Dangerous Lovers (13 page)

At that moment, something in me snapped, and I was surprised when my voice came out calm. “No, this isn’t what I want,” I said slowly. Normally, I wouldn’t have taken the time to give an explanation, but being so close to him, I couldn’t seem to think straight. I
wanted
to explain, and I
wanted
to share my thoughts with him. I was beginning to worry about this wonderful feeling that tingled in my chest whenever he was near. It felt unnatural. I’m not someone who usually opens up to others. I prefer keeping my feelings to myself, but around him, I just felt… peace. How can something feel unnatural, and yet completely natural at the same time?

I should have punched him by now. Instead, I shoved him away, hoping that the distance would allow me to think normally.

It did seem to help a little. “I didn’t want any of this,” I snarled. “I don’t want to fight people to be able to live, but this is the way it is.” I stepped forward and gripped his shirt in my hands. I wanted to touch him again, and I couldn’t seem to help myself. “This, these,” I said, thrusting my hands in front of his face, “are all I have, the only things I can count on. You ask me if this is what I want as if I’ve ever had any other choice. I never wanted to be a killer, but that’s what I am—a killer.” His face remained impassive, but his eyes betrayed him. He was thinking about what I was saying. Good.

I raised my right arm and stared down at the silver tattoo covering its surface. “Everyone keeps acting like this is some kind of badge of honor, but do you want to know what I see when I look at this?” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “I see my mother. My mother telling me to run, to run and leave her to be killed by monsters. I see the three monsters I killed without a second’s hesitation. I see death and pain and bad,
bad
memories. Where is the honor in that? I’ll tell you, there is no honor; only death, death at my hands. So, no, I don’t want any of this. But this is what I am. A killer. This is all I know how to be, and yes,
this
is what I’m good at.” Though I spoke the words as matter-of-fact as I could manage, the truth in them seemed to push me to the edge.

I felt the loss of his presence as soon as I turned away. I’m not sure what his face looked like, because I didn’t look back. I just headed back the way we’d come. I didn’t stop until I reached my apartment, fearing that if I did, I might actually break down and start crying, and there was no time for that.

I needed to rest before my fight.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Nelly was waiting for me outside my room, and upon seeing me, alarm lit up her hazel eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “What happened to you? You look

like hell.”

I looked down to see that my clothes were torn and bloody. I looked like, well, I looked like I’d gotten into a fight.

I didn’t want to worry her, so I made up a small lie.

“Kayden was showing me some moves,” I replied. “He wanted to make sure I was prepared for the fight tonight.”

She still looked worried, but it faded a little as she took in what I was saying. “Who’s Kayden?”

I had forgotten that she wouldn’t know his name. “Oh, that, uh, guy who was carting us around all day.”

A small smile slowly crossed her face and her eyes widened. “No.

Way. That super-hot guy was giving you private lessons? How did that go?” I gestured toward my attire, and she nodded.

“That rough, huh? What else happened?” She wiggled her eyebrows, and I blew out a sigh.

She giggled. “Okay, okay, I won’t push it. But I think he likes you.”

That was unexpected and absolutely ridiculous. I thought back to my outburst just a few moments ago. “I seriously doubt that. Besides, he’s too old for me.”

“No he’s not. He can’t be more than twenty-five.” I raised an eyebrow. “You’ll be eighteen next month.”

I didn’t have time to respond, because Jackson stepped out of the elevator. He stopped when he took in my appearance.

“What happened? You look like hell.”

I rolled my eyes. “So I keep hearing.”

“I mean, you look beautiful, like always, but, well, what happened?”

I didn’t feel like answering any more questions. “Nothing, just training, that’s all. Look, I need to rest so that I can be ready for tonight. Where are you guys going?”

“They gave us new rooms over on campus,” Nelly said. “They’re giving us a tour in half an hour. I was waiting for you to get back to see if you wanted to come.”

“You guys go on without me. I really do need to relax.”
And ice down the injuries I’d just received
.

They gave me hugs, and I tried not to wince at the pain that shot up my back. Before they stepped on the elevator, I called out to them.

“You guys will be there tonight, right?” They looked at me like I had two heads.

“Of course,” Nelly said.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” replied Jackson.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I was half-asleep, lying on my bed, when someone knocked on my door. I pulled myself up, wincing as pain throbbed from tailbone to head. I hoped I was up to what I would be doing tonight.

I opened up the door to see Scar standing there. I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t Kayden, but he probably thought I was some sort of psycho after what had happened. I pushed those thoughts aside. This was no time to worry about that.

“Are you ready, Warrior?” Scar asked in that gruff voice of his. I really wished people would stop calling me that.

I shrugged and stepped out, closing the door. “Guess so.”

To my surprise, he patted me on the back. Again, I had to work to keep from wincing. “Course you are,” he said, looping his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll do fine. You were born for this.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I was.”

We ended up in the same building where we had had our meeting with the Council. This time, I didn’t notice any of the extravagance. All my thoughts focused on the task in front of me. We ascended the stairs and again took a left down the hallway, except now we stopped in front of the red door.

Scar turned to face me. “Clear away whatever thoughts are on your mind and focus on one thing: winning. Nothing else matters right now. Just do what you have to.”

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, letting his words sink in.

Finally, I managed to clear my mind and really focus on my task. I peeled my eyes open to see Scar looking at me.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” I had to know. After last night, I’d thought he hated me.

