Danika's Gift (5 page)

I didn’t get a reply back.  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.  He hadn’t responded to any of my messages.  There was still that small voice that nagged in my head, but I push it aside.  He was a big boy and I’m not his keeper.  My heart is torn in two, but I can’t make him want to be with me.

Sam had a hot date that night, so I stayed in.  I almost ordered pizza, then realized that was probably a mistake.  I ordered Chinese food and watched “The Vow” on cable.  I stuffed myself silly and after the movie, I rested my head on the couch.  I was too lazy to move to my bed and too tired to care otherwise.

My phone chirped and I grabbed it.  I had only been a sleep for minute, right?  I looked at my phone and saw five voice mail messages from Sam, and six texts from Derek.  I looked at the clock on the wall.  It was four am. Shit.

I listened to Sam’s messages.  Message one: She was at a bar with Betsy, a friend from school.  Message two:  She was at a party on campus.  Message three: She said that Derek was at the party.  Message four: was Derek telling me he was sorry.  Message five: she said she was sleeping at Betsy’s.

I rubbed my eyes and grabbed some water from the kitchen.  Once I could focus a little bit, I scrolled through the six text messages from Derek.

11:05pm --
I lost my phone.  Just got new one.  So sorry

11:10pm --
Are you mad at me?

11:15pm --
I miss you very much
.

12:32am --
Can I see you tonight
?

1:18am --
Sam is at this party I am at.  Will you come too?

3:32 am--
Where are you?  I miss you and want to see you.  Pls reply

I replied to the last message with a simple “Hi.”

I heard the cell phone chirp again.  I look down at it, but see no new messages.  I realized the chirp wasn’t from my phone.  I hit reply and typed “Derek?” and hit send.  The chirp came from outside my apartment door.

I slowly open the door and f
ound Derek sleeping on the floor, his phone held tight in his hand.  I nudged him until he finally woke up.

“It’s after four Derek.  Why are you sleeping in front of my place?”  I was still tired and thoroughly confused.  Oh and not to mention, angry at him for ignoring me.

Derek sat up, sleepy and confused.  I wondered if he had gotten drunk and passed out.  He looked up at me and my heart melted.  I wanted to be mad at him, I really did, but when he looked at me like that, I just felt myself fall apart.

“Come on in.”  I moved back and allowed him to come in to the apartment.  As he passed me, I smelled his citrusy, musky scent and my body tingled, but I didn’t smell liquor.  Perhaps he just fell asleep.

“Can I use your bathroom?”

I nodded and pointed to the door down the hallway
to the guest bath.  I went in to my bathroom and scrubbed my face, brushed my teeth and smoothed down my hair.  I didn’t look much better than he did.  But, why should I?  I hadn’t slept in two days and when I finally fell asleep, I was woken up at four in the morning.  I groaned as I glanced at my alarm clock.  It was almost five already. 
I am so glad tomorrow is Saturday.  I am not getting up for anything.

I felt him before I saw him.  The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my body tingled from head to toe.  I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.  He had slipped in to my room, and he was right behind me. Derek’s breath was warm on my neck.  I didn’t want to turn.  I didn’t want to look into those eyes and lose my wits.  He didn’t touch me, but the energy that simmered off of his body seemed to be drawn to my own.  I felt hot and I felt energized.

“Did you miss me?”  Derek’s voice was husky. 

I couldn’t answer.  My throat stopped working.  I simply nodded.

“Danika, please, I need you.” 

Damn.  Now why did he have to go and say that?  My heart ached from not
being with him for just those two days.  My mind hurt with all the thoughts and questions that nagged at my brain.  My throat burned with the words I wanted to say.  My eyes stung from the tears that wanted to fall.

“I was worried about you,” my voice was barely a whisper.

He still didn’t touch me.  Yet, somehow, I could feel him.  It was surreal.  As if he had wrapped a blanket around me.  I could feel his embrace, but it lacked the heat of his skin, the thrill of his touch.

“I am so very sorry.”

