Dangerously Bound (30 page)

“But we were together that one time when we were in college. And after that night
I never heard from you again.” She couldn’t keep the anger out of her voice. “That
tortured me, Mick! Because that night was . . . transcendent for me. I knew exactly
what I wanted—what I’d fantasized about for such a long time. Things I could barely
comprehend. I cried because it was so beautiful to me. Beautiful because it was with
you
. And then you took it all away from me.”

“I know. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. I didn’t trust myself. And after that,
I knew how much I’d hurt you by disappearing, and I felt even more like an asshole
who could never deserve you. But things got even worse.”

“The accident,” she said, her chest going tight.

“Yeah. The accident. That pretty much ruined me. I’ve known it this whole time, when
I’ve allowed myself to consciously think about it at all, which hasn’t been too often.
And . . . well, I’m a guy, and I admit we’re not always the most enlightened of the
species.”

“Agreed. Go on.”

She knew she wasn’t being very nice, with Mick laying his soul out on the table. But
she was still as pissed off as she was hurt. Almost, anyway. The anger was helping
her to keep a lid on her emotions. To keep her from throwing her arms around
him and simply forgiving him everything because it damn well hurt to see that Mick
having to say these things out loud—to say them to her—was tearing him apart.

“So,” he went on, “I need to talk to you about the accident, Allie. In a way I’ve
never talked to anyone about it. Maybe not even to myself—and I swear I’m not saying
this because I want pity or to scare you. I almost died that day. They told me I should
have, given the speed of the impact and what happened to the bike. You asked me about
my Latin tattoo?
Non Timebo Mala—
‘I will fear no evil.’ It’s about that. About having faced death. My own stupidity.
And over the years it’s come to mean all kinds of things. Facing the dark place inside
me that drives the kink. Trying to learn not to fear . . . anything. It’s a process.
Life is a process. I didn’t know until you came back into my life that you—us being
together—was a part of it. Not that we’re evil, of course, but that I perceived being
close to you as an evil because I was afraid to do it. I don’t know, it doesn’t translate
directly. Am I making any sense?”

“Yes. I think so.”

He went back to lean against the tile counter and closed his eyes for a moment. “Okay.
Back to the accident. I don’t know if you understand what it’s like to have the reputation
of generations before you to live up to. It’s not a conscious expectation, but it’s
there all the same. It’s almost genetic in my family. We always knew exactly what
we’d do with our lives, my brothers and I. There was no question. We were all a little
bad, the Reid kids, but everyone fell into line when it was time to get serious about
becoming a firefighter. Except me. I took it too far. Far enough that there was no
coming back. And that ended everything for me.

“I was nothing but a walking—barely—black mood for a good year after. Jamie helped
me with that. I think he was just
glad not to have lost another friend. He was still pretty fucked up about Brandon
when I went and wrapped my fucking motorcycle around that tree. It was a shitty thing
to do to him. To my mother . . . Christ.” He shook his head, his gray eyes going dark.
“I remember thinking I was glad you weren’t around to see it. By the time I saw you
again, I’d convinced myself I was over it. Which really means I’d stuffed it way down
deep. But it was always lurking under the surface, waiting to come out in some ugly
way.”

She knew she should say something, murmur some words of encouragement, but all she
could do was nod for him to continue. It hurt like hell to hear it all. To hear in
detail what he’d gone through. Hadn’t she been asking him to tell her this? But it
was almost too hard now, when it felt as if an ocean lay between them—a distance she
felt she had to maintain. Her fingers flexed in her lap.

He ran a hand over his hair. “That’s when the fighting started. Just the sparring
at the gym at first, but it wasn’t long before I found the underground fight circuit.
Easy enough to find if you’re really looking for it, especially in a city like New
Orleans. You came back to town after I’d had my first few fights, which is the only
reason I even dared to be with you—because the fighting was there to help me burn
off some of the anger and the guilt. The only reason I had to believe I could keep
my shit together around you. But I couldn’t. Not with you. And I’ve always regretted
it.”

