Dance of Ashes and Smoke (Age of Monsters Book 1) (21 page)

A
t our return, I was barely on my feet before Adele rocketed herself into me, shaking and crying silent tears into my neck as I picked her up and held her close. I was the biggest dick in the world.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I won’t leave without telling you ever again. Never again. It’s you, me, and Liv forever, kid. I promise.”

She settled, soothed by my words. Tears burned when I saw the figurine clutched in her hand. She never put it down, keeping it on her always. I set her down, so she could greet and hug Olivia and Jackson. His eyes bored into mine over her head, ensnaring me with the flickering colors of an early morning forest swirling in their depths. Heat washed over me, and not for the first time, I was grateful he couldn’t read minds. At least I hoped not.

I’d humiliated myself in front of him enough. It was time for me to stop.

Ripping my gaze from his, I spun around to return to our cabin. Summer called for me to wait. “You are back in the Mountain Lion cabin. We need Wolf open for med emergencies. Also, I have a favor to ask.”

I raised my brow.

“Tomorrow at the celebration I’m putting together a few performances before a wedding. Jax told me about your dancing and I was hoping you’d be willing to perform.”

My mouth fell open. “I...I guess, yeah. Sure.” I couldn’t stop the excitement at the thought of dancing again. For real.

“Thank you.”

I nodded and headed the other way, and Adele and Liv trailed behind. Thankfully Jackson remained with Summer and the others.

Liv spoke low so Adele wouldn’t overhear. “You okay?”

I puffed out air. “Yeah. I’m glad we’re moving forward against the sorceress. We’re going to need all the backup we can get.”

“What she did to that town...” Liv trailed off, shudders shaking her frame.

“I know.”

“If you hadn’t found that, would you have come back?” She asked.

I didn’t answer right away, turning over the question in my mind. “I don’t know.”

“Are you and Jax better?”

I shrugged and hopped over a large rock. “We’re better I guess. But we aren’t...whatever we were before I found out.”

“Why not?”

I spluttered. “Seriously?”

She grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Yes. He’s perfect for you.”

“How?” My voice squeaked.

“His calm cools your rage. He brings a lightness to you I haven’t seen before.”

My lips twisted like I smelled something foul. “So, he changes me? How is that good?”

“He doesn’t change who you are, he softens your harsher edges. And I think you change him too. You strengthen him and make him brave, you take away a little of each other’s heartbreak. Plus, he’s gorgeous and charming and fun. He makes you laugh, Monet. You, who refuse to laugh at the Three Stooges.”

“Where’s the cleverness in three idiots hitting each other and falling down steps?” It was the stupidest thing I’d ever been forced to watch.

“It’s not supposed to be clever, you idiot, it’s supposed to make you laugh.”

“Eh.”

Liv let out a mournful sigh. “I don’t know how we’re friends.”

“Because I soften your edges?” I grinned and bumped her with my hip.

She snorted. “Hardly. Our egos feed each other. We’re way too much alike, other than your horrible taste in pure comedic gold.”

We opened the door to our new home, and a strange release of tension melted away as the scent of cedar and old wool blankets and a log fire wrapped around me. Home. I hadn’t had a real home in a long time, and though this was temporary, it was nice.

I left Liv and Adele to put our things away and settle in and went out onto the deck. The sun began its descent and turned the entire world crimson, the lights of dusk reflecting off the snow. People walked about through the trails, settling into their own cabins for the evening.

We’d forgotten to get food.

The door opened behind me and a familiar smell wafted towards me. I turned with a smile at the plate of food Jackson held out. I started, expecting Liv.

“I figured you guys were hungry, so I brought food.” His accent was thicker than usual.

“Thanks.” I took the plate from him and turned my attention back to the burning sky, taking bites of the grilled tuna cakes. They were good, the best food I’d had in a while.

Jackson came to stand beside me. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

“It is. I’ve always loved the mountains.”

“I have as well. But I miss the sea. Standing on a cliff, watching the waves crash against it below.”

Olivia’s words about him clanged about in my head, but I shoved them away. I couldn’t be here with him like this. It was too much, too much longing and heat and confusion. We couldn’t be friends. Not yet.

My empty plate clattered on the rails as I ran away like a coward, rushing through the cabin and out the front door. I couldn’t breathe.

I
fled to a small wooded area, not wanting anyone to spot me acting like a psycho. Sucking in the cold and thin air, I closed my eyes against the whirl of my brain. Why couldn’t I give into the feelings ripping me apart?

“Monet?” His voice sent a shudder through me. “What’s going on?”

“I just needed fresh air.” I winced as the flimsy excuse barfed from my mouth. I wanted to swallow my pride and tell him I had been wrong. Tell him it was easier to ignore him so my heart didn’t break anymore. Tell him I was sorry I was so scared.

He let out a huge breath, his eyes narrowing. He knew I wasn’t telling him everything. “Monet, I heard you earlier today. I’m not going to push you. It doesn’t mean we have to be like this.”

My old friends, sarcasm and anger, reared their heads. “Are you about to give me the ‘let’s be friends’ speech? Because I have a hard time trusting liars.”

He had gotten what he wanted. I watched his face drain of color at my words. Watched it harden.

“After everything I said to you, still you don’t believe me. That I care about you. That I’m not going to hurt you. That I’m sorry for not telling you.” His words shot into me like Japanese throwing stars. I was struck dumb. What could I say to that? I didn’t realize his feelings were so strong.

He snorted and turned away, mumbling under his breath. Something about being done. Panic shivered through me and I knew this was the moment. The moment I could lose everything or gain it. In the split second it took me to decide, he was already headed back down the trail, shoulders slumped, painted red and gold. I ran after him on trembling legs, my hand reaching for his arm. Before I could touch him, he whirled on me.

