Dangerous Authority (15 page)

Her baby brother, Gus.

She loved him on sight, so much that it took her breath away.

***

Olive adored Gus beyond reason. She held him whenever possible. She enjoyed jumping around, making funny faces and noises, all to make Gus laugh uncontrollably. She'd play with Gus and his toys in his room, and frequently cuddled up with him for naps. Ashley and Brandon loved Olive’s baby brother as well, and the three of them spent many happy times playing with the baby together.

As Gus and Olive grew, they only grew closer. She played Nintendo with him. Gus had a nanny once who enjoyed watching them play games. It caused her to laugh so hard that she passed gas. This, of course, sent Olive and Gus into fits of hysterical laughter, as they rolled on the floor. There were snow days from school, spent in pajamas. There were summer evenings and fireflies. There were years of photographs and memories.

Despite Olive's intense love for her baby brother, Gus' arrival represented the beginning of a wedge between Olive and her mother. Having been the sole recipient of Leonora's love and attention for so long, watching Leonora cuddle baby Gus awakened in Olive the first stirrings of a deep rooted jealousy. This breed of emotion was foreign to Olive and set her on a fast track to feeling even more abandoned. Those feelings usually attacked Olive at times when she was alone late at night and they scared her as she had no understanding of this dark place that dwelt inside her.

Chapter 2

As Olive's life in Shadow Dale rolled on day by day, she felt her happiness there diminishing. Though she had many nice friends, as she grew older, she commonly felt out of place. Olive found herself developing thoughts and opinions inconsistent with life in Shadow Dale and stifled in manners to be able to express herself.

Her visits with her father grew few and far between as she grew. When she did visit her dad, life in the city she had once loved also seemed alien to her and she didn't fit in there anymore, either.

By the time Olive reached her junior year in Shadow Dale Senior High School, she had become a student with great potential but who had lost interest completely in the structure and pace of her lessons. Olive had been beyond her grade level in aptitude for several years at that point, and she found herself bored at school. She was angry about being bored. She could not understand an obligation to attend an institution that did nothing for her, and had no place for anything she had to offer, either.

At church she found herself full of questions. The sense of harmony attending church had once given her had all but vanished as biblical teaching began to make less and less sense. A church in Shadow Dale, an old fashioned and conservative community, was not the place to raise questions about teachings of the Bible. Or authority. Or faith. Olive became progressively more uncomfortable in her life where she was unable to be herself or fit in.

One day after school, Olive and Brandon Angelwood sat together at her kitchen table doing homework. Brandon looked at the clock on the stove. “You ready to go to youth group?” Brandon asked.

“Uh, well… I don’t think I want to go tonight.”

Brandon’s face fell. His gentle eyes darkened in a way Olive had never seen before. In all the years she’d been spending time with Brandon, she’d never detected even a flicker of aggravation from him. Seeing the look in Brandon’s eyes put her on edge. “What do you mean? We always go to youth group,” he commented, seeming somehow whiny.

Olive looked him in the eye, feeling an uncharacteristic bold streak within herself. “Well, to be honest, I don’t really feel like going to church much at all anymore.” Her voice drifted off, as she lost her resolve before finishing her sentence.

Suddenly, Brandon’s dark face seemed downright angry. “Olive, you’re talking crazy. Of COURSE we’re going to church. Now come on, let’s go.”

Olive glared at him. “Wow, seriously, Brandon? Are you my babysitter now, or what?”

Brandon bolted up, scraping his chair across the kitchen floor. “You know what, Olive, I’m not your babysitter. I’m your boyfriend. Church is what we do; we are not going to stop.”

Olive sat staring, blinking at him. Though she’d been close with Brandon since before the sixth grade, they had never once defined the nature of their relationship. She considered him a dear friend, one of the best. But she’d never thought of herself being romantically connected to Brandon or any boy. It had never so much as crossed her mind that he thought of her that way.

“Brandon,” Olive said quietly, “you’re not my boyfriend.”

Brandon laughed evilly. “Well, what would you say I am then?”

They stared at each other. “I mean… I don’t know. I’m not even allowed to date, jeeze,” she said, giggling nervously, anxious for the tension to lift.