“Mick, I wanted you so badly that night. I thought we might . . . I thought it could
be a new start for us.”

“So did I.”

“But . . .” She was flabbergasted.

“I couldn’t control myself, Allie. I thought you were crying because I’d fucking
hurt
you. Because you thought I was some
kind of monster. I couldn’t face you. I was a Goddamn coward. It’s taken me all these
years to forgive myself for that. And the only way I could even begin to was the first
time I had you under my hands when you came back to New Orleans. When you forced me
to begin to see you as you were—the kink and the purity all wrapped up together. It’s
slowly been forcing me to see these things we do as they should be seen. As I should
have seen it all along—as something beautiful in itself. As something that’s only
warped by our own motivation. Mine hasn’t been clean because I’ve been bringing in
all this wreckage from my past. I haven’t come to it from the right place—from a clean
place—until I came from a place of love. Don’t you see?
You’re
my redemption.”

“God, Mick, please don’t say that.” The tears welled again. One slipped down her cheek.

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“It’s not. I manipulated you. I had no right—”

“You did. But you did it because you loved me.”

“Is love supposed to excuse anything?”

“Not anything, maybe. But sometimes. It was sure as hell the right reason to bulldog
me into being with you.”

She had to smile a little through the tears then. “I did bulldog you, didn’t I?”

“You are not a woman to be messed with,” he told her, moving closer, one corner of
his mouth quirking for a moment before sobering once more. “I’m sorry I ever did,
Allie. I’m sorry I couldn’t just love you. But I do now. I love you so damn much I
don’t know how to exist without you. These last few days have been hell.”

“For me, too, Mick. I was arguing with myself the whole time. Trying to stay away
because I felt I had to. But knowing you were hurt . . .” She had to stop, a sob catching
in her throat.

“Baby, don’t cry.”

His arms went around her, and he lifted her to her feet so he could hold her close.
Nothing had ever felt better to her in her life. But she couldn’t stop the tears.

“Hey,” he said again, his voice gentle. “I’m right here, baby girl. I’m not going
anywhere unless you tell me to. Is that why you’re crying? Because you want this over?”

Her heart was going to break. “Stop it, Mick. Don’t say that to me. I can’t take it.”

“Then tell me what this means,” he said quietly. “Tell me.”

She slipped her arms around his neck and looked up into his beautiful gray eyes—the
eyes of the man she’d loved her whole life.

“It means I want to be with you. It means I love you so damn much I don’t even know
where to begin. It means you can be an idiot sometimes, and I’m damn glad you see
it, but if you ever end up in the hospital again I’m going to kill you, Mick Reid!”

He laughed as his arms tightened around her until she could barely breathe. “Remind
me never to fuck with you.”

“Oh, I will.”

His face went still as he looked at her, as they both let love tremble through them,
between them. He inched closer until she could feel his breath on her lips. She tilted
her chin.

“I’m gonna kiss you, Allie,” he whispered against her mouth.

She nodded. “Yes you are.”

He pulled her up on her toes as he lowered his mouth to hers. Just a sweet press of
his lush lips, then harder until she felt that familiar sense of command that was
the Dom in him. She gave herself over to it, to him. She couldn’t help herself. Any
remaining argument she might have had emptied from her mind. All that was left was
what was in her heart, and the heat blazing between them.

Her hands smoothed over his shoulders, and she loved the hard muscle there. Then down
his strong arms to where they were clasped behind her back.

He kept kissing her as their bodies went hot, then hotter, desire and emotion blending
together. It was all one thing—it was all just
need
for him.

He pulled free and kissed her neck, working his way up until he kissed that tender
spot just below her ear.

“I need you, baby,” he murmured. “I need to feel you. To taste you. To own you.”

“Yes, Mick. Please.”

He stroked her hair, kissed her cheek, her jaw, before pulling her nightgown over
her head, leaving her naked before him.

“So beautiful,” he said, awe in his voice as his hands swept over her breasts. “The
most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

She moaned when he bent to kiss her breasts, his lips brushing across her nipples.
Desire heated her blood, her nipples going hard beneath his touch, her sex going wet.
He filled his big hands with her breasts, kneading them, then slipping down over her
ribs, her stomach.

