Dance with the Devil (19 page)

'I blamed myself for putting Mum under stress and causing her cancer. I started going to various churches, looking for something,
anything
, to make me feel better.'

'Did you find it?'

'In a way. In one church they sang a hymn that had the line, "It's hard to dance with the devil on your back." And that's how I felt - like the devil of guilt was on my back, refusing to let me get on with life.'

And now another devil was on Drew's back, she thought. A killer who seemed determined to inflict emotional as well as physical pain on him.

He sat down opposite her, strong fingers curling around the sugar bowl. Emma put her hand on his. His thumb caressed the side of her hand, a strangely intimate gesture that evoked memories of their lovemaking. Quickly she thrust the images away. 'What happened?'

'I ran out of the church. Rain was pouring down but I didn't care. I felt like I was drowning in guilt. I tripped over a tree root and sprawled into this huge mud puddle. I hadn't cried since Mum's death, but I did then. I lay there in the mud and cried my heart out.

'Then the rain suddenly stopped and the sun shone.' He smiled wryly and shook his head. 'You know what it's like in the tropics. I hauled myself out of the mud and walked home. I didn't feel great, but somehow I felt Mum had forgiven me, and I was okay after that.'

He rose to make the coffee, and a poignant longing filled Emma as she watched him.

The more she learned about him, the greater his attraction became. An attraction that was beginning to make her question her motives for returning to her work. An emotional attraction that was far more compelling than the physical one, and that was almost overwhelming.

'Why did you come in to The Centre today, Emma?'

She blinked, her thought patterns shifting, adjusting. 'I…I came in to see how Allan Baker's doing.'

She knew he knew she was lying, but he told her anyway. 'He's recovering well. His parents want to put him into detox, but he's got to be willing to go, if it's to do any good.'

'Loving parents, good home - why did he want to take a risk with drugs? Why do any of them?'

'Lots of reasons, Emma. Reasons we're trying to sort out here at The Centre. Unfortunately we don't have the staff or the funding to do as much as we'd like.'

'Money's always a problem, isn't it?'

'And staff,' he reminded her. 'Not everybody's prepared to work in these conditions for basic pay. Diane's a gem - she has a private practice here as a psychologist, but she counsels The Centre kids for free.'

Before Emma could comment, Chayse walked in and placed four takeaway containers on the table.

'Chinese, Italian and greasy chips,' he commented. 'That shop next door sure offers good variety.'

Emma tried hard to suppress a grin, but when she caught the twinkle in Drew's eyes, it escaped as a chuckle.

Chayse looked at her in mock indignation. 'As a connoisseur of fast food, and having sampled every takeaway between here and Brisbane, Emma, I can assure you you're in for a treat.'

She smiled, not so much at Chayse's light-hearted attempt at humour, but at the look of approval and acceptance he flashed her.

By mid afternoon they'd made considerable progress through the files. Drew and Emma looked for cases which involved Drew, Dario and the judge, and Chayse checked up on the whereabouts of those defendants who had been sent to prison. His easy camaraderie with Mick over the phone added to Emma's suspicions that he was tied up with the police force in some capacity.

The buzzer sounded in the main office. The three of them tensed. As Drew rose to walk to the door, Chayse was faster. He slipped out the door and flattened himself against the hallway wall opposite. Emma watched his rapid assessment of the main office area, then he was signalling Drew to go ahead.

Within a minute, Drew returned. 'Carly wants to talk to you, Emma.'

'Me?' Emma was surprised, but she walked out to greet the girl.

Carly looked acutely embarrassed. She cast timid glances at Emma from under lowered lashes. Emma waited patiently. When the office door closed behind Drew, Carly visibly relaxed.

'I…I wanted to ask you about having this baby,' she began shyly.

'Why me, Carly? Surely your own doctor would answer your questions.'

Carly's fingers linked beneath her stomach, cradling the bulge. 'I don't have a regular doctor. I go to the hospital for check-ups, but it's not always the same doctor. My mum's dead, and my aunty's told me things, and my friends, but…' She bit her lip and frowned, waif-like in the half-urgent, half-reluctant manner in which her body twisted as though undecided whether to flee or not.