He continued to glare. “Olive, I’d like to know what you think it is we’ve been doing all this time. Your parents love me. How can you be so dense? How can you not know I’ve loved you for years? And of course you love me, too… You just never thought of it that way.” His voice finally softened, back to the familiar Brandon she knew. “And that’s okay.”

Olive’s head was spinning. Under different circumstances, she may have been thrilled at the conversation’s odd turn. However, she couldn’t help but feel more anxious, as she was being told by yet another person what to do and how to feel. She thought about this boy she’d been growing up with and searched her heart for any feelings of love. All she found there was the love of a friend, nothing more.

She decided a subject change was the best route. “Brandon, listen, I just have a lot on my mind, about church and stuff, and I just don’t want to go right now, ok? It’s really not that big a deal. I’ll work it out.”

Brandon bent to bring his face closer to hers. “This isn’t a laughing matter, Olive. God isn’t a joke, it’s not a game. See that you do,” he quietly demanded. Then, he turned and left.

***

The next day when she came home from school, she found her mom at the table with Gus, working on ABCs. She felt an ugly pang of jealousy, watching the pair nestled together in their private world. Her brother was such a special child. Docile, easy to please, and charming to a fault. It seemed easy for the family to revolve fully around him, which pushed Olive further and further into the background where she roosted, quietly fuming.

Leonora looked up when Olive entered. “Mrs. Angelwood called.”

Olive groaned. She felt annoyed with Brandon all over again. “Oh yeah?”

“She says Brandon’s quite upset.”

Olive’s heckles raised. Some boyfriend, having his mommy fight his battles. “Why’s he upset?”

“He says you don’t want to go to church anymore.”

“Well? So what? For the life of me I don’t see why this is such a big deal, mom. You don’t even go, so why is it such a big deal if I go or not?”

Leonora considered Olive’s statement. “Well, I guess it’s a matter of personal preference. But, it’s been so good for you. And you have always had such a firm conviction about it, and now all the sudden you just don’t want to go? Just like that? What happened?”

“Maybe the fact that people want to force me to go is what’s doing it,” Olive commented snidely.

Leonora paused, trying to be understanding. “Is everything okay with you and Brandon, Olive? You’re not going to break up with him are you?”

Olive rolled her eyes. “Mom, he’s not my boyfriend! I feel like I’m in the twilight zone all the sudden! Since WHEN is he my boyfriend?”

Leonora gaped at Olive. “Well, since… Forever. I guess I just always assumed…”

“Well you assumed wrong,” Olive said, stalking out of the room. Leonora watched her go, full of concern.

***

Olive ran out of interest in her home life. She threw herself into her job in a restaurant. She enjoyed the company and attention of her older co-workers. Though she formed no close friendships with any of them, they did seem to relate to her more than other people she knew. Her job paid for the gas for her blue
Nissan Datsun
. She loved the thrill of the fast pace when rushes hit the restaurant. And, she felt good when she was able to make her coworkers laugh with her sarcastic wit.

Olive was running the drive thru window one Friday night, having a great time moving customer after customer quickly through the line. During a break in the rush she jogged back to the break room to grab a stick of gum from her purse.

Ella Barnaby, a girl Olive barely new from her class sat at the break table, smoking a cigarette. Ella and Olive had attended school together since the fifth grade and had never spoken a word. For some reason Olive suddenly regretted never having spoken to the girl before and wondered if Ella thought she was a snob because she ran around with the "church kids." Ella had a sweet face, pretty, long blond hair, and kind blue eyes. Olive hated to think Ella may harbor some sort of hidden resentment toward her. "Hey, Ella," Olive said casually.

Ella looked up sharply with surprised eyes. "Hey, Olive," she replied in her soft friendly voice. Olive lingered for a moment awkwardly, searching for something to say. Finally, Ella broke the silence. "You want a smoke?" she offered.

Olive considered the cigarette perched between two of Ella's thin fingers. She noticed Ella's chipped black nail polish and dark dramatic looking lined eyes. She wondered what sort of family Ella had that would allow her to smoke, and fleetingly considered the potential reign of terror that would shower upon her if her own mother ever found her smoking.

Then she smiled and accepted a cigarette.

The two girls chatted briefly at work. Ella invited Olive to an after work party. Olive knew under no circumstances in hell would Leonora allow her to go to a party that didn't start until after midnight where there would be smoking and who knew what else. And of course, no Brandon Angelwood.