“What?” His voice was gruff, but hurt crinkled and strained his eyes.

I wanted nothing more than to erase his pain. I grabbed the front of his shirt and jerked him to me, letting everything I couldn’t say speak in the kiss. He stood frozen against me for a moment, but with a groan he wrapped me in his arms, his lips hungry on mine, tasting and devouring.

Gentle hands cupped my face and slid into my hair. He tugged on it, baring my throat to his lips. I shivered against him and gasped. His hands roamed down my sides, down to my thighs where he gripped and yanked me off my feet, my legs wrapped around his waist, his face in my neck. He moved us backwards, lost in the heat of him, until he pressed me against the trunk of a tree, the bark biting and scratching my skin. His lips moved back to mine, and I matched his desperation, clutching him as close as I could, wanting to climb into his skin.

But my doubts and fears iced over me, causing me to freeze and yank away. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Jax. I can be your friend, but I’m not ready for more. I don’t know you, not really. Are you immortal? If we ever had kids, what would they be? How old are you really? What can you do? There’s so much between us that we don’t have time to figure out.”

He grasped me by the shoulders, halting my word vomit. “Stop rambling. It’s okay, I understand. I’m not going anywhere.”

I almost swooned back into his arms at the soft glow of his understanding eyes gazing down at me. Instead, I stiffened my back and stepped away.

“Come on. I think I have a little hot chocolate left in my pack.” I tried to smile, but it came out wobbly and strained.

His was much more natural as he fell in step beside me.

Inside I slipped into the bathroom to clean up, hating wet clothes and jumped at my reflection. With the pain no longer plaguing me, I’d forgotten about my ruined face, puckered with scars. It looked years along, but still horrible and always would be.

A bit drier, I fled my reflection at the piercing scream of water boiling in the kettle.

Jax grinned at me as he poured two cups. I twitched my head so my hair would hide me and pretended to inspect my fingernails. They were ripped and jagged and needed a manicure. Not wanting the reminder, I kept my scarred palms out of sight.

How many more scars would I carry before this was over?

Jax brushed the hair behind my ear. “What did I tell you about hiding from me? They don’t take away from your beauty. They don’t change my feelings. They declare you a fierce warrior and a survivor.”

Wanting a change of subject, I blurted the thought I’d had in the back of my mind since I discovered his secret. “Could I ride you sometime?”

My face turned the color of a plum once the words registered as he bent in half from hard laughter.

“You know what I meant.”

He gasped, tears of mirth sparkling in his eyes. “I would love it. I haven’t been able to shift often enough for a while.”

“What’s it like?” I took the mug of chocolate from him, breathing in the sweet, comforting smell.

“The actual shift or being a Pegasus?”

“Both. We haven’t really talked about it.”

He stuck the other two mugs into the microwave to keep them warm before replying. “It’s hard to explain. The shift doesn’t hurt, but there’s a moment when I’m neither one nor the other where I lose myself. Even now it happens.”

“Like some sort of near death experience where you’re outside of your body?”

He shook his head. “No, more like I get stuck in a void or black hole. It’s like I don’t exist for a split second before I snap fully into either human or Pegasus.”

“Is it scary?”

“Not anymore, but when I was younger, the fear I’d stay lost plagued me.”

“Do you still have human thoughts in Pegasus form?”

“Yes, but they’re more focused and simple. A lot of the human worries and fears are muted or drop away completely.”

“What about your connections?” I tried to sound nonchalant.

“You mean with those I care for?”

“Yeah.”

“No, those stay strong. My loyalties never waver or mute in the slightest.”

It embarrassed me how much relief I took from his words. “What about flying? How fast can you go? How far can you fly?”

He sipped his chocolate before answering. “I’m not certain how fast exactly, but at least sixty miles per hour and I’ve flown across large seas before, over several states or countries. And the experience is probably my favorite part. The air is so pure and clear. You can see so far and so much. I wish you remembered more from your flight with me.”

“Me too.” The memory of why I didn’t sent a chill through me.

He stepped in close and trapped me against the counter. “I wish I’d been with you. And I’m so sorry I wasn’t.”

I gulped and wiggled away, clearing the fog he created with his closeness. “Adele couldn’t be left alone and I wouldn’t have allowed it even if I’d known. You showed up at exactly the right moment.” I laughed as I remembered my thought when I’d seen him.

He didn’t crack a grin when I explained. “It is why I’m drawn to you. I told you before we’re attracted to heroes. And you definitely qualify.”

I leaned back, frowning. “What are you saying?”

He held his hands up. “No, no. I don’t mean we fall in love with heroes. I mean we’re drawn to them in a protective manner. We want to assist them in their quests, keep them safe, offer our help. But it was what first drew me to you and Liv. I could sense it in both of you. But it was getting to know you that made me want more.”

“I’m no hero.” I stared down at the mug of chocolate.

He cupped my jaw in his hand and raised it to look into my eyes. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You are a hero.”

Everything within me stilled as his scent wrapped around me. The heat low in my belly demanded release, but I fought against it. I’d meant what I said to him. One conversation wasn’t going to magically fix everything. Maybe once we got Tashia.

Olivia and Adele bounded into the room, breaking the spell holding me in place. I’d never been so glad to see them.

Jax leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Oh, and by the way I’m only twenty-two and I age like a human. I won’t outlive you.”

I hid the relief on my face by busying myself pouring Adele a cup of the chocolate.

It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like I was in love with him and wanted to be with him forever. It was just nice to know I hadn’t made out with a hundred-year-old guy.

That’s all.

No other reason.

Nope.

None.