“Mick . . . God, I need you.”

“You have me, my baby,” he told her softly. “You have me.”

He went down on his knees and her hands went into his hair. His breath was hot against
her belly, then lower.

“Oh . . .”

He kissed her over and over at that sweet juncture of hip and thigh, then moved in
until his mouth feathered over the tip of her clitoris. Using his fingers, he parted
the swollen folds and kissed her there, quick, tender kisses. Slowly they became more
lingering—just his soft mouth until she thought she’d go mad as need built inside
her.

“Mick.”

“Shh.”

He bent once more and used his hot, wet tongue on her, licking at the lips of her
sex, still holding her open with his fingers. Her fingers dug into his scalp as her
legs went weak.

Oh, his mouth was good. He licked her, finally, and she arched her hips. He licked
her again, one long, slow stroke from the top of her hood and all the way down. She
parted her thighs and he slipped his thumbs inside her.

“Ah . . .”

He began a slow stroking cadence, his thumbs pushing in, sliding out, his tongue gliding
over her flesh, making her crazy with the need to come. She bit her lip, held it back,
knowing it would be all the better if she did.

Then suddenly he shifted, three fingers plunging into her soaking-wet sex as he sucked
her hard clit into his mouth.

“Oh!”

She came all at once, pleasure surging into her. Lips and teeth and tongue and plunging
fingers filling her, and God, she’d never come so hard in her life. Stars flashed
behind her closed eyes, bursting into flame, dazzling her with their brilliance—with
the brilliance of the sensation pouring into her body like white lightning.

Before she was done he was on his feet, kissing her again, pulling her into his arms,
then lifting her and carrying her into her bedroom.

He set her on the bed and was on top of her in an instant, his big body pressing her
into the mattress. She could feel his hard cock through his damp clothes. She scrabbled
at the hem of his shirt with blind fingers until he pushed off her long enough to
pull it over his head.

Her hands went to his tight abs, smoothed up to his chest—she
had
to touch him, to know he was real.

Her heart surged when she looked up to find him watching her, his eyes filled with
love and desire so intense it made her squirm.

“So damn beautiful,” he told her.

“Mick, I need you. Now. Please.”

He slipped out of his sweats and laid his body over hers once more. He slid a hand
down her thigh, paused to tickle at the back of her knee before moving down her calf.

“I love this body,” he said. “I’ve loved it all my life. I’ve loved
you
all my life. I’ll love you for the rest of it, Allie girl.”

“I love you, Mick. So much.”

His hands went to her hips and he lifted them. She spread her thighs wider and wrapped
her legs around his back, needing him.

He paused at the entrance to her body, his gaze locking with hers, and she felt his
love in that steady gaze. Felt it course through her, making her shiver. With love.
With need. She reached for his hands and his fingers clasped hers, holding on tight,
lifting her arms over her head as he slid into her.

“Ah, Allie . . . baby . . .”

She watched as his face went loose with pleasure, as the same pleasure coursed through
her. He began to move and she moved with him, every lovely motion liquid, sinuous,
as though they moved with one body. One desire.

He turned them both until she lay on top of him, their hands still clasped above their
heads. He surged up into her, his cock instantly hitting her G-spot. Pleasure blazed,
searing her as the need to come took her over once more. She paused at that keen,
lovely edge.

“I can feel you, baby girl. So hot inside. I can feel you . . . clench around me.
Come for me, baby. Come with me.”

“Yes . . .”

She let it happen as he bucked into her over and over, her climax flooding her until
she was drunk with pleasure, drunk with him. And she felt the stinging current of
his own climax inside her as he called her name.

“Allie . . . my baby . . . my girl.”

He let her hands free and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tight. He kissed her
hair, his breath rough against her cheek, then he took her face in his palms and kissed
her hard. His sweet tongue slid into her mouth, and they were making out as they’d
done in high school—everything that hot, that desperate even now, after they’d both
come. But the need was more about the pure need to be together. To love each other.