But Olive also knew Leonora would be asleep long before Olive's shift was over and she happily accepted Ella's invite.

***

Ella didn't have a car and asked Olive to drive. She directed Olive across town and through a dark alley where they parked outside a dilapidated green house. Garbage littered the yard and the house hunkered in its unkempt surrounding, a cumbersome eyesore on the quiet street. Olive heard a low growl of pounding metal music drifting on the night wind.

The home's living room hosted several of Olive's coworkers and classmates, none of whom she'd spoken more than three words to at a time. Olive sensed the spattering of comrades wasn't necessarily happy to have her there and regretted coming. She took a seat next to Ella on a couch that smelled bad. Ella laughed and chatted comfortably with the other party goers who continued to ignore Olive. Olive considered times in her past that friends of hers had put down these very same kids. And the fact that she herself had failed to ever really notice these people even existed while she lived her life of playing in the band, going to church youth groups, and hanging around with the "good" kids.

Yet here they all were. With clever remarks. With jobs. With their own stories.

Olive knew she needed to either break the ice or get up and leave. She made a decision right then that she wanted to fit in with these people. Somebody sparked up a joint. Olive had never seen a joint before and she was surprised to find she loved the smell as the fragrant herb infused the stale air. As the smoker toked the joint and then passed it, Olive took a deep breath and mentally encouraged herself.

"Sooooo, yeah," she said quietly, "are we going to read the Bible or what?"

Everybody in the room fell silent and stared at Olive.
Shit! Shit, Olive, don't lose them!
"Yeah," she said to the small crowd of unsmiling faces. "Uh, you guys didn’t think the church girl came up in here to smoke weed, right? Ella said you might be interested in hearing the word of God?"

Ella chortled. "Screw you, Olive," she giggled hilariously as her turn came to hit the joint. "Hit this, and shut it, would you?" Ella said good naturedly, offering the joint to Olive.

One by one, smiles spread around the room and Olive's tense shoulders relaxed with relief.

***

Once Olive started smoking and getting high, things both improved and disintegrated for her. Doing drugs inducted her into the whole new crowd of people at school by default. The new crowd accepted Olive, her personality, and her moods. With her new friends, Olive felt far less crippled by expectations because there were none.

However, Olive's original friends did have expectations and when Olive failed to live up to them; they made short work of leaving her behind. Ashley often acted openly hostile toward Olive, publicly rebuking her for her deplorable behaviors. Brandon still claimed Olive as his girlfriend, but only because he cared enough about her to not want his or her parents to find out what she was up to. However, time they spent together mainly consisted of arguments about faith and religious conviction. Brandon’s zealous, fire and brimstone beliefs only served to push Olive further and further from church. On the rare occasions she did agree to show up at church events, she found herself staring at the clock, wishing to be somewhere else and purposefully ignoring the message. Olive effectively hid behind laughs and good times with new friends, and any time she felt her resolve to hide her sadness slipping, she just smoked some dope and let it go.

Brandon also nagged Olive constantly about her new behaviors and friends. He harshly disapproved of drugs and alcohol, and was armed with an arsenal of biblical scripture to substantiate any gripe he had. Sometimes Olive missed the way things had once been with Brandon and invited him to consider opening his mind to different viewpoints. But to Brandon, anything not validated between the covers of the Bible was not only wrong, but evil.

Leonora and Olive constantly battled about Brandon Angelwood. Leonora couldn’t imagine why Olive wasn’t happy to follow Brandon to the ends of the Earth if he asked her to. Leonora thought him an amazing young man and had rosy images of her daughter marrying him one day and living a quiet and happy life. Any plan of Olive’s to the contrary provoked Leonora.

On the other hand, Olive’s mother made a few comments here and there about her car smelling like smoke, but ultimately there were no confrontations, no altercations, and no punishments over Olive's more frequent and more noticeable drug use. Olive had a habit of cracking the window in her bathroom, turning on the vent, and smoking a pipe stuffed with marijuana. Then, she’d arrive at dinner… Quiet, giggly… Mind blown.

And she would look from Gus, to Leonora, to her stepfather George and wonder how in the world these people were failing to notice. This would both make her laugh and severely piss her off.

What did a girl have to do to get noticed?

In this household…