He shook his head, looking slightly ashamed. “I apologize for how I treated you. But the security of our people rests on my shoulders, and I can’t afford to let just anyone through those gates. But you are a Warrior. Possibly the last true Warrior left, and for that, you deserve to be shown respect.”

I looked down at my arm. My words to Kayden came flooding back into my head. “I’m not so sure,” I mumbled.

He squinted at me for a second, and then he cupped my face with his rough hands and looked into my eyes. “I am,” he said. “Now go.”

Just before he opened the door and pushed me through, he mumbled, “Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one who will save us all.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

I stood in what looked like a dungeon. The walls were stone and the place had a cold, damp feel to it. Unlike a dungeon, however, there was an opening in the walls that led to what looked like a dirt floor. Also unlike a dungeon, beyond the opening, I could hear the cheers of a loud crowd and the muffled voice of an announcer.

My heart was beating out of my chest as I walked toward the opening. As I drew closer, I could see rows and rows of bleacher-like stone seats that were jam-packed with people. The announcer’s voice rang loud and clear, and I bent over, clutching my knees, as I heard what he was saying.

We have a new applicant for our school of Warriors. Alexa Montgomery will be facing Daniel Benson tonight in order to gain entry. If she manages to defeat him, she will be accepted in the ranks and earn Daniel’s status in the academy. Shall we meet our fighters?

I straightened up and was happy when it didn’t cause me pain. Adrenaline always did that to me. And with the amount of adrenaline that was running through me right now, I doubted I’d feel anything if a bullet hit me.

I had dressed in form-fitting sweatpants and a dark blue jacket with a black wife-beater underneath. I was sweating buckets, so I stripped off the jacket, no longer caring if people saw my marks. They would find out soon enough anyway, and the jacket would hinder my movements. I wasn’t even scared. I had only one thought in my head:
kill or be killed
. It was what my mother had always told me. And even though I knew she wouldn’t be proud of what I was doing, I would make her proud of how well she’d trained me. More than that, I would make myself proud. I would show these people what it really meant to be a Warrior. Because that’s what I was: a Warrior.

The announcer had already called the name of my opponent, and if the crowd’s cheers were any indication, he was already standing before them. When my name was called, I stepped through the opening.

The crowd cheered for mere seconds before emitting a collective gasp. A tense silence fell over the arena. I knew what they were looking at, but I didn’t spare them a glance: all my attention focused on the guy standing opposite me. He was about half a foot taller than me and packed with muscle. I swallowed hard. I hoped his size would give me the advantage of speed.

The announcer seemed to stumble over his words, but I’d heard the only word I needed:
BEGIN!

Daniel Benson started toward me. The way he moved, so cautious and calculated, sent my mind back to the Lamia I’d killed in the woods. The images seemed to awaken something in me. Something I knew I should probably shove back, and something I didn’t.

When he charged, my heart leapt in excitement. I slid just out of reach, turning on the balls of my feet and keeping my eyes on him for every heartbeat. I moved unlawfully fast. The crowd roared in my ears.

He spun and faced me, an uncertainty on his face for the briefest of moments before years of training morphed it away. I’m not an easy person to stare down. And though his gaze never wavered, I recognized the look behind his eyes. It wasn’t quite fear—more like the look one gets immediately preceding fear, a look of extreme apprehension. The regard one acquires right before everything falls to pieces.

I’d learned that at moments my speed could be ungodly. My strength could, too. But, I don’t believe these things were the reasons my opponent had that peculiar look behind his eyes. It was something else he saw. That same something that I probably should’ve kept leashed.

Everything around me faded away as I stood staring at my opponent. The crowd melted, colors blending together and faces disappearing. I couldn’t see anything but Daniel, this
boy
standing between me and victory. I could hear nothing but my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I watched his every muscle for movement. Speed and power coiled inside me like an angry serpent. That
other
me broke straight through to the surface as Daniel rushed forward. I waited for the last possible second, then spun to the side in what I’m sure was just a blur of movement to all spectators.

Daniel stumbled over the spot that had been my position a quarter of a heartbeat earlier. I spun around him once more, loving the feel of the power in my body. Mid-turn, I backhanded him so hard my fist cracked like thunder on his skull. Instead of feeling pain in my hand from the impact, I felt a small spark of energy. Somewhere in the distance, a crowd roared.

At that moment, I lost all control. I let go of all the hate and all the pain and all the anger that seemed to be drowning me over the last few days. And I let go of it on Daniel. It felt better than I would ever admit.

I walked quickly over to where he was now laying on the ground, grabbed him by the shirt front, and punched him hard in the face. Over and over and over again. With each blow I felt a zing of energy, bits and pieces of that magnificent feeling I’d gotten after taking the Lamia’s life. I clung to it. Like the continuous draws of a chain smoker to please an insatiable need.

I felt myself departing also, as though I was slipping away, right along with Daniel. I was allowing myself to become what I’d always feared most. I didn’t care. I understood the consequences of what I was doing, and I didn’t care.

As, I drew my fist back once again, a single voice smashed into my awareness like a stone on glass.

Alexa!

Nelly.

She was screaming my name. Screaming for me to stop. I’m not even sure how I heard her over the pounding in my ears, but I did, and it captured my attention like a bright comet streaking through a blood red sky.