I heard the thickness in his words.  I wondered if he felt as lost as I did.  It was like being apart actually made me half a person.  Did he feel the same?  Could we be whole if we were together again?

I wanted to feel his arms around me.  I had to know if being with him was what made me feel safe.  Complete.  Inwardly, I chuckled as I thought of the line from Jerry Maguire.  But, truly, when we were together, it was as if I had found my other half and indeed, Derek did complete me.  I leaned backwards just a little.  Would he take me in his arms?

“Danika…” his voice was strangled.  I think he wanted it as much as I did.  Yet, we were both terrified of what it meant.  And, what would happen if we were apart again?  How can one live without the other?  He still wasn’t touching me and I was going insane.

I turned slowly, keeping my eyes low.  I didn’t want to seem desperate, even though I was.  I needed to know how he felt before I could move forward.  I had to ask him and just deal with what came of it.

“Do you want to be with me, Derek?”

“No.”

I was afraid he might say that, and yet it crushed me all the same. 

Hooking a finger under my chin, causing me to look up in to his eyes, he smiled.  “I need to be with you.  I have to be with you.  I cannot be without you.  I want you in such a way that it excites, hurts and scares me all at the same time. That wanting goes against every logical thought I have.” Derek’s eyes looked glassy.  “And yet the more I deny it, the stronger it gets.  It’s like an addiction.  You don’t want it…yet you need it.”

I knew what he was saying was true.  It was in his eyes.  And, I felt the same about him.  It hurt to want him so badly.  It even caused me to get angry.  But my need for him outweighed the anger.  I just didn’t understand what this thing between us was and where to go from here.

Derek swiped away a tear on my cheek
.  I suddenly felt drained and tired.  I walked away from Derek, and over to my bed.  I was fully clothed, and so was he.  I pulled back the blankets and laid down.  I looked into his beautiful green eyes and motioned for him to come to me not wanting him to leave.  He didn’t have to read my mind to know what I wanted.  I just wanted to lie in his arms and feel safe and loved.  I didn’t know where we’d go from here, but I wanted this time with him. 

Derek cuddled up beside me and I rested my head on his chest.  I listened to the beating of his heart.  He had been nervous when he first laid down, but after a few minutes, his heartbeat steadied and his breathing slowed.  I knew he was asleep and I drifted off slowly after. 

Chapter 5

Derek

             
God she felt so good in my arms.  Her body fit against mine perfectly.  She was soft and warm, curvy and the perfect size.  The smell of her hair tickled at my nose, like a feather dipped in sunshine.  I never knew it could be like this between two people.  I want to spend every waking moment with her. 

W
hen I felt myself fall asleep, I startled awake.  I didn’t miss a moment with her.  I’m in deep here…way over my head.  Is this love?  Is it lust?  Is it guilt?  Hmmm.  No, I think it is love.  Lust wouldn’t make my heart ache, just my groin.  And guilt?  I don’t feel bad when I am around her.  When I am around my dad, I feel guilt.  He doesn’t know the truth about me, and he can never know the truth about Sergio.  For everyone’s safety, it’s best they just think I work at his pizza place.  They make good food, but it’s really just a front for all the illegal shit Sergio is into.  I just can’t figure out what he wants from Danika.  If I could, maybe I could get it for him without her knowing or without anyone getting hurt.

             
Danika talks and makes sounds in her sleep.  It is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.  I can’t make out the words, but the sounds are like puppy whimpers or a cat purring.  She turned over, putting her back to me.  I curled up against her, holding her tight against me.  I’ve never slept with anyone before.  I’ve come close, but I always darted out before I fell asleep.

I won’t deny that I’ve enjoyed my fair share of ladies.  But, I’ve never been the romantic, clingy type.  We just enjoyed one another, practiced safe, fun sex and then parted ways.  I never considered commitment before.  But Danika has changed something in me.  Perhaps when the right person comes along, your perspective changes.  The person you are transforms in to the person you were meant to be. 

