and theirs alone. Just as they had on the terrace of the hotel in Cape May.

In the eyes of the world, what they were doing might be wrong. But Jack only knew right. Just as he knew someday that Morgan would realize she was a hero, not a villain in all of this.

“Morgan, I—”

Jack stopped. She wasn’t ready for that confession yet. She had a mountain of emotions to climb over first. But she was ready for some healing. The Jack kind. So he lifted her up to a semisitting position and removed her sweatshirt with a single pull. She rolled away and off the bed and shucked her jeans in ten seconds. Then she gave him a sly-shy look and unsnapped her bra.

Jack decided he could get very used to this.

She started to climb back onto the bed when he shook his head. She hooked her fingers in the waistband and slid her panties down her thighs one inch at a time. Jack’s heart double tripped and slipped from his throat to his knees as he watched. He wasn’t sure he’d make it if she didn’t climb back on the bed that instant.

He urged her to slide back into his arms, but she resisted. Instead, she flipped her leg over his body to straddle his chest. Hot honey from her core warmed his skin.

“You’re awfully ready for me, kitten.”

She laughed. “True. But I want to go slow. As if this is the first time.”

He didn’t know how to answer. Was she really giving him another chance?

She cocked her head at him, her hips rubbing her core against his chest in an unconscious rhythm. “That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the fruits of my labors for a little.”

“That’s an offer I can’t refuse,” he answered with a smile that came from the heart.

She grinned down at him. “All right. The first rule is, you can’t move.”

“I can’t?”

She shook her head. “Second rule. I run the show.”

He grinned. He’d taken control away from her, not given her a choice because of the circumstances of their predicament. But here, where they were most vulnerable, he could give it back to her.

“No argument.”

“Third rule. There are no rules. I’m running the show.”

With that declaration, she started sucking on his fingers.
Oh no, she isn’t. Is she?
Right into her hot, greedy, little mouth. No one had ever done that to him before.

Ah hell, now he was in trouble. Real trouble. He wasn’t allowed to move. And if she didn’t start paying attention to his lower half, he was going to end up shaming himself all over her.

Now that would be a waste.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down for a sinfully deep kiss. Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

“Hey, I thought I was running this show,” she complained as she lifted back to look at him.

“You are,” he agreed. “It’s just that, well, I—”

Jack had never really let go of himself. He’d let people in but only so far. Even when he thought he cared, he was cautious. He calculated and weighed options, made sure that his heart was always protected.

His gaze told her everything. Being together wasn’t about the sex, but about being together. Morgan was more important to him than the sex and always would be.

She bit her lip in uncertainty. Her gaze swirled with heat and softness, but deep inside, also a touch of fear. He knew that fear well. He’d just figured out how to tame it.

“I know, kitten,” he whispered. “No pressure.”

Tears welled in her eyes. He didn’t want her crying again, so he blurted, “Except, I mean, that, well, you know, I really need some relief.”

She choked out a laugh and answered with a roll of her hips. “Which one would you like first? Right or left?”

He answered with a huge smile. “Doesn’t matter. Just bring ’em on, baby.”

She did, allowing him to feast on one and then the other. Of course that just put more of a hurting on his already enormous erection.

“Greedy, aren’t you?” she asked after they shared another mind-blowing kiss.

“Yeah,” he answered, flexing his hips, which were begging for attention.

She slid back, and for one hopeful moment, Jack thought she might change her mind and let him in. When she didn’t, he knew she was hurting and that she needed more persuasion. Then all sane thought ceased. She cradled him in her hands and went down on him like he was her favorite candy.

Done. Gone. Sweet heaven, there ought to be a law about something that feels this good. Of course, that also meant he had zero willpower, and her suggestion of complex chemical equations wasn’t helping one bit.

Jack wanted the sensation to last forever. The tight pulls and the warm swirls. God, she had a talented tongue. But sometimes a man had to do what a man had to do.

He let go and with a mighty roar, came from the tips of his toes to the top of his head and back down again. He came and came and came. And she just kept drawing him in.

Sweet heaven on earth. It didn’t get any better than this.

MORGAN SAT BACK on her heels with a satisfied smile. “I am so not done with you yet,” he choked out in between drawing in huge gulps of air.

