Danger Guys on Ice (4 page)

SEVEN

We found ourselves staring into an enormous room built right in the center of the mountain.

The craggy walls rose to a ceiling about fifty feet high. There was a skylight at the top. I could see snowflakes swirling outside. Zeek looked up at it, too. Then we stepped in slowly.

The tracks continued a few feet along the floor from the outside tunnel, then stopped. The mining car was standing just inside the door, empty.

The room beyond it was cluttered with weird scientific machinery. Big metal computers with lights and dials blinked against the far walls.

“Someone's been busy,” Zeek said. “This is some kind of super laboratory.”

In the middle of the room was a blackboard covered with strange mathematical symbols.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” I said.

Suddenly—
VRRRMP!
A door flew open on the other side of the lab. Zeek and I dove behind a blinking machine.

The air roared with the growling and sputtering of a loud motor. I craned my neck to look.

A shiny blue snowmobile drove slowly in.

“Uh-oh,” I gasped. Strapped onto the back of the snowmobile was a giant chunk of ice.

“Hey,” Zeek whispered, tapping my shoulder. “I know that chunk of ice!”

We both knew that chunk of ice. It was Uggo. Still big. Still hairy. Still frozen. Just like he was fifty thousand years ago. Only now he was being driven around on a snowmobile.

And guess who was at the wheel? The clown with the pink glasses and wild hair! He wore a white lab coat and had a creepy smile on his face. His mustache was flopping up and down. He looked like someone from a bad horror movie.

Mmmm-de-mmmm.
He was humming the Uggo theme song.

Zeek jabbed me in the arm. “You were right. I guess dead cave guys don't hum.”

The man stopped the snowmobile, loosened the straps around Uggo, and went over to a large control panel on the wall. He pressed a button.

DJNNN!
A big claw thing came down from the ceiling and closed around Uggo. It swung him over to a platform against the wall.

Zeek turned and gave me a look. “I don't like this, Nood.”

He was right. It didn't look good. I tried to check out the clown guy. Hanging from his belt was a silver pistol with blue streaks on it.

It said
Freez-Beamer
on the side.

What came next was worse. The guy looked closely at Uggo. Then he started to chuckle and giggle. Finally, he laughed out loud, shaking and twitching all over. He shook so hard, his glasses hit the floor. He twitched again, and his puffy black mustache fell off his face.

“Noodle!” Zeek gasped, “he's falling apart!”

The man shook a third time and one bushy eyebrow dangled down.

Finally—“Aaa-aaa-CHOOO!”—a supersonic sneeze echoed through the laboratory, and his big round nose came hurtling through the air.

Splat!
It landed on my right ski boot.

I knew that sneeze anywhere!

“It's Mr. Vazny!” I shouted, jumping up.

“Wha—?” the man cried out. Instantly he pulled the silver gun from his belt and swung it toward us.

But, of course, I couldn't stop blabbing.

“You're Mr. Vazny!” I shouted again. “Our old science teacher who became Dr. Morbius and tried to blow up Mayville, and Zeek and I flew all over the galaxy trying to stop you, and you almost killed us but the army came for you and locked you up, but you must have esca—”

While I was babbling, the guy's face got all weird. He went from shock to anger to kind of a nutzoid smile. His eyes became little slits. His real nose began to twitch.

Zeek nudged me. “You can stop now, Noodle. I think he remembers us.”

“YOU!” the man shouted. “YOU—YOU—YOU—TROUBLEMAKERS!”

Yeah, he remembered us, all right.

He waved his silver gun in front of our faces. “So! You two Action Boys or whatever you call yourselves have gotten in my way again, haven't you?”

“Well, yes, Mr. Vazny,” I said.

“It's sort of what we do,” added Zeek.

The man's eyes flashed and got little again. “Did someone call me
Mr. Vazny
?”

“Yes, sir, I did,” I said.

“Incorrect!” he screamed. “Would anyone else care to answer?”

“I know! I know!” Zeek raised his hand. “Is it—Dr. Morbius?”

“Wrong again!” he shrieked. He stepped over to the blackboard and spoke his name as he spelled it out. “Call me—D-o-c-t-o-r C-h-i-l-l!”

Zeek was beginning to frown like he does when Mrs. Hipple spoons out lunch on his tray and he's not sure if it's food or not.

I spoke softly. “You broke the ski lift, didn't you, Mr. Vazny—I mean, Dr. Morbius—I mean—”

“The name is Chill—Chill!—
CHILL!
”

Then he nodded slowly. “The ski lift? Yes, I needed a little part—something for my work.”

Zeek raised his hand again. “But the hair?”

“Oh, this?” Chill reached up and pulled off the red wig. He tossed it to the floor. “A simple disguise to fool simple people. It helped me escape from the army jail to this old mine. I've made many improvements, as you can see!”

He waved his arms around the lab. Like on a TV game show when they show off the prizes.

“And now, it is a perfect place from which to launch my ultimate attack!”

I shot a look at Zeek. I swallowed hard. “
Attack?
” I said.

Dr. Chill turned to a huge map tacked up on the wall. He pointed to a dot on the coast.

I gasped. “But that's—Mayville!”

“So glad you've been studying your geography!”

Zeek stepped forward. “What's your horrible plan this time, Dr. Chill?”

Chill flashed a creepy grin. “I'm going to DESTROY your little town, once and for all!”

Then he laughed a terrible laugh that echoed through the laboratory. It probably echoed through all the caves in the entire mountain.