  Right from that first time I saw her I knew Danika was different.  When we spent time together, I realized we had chemistry, but there was so much more than that.  There was a connection. I’d never felt that way with a woman’s touch before.  The way her eyes seemed to see right in to my soul.  It sounds like some sappy script from a RomCom, but it’s true.  I‘d wait for her for as long as she asked me to, just as long as I could be close to her in every other possible way, like this, right now.

             
The sun started to peek through her curtains, thin beams casting soft light on her perfect face.  I kissed her neck, just below her ear.  She moaned in her sleep and she backed her ass into the crook of my thighs.  I damn near lost my mind.  I rubbed her arm trying to wake her but she merely murmured in her sleep.  I asked her if she needed to go anywhere today and when she mumbled a groggy “no” I felt my body relax.  I’d like nothing more than to hold her in my arms all day.  I just hope my hard-on was gone when I woke up.

Danika

It was the best dream I ha
d ever had.  Derek with his arms around me, his warm breath on my neck.  He asked me something and I answered, although I don’t recall what was said.  Then, I snuggled against him and he tightened his arms around me.  I felt his body hard against my back and his erection up against my butt.  It was a hot dream.  I didn’t want to wake up. 

I wanted to slip further
into it, and let myself go.  I wanted to touch and kiss every inch of Derek’s glorious body, just like I had seen actors do in those movies Sam had me watch.  Even in my sleep, I knew my body was ready for him.  I didn’t feel fear; I just felt power and energy flowing through me.  I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.

“Danika!”

Derek’s voice woke me out of my dream.  My eyes flew open and I realized it wasn’t a dream.  In my sleepy, hungry fantasy, I had actually done what I thought I was only dreaming of.  If he hadn’t had shorts on, I’d have woken up impaled on his hard, thick shaft.  I was on top of Derek and even though we hadn’t had sex, I could tell that he was as confused and excited as I was.  I looked into his eyes and smiled.  I was awake now and I didn’t want this to stop.  Could we do this without doing
it
?  I decided to let my instincts take over.

My mind took a backseat as my hormones raged.  I slid myself back and forth against Derek’s erection, causing friction that made us both moan.  I kissed his neck and bit his shoulder. I kept the friction between us going, grinding into him and each thrust rubbed
me in such a way that I felt my whole body tremble.  I needed more.  I pulled off my tee shirt and tossed it to the ground.  I was braless underneath and I felt Derek twitch beneath me.  He grabbed my breasts and twisted my nipples.  Sharp tingles ran through my body at the pain that also brought my body pleasure. He lifted his head up and took my breast in his mouth.  I leaned back giving him more exposure. 

I felt the urgency in his mouth and I increased the friction between us. He started to shake and he switched to my other breast, this time his mouth even more urgent. 
Something magical was building up, although I wasn’t sure what it was.  I was so close that I couldn’t stop.  I was on the edge and I just needed a little more.  Derek thrust up against me and threw his head back, squeezing both of my breasts hard.  That sent me spiraling over the edge.  I saw colors streak before my eyes and for once, it was all pleasure.  I collapsed against his chest, my body spent. 

I couldn’t seem to move a muscle.  Derek kissed the top of my head, my cheek, then the tip of my nose.  His fingers stroked my back from my shoulders to my ass.

“I have never, ever experienced anything so amazing,” Derek whispered.  “I thought I was dreaming.”

I giggled.  “I thought I was dreaming too.”

“What a wonderful dream to share,” Derek murmured.  “I better get cleaned up.” 

I reached down and grabbed my tee shirt, tossing it over my head.  I marveled at the way my body felt.  It was almost as if I’d run a marathon and yet, I could still feel my body tingling with sensation.  I sat on the edge of the bed, wondering about where my relationship with Derek would go from here.  He was so confident and been with other girls before.  Could I possibly compare?

Derek slinked up behind me and put his arms around me.  He kissed the top of my head as I slowly relaxed in his arms.  Derek shifted me, so I was lying sideways on the bed and back in his arms.  I felt so safe there.  As if everything in my life was in order and all was as it should be.