“Just a diversion.”

“You call that a simple diversion?” he asked, his tone incredulous. He pulled her down to lie half across his body.

He didn’t speak at first. Just held her tight. And each time she moved his arms would band around her even tighter.

“We put the cart way before the horse, you know,” he told her.

“I kind of like it that way,” she confessed.

“Someday we’ll have to go out on a real date. You know where I pick you up, bring you flowers, and take you to a really quiet, really expensive restaurant. And hope and pray I’ll get lucky.”

“You’ve already gotten lucky,” she replied with a soft laugh.

Morgan made sure he understood the double entendre. And when he answered, she’d never seen nor heard him so serious. “I know. All you know about me is the dark side, Morgan. Someday I hope you’ll give me a chance, so you can see the other side.”

“I’m trying, Jack. I really am.”

He bent is head and kissed the top of hers. “Now it’s my turn.”

He flipped her over onto her back. Then he scooted down to the bottom of the bed. The next thing Morgan knew, he was doing to her toes what she’d done to his fingers. And being terribly ticklish, the feeling was insane, running all the way up and down her spine as she got hotter and hotter.

Brutal man that he was, he left no toe untouched.

Then his tongue swirled up each one of her calves as he rested her legs one on each shoulder. He pulled her down on the bed as he inched his way closer to the prize, rising to his knees to get a better angle.

That wasn’t the only thing rising.

Morgan watched him grow, her body heating with desire. She tried to bury the pain of his betrayal and found she couldn’t. So she pushed it to one side and compartmentalized. Eventually she would have to make a decision about how she would deal with that, but right now, he owed her. Big-time. And if she wanted to take that out in trade, that was her choice.

Because this time, she did have a choice.

So she caught his gaze with hers. He gave her a slight nod and a very naughty grin as he bent down to continue working his way to her core.

At first he simply breathed. That was all. A light breath, a lick here and there. She was so ready for him that she knew she would explode the moment he touched her.

He did too.

So he avoided the one place that would make her explode and licked his way around her core, his tongue dancing everywhere but where she wanted.

Did he want her to beg?

No, the times for one-upmanship were over. They’d seen each other naked, truly naked, soul-bearing naked. Neither one of them was beautiful. But together they created a masterpiece of art.

He flicked at her nub, and she jumped, all sane thought centering at her core. She squirmed and moaned, trying to get him to give her release. Yet he didn’t give in to her. And then she realized why. He wanted her to not just explode, he wanted her to have the most mind-blowing orgasm of her life.

“Oh, God, Jack.”

As if that was the switch, he covered her core with his mouth and started licking and sucking everywhere. The pressure built inside her until she thought she was going to die. Then her body hitched, and she screamed, coming from the very depths of her being. Her core convulsed, and he let go of her legs, sliding into her body in one long thrust.

At first Morgan thought she needed to stop. But this had happened before. He’d built her up to such a frenzy that one orgasm wasn’t going to be enough.

He lifted up onto his elbows, pulling out as far as he could and thrusting hard into her body. Each time he made sure to rub his cock against her nub. In and out. He kept thrusting as the sweat of their bodies mingled.

He swallowed hard, and she watched his face grow tighter and tighter as he held back and waited for her. He was trying to tell her without words that he was willing to do whatever it took to make things right between them.

Morgan’s body answered for her. She climbed with him. He opened his eyes to look straight down into hers.

“Fly with me, kitten,” he begged. “Fly with me.”

She did. She reached the precipice and spread her arms wide, diving off the cliff into space. She soared, screaming her joy at the top of her lungs, his voice joining hers in a song they’d never forget. She felt his warm, wet fluid shoot into her body and drank greedily.

And when he collapsed on top of her, when their bodies heaved with lungs filled with air, when her core pulsed with the aftershock of an earthquake she knew she’d never duplicate, Morgan realized he was telling the truth.

Jack was Jack. She was going to have to take him or leave him exactly as he was. Simple as that.

Chapter Nineteen

Funny how it didn’t matter where Jack was as long as he was with her. Morgan was sitting on the couch the next morning, with her bare feet curled underneath her and her arms crossed over her chest. She didn’t look happy, and yet all he could think of was how he’d sucked and nibbled on her toes last night. And the response that had elicited.