'And you need to talk to a doctor, preferably a woman,' Emma finished for her.

Carly nodded, a faint sigh of relief puffing her cheeks. 'I know I can trust you - you're Mr J's woman.'

Startled, Emma dropped into a chair, motioning for Carly to do the same. 'Why…why do you think I'm Drew - Mr J's woman?'

'You're the only woman he's ever brought in here, and he treats you like you are.' She shrugged as though it was obvious. 'And you look at him like he's something special.'

'Do I?' Emma muttered under her breath. This conversation was definitely getting onto dangerous ground. Swiftly taking back the initiative, she gently questioned Carly about her pregnancy.

Half an hour later, Carly rose to leave. 'Thanks, Dr Randall. You're okay. You gonna be staying around here?'

For some reason, the fervent denial that rose to her lips became difficult for Emma to say. 'I don't think so, Carly,' she finally answered, and was surprised at the disappointment in the girl's eyes.

'Too bad. We need someone like you here. Sometimes the kids won't go to a doctor or the hospital 'cause they're afraid they'll get dobbed in to the authorities.'

'Because they've been up to something illegal?'

Carly shrugged. 'Lots of reasons. Sometimes if they're underage, they're afraid they'll get taken back home.'

'And that's a bad thing?' Emma thought she already knew the answer, but Carly's reply confirmed it.

'Yeah. That's where they got hurt in the first place.' She turned towards the door. 'But I guess that's not your problem if you're not gonna stay.'

Emma sat for some time after Carly left, mulling over what the girl had said. For many years she had concentrated on the desperate plight of people in other countries, and yes, their need was great, but the dull resignation in Carly's eyes as she spoke about her friends had brought home to Emma the need that existed in her own city.

It was a need that was hard to disregard.

The phone was ringing as Emma pulled up in front of her mother's house later that evening. No lights broke the darkness and no dog rushed out to greet her. She pushed down a stab of panic as she raced onto the veranda. The headlights of Drew's vehicle driving in illuminated the door as Emma desperately pushed the key into the lock. She flicked on the light and raced for the phone, grabbing it mid ring.

The sound of Drew running across the veranda and into the house almost drowned out Trish's voice. Emma held up her hand to him, appealing for quiet. For the next few minutes as she spoke to her mother, she watched Drew pace the floor, his dark brows lowered, his anger almost palpable.

The effort it was costing him to restrain that anger was evident in the tight way he asked her if Trish was all right. Emma explained that Bruno had reacted to a tick bite and Trish had taken him to the vet. He was being kept there overnight so Trish had decided to stay at Kirri's apartment and bring him back in the morning.

Drew nodded, obviously relieved.

Then he exploded.

'What the hell do you think you're doing, running into a dark house! The bloody killer could have been waiting for you! Don't you
ever
do anything so damned foolish again.'

Emma was just about to retaliate that it was not his house and she'd do as she damned-well pleased when the memory of Dario hit her. Had
he
been lured into unlocking his door by something that had seemed perfectly normal at the time?

Hell, the killer could have been waiting for her to come in to answer the phone. Could even have been calling from a mobile phone to get her into the house!

Drew's hands shook, and Emma realised the scare she had given him. 'I'm sorry. I didn't think.'

His shoulders relaxed, his anger visibly dissipating. 'Just try to be more careful, will you?'

Unwilling to tell him how foolish she felt, she simply nodded. He was staring at her, a kaleidoscope of emotions in his eyes. Lust she could have coped with, rationalised as mutual chemistry to be ignored, but it was the love she read there that pulled at her heart. Reluctantly she allowed it to seep into her bones.

She knew instinctively that he was a man who would cherish the woman he loved, and the knowledge warmed her, creating a need she had long denied.

She wanted him. Needed him.

Not just physically. Although that need was almost overwhelming.

Emotionally.