“Oh, yeah?” Zeek snarled, stepping forward. “You and what army?”

“Good one!” I said.

Chill's eyes got big and fiery. He stepped to the control panel and pressed another button.

NNNNT!
Instantly, a wall opened up on the other side of the lab. A blast of cold air filled the room.

Fog poured in. The kind of icy fog that swirls around in bad horror movies.

Dr. Chill stepped back.

“Me and
this
army!” he said.

EIGHT

An icy shiver ran down my spine.

There, in the swirling fog behind Uggo, stood nine other giant frozen cavemen!

“Behold!” cried Chill. “My mighty Neanderthal army! I chopped them, cut them, and blasted them out of every frozen cave in this mountain. I brought them here—to live once more!”

He started to laugh again.

Zeek nudged me. “He thinks this is good?”

I realized that those huge hairy icy cavemen were the same ones in the cave drawing we saw.

Boy, were they big! Big hair, big jaws, big teeth. Big clubs, too. They looked even meaner than in the drawing. It was bad news, all right. But I tried to act tough.

“Those guys are fifty thousand years old!” I said. “They can't do anything. They're ice cubes!”

“Ha-ha!” laughed Chill. “Not for long!”

NNNT!
He pressed another button, and the floor in the center of the room began to slide open. Up came the most humongous, nasty-looking gun thing I ever saw.

It was huge! The long barrel had pulsating bright-orange and yellow coils running around it. Written in big red letters on the side of the gun were the words
Amazing Melt-O-Ray.

Dr. Chill tapped the gun and began to smirk. “Three blasts from my Amazing Melt-O-Ray, and—cavemen walk the earth again!”

That's when Zeek jabbed me. His lip curled up and he squinted. He nodded down at my feet.

I looked. Chill's fake nose was still stuck to my boot. It made me feel kind of sick to see it there.

I shook my boot. The nose didn't move. I swung my boot a little more. It still stuck. Finally, I kicked way up, and the nose went soaring.

It must have spooked Dr. Chill, because when he saw this pink blobby thing flying at him, he instantly reached for the silver Freez-Beamer hanging from his belt, aimed the shiny pistol—and fired.

Zwap-o!
An icy blue beam zapped through the air and caught the nose in midflight.

Plink!
It dropped to the floor and shattered like glass into a thousand pink crystals.

It was totally frozen.

“No more silly moves!” Chill cried. “You see my terrible power!”

Zeek snarled. “Big deal! Like you're going to microwave these old dudes, and they're just going to wake up and start cracking dinosaur jokes.”

Chill's face twisted all up. “My cavemen don't make jokes, like you funny boys!” he cried. “They know only one thing—how to destroy! These cavemen are conquerors! Killers! Ah, just imagine it—giant cavemen with giant clubs. At the Mayville Mall! At Mayville Library! At Mayville School!”

Dr. Chill laughed one of those crazy laughs he's so good at. Then he snapped a switch and the gigantic Melt-O-Ray began to sputter.

I looked over at Zeek. I could see him getting mad. He shook his head slowly and whispered, “We can't let him do this, Noodle.”

Zeek was right. Mayville destroyed by a bunch of cavemen with big clubs? No way!

Chill was staring up at the Melt-O-Ray. The barrel turned bright red. He started to laugh a horrible, blood-tingling laugh.

Zeek gave me a nod. It meant he was ready.

I was ready, too.

I smiled inside. We were a team. There wasn't anybody like us. I gave Zeek a little thumbs-up.

Zeek nodded.

“Let's bust him, Noodle!”

“Now!” I shouted.

We jumped into action. Zeek dived for the Melt-O-Ray, and I lunged at Dr. Chilibean.

It was a perfect plan. Except for one thing.

The second I leaped up, I tumbled like a rock.

“Umph!” I groaned. “My boots! They're untied again!”

Zeek was halfway across the room already, leaping over lab equipment.

But Chill was too fast for either of us. The instant we moved, he turned his Freez-Beamer pistol at us and pulled the trigger.

ZWAP-O!

There was a flash.

There was a scream.

Zeek stopped leaping over lab equipment.

He shivered. He got all stiff and crusty.

He didn't move. Zeek was frozen!

NINE

“Zeeeeeeeekie!” I screamed.

But Zeek didn't answer. He didn't budge. He didn't even breathe. Squiggly blue lines of electricity sizzled all over him.

He was covered with ice crystals. His Danger Guy jacket, his mask, his ski pants.

Everything was frosty and white.

I stumbled over to him. Dr. Chill just kept giggling to himself. “Your friend is very … how do you children say it—
cool
!” He laughed.

I couldn't believe it. Zeek was frozen stiff.

There was a dark blast hole right through his Danger Guy jacket. Chill's Freez-Beamer had shot straight at his heart.

“Zeek?” I whispered right to his face. “Can you hear me?”

Nothing. No answer. He didn't move at all.

Me and my stupid old boots!

A big lump swelled in my throat. My friend was frozen, my best friend in the whole world.

I brushed some ice crystals off his jacket.

Zeek stared past me. His eyes were glassy. His fingers were cold, stiff, and spread out, like one of those mime guys trapped in an invisible box.

I started to get really mad.

Dr. Chill must have known what I was thinking, because he flipped a switch and that claw thing swung over and grabbed me.
Zzzzt!
It picked me up in the air—and stopped. I dangled.

Chill laughed, sneezed, and went back to the huge Melt-O-Ray's controls. He aimed the barrel at Uggo and the other cavemen.