Dark Rooms (41 page)

The last time I saw Nica before I died—well, almost died—was the last time I saw Nica. Until today, I'm hoping. I want a final glimpse, for her to come back and haunt me one more time.

It's the anniversary of her death. A year has passed. Damon and I are in the graveyard, winding our way through the rows of snaggle-toothed tombstones. When we reach the oak, he hangs back as I arrange daffodils, picked from my house, at its base, then drop down into its shadow. Feeling the soft, cool give of damp earth beneath my knees, the sharp, green scent of new grass inside my nostrils, I clasp my hands together. I close my eyes, hold my breath.

I wait.

It's the first truly warm day of spring, hot almost, though dimmish and overcast, the sun obscured by a layer of thin gray clouds. I'm willing my body to stay still inside so I can attune myself to Nica's presence, detect its movement in the air and in the spaces between the air. But I can't. Hard as I try, I can't. All I hear is scattered birdsong. All I feel is sweat pebbling my skin.

Finally, after several minutes, I open my eyes. Brushing off my knees, I stand and walk back to Damon. I'm smiling so he won't see my disappointment, guess at its source.

Still, he looks worried when he says, “You okay?”

I start to say yes but am unable to get the word out of my mouth. I nod instead.

He extends an arm. I lean against his side, though am mindful not to put my full weight on him. “Come on,” he says, guiding me toward the entrance. “Let's get out of here.”

I allow him to lead me for a few feet. And then, suddenly, the stirrings of a memory. I break away, run back to the tree. Trailing
my hand along the trunk, I come to a split, a hole within the split. No, not a hole, a hollow, I realize with excitement, the one Jamie told me about, the one he and Nica used to store things in. Thrusting my arm inside, I feel around. Empty. Behind me Damon's saying my name in a questioning way and my elbow's scraping painfully on bark and I'm about to give up when the tips of my fingers brush against something hard and smooth, light nearly as air. I pull it out. Nica's zebra-striped Bic.

A breeze starts up. Two clouds slide past each other, letting down a beam of sunlight. The beam strikes the Bic. It seems to come to life in my palm, and I'm momentarily blind.

“Grace?” Damon says. “Grace?”

I slip the lighter in my pocket. I turn back to him.

This book had been in the works a long time and I'd like to thank those who not only put up with me as I wrote it but helped me along the way: my mom and dad, Margie and Bill Holodnak; my agent, Jennifer Joel; my editor, Katherine Nintzel, and her assistant, Marguerite Weisman; John Zilliax; Patrick Hunnicutt; Olette Trouve; Allison Lorentzen; Leslie Epstein; David Freeman; and Ike-O.

Above all, I'd like to thank my husband, Rob, who has read this book more times than anyone should ever have to read anything.

LILI ANOLIK
is a contributing editor at
Vanity Fair
. Her work has also appeared in
Harper's
,
Elle
, and
The Believer
, among other publications. She lives in New York City with her husband and two sons.

Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at
hc.com
.

Cover design by Amanda Kain

Cover photographs © by grmarc / Shutterstock (zebra print); doomu / Shutterstock (lighter)

Author photograph © by Michael Benabib

This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

DARK ROOMS
. Copyright © 2015 by Lili Anolik. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

FIRST EDITION

Title page image © by DVARG/Shutterstock, Inc.

ISBN 978-0-06-234586-8

EPUB Edition MARCH 2015 ISBN 9780062345882

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