She
had
to make love with him again. Had to see if what they'd shared that first time was real, or just a heightened sense of pleasure because of her emotional state at the time. And maybe it would be enough, enough that she could return to her work with the memory to sustain her.

He must have sensed the change in her. He stepped towards her, his eyes questioning, then he stopped.

She would have to ask. Passionate and strong though he was, she knew he would never take her by force, nor take advantage of their physical attraction to coerce her into making love with him and risk seeing her regret.

The air between them seemed to shimmer with their unspoken need. The silence grew, lengthened.

At last Emma spoke.

'I want to make love with you, Drew.'

Her words shattered in the air like fine crystal.

If she'd expected to see joy on his face, she was mistaken. He drew back into himself, a small shimmer of hurt narrowing his eyes.

'Why, Emma?'

Suddenly aware how badly she'd handled the moment, Emma hesitated. She'd begged him to make love with her once, her father's death and her narrow escape from the crocodile splitting open her self-protective cocoon and allowing her to reach out for what she'd so desperately needed. He had given her the warmth and passion and caring her soul had craved.

And she had rejected him afterwards.

But what could she tell him now? He deserved her honesty, she couldn't promise him what she couldn't give.

'I need you.'

A self-protective wariness glinted in the blue depths of his eyes. The skin over his cheekbones went taut. It brought a harshness to his features that made her heart ache.

'And I'm afraid.'

'Afraid of what?'

'Of hurting you. I've come to admire you, to care about you. Care about you very much. But I don't know if I can love you.' Her voice trembled. 'I…don't know if I can love anyone. And I don't want to let you think there's more between us than that.'

Relief eased the tension from his face. A wry smile touched his mouth. 'At least it's a start.'

He closed the gap between them, reached out and gently cupped her face in his hands. 'I'm a patient man.'

His lips were soft on hers, but within seconds her blood sang in her veins. Their bodies sought each other, pressing closely, their clothes an intolerable barrier. Emma deepened the kiss, tasting the sweet underside of his tongue with hers, revelling in the passion surging between them.

She had never before known the desperate need that pulsated through her body, making her throb with lust. The urge to touch him was too strong to be denied. She pulled at the buttons on his shirt, ripping them open so her fingers could explore the rich textures of skin, curls and firm muscle.

It was a shock when he pulled back from her, his face contorted in frustration.

'Damn! I don't have any protection.'

Emma gathered her wits, surprised at how easily he had drawn her in to such a deep sensual state. 'I have.'

She almost laughed at the shock on his face, then sobered as it was replaced by suspicion.

'Don't look at me like that. I bought them as part of my medical supplies.'

A dark eyebrow raised.

Emma
did
laugh, then. 'In the valley, medical emergencies come in all guises, Drew. I don't condone my patients being sexually active too young but it's better to supply them with contraceptives than have them get some girl pregnant at sixteen.'

'Or at any age if she doesn't want to be.' The nuances in his tone reminded her of her own situation.

'That's something I'll deal with if and when the time comes,' she said firmly.

'
We
will deal with.'

Emma froze for a second, torn between independence and desire. 'Okay,' she finally conceded, but had to suppress a tiny shiver of joy at the thought of having Drew's child.

Drew watched Emma's retreating back for a moment before following her out to the vehicle. A great rock of frustration weighed in his chest. At last he'd gained some ground with her. She wanted him. But not
how
he needed her to want him.

When they'd made love before, it had been with passion, with all her barriers down. She had been out of control, and he'd loved her for it. Loved the way she'd reached for him, as though he was everything she'd ever needed out of life.

But now her control was back in place. That damn control that enabled her to cut him out of her life when it suited her. Well, now it didn't suit
him
.

'I don't need any help,' she said as he followed her.

'With Bruno at the vet's, I'm not taking any chances.' He watched as she took a small box from the carton of supplies. The mere thought of slipping a condom on so he could enter her gave him an arousal of unprecedented proportions. But he made himself breathe deeply, forced his will to dominate his body. This time
he
would be in control.

Locking the front door, he took the box from Emma. 'Your bedroom or mine?'